'PLEASE READ' (really long pnd related)

[akaash.]

I went to meet the counseller and she was really nice, I'm so happy that finally I'll have weekly face to face support and will learn activities that will help me get through this 'other life' I'm currently living. We spoke about my worries, symptoms and how all this came about. I told her,

My main worries being:
I'll never leave this life
The cannabis caused this
Having the odd wake at night where I feel very normal but so scared and feel as if I've lost my memory
Not been able to tell the difference of something really happening or if I was dreaming
My body feeling asleep
I've lost the plot
Why am I even doing/saying/thinking all this
I'll wake up and this wont be real.

My symptoms (from when it started and throughout)
Not being able to look after Akaash because I thought I would'nt be able to wake for night feeds
Crying
Confusion of feelings
Not having the energy to bath ect and not wanting to
Numbness
Scared
Feeling I don't know what I'm doing
Blurred vision
Feeling sick
Asking myself questions such as 'what if I'm asleep and this is all a dream'
Again there were more.

I told her that it all came on, on the day I had cannabis, like you she aid that it may have triggered all this. I also told her I think its the caore to my depression (if this is depression)

Hope you have been well, I noticed I am thinking alot more then usual 'again' which is annoying and I'm staring at things to try and become me again btu it just gets my mind working and me saying to myself 'Oh my gosh, I'm still not right.'

 

[NuKe]

dont know what to say hun, I also suffer from PND. just sending some

 

[akaash.]

Does it sound like pnd ?

Hi thanks alot for the message im glad you pm'd me.. I dont smoke cannabis, I tryed it once and the day I did all this came on. Imust say seeing the walls moving ect its not as bad as it sounds and its happened since having anti depressents. I ve told all the people Im seeing about the cannabis and they have not suggested that.
When I say walls moving I mean like evrything just moving up and down or side to side or getting smaller and bigger and it only happens when waking up to feed my baby .. thanks alot for your message really appreciate the support tarah xx

 

[stardust599]

I just wanted to offer a hug hun. I hope things get better for you.

I'm really struggling with being a new mum xxx

 

[akaash.]

aww why.. what wrong ? xx

 

[stardust599]

aww why.. what wrong ? xx

I don't know

I just feel like I can't cope with my baby. She's awake all night and I'm so exhausted. I spend all the time worrying about her too so I don't sleep through the day - the last time I had more than an hours sleep was in the hospital on the night I had her!

When she cries I can't seem to comfort her but she settles fine for my Mum or my OH and I feel like she doesn't want me? I can't function at all - can barely brush my teeth and I spent all day crying on my Mums sofa today, I can't even hold a conversation with someone.

Mum has keep my baby overnight and she's only 2 weeks old as she says I need to rest and recharge myself tonight and if things aren't better in the morning I need to see a doctor, she had really bad postnatal depression with me and I think I'm heading the same way. I feel really weird, just not like myself at all - I had an awful birth, breastfeeding didn't work and I don't have that instinctive mummy feeling to know what my baby wants. I sometimes feel like I want someone to take her away and bring her back in a few days when I feel better - what an awful mum and I just feel like my baby and my OH are better off without me

It's really hard to explain and write just how bad I'm feeling

xxxx

 

[akaash.]

hmm yeah . I have bad postanatal depression . it seems like you may have it but dont take my word for it speak to a professsional. dont worry too much i know its hard to notbecause Ive been through it youll be looking at the tv but your just thinking to yourself .. i didnt brush my teeth or bath or even brush my hair for the first 4-5 days and even now sometimes dont belive i have pnd but be strong and pm me anytime .. ive been and going through it darlin give your baby a hug from my baby and me xx and i know exaclty what you mean when you dont feel like yourself
i think im living in a dream and im going to wake up from this and not remeber anything oh and if it helps my mum in law kept my baby for 4 days without me because i thought i wouldnt wake for night feeds xx