Rainbows after the storm (late loss/stillbirth/neonatal loss/sids)

[Krippy]

Doing really well...just tired and crazy busy with my newborn! I can't believe how fast the last few weeks have gone and how little time I have for myself! But I am loving every minute! I promise that I will take the time this weekend when my hubby is home to read all of the posts I have missed! Know that I think of you all daily...

Added a few pics of my little boy!

 

[amjon]

Krippy, so precious.

 

[_Lexi_]

Krippy, he's beautiful.
Amjon, looks like we have the same due date, I'm due June 19th as well.
The oh is still considering cvs, but we said we wouldn't terminate, so I don't see the point. No soft markers were detected. Joshua came back as 1/20, and that was a false positive. They can't run any tests to find out if this baby has the same condition as Joshua, as it's a brand new genetic condition and they aren't sure what to test for. I have my 20 week scan, then I'll be scanned at least every four weeks, checking fluid levels, as I had oligohydramnios, and checking for iugr, as well as blood flow through cord. They were all indicators last time that something wasn't right. We have at least a 50% chance this baby won't come home either, but trying to stay positive. I'm really struggling to bond though. I find that I can't get excited, as I don't really believe they'll be here to stay. I know it sounds stupid, but with Joshua, I knew he wasn't coming home. I kept having dreams that he died and that we had an empty nursery. To the point I didn't decorate a nursery or even buy a moses basket. I just knew. And I'm getting the same things this time everyone just keeps saying I'm being silly and everything will be ok, but that's what they said last time too

We went to the crematorium the other day and decorated Joshua's tree for Christmas. We've put up some solar powered fairy lights, a little Christmas poem, a wreath, a small Christmas tree, and a bauble that says 'my first Christmas'. I did buy him a reindeer too, but that broke
https://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y107/ducksdontquack/88B7EBC4-0B56-4F0C-8106-83E1CC12CE6C-1681-000002DF7627B48B.jpg
https://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y107/ducksdontquack/CF67015A-3532-4915-A67C-F8ABA976288A-1681-000002E06424535E.jpg

I don't think I added my scan photo to my last post, but this is our little one at my 13 week scan
https://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y107/ducksdontquack/8DC22041-4C42-4F3B-84FD-43761AD8A4FA-739-000000DF311D8624.jpg

Sorry for the huge photos, on my phone and don't know how to do thumbnails hope everyone is doing ok. Think the next week is going to be hard on us all xx

 

[dextersmum]

Amjon are you having a planned c-section on the 19th June (unless the twins decided to come earlier??) as I have been given the 17th June as my due date but I am over 14 wks now.

Kristin don't worry about keeping up with our posts just concentrate on yourself and your beautiful baby boy he is adorable and we will all still be here when you have a bit more time to yourself.

Lexi it is hard not to worry and not to think the same thing is going to happen (although I am keeping everything crossed for you that everything is perfect this time for you and baby) especially as they don't know what to test for genetically. And I understand what you mean about not being able to bond. Even though we have been told we are at really low risk of a ds baby I still can't get that in my head and I will still be insisting we have a scan every 4 weeks from 20 weeks to check on growth and placenta because although last time with Dexter they linked it to his ds they can not be 100% sure.

AFM I am in big debates with hubby over names because we still haven't one any that we both like. I want a name with a meaning especially as this baby is our rainbow and we are also looking for names is an X in because we love Dexter's name and it is a bit unusual. I keep mentioning names and hubby pulls his face yest comes up with nothing except Alex for a boy (which I like but don't want as I know a number of Alex's, although not babies) and he has not come up with any girls names and I have a strong feeling that Jellybean is a baby girl but he wants another boy (but he will get what he is given lol) I actually like the name Lexi and Alexa but need to look up there meaning

How have you all decided on names??

 

[sweetbuthyper]

Well i feel sick, hate ms but oh well that and i got up with migraine ( i say got up i got as far as opening my eyes then refused to move and quickly shut them again), kippy but boy is just adorable

I am feeling calmer this pregnancy don't know why or how to describe it i was so scared something would go wrong with nathaniel, and i was right but this time feels different, i dunno if its because i know i'm being monitored or because i know now what to look for, but definatly feeling calmer so far.

We have a girls name it will be Gabrielle Eve but currently are undecided if its a boy we can't agree i like zander oh said it would have to be alexander and then shortened but i'm not keen as i don't like alex. currenlty considering Keith as a boys name i'm not sure but it has meaning as it was my OH's uncle who saddly passed away in 1992.

I am activly trying to avoid the top 20 names, so still thinking for a boy. We had Danyael varient of daniel, when we were pregnant with nathaniel as a seconded boys name but that was to name after the ohs dad, and there relationship has since broken down alot and it just doesn't feel right, especially seen as i will only just allow his dad in our house after the way he spoke to me.

 

[amjon]

Amjon are you having a planned c-section on the 19th June (unless the twins decided to come earlier??) as I have been given the 17th June as my due date but I am over 14 wks now.

I'm hoping they cooperate and both get head down by then so I can be induced for vaginal. Otherwise it will be a planned section. We've decided on names for b/g twins. My DD is actually July 9, but they want them out by 37 weeks.

 

[dextersmum]

sounds like a plan amjon. are you going to find out the sex of the twins

whats every body else doing about finding out the sex are you going to wait for the surprise or try and find out?

 

[_Lexi_]

We're not sure yet. Last time I found out after cvs at 13 weeks, and oh didn't want to know. He gave in about 18 weeks though. This time, he wants to know and I'm not so sure. We can't really afford to buy everything at once, and need to spread the cost, soaked more sense to know, but I'd love a surprise!! x

 

[sweetbuthyper]

We want to find out, we didn't find out with nathaniel because he wouldn't sit still at his 20 week scan, so depends if bean cooperates or not. we have loads of gender neutral stuff so would be nice to buy stuff for one sex.

 

[amjon]

We'll find out the sex as soon as we can. The tech said maybe at 14 or 16 weeks, so hopefully they'll cooperate in 3 weeks. I think it's one of each though.

 

[nicola ttc]

We're going to find out at the next scan which is 22nd Jan. We thought about getting a private one this wek but jan seems so soon anyway we decided not to. Can't wait to find out though!! I think it's a girl.
Tracy, we have run out of names we both like! We wanted an 'E' name for Emily because of Edward. I quite like Edie or Evie for a girl but Nicks not convinced. Have no boy names at all yet! I like Oliver but Nick has a family friend called Oliver (who he has issues with) so refuses to even consider it.
I'm feeling really god about this pregnancy, like its going to work out this time. I never had that feeling with Emilys pregnancy and didn't buy anything because i had such a bad feeling so it's nice this time to be enjoying pregnancy and actually thinking about bringing baby home.
We've been to a remembrance service tonight and lit candles with our parents and all the kids which was nice.
Anyway, how is everyone? I feel baby move now and love it! I'm slightly less obsessed with the doppler now!
Hope everyone is well.

 

[amjon]

We're going to find out at the next scan which is 22nd Jan. We thought about getting a private one this wek but jan seems so soon anyway we decided not to. Can't wait to find out though!! I think it's a girl.
Tracy, we have run out of names we both like! We wanted an 'E' name for Emily because of Edward. I quite like Edie or Evie for a girl but Nicks not convinced. Have no boy names at all yet! I like Oliver but Nick has a family friend called Oliver (who he has issues with) so refuses to even consider it.
I'm feeling really god about this pregnancy, like its going to work out this time. I never had that feeling with Emilys pregnancy and didn't buy anything because i had such a bad feeling so it's nice this time to be enjoying pregnancy and actually thinking about bringing baby home.
We've been to a remembrance service tonight and lit candles with our parents and all the kids which was nice.
Anyway, how is everyone? I feel baby move now and love it! I'm slightly less obsessed with the doppler now!
Hope everyone is well.

That's good that you feel different this time. I've felt the twins (or one of them) move since about 9 weeks. I feel them sporadically and not everyday yet. Can't wait til it gets more regular. One week left til our NT scan.

 

[dextersmum]

its really good that you feel different this time Nicola and nice that you were able to take your children and parents to light candles for Edward and Emily.

I feel little bubbles and am sure it is the baby moving around and feels nice. Can't wait to feel the kicks though. We have our 20 week a couple of days after yours Nicola.

It sounds like we are all going to find out the sex before baby arrives if possible.

Amjon are twins in yours or hubby's family or is this a one off??

I am already for christmas now just got the clean the house tomorrow and get a few bits from the supermarket. We have everybody coming over here boxing day and I am going to be a bloody taxi driver picking hubby's family up from different places. I am glad christmas is only once a year because in-laws drive me mad with how bloody awkward they are lol wonder what they will say when we announce we are pregnant??

 

[amjon]

its really good that you feel different this time Nicola and nice that you were able to take your children and parents to light candles for Edward and Emily.

I feel little bubbles and am sure it is the baby moving around and feels nice. Can't wait to feel the kicks though. We have our 20 week a couple of days after yours Nicola.

It sounds like we are all going to find out the sex before baby arrives if possible.

Amjon are twins in yours or hubby's family or is this a one off??

I am already for christmas now just got the clean the house tomorrow and get a few bits from the supermarket. We have everybody coming over here boxing day and I am going to be a bloody taxi driver picking hubby's family up from different places. I am glad christmas is only once a year because in-laws drive me mad with how bloody awkward they are lol wonder what they will say when we announce we are pregnant??

No twins really in the family. The FS put me on Letrozole even that I did already O on my own plus I was just a few cycles from my MMC followed by a chemical so I think those increased the chance. I've always felt I would have b/g twins from the time I was a child though. Realistically I didn't think I really had any chance.

 

[dextersmum]

amjon I have said for years that I would love b/g twins so I hope your dream comes true and either way you are going to have 2 gorgeous babies in the summer.

Merry Christmas everybody hope you have a nice day tomorrow xx

 

[nicola ttc]

Merry Christmas everyone in case i don't get on here tomorrow. Xx

 

[amjon]

We had the twins NT today. They never asked about the blood test to go with the scan, so guess they go based just on the scan.

 

[nicola ttc]

Ah lovely scan pics Amjon.
Going by nub theory (the little that i know about it)i'd say they look like b/g twins too!!
I got my nt results back as 1 in 9700 which is brilliant considering just my age (35 in feb) put me at 1 in 400.
We had consultant yesterday who made a plan for us. 4 weekly growth/placenta/cord flow scans and 4 weekly consultant appts between those so appts of some kind every 2 weeks from 20 weeks plus mw appts any time i feel i want/need one. Ig i'm worried about anything at any time i've been told to go straight to labour ward who will do checks as soon as possible. I'm pleased with that plan. And planned section around 14th May!
Starting to think about names now too! No real contenders yet, anyone else got the name books out?!
Hope everyone is doing well and the christmas season is being gentle on you. Thinking of you all and your angels.

 

[dextersmum]

lovely clear scan photo amjon did they tell you the NT measurements?

Nicola it sounds like you have been given a good plan now which is great and hopefully they will be as supportive as you need them to be.
we are still debating names and because we have now told the family we have even asked for suggestions but we have nothing confirmed yet lol

it went really well telling our families on christmas day and boxing day and people are over joyed and there were a few tears. I felt really anxious after telling people because now people now I am nervous that something might happen. It felt easier when it was just mine and OH secret. Not sure if that makes sence to anybody else??

Well its raining here and I feel like staying in and doing nothing all day lol am meant to be going out for a friends 40th birthday lunch but really don't know if I can be bothered so I will see how I feel in an hour. Hope everybody else has had a nice christmas break

 

[amjon]

Both babies had very small measurements (around 1.4).