PMA vs Pregnancy Worries

[Seraphim]

Aimee-Lou started a great thread about Positive Mental Attitude, and all the good things in life which we could be thinking about.

A few things have struck me in these early weeks, and I wondered what things other people have come across... I think collectively putting worries in their rightful place would be helpful to all of us.

When I found some blood at 6 weeks, I felt numb. I had to tell myself: This happens, that's why there is a name for it, it's called spotting. This does not mean that something is wrong.

When the midwife came for her first visit, she said I could decline the 12 week scan 'If you'd rather not know if something is wrong'. I enlightened her, that my view of the 12 week scan, is its a good opportunity to be nosey and excited, and if someone else wants to be concerned about anything being 'wrong' thats up to them. *I* do not expect anything to be wrong, and i have no reason to decline.

When I joined this forum I read of many people who have had spotting/bleeding and I empathised with the fear. I also realised that many of these people have had sad pregnancy experiences, which lead them to be even more concerned.

But I have also read posts from people who are worrying *themselves*, and I'd hate for other people to start wondering if they should be worried when they read these worries.

My mum has a good phrase, and thats:
"Don't trouble trouble, until trouble troubles you."

We're going to have to get through this (together) without a crystal ball. But if you've found a worry bug... come and expel it in here, take a deep breath and expect to be happy

 

[snugglebot]

Thank you!

 

[clarabella]

Lovely post! Thank you, love that saying about trouble, have never heard it before, but will never forget it now!

 

[MissyMojo]

okay worry versus pma, or vice versa


i'm not having any morning sickness!!!! this is a worry but a nice relief not to be upchucking!!!

im having some cramps, worry = is something wrong, pregnancy book says expect it ur uterues is doing some quick growing

i dont like the taste of coffee anymore even de-caff, gutting but i'll live with it

 

[moomoo]

Im worrying as my with my last pregnancy the baby had died at 7 weeks and i had absolutely no bleeding til over 4 weeks later..so for me no bleeding..is still no comfort im afraid..i have a morbid fear that my scan on thursday will show nothing again..i cant help it..its my minds way of protecting myself..and i can safely say i will not relax until i have my baby in my arms.

Sorry to ruin the pma but thats how i feel

xx

 

[Seraphim]

Hey moomoo

I think when you've had a previous pregnancy experience that hasn't gone well, PMA is the hardest. I don't think anybody would critise you for the way you're feeling. Hopefully the scan on Thursday will be positive, and as the positives start to stack up over the months, you'll feel better and better

I don't think there's anything in PMA that should deny that horrible, sad, things happen. It's no good kidding ourselves. But try and plan for the best regardless, and let yourself feel the happy bits as and when they visit you

Lots of love hon x

 

[KZD]

awesome post!! thanx

 

[dom85]

I agree, awesome post, love your mum's saying.

It's strange because the reason that I found BnB is because I had some spotting at 6 weeks and needed to know that there were people out there who had gone through it too and been ok.

Then you get reading other people's stories and just have to follow them, and unfortunately some are sad, and reading so many other stories, I've been worrying about loads of other things that I didn't even know about. I was so excited about about my dating scan, but now I'm terrified that I'll go there on Friday and something will be wrong with the baby or I've had MMC.

I go between feeling like everything is fine and I'll have a perfectly healthy bundle in October to thinking about all the 'what ifs'. i guess it's part of being a first time mum though, as long as I try and think positive no matter what then the occasional freak out should be allowed

 

[ninab]

How lovely. Thank you for this inspiring post.

I am a natural born worrier and I had to make a decision last week when I was driving myself crazy worrying that it was all going to go wrong, I have decided to go with the pma. Untill I have cause to worry I will relax and enjoy the wonderfull experience of being pregnant.

I will remember that saying now always! x

 

[Sakura-chan]

Great post.

This is my first pregnancy that I am aware of (had one when I was younger that ended in miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy- very early but I had not known I was pregnant until going to the doctor with heavy bleeding and really bad cramps) and I am shit-scared.

Two friends recently have had miscarriages and I am paranoid that my pregnancy is going to head down the same track but I know I need to be positive and the saying you wrote is awesome and I am definitely going to remember it.

I am paranoid about every little twinge but have had no strong cramps- just kind of a dull bloated feeling that comes and goes and the occasional sharp twinge if I move too fast. I am only just over four weeks pregnant...

If I continue like this it is going to be a long and stressful 40 weeks!

I love the idea of PMA and am going to have to try and be more positive- this baby is one we have been dreaming about since my OH & I met and I really really really want everything to go well.

 

[aimee-lou]

Great posts ladies! I think it's all about balance....everyone worries and we all deal with it in our own way. I personally wont let it beat me, and bad news is one of the things that make us stronger if we use it positively. Personally, worry is trying to get a hold of me at the moment as I haven't had a scan yet (have it next week) and you can't help but think the worst. Difficult to counteract but keeping busy is helping....hence my VERY clean house at the moment!!

Love the saying about trouble. May have to get that tattooed somewhere lol

 

[Rebaby]

After an early miscarriage in Feb my worries and fears when we first got this were all centered around miscarrying again. I was on knicker watching, over-analysing every twinge and clinging to my symptoms as proof nothing was going to go wrong. As the weeks have ticked by my fears have really stopped being about miscarriage and become about missed miscarriage. I think that is a combination of things, including the fact my younger sister had a mmc in January and also from reading so many sad stories here on B and B.

We had a hell of a week last week and my worrying was at it's height i could not think positively at all until after our scan on Friday, which showed all was well. I know now we have a very good chance of our baby coming to term and being beautiful and healthy. There is much much more chance of our baby getting to 40 weeks and being beautiful and healthy than there is of anything else happening. And so i am determined to spend much much more time enjoying the pregnancy, getting excited and thinking positively about the future than about anything else that worries me about the next 32 weeks!

It isn't always easy, especially if like me you're a natural born worrier. But is is true that worrying about something will not stop the thing you are worrying about from happening. I used to tell myself i was preparing myself for the worst, like it was a good thing to worry in advance, but actually, if something bad happens you will be devastated whether it comes as a bolt out of the blue or whether you have been worrying about it for days...you will still be distraught and worrying can't protect you from that.

I feel passionately about 'worry' because it is so ingrained in us, and so hard to do anything about. But i do feel that early excitement for us was tainted with worry and i don't want that to continue any longer.

Big to everyone.

 

[Seraphim]

I've just realised I'm pretty nervous about the 3rd trimester.

I went over to the 2nd tri forum, and read some really helpful stuff in there on birth plans, and even found a lady who's had similar medical history to me, which was ace

(Excuse my ramblings if this is too far ahead for some of you, but I'm a bit of a long term planner)

I had a bad motorbike/car accident in '98, and then spent 9 years having surgery. It all paid off, and I'm doing reeeeeeeeeally good
My bro asked how I'd deal with the weight of carrying bub, but I brushed that off, because I had gained 2.5 stone from my current weight through a couple of surgeries hehe... so I think I'll manage that ok.

This is just a completely different pregnancy than I was led to believe I could expect... because I'm so much better.
It just leaves it more uncertain I guess. I have no idea when to expect to start mat leave and how close to normal I should expect to be. Crumbs, nobody ever expected I'd have a full time job, let alone be discussing mat leave ;D

This is all partly why I think I'm going to do all my big organising in 2nd Tri.

I'm really lucky hubby will be around lots, is his own boss, and I know I can rely on him for support. It's just little things like... I can't kneel or crouch, so I'm not sure how labour will progress... and I'm off alot of my normal medication with the pregnancy, so I'm a bit nervous of how I'll be fairing by the end

There's all the normal stuff, like only being a little lady, married to a very large muscle man But I guess I'll get an indication of the baby's size as we go along?

Thanks for letting me get that out, and for any of your thoughts you can add.

Work obviously has to take lower priority, but I run my department, and hand over is going to be a challenge... I'd like to plan the schedule for while I'm on mat leave... so knowning when people normally start it would be a help?

x

 

[aimee-lou]

Seraphim....a couple of things on your post that I actually know about....there's some stuff on there that I haven't a clue but I have been researching Maternity leave.

You can start anytime from 29 weeks. You have to tell them by 25 weeks when you wish to start it.

You can have 10 days 'keep in touch' time during your leave that will allow you attend any training, conferences, or catch ups. These can be taken at any time except in the 2 weeks following birth. You will be paid for these days.

You can take 26 weeks 'ordinary leave' where you can return at the end to your current job as it is. You can then choose to take up to another 26 weeks additional leave, where they will offer you a 'suitable alternative' to your previous job if it's no longer available. You can discuss this when you know when you're going to go.

I'm going to go at about 32/33 weeks (oh and you are entitled to take your full annual leave allowance too as while you're on maternity leave you're still techincally employed) so the first 3-4 weeks i'm off will be holiday, so I officially start ML at 36/37 weeks. Hope this helps.

 

[Seraphim]

Hey thanks Aimee

I had read about the keeping in touch days... but I thought you couldn't be paid. I was hoping to speak to work about this, because we have no maternity pay. (Just incase anybody thought to get knocked up for the perk!)

I was hoping to spread my 2009 holiday out between now and mat leave so that I could sort the house out (lot of renovation work) - I know I'll feel better once I've counted out my holiday etc.

So am I right in thinking I can take 2010 holiday on the end of my mat leave?

Is starting mat at 32/33 regular?

 

[Lazy Leo]

This is a really interesting thread. I like many others suffered an early miscarriage previously and spent the first two weeks of my pregnancy wrapping myself in cotton wool. Gradually I came round and I'm now behaving much the same as normal. I will take the hoover upstairs reminding myself that pregnanct women who already have a child still have to lift and carry them. I tell myself if it's only as heavy as a two year old it can't do any harm lol! I'm not too sure how heavy a 2 yr old is, but I'm sure my hoover isn't that heavy!

I've also told myself that much as we want more than one child, what you want and what you get can be two different things. This may be my only succesful pregnancy and if it is to work out that way I don't want to have wasted it worrying. That thought always brings me back to the positives when I find myself worrying.

 

[Seraphim]

LL, it's lovely to hear that that kind of positivity is possible, even after a mc xx

 

[third time]

Hey - this is a good thread.
I'm ten weeks tomorrow and OH is soooooo excited - but for some reason I can't seem to get there. After an ectopic and 2 previous MC's, like rebaby, my worry has gone from MC to MMC!!!! Especially because my only remaining symptoms are sore boobs, not even cramps anymore, don't know whether this in normal or not and am trying desperately not to worry, trying to think of all those people who don; even realise they're pregnant at all until much further on due to lack of symptoms!!!

 

[Cattia]

This is a great thread, thanks aimee! I must admit NOTHING could have prepared me for the anxiety I am experiencing with this pregnancy. This is my first and I am soooo terrified it will all go wrong. I think coming to this board has maybe made me worse. It is no-one's fault but my own, it's just that I tend to read all the bad experiences people have had and think that it is so common it must happen to me too. I am thinking of having a break for a few days and trying to distract myself. Positive thinking doesn't work too well for me because it just encourages my mind to dwell on the different possibilites and try to work out which is the most likley. The thing I find works best is doing something else. I am trying to learn Italian so maybe every time I start worrying about MC or MMC or eptopic (which is pretty much all the time) I will get my Italian books out. If I get to the end of the first tri I will be fluent!