pre-IVF anxiety... Help!!

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the reply! That gives me some hope that this will all work out. I'll let you know what they say if I manage to talk to the IVF coordinator tomorrow. I should be due for AF in the middle of the month, so fingers crossed the timing with my body would work, and they're open to getting me in ASAP. I'm still a bit in shock as I've had August/September in mind this whole time.

Congrats on the weight loss success! And is your plan now to go ahead the next cycle and start when you get AF? Or do you plan to wait a little longer?

 

[elencor]

No we are planning on starting in two cycles, starting at the end of may most likely, because I want to secure my job first.

Do you both have serologies for infectious diseases? My doctor told me thats the only necessary thing to be able to start right away, since apparently they need it in order to store the embryos in their chambers.

 

[WinterBub]

I thought both you and Megan were originally going for May. That's exciting- and will come up very soon! Smart decision to sort the work situation out beforehand, too. That's exciting that it is all set and you will just need to call to get it going. Wish I'd got the ball rolling last month so it was all set for whenever we said go. I guess I should have asked more questions. Oh well.

My OH hasn't done any tests with them. Wonder if they will want him to come in and do that. I go in next week to sort out all the paperwork, order meds and have them answer any last questions I'm excited, but kind of freaking out... Hoping that my cycle doesn't start too early, as I obviously need the meds etc beforehand to be able to start this month. I'm also just not mentally prepared as I'd had late summer in mind. It's all happening very fast all of a sudden.

 

[Megan0625]

Megan- just a quick question: do you remember how fast you could move on the ivf treatment once you decided on it? How long did it take to order your meds in etc? We might be losing IVF insurance coverage, so may be moving things up and trying to go ahead asap. I need to call the IVF coordinator and discuss tomorrow.

As elencor said, they basically told me to just call in on first day of cycle and we were good to go and get ready to start birth control! But every clinic is a little different. So, our clinic has IVF cycles in batches, so they had people doing IVF cycles January-February, then April-May, then July-August, etc. Our clinic just likes to have people doing IVF have retrievals and embryo transfers around the same time. As far as the meds go, it seems like they were ready as soon as the clinic sent in the prescription. I got a call 2 days later from the pharmacy requesting payments for the meds and asking when I needed them ready. Typically, fertility clinics send the prescriptions automatically to specially pharmacies that specialize in fertility meds so they usually have the meds in stock already (though I'm sure there are ways to get them cheaper). Then, I just let them know when I would need it and they overnighted the meds to me the day before. There were even times where they changed my dose of meds and I was able to run to the pharmacy last minute to pick up additional meds. So, I guess they are used to the time-sensitive procedures.

 

[Megan0625]

I thought both you and Megan were originally going for May. That's exciting- and will come up very soon! Smart decision to sort the work situation out beforehand, too. That's exciting that it is all set and you will just need to call to get it going. Wish I'd got the ball rolling last month so it was all set for whenever we said go. I guess I should have asked more questions. Oh well.

My OH hasn't done any tests with them. Wonder if they will want him to come in and do that. I go in next week to sort out all the paperwork, order meds and have them answer any last questions I'm excited, but kind of freaking out... Hoping that my cycle doesn't start too early, as I obviously need the meds etc beforehand to be able to start this month. I'm also just not mentally prepared as I'd had late summer in mind. It's all happening very fast all of a sudden.

I totally understand that! When we did our first IVF cycle in January/February, I knew I had planned on that but time went by so fast and it was all very overwhelming. I was completely freaked out and honestly a nervous wreck lol. I'm honestly more frustrated now because I'm still planning on a May transfer but I'm supposed to call with day 1 of my cycle this month and this second period after my failed IVF is late. My first period immediately after my IVF was normal, came on cycle day 27 (my period is always a 27-30 day cycle), and here I am on cycle day 33 and no signs of my period. There are no chances of me being pregnant, so my nurses just told me it's pretty common for this to happen after an IVF cycle because of all the hormones I was on. But I will start birth control on day 3 of my next cycle and then start taking my meds for an FET (hopefully). I'm excited but definitely nervous about the possibilities of another failure.

Also, I felt like I knew nothing before I started IVF the first time. I had so many questions but would forget to ask them so I constantly felt like I was just taking it day by day and figuring it out as I went, so it's okay! All of your questions will be answered in time, and just know that many people going through IVF feel the same way! I felt so clueless and felt bad because I think I called the nurses almost every day to ask them questions lol.

 

[WinterBub]

Thank you for the pep talk! They assigned me a nurse who will basically explain and organize everything as we go. She will also be my contact along the way So, we will meet her next week to go over everything, sign off, and order meds etc. We had a good, steady plan, and I had months to mentally prep. Now, it's all happening suddenly and is a bit of a race against multiple clocks. Thank you for sharing your experience- it is really helpful to have heard your story and have that example as an idea of what to expect!

And elencor, you were right- they asked my OH to come in and do blood work, just like you said Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences, too! I'll let you know how I go, so you have another story to refer back to when your time comes for your egg retrieval in May.

I hope that your cycle starts soon, Megan. How irritating to have it be all wonky now that you're ready and waiting to do the transfer. I get the anxiety about a failure. I have every hope that you'll get a BFP this cycle. This journey is one you don't understand until you've been on it: it all happens over such a long period of time and there's so much that unfolds as it goes. Sending all the baby dust your way!

 

[Megan0625]

Thank you for the pep talk! They assigned me a nurse who will basically explain and organize everything as we go. She will also be my contact along the way So, we will meet her next week to go over everything, sign off, and order meds etc. We had a good, steady plan, and I had months to mentally prep. Now, it's all happening suddenly and is a bit of a race against multiple clocks. Thank you for sharing your experience- it is really helpful to have heard your story and have that example as an idea of what to expect!

And elencor, you were right- they asked my OH to come in and do blood work, just like you said Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences, too! I'll let you know how I go, so you have another story to refer back to when your time comes for your egg retrieval in May.

I hope that your cycle starts soon, Megan. How irritating to have it be all wonky now that you're ready and waiting to do the transfer. I get the anxiety about a failure. I have every hope that you'll get a BFP this cycle. This journey is one you don't understand until you've been on it: it all happens over such a long period of time and there's so much that unfolds as it goes. Sending all the baby dust your way!

Please keep up posted! I'm so excited for you! Good news is I started my period and I'm starting my birth control on Saturday! It's all happening so quickly again. The IVF coordinator at my clinic just sent me my schedule and I'm tentatively scheduled for an embryo transfer in mid May (depending on how I respond to meds of course)! Not looking forward to the cost of all the meds but I'm sure it will be much less than the meds before retrieval. I'm getting excited!

 

[WinterBub]

That's exciting- mid May will come around in no time!!! And that's awesome that you're feeling excited and hopeful I'm excited for you, too!

Thank you! Im in the opposite boat to where you were. I'm like "please don't start, AF!" Would be ideal if it does a week from today. Otherwise we'll see how the timing works. It is what it is, I guess!

 

[Nima]

Hi ladies, I hope it's OK if I join you?
I just read the whole thread and went with you through the ups and downs and I am so sorry for your losses.

I am also supposed to start ivf in May, but I have a cyst that has to be gone by then (not too hopeful about it happening). So it might be postponed but I honestly can't wait. We are going to do the ivf in Denmark and the costs are about half of what you mentioned, including the travel! If you are in Europe maybe it's worth looking into?

I hope your May cycles go well! Good luck and hope to read your updates.

 

[WinterBub]

Hi Nima! Welcome And best of luck getting rid of the cyst and getting started with IVF in May. How long have you been trying? And do you know what your "cause" for needing IVF is? Don't feel pressured to answer if you don't want to- just curious. It seems like everyone on this thread has had a totally different path to tread, but we've all ended up here at the same time. How do you work out when to travel if you're going from elsewhere to Denmark? Amazing to halve the price!! I suspect the cost wouldn't make sense from the US, otherwise I'd do the same and enjoy some good Danish pastries at the same time

 

[Nima]

Hi @WinterBub and thank you for the warm welcome

We are a lesbian couple using sperm from a known donor, who is a friend of ours. Our daughter was conceived through home insemination so we tried that since August now, but it doesn't seem to work and the tracking, organizing, traveling (he lives 2.5 hours away from us and works shifts) and all the stress around ttc is just too much now.
So we are traveling to Denmark, where we can be treated (we live in Switzerland, where it's still not possible for LGBT couples to access fertility treatment).

We'll know when to travel because my obgyn will do the ultrasound follicle monitoring and then we book a flight when it's trigger time.

How are you doing? I hope af comes exactly when you want it to! Good luck.

 

[WinterBub]

Wishing you lots of luck in Denmark, Nima! Sorry that things didn't work out this time around as they did the first time And sorry that Switzerland won't allow you to seek IVF there.

Will the same person carry this baby? Or are you taking "turns"? Obviously we don't get the same range of options there my OH insists that he would if he could, but I'm 100% sure he could not hack it

I'm getting nervous for my appt, and just hoping everything is really straight forward and the timing works out. I'm also worrying that we'll go through all this, and not end up with any viable embryos.

 

[Nima]

Oh this is the biggest fear! I can't even imagine that. Honestly I just try not to think of that because it makes me so anxious. I cling to the statistics and hope to be on the right side of it, like most people.

When is you appointment? I hope it goes smoothly and eases your mind.

I will carry the second one too since my partner never wanted to be pregnant and she is also 46 so it's probably easier for me (I'm 37). I loved being pregnant and giving birth and love breastfeeding so it works out well for us.

 

[WinterBub]

Sorry for bringing negativity into the conversation! IVF has been a bit of a far off fantasy until now... I'm getting nervous as it is suddenly actually happening. My appointment is tomorrow. I have to spend some time today writing down my questions!

Lovely that you so enjoyed pregnancy and breastfeeding. Glad that that decision was so easy for you both, Nima.

Megan- how many days was it from starting stims until you did the egg retrieval? I'll find out tomorrow, but I don't think I will go on birth control at any point- I think they just start when my cycle starts. Wondering if I'm correct, and whether the fact your doctor does batches of retrievals is why they time it differently(?). Hoping my cycle starts on Thursday/Friday, as timing wise that would seemingly be perfect.

 

[Megan0625]

Sorry for bringing negativity into the conversation! IVF has been a bit of a far off fantasy until now... I'm getting nervous as it is suddenly actually happening. My appointment is tomorrow. I have to spend some time today writing down my questions!

Lovely that you so enjoyed pregnancy and breastfeeding. Glad that that decision was so easy for you both, Nima.

Megan- how many days was it from starting stims until you did the egg retrieval? I'll find out tomorrow, but I don't think I will go on birth control at any point- I think they just start when my cycle starts. Wondering if I'm correct, and whether the fact your doctor does batches of retrievals is why they time it differently(?). Hoping my cycle starts on Thursday/Friday, as timing wise that would seemingly be perfect.

Welcome Nima! I'm in a similar boat with IVF. My partner and I had wanted to have children for a long time but I always wanted to carry and she never did, so it was an easy decision! Unfortunately for us, I kept wanting to put off having kids until we were financially "ready" and I was naive enough to think I would get pregnant very easily. And here we are after 3 failed at-home ICIs, 4 failed IUIs (3 medicated), and 1 failed IVF. I'm very hopeful for our next transfer of 2 embryos though. I wish you all the luck! And if it makes you feel better, I had a cyst at my first ultrasound for my last round of IVF, and when I came back a week later for a re-check, my cyst was gone and I was able to proceed. For this frozen embryo transfer cycle, I'm going in this Friday for my baseline ultrasound and cyst check, so fingers crossed I don't have the same problem as last time!

WinterBub, for me, it was about 10 days of stims, then I did the trigger shot, and then egg retrieval 36 hours later. So about 13 days from start of stims to egg retrieval! And I'm not too sure about whether the birth control is just for them to control our cycles easier, but I think it's also to suppress ovulation and all of our hormones prior to stimulation so we start at a true baseline. Because it suppresses your ovaries, it also prevents ovarian cysts, and ultimately preps ovaries for stimulation. I was on birth control for about 14 days prior to my IVF cycle, got off of it for a few days, started my period the day after I got off birth control (it's actually just withdrawal bleeding), and then started my stims on cycle day 3.

 

[WinterBub]

Interesting! I'll let you know if my protocol will be any different. I'm kind of hoping I won't have to do the BC as that seems to make it all seem so much longer iykwim. Wild to think that either way, I will likely have this all done pretty soon it also feels very ominous, as we've said we'll only do one egg retrieval. So, whatever the results of this are will be the final try.

I think women get lied to about fertility. I knew that it went downhill from 35, but kind of thought all was good before then. But that hasn't proven true for me, and I have a couple of friends in a similar boat I'd say from personal observation it's more like downhill from 30, and some are luckier than others. Obviously some women have no issues at 40+. But it seems clearer and clearer that that's the exception, rather than the rule and the slide downwards starts much sooner than I'd thought.

 

[Megan0625]

Interesting! I'll let you know if my protocol will be any different. I'm kind of hoping I won't have to do the BC as that seems to make it all seem so much longer iykwim. Wild to think that either way, I will likely have this all done pretty soon it also feels very ominous, as we've said we'll only do one egg retrieval. So, whatever the results of this are will be the final try.

I think women get lied to about fertility. I knew that it went downhill from 35, but kind of thought all was good before then. But that hasn't proven true for me, and I have a couple of friends in a similar boat I'd say from personal observation it's more like downhill from 30, and some are luckier than others. Obviously some women have no issues at 40+. But it seems clearer and clearer that that's the exception, rather than the rule and the slide downwards starts much sooner than I'd thought.

I totally understand, and the anticipation to get started is so hard. I'm not so sure about whether fertility starts to go downhill at 30 or not, but I will say I have quite a few friends who have been struggling with infertility (I'm 30). It does seem to be a growing problem. My partner and I have been trying for 2 years and I am just frustrated with myself for not starting earlier. She was ready way before me and had been asking me for years if I was ready, but I didn't feel ready until I completed my PhD and got a post-doctoral job, and here I am now at the age of 30 with tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt and now thousands of dollars of fertility treatment debt. I know it will all be worth it in the end, but it is quite the struggle.

I will say my RE did make it clear that not every egg retrieval cycle is the same. There are a lot of factors that could influence embryo number and quality, and one egg retrieval cycle is not an indicator of the next egg retrieval cycle. Stress, hormones, illness, lab conditions all can affect embryo quality. So it may be worth trying one more egg retrieval cycle if this one doesn't go as planned. I only produced 4 high-quality embryos, even despite retrieving 36 follicles (22 of which were mature). But some of the lack of embryo quality is because we retrieved SO many follicles, so we had quantity over quality. It's all a learning curve. So now we know that IF we do another egg retrieval, we will be adjusting the meds so have higher quality eggs rather than higher quantity. Unfortunately every cycle is a learning process. The reason he chose those doses had to do with my poor response in the past to IUI meds (femara and clomid), and because my AMH is on the low side. We didn't expect to retrieve so many follicles so we may have sacrificed some quality. So the point is to not give up after one cycle if you can swing it. I DO hope though that you only need one egg retrieval to get plenty of high quality little embabies to choose from and your embryo sticks on the first try

 

[WinterBub]

You're so sweet- thank you so much for the pep talk!

It's so easy with the gift of hindsight to look back and know what we should have done. I wish we had gotten started earlier, too. But it is what it is at this point- don't torture yourself with "what ifs". Of course when we fantasize about what went "wrong", the other choice works out perfectly. But that may not have been the case. (Hopefully you get what I'm trying to say!) I have every hope that your next transfer works, and this whole stress will be behind you

You bring up a good point about quality vs quantity... I want to ask about that tomorrow, as I know egg quality is the whole reason that we're doing this!!! Though I suspect they probably have a pretty general protocol that they like to stick to at first.

That's interesting that you see issues with friends even younger. The people I know who had kids in their 20s all seemed to have no issues. But now the friends I have from high school and college who are mid-30s seem to have a lot more struggles. I don't know- impossible to "have it all", really.

 

[Nima]

Thank you @Megan0625, it is encouraging to know that cysts can disappear so quickly, my obgyn didn't seem too optimistic about it (it's 4 cm/ 1.5 inches).

I feel like hindsight is also a tricky thing because it gives us weapon against ourselves. We never know what if, so we blame ourselves just in case we could have done things differently...
I do think being 30 with a PhD and a stable, long lasting relationship, these are already impressive achievements! But I do hear you and know how difficult it can be to want to become a mom and just wait for so long. It's so painful. I hope so much this FET is your baby/babies!!

Good luck on your appointment @WinterBub!

 

[Megan0625]

You're so sweet- thank you so much for the pep talk!

It's so easy with the gift of hindsight to look back and know what we should have done. I wish we had gotten started earlier, too. But it is what it is at this point- don't torture yourself with "what ifs". Of course when we fantasize about what went "wrong", the other choice works out perfectly. But that may not have been the case. (Hopefully you get what I'm trying to say!) I have every hope that your next transfer works, and this whole stress will be behind you

You bring up a good point about quality vs quantity... I want to ask about that tomorrow, as I know egg quality is the whole reason that we're doing this!!! Though I suspect they probably have a pretty general protocol that they like to stick to at first.

That's interesting that you see issues with friends even younger. The people I know who had kids in their 20s all seemed to have no issues. But now the friends I have from high school and college who are mid-30s seem to have a lot more struggles. I don't know- impossible to "have it all", really.

Good luck at your appointment! I hope they answer all of your questions and you have a better idea of when you will be getting started. It's all very exciting. And yes, they will likely have a general protocol and will keep your individual situation in mind when deciding the doses of the meds. Then they can adjust the med doses as they monitor your progress.

I'm picking up all of my prescriptions over the next few days so it's hitting me that I'm about to start IVF cycle #2. I will say there is a HUGE difference in cost between a FET compared to a fresh cycle with egg retrieval. Turns out my embryo transfer will be $3700 and the meds are about $400 total (compared to the $3800 I spent during the fresh cycle on meds alone). It's a huge weight lifted to see that difference in cost. Going in for my cyst check appointment on Friday, so fingers crossed that we will be set for a mid-May transfer!