Can I suggest that you try to see a counselor to help you work through the things you're dealing with? Parenting babies/toddlers is hard at any age, but your special set of circumstances could certainly warrant some extra support. Most importantly, don't make any major decisions on days you are having negative or low feelings.
Can I suggest that you try to see a counselor to help you work through the things you're dealing with? Parenting babies/toddlers is hard at any age, but your special set of circumstances could certainly warrant some extra support. Most importantly, don't make any major decisions on days you are having negative or low feelings.
Heather, please don`t be hard on yourself. You don`t sound terrible at all! So you don't want to "mother" all the time. So what! Who does? Everyone wants and needs time to themselves. That's not being selfish. That's being healthy and keeping things in balance.
My husband and I both have specified "me-time" everyday. Because we do that, and honor our own mental and emotional needs, we are in a much calmer, happier state of mind to deal with parenting.
Don't deny your feelings. Make sure to give yourself breaks. And don't stress yourself out trying to match some vision in your head of what a mother should be like.
Also, if you don't want to move in with your boyfriend now, please don't feel that you have to. If having this part-time arrangement is working out well, there is no reason to feel bad at all about it! Do what is right for *you* and your circumstances.
That said, if you are uncertain about whether or not you want to move in, could you have a trial run of it? Start staying over more often/longer length of time to see how it makes you feel?
Can I suggest that you try to see a counselor to help you work through the things you're dealing with? Parenting babies/toddlers is hard at any age, but your special set of circumstances could certainly warrant some extra support. Most importantly, don't make any major decisions on days you are having negative or low feelings.
THIS
Don't make any decisions when you feel overwhelmed and at your lowest. Please don't. it's likely that it won't be the right one and that you may regret it later.
Heatherr, you are being so so brave and both you and OH are dealing with loads at all stages with a small baby at such a young age. It is good that you opened up about your feelings to him, but it is also normal that he couldn't empathize 100% with you, because he is young, too, and even grown up men lack that sort of maturity.
Being overwhelmed with motherhood is a normal thing at every age, let alone yours. Babies are demanding. But kids DO grow up and as they do, you will have more time for yourself and will have to tend to less and less of their needs as they grow.
I don't know if Gabriella goes to daycare or you guys have her only with either you or him, but if you do move in together, could this be an option? It would leave you that "me time" every day.
Also, you could arrange the times when she is with your or FOBs family only - ie. one day a week that you would have for you two, at least for the first times of your new life together. It is NOTHING horrifying to have a baby over at the grandparents for a day. Back in the day when not everyone had their own flat or house, and the families were way larger, people lived together in the same house/household with their broader family and the care for the kids and babies wasn't singled out to a single mom&dad couple only. The weight placed on parents today comes also from this - that most of the parenting is done by two people alone, while before it was more distributed. And it's a tough thing to pull off at any age.
Maybe you could talk to a councilor, or have a talk with FOB, yours and his family together with a councilor who would mediate and explain that while you TRULY ARE doing an AMAZING job of growing up as quick as you can and coping with the motherhood, that you STILL DO need their support and understanding. FOB is four-five years older than you - meaning he had those extra four-five years time for himself that you didn't. I am sure that with a qualified and more neutral person to help them understand you and what you are struggling with, it could really help your situation.
It sounds like you two guys really love each other - which is an outstanding thing to have, after all you guys have been through so far - i can count the couples with a similar kind of strength, love and maturity on the fingers of one hand.
From what you are writing here, it is not your lack of love for him nor for your daughter that hinders you from moving in with him - but a lack of a living arrangement in that new framework regarding your baby that would be suitable for you to cope with.
A wish for a well-planned baby schedule and a well-planned family schedule (which also includes YOUR schedule as you are a crucial part of your family) is NOTHING to be ashamed of. And it can be sorted out.
You love them more than enough - enough to have decided to give her a life, be her mother and sort the things out with him - which is a miracle to pull off even for a lady in her 30s (i'm in my 30s and i have friends who could learn quite some things from you!). What you need is just a concrete day-by-day plan on how to sail into that new sea together - with the help of your and his family.
I wish you all the best dear. I am sure you guys can do it. And that you can do it. You already have come so far and please, when the things feel impossible to fathom or accomplish, just remember that first day when you got your BFP and look all that you have accomplished so far, as a person, and give yourself some credit for it, it's nothing short of a miracle. You are absolutely the most mature "teen" i've ever seen, not only on bnb but in my real life too. I say "teen" because it is only your physical age that would classify you in that category, not certainly your maturity and behaviour, those are well beyond your young age!
I'm much older than you and all my babies were very much planned. And I still feel like I need time off from being a mum sometimes. It's so normal, especially in the early years! There's no shame in wanting time to yourself and to not constantly have to be there for a toddler 24/7. I know that most of my friends feel the same, some more and some less so but I don't know anyone who doesn't feel better for having a break.
But before you make any decisions on your relationship based on these feelings, consider that it will get easier! Do you have the option of nursery or daycare soon? Even if you don't, she'll start school in only a few short years. If there's no other option, you could always keep this current arrangement until then. Or how about one of her grandparents taking her one day a week? Or you do move in but still have dedicated mummy days and daddy days, where the other parent gets the day off? Now that I'm pregnant, my husband often takes our older kids out for the day at the weekend and also gets them ready in the morning while I get a lie-in. Those little things go a long way towards balance, you just need to be on the same page about them. Best of luck to you!
Is there an update to this? Did you stay with FOB? How are you feeling?
Step 1: Relax. Breathe. Stressing out will scare you more than you already are.
Step 2: Do you have a car? Planned Parenthoods and Women's Centers are very helpful for teens. As I recall, they don't tell your parents, but research that, I'm not sure. You want to go to the doctor first and confirm you're pregnant, and that you're okay. People don't want to let the news out until then because it could just be a missed period or a miscarriage can happen.
Step 3: Tell the father first, in this situation. Because he's legal and you're not, your parents will immediately worry that you were aggressively raped. Talk to him and let him know what's happening.
Step 4: Tell your parents and do not lie about the fact that you had consensual sex with an older guy. You don't want anyone physically hurt and if your parents knew that, maybe they'd avoid charging him with statutory rape. Sit down with them and thoroughly explain yourself. Ask of them to hold on with their judgments or reactions until you're done, listen and accept responsibility.
I know it must be terrifying to think about, but you should just be honest. But firstly, calm down and take care of yourself. If my reply didn't help, wikiHow has a lot of good articles on how to break the news of being a pregnant teenager to everyone.