Rainbows after the storm (late loss/stillbirth/neonatal loss/sids)

[dextersmum]

Amjon your scans are really thorough. I don't think I was ever told Dexters weight even though I got to 28 weeks and they haven't mentioned anything about this pregnancy just measurements I will try to remember next time I go to ask if they can tell a weight

Sweet it sounds like you are being very sensible. Are you off work at the moment and able to rest during the week?

I am having a really anxious weekend I mentioned yesterday that baby was having a quiet day well it seems she is having one today as well and I am a little bit freaked out. All week I have felt stronger movements and quite a few times a day where as this weekend they have not been as strong or as often. I know she is still only small and it depends on the way she is lay and where she is in my stomach but this pregnancy after a loss is such a rollercoaster and I don't always like the ride. If things are the same tomorrow morning I am going to phone my midwife and get a heartbeat test on her doppler and see if she thinks I should go to EPU for a reassurance scan. It was reduced movements with Dexter that lead to me finding out the placenta wasn't working and the emergency c-section. I really wish I didn't have this comparrison as a reminder

 

[amjon]

Amjon your scans are really thorough. I don't think I was ever told Dexters weight even though I got to 28 weeks and they haven't mentioned anything about this pregnancy just measurements I will try to remember next time I go to ask if they can tell a weight

Sweet it sounds like you are being very sensible. Are you off work at the moment and able to rest during the week?

I am having a really anxious weekend I mentioned yesterday that baby was having a quiet day well it seems she is having one today as well and I am a little bit freaked out. All week I have felt stronger movements and quite a few times a day where as this weekend they have not been as strong or as often. I know she is still only small and it depends on the way she is lay and where she is in my stomach but this pregnancy after a loss is such a rollercoaster and I don't always like the ride. If things are the same tomorrow morning I am going to phone my midwife and get a heartbeat test on her doppler and see if she thinks I should go to EPU for a reassurance scan. It was reduced movements with Dexter that lead to me finding out the placenta wasn't working and the emergency c-section. I really wish I didn't have this comparrison as a reminder

It was reduced movement with Taylor that told me there was an issue too. I started Christmas Eve though, so I was focused on other things and didn't really think about it until the day after Christmas and she wasn't moving at all. This time I'll just go straight in if I don't feel them as much once they really get into a pattern (though with twins if they are kicking each other I don't feel it as much, so it's hard to know ). I do get the U/S every 2 weeks and they check bloodflow among other things, so that does make me feel better.

 

[dextersmum]

had a bit of a meltdown yesterday afternoon and was in tears for about half an hour in a right panick about baby not moving as much but also missing Dexter and thinking this time last year I thought everything was going well with him think the pregnancy hormones kicked in big time and I was sobbing. I did feel the baby move a little bit more in the evening and also when I woke up at 3.45am this morning for the toilet but I still phoned my midwife this morning and went to see her to talk to her and she did the doppler test and after a minute or so was able to find the baby's heart beat she was partly hiding behind the placenta. She said that the hospital probably wouldn't scan me at this stage they would just use a doppler as baby is small and it isn't always possible to feel her depending on where she is lay and she will also have quieter days. She told me I can go anytime to see her and to phone triage at the weekends if I am worried. I have booked in to see her next monday just as a reassurance. She understands all my nerves and anxiety which is really helpful for me and baby kicked me just as I was leaving the appointment lol

 

[sweetbuthyper]

Argghhhh the hospital fustrate me, 2 weeks to recieve a letter about a test that must have been done at least 3 weeks ago telling me to get antibioutics for a urine infection, but i have been to the hospital god knows how many times and had at least 4 or more urine tests since then all clear and no mention of infection, doctors haven't recieved there letter about it yet so all they can offer is another test good job i'm in clinic tomorrow anyways to find out what the hells going on..... rant over

dextersmum i am off work i only worked voluntarily and left before christmas when signs were indicating that things might lead this way. got to go to drop in soon with the midwife i never wanted and still don't want to see again after she told me everything was fine with nathaniel 2 days before losing him when i went to drop in with contraction like pain ( actually was contractions), so that should be fun, just keep telling my self all she has to do is find the heartbeat and do my blood pressure and even she can't mess that up surely.

 

[dextersmum]

sweet I hope your drop in apt went ok with the midwife

Its good that you can get as much rest as you need without having to worry about being of work so just take things easy for a while

 

[sweetbuthyper]

Nicole can you put me down for a boy

he was a wiggly monster for the scan but heres the pic, don't see consultants now til 28 weeks not sure if thats normal with a stitch or not but will go in if theres any sign of trouble.

 

[dextersmum]

great scan photo sweet I think you can tell from it that it is a baby boy. Have you got any other apts before your 28 week one or is that the next one??

How is every body else doing?

Baby was really active yesterday and felt her loads throughout the day but not as active today have felt her at odd times so feeling ok about it. She was kicking really hard last night when I went to bed but hubby still couldn't feel her lol

 

[sweetbuthyper]

i have midwife at 24 weeks and hoping to get an appointment with her at 22 weeks as well just try try and put my mind at rest around the time i lost nathaniel don't think it will work but its worth a try. bean has been a little quiet today but not overly and i have had a few kick he tend to be more active late at night and when i wake up to pee. Also i found out my placenta is anterior so that will be cusioning some of the kicks.

 

[dextersmum]

baby was quiet again for me yesterday to Sweet but like you I felt some kicks so feel ok about it. I think after all the movement I felt on monday she must have tired herself out. I have felt her a few times already this morning so thats good.

 

[Springflower]

Indya and Marnie's birthday tomorrow. Really struggling with this.

Sweet - Congrats on being team blue!

 

[dextersmum]

sending you big hugs Alex another milestone to get through which will be bitter sweet for you I am sure as you will want to be happy for Indya but will be upset for Marnie. They say the first of every milestone is hard to get through and I hope you find some way to get through tomorrow. It is 11 months anniversary tomorrow for me since we lost Dexter so a milestone for me to. Please give Indy a big hug from me xx

 

[nicola ttc]

Congrats on team blue Sweet. Added to first page. We needed some boys to even things out on this thread!
Spring i'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I felt the build up to and anxiety about the 1 year mark was much harder than the actual day so hoping the day isn't too hard on you. Do you have anything planned?
Tracy i'm glad baby is giving you more kicks now. I find mine has a few kicky days then one or two with just little movements so they must just get tired out!
I had my 24 week scan yesterday. All looked fine, cord flow and placenta working fine. Baby measuring about a week smaller with all measurements but consultant wasn't concerned so just booked in for 28 week scan.
Have normal consultant appt tomorrow too.
24 weeks today. I feel like it ought to be a happy milestone but can't help remembering with Emily how we had so much more hope once we got to 24 weeks......
Hope everyone is doing ok. We have come to a bit of a standstill on names. Nick likes Elizabeth and Katie now but i'm not sold on either especially. I've gone off of Darcie though.

 

[dextersmum]

congratulations on reaching 24 weeks Nicola on other threads people celebrate this and call it V day but I suppose we know first hand it doesn't guarantee anything but the good thing is that everything is going well so far I think you were in hospital on bed rest at this point with Emily's pregnancy so as my mantra says "this is a different pregnancy" I am guessing you will be anxious until you pass 25+ weeks then you have gone passed another milestone. have you been told when you will have your c-section? I was reading my notes and consultant has wrote 38/40 for my section so I am guessing early June for me.

just watching the man utd match with hubby and debating whether to sneak upstairs to watch one born every minute instead lol

 

[dextersmum]

Thinking of you today spring

Happy valentines day mummies and angels

 

[dextersmum]

hello ladies this has become a quiet thread over the last couple of days so I hope I am not writing to myself lol.

My baby girl has been a little imp again this weekend and has been playing very quietly each morning up until about 1pm when she will have a little wriggle and I will feel her and then early evening she seems to wake up and it feels like she is dancing lol. I am not sure if I was dreaming or if I felt her a few times during the night last night??

How are you all doing?

I am going to see my midwife again tomorrow to listen to baby's heart beat for reassurance

 

[sweetbuthyper]

I'm still here...

I'm doing ok went away to see my grandma for the weekend was good to see her but the journey nearly killed me so much pain from sitting up right in the car for 2 hours, i had realised how hard travelling now i have the stitch would be. glad i went because now i don't feel bad about not going down again till baby is born but i feel sooo ill today just run down and hormonal.

other than that i'm just stressed out money worrys suck and its not getting any easier, my husband is leaving work soon to be come my carer and so he can retrain which i think is great and i support him every step of the way but at the min money sucks, mainly as the teenager decided to do a runner at christmas and so we are down money that we had budgeted to get us through til baby was born by nearly £200 a month, i know it will get easier but at the min i feel like we are sinking and struggling to keepour heads above the water. but hey ho all the bills willbe paid somehow they always are.

I guess i feel guilty as well as i can't work so i can't help out.

hope you are all good!

bean has been bouncy all weekend usually quiet in the morning and they gets active at lunch, then moves loads in the evening around 10pm

 

[dextersmum]

Hi Sweet sorry you are sore today after your journey to see your grandma. Hopefully you can just rest up now for a few days and get yourself back on track.

Will your OH get a carers allowance for looking after you? what is he going to retrain in?

I am trying to work out when I can afford to stop working and how long for as me and hubby are both self employed so if we don't work we don't get paid and I bring home more money than hubby so am thinking I will stop mid may but my notes say I am having an elective section at 38 weeks which is beginning of June so not sure if I will be up for working 2 weeks beforehand but I will just have to wait and see. I want to have more time off after the birth and will just have to live of my savings and maternity allowance then.

Lexi has been moving loads today since before 8am so I think she just likes to have a lie in during the weekend and not move until after lunch lol

Went to midwife and she had to chase the baby around trying to find her heart beat but we got there in the end

 

[sweetbuthyper]

yeah the husband will be able to claim carers his sister currently claims for me but she barly does anything as there mum needs her help more than I do it will mean we also qualify for income support and housing benefit meaning will be on around the same money as him working. Hour currently does retail type role in a prison canteen but he really wants to do councelling it makes sense for him to go to college now while I need the help and we can get financial support really the course he needs to do is only 3 hours a week so hopefully if we can get my fits undercontrol early next year we can look at us both working part time thus meaning less childcare costs and me being able hopefully to at least partly use my degree

 

[nicola ttc]

Hi everyone :wave:
I've been mia a bit lately from here - 25 weeks tomorrow and feeling a bit strange about it. Sad about Emily, feels like i (hopefully) have so long left of this pregnancy and yet Emily was here at 25+1 and was so perfect. Tiny but perfect. I feel sad for her and slightly panicky and guilty about this baby being ok.
I had a panic last night as i had backache, tightenings and (tmi sorry) when i wiped had some bloody mucus. Think it was maybe because we had sex in the morning and i did lots of hoovering/mopping/walking yesterday. I would have gone to hospital today if it carried on but seems fine since i got up.
Tracy i'm glad you got to hear hb and Lexi is bouncing around more.
Have you decided that is definitely her name now? How exciting.
Sweet sorry you had an uncomfortable journey but at least it's done now like you said. I didn't realise you had fits - is it epilepsy?That sounds like a good plan for hubby to retrain now. Also, who is the teenager? don't know if you haven't said or if i've missed a lot on here so sorry if you've said all this already!
How is everyone else?
Does anyone else have a definate name/names for their lo?

 

[sweetbuthyper]

Nicola its not epilepsy its non epileptic attack disorder its made worse by stress but is apparently triggered by trauma and we all know losing a child is pretty traumatic its getting better but the only way I can really describe it is to the outside it looks like epilepsy but it feels like my brain reboots bit like when a computer crashes and restarts im under neuro psychology for treatment but there are no drugs for it its all re promramming the brain to cope under stress

The teenager was simons brother we took him in last April time as he kept running from home but Christmas time we found out he was on drugs which he still denies and decided he was leaving as we had proof he was and so didn't believe him to be honest I'm glad he's not here at the Min as he's currently on bail for assult and in not sure I could have dealt with the stress of it all and its not good for me or the baby