Rainbows after the storm (late loss/stillbirth/neonatal loss/sids)

[sweetbuthyper]

thats really bad mizz hope you get closure soon.

I'm not on progesterone its not common to be put on it in the uk. So far all seems well and they are keeping a very close eye on me I of course know now that pain like i felt with nathaniel is bad and can go straight to the hospital rather than to the midwifes, to get checked out

 

[MizzPodd]

Well I'm glad you know exactly what to do if that happened. I'm hoping things keep going good for you though.

 

[amjon]

Spring- Have they told you to be on bed rest yet? I was told I would be possibly put on bed rest at 20 weeks if the blood flow to the placentas did not look great. It may help your LO get more blood flow to grow a bit more. Hopefully she's just prone to be small.

Dextersmum- I will get 60% of my pay as I did sign up for disability. It's supposed to be 6 weeks, but with a complicated pregnancy and a doctor sign off I should be able to get it during pregnancy + 6 weeks after. I haven't had issues with my Lovenox. I do the stomach every day though. I do have a few bruises, but nothing horrible. I do both the insulin and the Lovenox in the stomach.

 

[nicola ttc]

Hey ladies :wave:
Is it wierd that i'm struggling a bit today?
When we found out Emily was a girl i was pleased because i felt like she'd be different to Edward - that i wouldn't be constantly thinking...'would Edward have been like this?' .. now i know there would be no getting away from those thoughts either way this time but kind of wish we didn't know.
It feels wierd to be having another girl. I wanted Emily.
I'm only saying this here because i know you ladies won't think i don't love this baby or want her any less because i'm feeling like this. Just struggling a bit.

 

[nicola ttc]

Hmmm was just thinking. Maybe it's just that i got to see baby yesterday and know she is a 'she'. Makes it all more real and maybe i'm just more scared of the worst happening.
Haven't had a day like this for quite a while.

 

[dextersmum]

Hi Nicola I am so sorry that I didn't manage to come on here yesterday to reply to your message. I absolutely understand where you are coming from it must be even harder for you because you lost Edward and Emily so either sex is going to be a reminder of either of them. Don't be too hard on yourself it is only natural to be having thoughts like you are having and of course I understand that your thoughts do not meant you love this little girl any less. I am sure you are feeling extra nervous at the moment because of milestones and timings but remember my mantra "this is a different pregnancy" and I believe that you are not having the same issues this time around so try to believe that this is the baby girl you are bringing home with your OH

If you ever want to talk things through I am more than happy to give you my number as some times it helps to talk.

When I found out at our 16 week scan that at this point the baby looked like a girl (although could be different at 20 weeks as more developed) I left the apt with really mixed feelings and thought I was going to burst into tears as I have been thinking all along that if it is a girl I won't compare her and her development with Dexter or wonder if this is what Dexter would be like but then I was also thinking that my husband already has 3 girls and I gave him Dexter his first boy but we didn't get to bring him home and I would love to see Anthony with his son so if this is a girl I won't get to do that so many things going through my head, which I am sure is what is going on for you right now. I spoke to a friend yesterday and told her that I know I can't stop these thoughts and I am not going to try to I am just going to try and work through them as they come up by either doing that myself or talking about it with somebody else. I try to talk to Anthony but I am not sure he always understands but thats ok I just need to voice whats going on im my head.

Jelly bean was either pretty quiet yesterday or has found a position in my stomach that I can't feel much movement so I am hoping that I feel them tap dancing today for some reassurance

I am sat at home today watching birthing stories which I record every day lol I am sat visualising the point where this is me and hoping that June arrives quickly and that everything progresses as it should with this pregnancy

 

[dextersmum]

Nicola what is your care plan from this point are you going to get more scans and consultant apts?

 

[nicola ttc]

Thanks Tracy.
I'm supposed to have a placenta/cord flow (as well as baby) scanat 24 weeks, then 4 weekly scans after that with consultant appt's inbetween - so appt's every 2 weeks. They told me on Tuesday that i don't have any of these booked in yet and that the consultant needs to request each one seperately at my appointments so next cons appt 14th feb, then should be booking the cord flow scan etc for the following week. I don't get why they can't all be booked at once if the plan is to have them. All just seems a bit overwhelming to think about right now!! I'm sure i'll be fine again in a couple of days.
Right, off to tidy the tip (kids room) now! Wish me luck!!
Hope JellyBean dances all day for you.

 

[Springflower]

I'm supposed to be working but just wanted to pop on here and say you aren't alone Nicola. I think the way you are feeling is 100% normal. As Tracy says you have had it happen twice to your little boy and little girl. So I think whatever sex you had been told you would feel the same. Although I'm so happy to have our Dot in me, there is a little teeny bit that thinks actually would I would really like is to have Marnie here still but that wasnt meant to be. Its strange though because whenever I have that thought Dot gives me a little kick. I think she has a little bit of our Marnie in her and the kick is to say I'm still here.

Tracy - Congrats on most probably being team pink. I understand your feelings, dont worry about Anthony, he will be over joyed at another little girl. Hopefully jellybean will have a good old kick today

Need to get back to work but I'm am a complete mess. I do not feel good at this pregnancy at all. All I can think is I'm going to lose her too. Am seeing my immune Dr tomorrow for a couple of drips. Hopefully they will help stop my body attacking her and she'll start to grow again. I'm also going to email my hospital consultant and explain my feelings.

Right better get on.
xxx

 

[nicola ttc]

Thanks Spring.
Good luck for your appointment tomorrow. Could they do the scan any sooner or are they waiting til next Friday so they have enough time to check growth?
I hope and pray for you that little Dot is getting stronger and bigger in there every day and all will be fine at the next scan.

 

[dextersmum]

Nicola I don't understand why you can just get all the apt's booked then you know the dates and can plan accordingly. I have a scan and see my consultant on the same day every 4 weeks and have them all booked in now upto 36 weeks. Although they did book me wednesday apts and my consultant has his clinic on a thursday so I had to phone and get them all changed - that was because my consultant was on holiday and the consultant covering him has a weds clinic and she made the requests for my apt's when I queried the dates the receptionist tried to tell me that I would be seeing a midwife anyway not the consultant at which my reply was "I had better be seeing a consultant, particularly at the 36 week apt as I would have to be talking to them about by birthing plan as I have been told I will need a consultant in the room for the birth. Honestly you have to keep on top of everything with these appointments. I would ask you consultant at your next apt if you can get them all booked esp to ensure OH being able to attend??

Spring do they think it is your body attacking the baby and slowing the growth? It must be really hard not to be a mess at the moment with every thing that is going on but we are all ways here to be a listening ear or shoulder to cry on hun

I have felt a few bubbles from jelly bean today but I have also had a few occassions where part of my bump has gone hard and feels strange any ideas what this could be? Should I phone my midwife or is this normal? I don't remember having this with Dexter??

 

[sweetbuthyper]

dexters mum sounds like braxon hicks but i could be wrong so give your midwife a call if your worried.

Nicola i also can't pre book appointments consultant has to order them and my appointments are every 2 weeks its mad, i get to go in have scan see consultant get given forms to go to reception and book again, for them to send me a letter with the scan time on. My appointments are always a tuesday tho so semi easy to plan for as consultant only does that day ( and only morning ) or so i'm told i'm sure ive seen her name on other days tho.

As for me i'm doing ok was a little stressed yesterday because bean was very quiet and after the couldn't find the heart beat on there ancient doppler at the hospital on tuesday was a little worried, OH reminded me that we saw the heart beat on the scan and i got kicked just be for i feel asleep so a little calmer today altho would rather like a little more movement today. Bean appears to be very low at the moment tho and making me waddle because of it so i think thats the reason i can't feel anything.

I have mixed feeling at the min, i'm scared which is natural as we are coming up to the time i lost Nathaniel and also mixed over the sex we were told at 16 weeks they think boy and i'm not sure how i feel i know we aren't replacing Nathaniel but it feels odd to be possibly having another boy, i like you dextersmum thought it would be easier if it was a girl, but OH reminded me after the scan that he always said he wanted an older boy to 'look after the girl(s)' so i guess if bean is a boy we will have that

My emotions are all over at the min damn hormones i cry at the drop of a hat, dizziness is still there but seems to be improving with the pregnancy vits so i think i was correct and it was my iron levels, causing it.

Hope yoou all have a good day x

 

[dextersmum]

tightness in bump only lasted about 5 mins and not had it since but have had bubbles and movement so feeling a bit better about things but I will keep my eye on everything and if it happens again contact the midwife. It is a bit nerve wrecking when baby has a quiet day isn't it.

Has your sickness gone now sweet?

have people noticed that you are pregnant anybody?? I work with a small company and I have been there a few times since new year and I haven't told them I am pregnant yet (waiting until after 20 week scan next week) but nobody has said anything to me so I guess my bump is not that obvious yet?? although I do wear big baggy cardigans all the time lol.

I am suffering with spots at the moment which makes me feel like a teenager but on the plus side my hair is shiny and not going greasy like it was in frist trimester.

Nicola how are you feeling today chick??

 

[sweetbuthyper]

yep my sickness seems to have gone still have times when i feel sick but thats usually if i'm late eating something.

Itching is my current issue i have excema and i appear to have delevloped sry skin everywhere the only thing that really helps is being naked tmi so i guess i'm just getting to warm or my clothes are annoying my skin, its managable tho and not so bad today.

Beans been bouncy today so all is good, not really seen anyone who doesn't know i'm pregnant but i have a bump ( altho not huge and in some clothes i just look fat and waddle at the min so i probs look pregnant to outsiders, altho there probs to poliete to say anything with me not being overly obviously pregnant yet. I have however started to gain weight now which is good as i was getting a little worried as i was still loosing it, i appear to be gaining .2kg a week so only like 1/2lb but its all good, i don;t want to gain a huge amount anyways

 

[amjon]

I do have an obvious bump (but with twins I think it would be hard not to). I saw the MFM again today. She is lovely and I'm so glad she was recommended. The boys were doing great and VERY active. They did unfortunately confirm we have two sons. She did all the measurements she needed (not as many as the full anatomy they did at 14 weeks though) and then I asked her to check their sexes. The first one was head down and as she was going up from the head to see the little rascal crossed his legs and put his hand down there. The other was being pretty uncooperative too, but she persisted and finally found the obvious appendages in profile on both of them. The MFM was there at the time and they both agreed we're having two boys. They both asked where DH was. She has signed me off work for the stress as she said it should help bring my BP down as well. I told her what they did to me this week and she had no problem with it. Now I should have some time to get some things done around here too. I did go to Buy Buy Baby today to check out the double strollers and decided to just go ahead and register while I'm there as it's a good hour and 15 minutes from my house. Now to just get everything straight at work, so I can be out and totally relax.

 

[TatorMom]

I just thought I'd post an update. We lost our girls Grace and Paige at 22 weeks due to an infection of the membranes. We'll never forget our baby girls and they'll always be in our and their brothers hearts. After we lost them I went back and forth between never wanting to try for another baby and wanting to get pregnant immediately, so we decided to not-not try. I'm so very grateful that we ended up getting pregnant almost immediately after we lost our girls because it's been very healing for us. It's given us a light/rainbow. Both of our boys were conceived before I had one cycle after m/c's, so we figure that maybe it's just how it works for us. With this pregnancy I had our girls on Oct. 30th and we went on vacation the week after, which ended up being a blessing. We DTD on Nov. 11th and that's all it took. I don't think I ovulated for almost a week after that, but I really have no idea, since we weren't trying. I will say that we're 1,000x times more grateful for our Rainbow babies and I don't think we'd have as much of an appreciation had we not had losses. We had our 12 week(11 weeks 5days) u/s last Fri, so I figured I'd go ahead and post. We can't wait to find out the gender, although we don't really care either way, we would kind of like a girl to join DS1 and DS2.

 

[MizzPodd]

Hi ladies... Very interesting last few days. Had my cervical length check appt. cervix had shortened and I was 1 cm dilated. I cme back that night becuz of pains in lower abdomen and back .... Monitored for hours pumped with fluids. Explained about preterm labor sent home. Next early morning went to get progesterone shot when three of my doctors informed me not eat or drink anything becuz they wanted to get a cerclauge.... Long story short they did one, and I'm recovering now. Just resting and takin some pain meds. Have appt next weeks with specialist... Oh goodness what an overwhelming unexpected turn of events. The spinal didn't even fully numb me so I could feel the procedure. It was very painful but I had a feeling the epidural wouldn't fully worked (happened with my mom lol). Anywho I took it like a trooper. During recovery I was having terrible contractions and it was mainly becuz I couldn't pee! My bladder was completely full but the numbing affect wouldn't wear off... So 6 hours later right when they were putting a catheter in I just started peeing right there in bed!! Lol it was awkward lol I peed for at least an hour... That's how much my bladder had filled. And the contractions went away almost instantly! They have me the meds to help prevent contractions along with pain meds.
My baby has been kicking me in the bladder and right on the middle ever since I emptied my bladder last night... I mean non stop. Lol so it is an uncomfortable sensation but I'm so glad everything turned out good. I had not expected this at all and I was so happy I didn't eat an early breakfast. It was like I knew they would operate that day lol

They will remove stitches at 36 weeks. I really pray this works and I end up going that long! I'm on my same bedrest so I feel confident this cerclauge will help me out a lot. I'm so thankful of my doctors becuz they moved so quickly and didn't want risk me dilating more or my cervix shortening more. I've never been in a hospital that every department is nice and kind. My experience was amazing as far as bedside manners goes. Before operation I had to get these heart tests becuz of my heart condition and my platelets checked because of me having gestation thrombocytopenia.... But everything was a go
I'm officially with the IC ladies but I'm proud! Lol I have a cerclauge to help and I'm confident that it will get me to the 30 weeks at least

Have a great weekend girls

Tatormom- so sorry for your losses sweetie. That's kinda why happened with me. We got pregnant the month after i delivered in July as well but we were also not not trying. This is a blessing and I'm glad you have your precious rainbow babies

 

[nicola ttc]

Tatormum - welcome. :wave:
Sorry for your loss of Grace and Paige. Do you know the plan for this pregnancy? Will you have more checks?

Mizzpod wow you have had an eventful few days! I'm glad they acted quivkly and gave you the cerclage. Combined with bedrest i'm sure you'll get way past that 30 week mark. PMA chick!

Amjon - i'm glad all was good with the boys and that you got signed off work.

As for me, i'm feeling a lot happier and more positive today so think it was just a little wobble because of the scan and it being around the time of pregnancy i was admitted to hospital last time.
It's Elliots 5th birthday tomorrow so we're off to a softplay centre for his party and family party on sunday. What's everyone else got planned for the weekend?
Hope you're all well.

 

[MizzPodd]

Thanks! well my plans are to stay in bed and keep baby safe as possible
Just nervous a bit becuz of this being my first cerclauge... Trying to figure out what's normal and what's not as far as pain. But this is only the first day after so I guess I'm just anxious about when the spotting will stop and stuff.

 

[dextersmum]

hello ladies lots to catch up on I did pop on last night and start a message then pressed backspace to delete something and it look me off the message page??

Nicola glad you are feeling more positive - it is not unusual to have a worry or a nervous time every now and again in our position (unfortunately) but we are always here for each other and our dips

Mizz it sounds like you went through alot this weekend but I hope what the hospital has now done for you is everything you need to get through this pregnancy and keep you and baby safe and well

tatormum so sorry for you loss of your baby girls welcome to this group we are a bunch of supportive ladies who are always here to help each other through a rainbow pregnancy

Sweet glad your sickness has gone and sorry to hear about the itching if it is not one thing it is another isnt it but it will all be worth it in the end when we hold our precious bundles in our arms and see them looking right back at us.

Amjon well you now have it confirmed that you are carrying 2 bundles of blue joy so you have plenty of time to get your head around that before they get here and now you need to sort out the second boys name

AFM I am feeling a little run down at the moment started with a sore throat and head cold at the weekend and also think I have thrush, and my cold and tiredness got worse yesterday and I was a little anxious today as there is no pattern yet to when I feel baby bubbles or odd movement and because I am not feeling great I decided I needed to go and see my midwife for her to find baby's heart beat just so I could hear it. I live 2 minutes walk from the centre so she was able to fit me in this morning and I heard jelly beans heart beat 144bmp and had a talk to the midwife and feel much better. I feel really bloated at times but my bump is not big or obvious but midwife said because I am tall and have a long torso I probably won't ever look that big because there is plenty of space inside me already lol. Even when I was 6 months with Dexter I didn't look that big (just fatter) so I guess this is something I will have to get used to. I can't wait until this baby is kicking and punching me so much that you can see their hand or foot print in my stomach that we I will be very reassured. Since listening to the heart beat jellybean has woken up and I have felt strong bubbles and movements. I am 20 weeks today and have my scan on thursday and am keen to know if baby is growing as s/he should be and confirming the sex so that we know for sure.

I am only working from home this week so I will make sure I am having plenty of rest and fluid and try and get myself feeling better so I have more energy.

hope every body has had a good start to their week xx