Rainbows after the storm (late loss/stillbirth/neonatal loss/sids)

[Springflower]

Hi Ladies

Sorry I havent been about much, I think I'm starting to freak out a little because I'm starting to believe I might actually bring a baby home. My bump has offically grown so we are no longer falling off the scale! I've been told to think about birth options now. I have no idea, I'm tempted by an elective c section. But need to speak to oh. I'll be 35 ws on wens!

Welcome to the new ladies! It's lovely to have a growing gang! I don't have any advice I'm afraid. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I returned to work with has really helped keep my mind off things.

Loraloo - My advice is to howl. I have lost all self respect and have cried right through this pregnancy until I get what I want. It's worked. I've seen the consultant every 2 weeks and had a scan every two weeks. I really don't care, it's made me feel better and thats the most important thing. TBH most of the time I'm so scared my tears come without any effort! I'm sure with your history you shouldn't have any problems getting extra attention. But don't ben afraid to kick up a fuss.

Lexi - I'm pretty shocked about your OH. I'm afraid I don't have any advice. I've seen your thread in 3rd Tri. Wishing you lots and lots of love. You really dont need any extra stress at this time.

Hi to everyone else

 

[AwesomeSauce]

I just scheduled a first appt. and scan for April 5. I will be almost eight weeks at that time. They wanted me to wait until 10 weeks, but I refused to wait that long.
After a blighted ovum I NEED to know if there is an actual baby in there. I don't think I will really ever be reassured that the baby won't die, but at least seeing a baby would be great.

 

[LoraLoo]

Hi Ladies

Sorry I havent been about much, I think I'm starting to freak out a little because I'm starting to believe I might actually bring a baby home. My bump has offically grown so we are no longer falling off the scale! I've been told to think about birth options now. I have no idea, I'm tempted by an elective c section. But need to speak to oh. I'll be 35 ws on wens!

Welcome to the new ladies! It's lovely to have a growing gang! I don't have any advice I'm afraid. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I returned to work with has really helped keep my mind off things.

Loraloo - My advice is to howl. I have lost all self respect and have cried right through this pregnancy until I get what I want. It's worked. I've seen the consultant every 2 weeks and had a scan every two weeks. I really don't care, it's made me feel better and thats the most important thing. TBH most of the time I'm so scared my tears come without any effort! I'm sure with your history you shouldn't have any problems getting extra attention. But don't ben afraid to kick up a fuss.

Lexi - I'm pretty shocked about your OH. I'm afraid I don't have any advice. I've seen your thread in 3rd Tri. Wishing you lots and lots of love. You really dont need any extra stress at this time.

Hi to everyone else

Thanks hun, Im pretty good at howling Cant help myself, its just even the smell of that place and the memories come flooding back and start me off! xx

 

[Springflower]

Oh I know, I can't imagine being at the same hospital. "Luckily" we were moved when Marnie got ill to another one. And then when Indya got ill we were moved to Brighton. Despite it being 1:30mins away it's the only hospital I feel comfortable in now. Going back to the same one must be horrendous. But they will really know your history and should be hand holding you throughout your pregnancy, please don't be afraid to push for anythign that will make you feel better. It's such a frightening time we need all the help we can get. I've taken to emailing my consultant now, poor bloke must be willing my pregnancy on as fast as possible.

 

[dextersmum]

Hello ladies how are you. I had a meltdown this morning and was in tears before getting out of bed today is the anniversary of Dexter's funeral as well as that I am 28 weeks and one day gestation which was the exact time I had to have Dexter. And to top it all Lexi decided not to move at the time she usually does in the morning so i went into a complete panic I just burst into tears it all got too much. Baby then started moving and has been giving me big kicks all day which helped to make a sad day a little but better.

Spring you most definitely are bringing a baby home so all you need to do now is decided how you are going to being her into the world. Did you and hubby agree on a name yet?

Awesome glad you got an early scan booked

 

[Maxparedesmom]

I think in in denial in pregnant .. It's like till the doctor tells me and says everything
Is ok I might actually believe it .. Weird..

 

[amjon]

Welcome to the new ladies!

I'm starting to get a bit nervous now. I'll be 26 weeks next Tuesday and Taylor died at 26+5 which also happened to be Christmas Eve which I spent with my family. This year it will be Easter that we all get together and I'm at basically the same point in my pregnancy. Last year I had Christmas presents for Taylor and this year they are doing my shower on Easter, so we'll have things for the boys to bring home. I know with Taylor she didn't have any U/S checks since 20 weeks and the boys are checked carefully every week now by the MFM, but having the holiday get together at the same point has me worried. I've also started getting pain in my right hip that keeps me from walking from time to time. I've had to hold on to DH just to get from the bedroom to the bathroom a few times today. We went out to eat and I was fine going in, but when we went to get up couldn't walk and had to lean on him. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us as we left. I'm hoping the babies are just laying on a nerve and it will go away on it's own. I'll ask the MFM about it on Thursday though. Has anyone had this?

 

[AwesomeSauce]

I sort of feel the same max... Until I can see the heartbeat I am having trouble believing the is an actual baby in me. Not that seeing a heartbeat is at all reassuring. I saw Sam's heart beating four times and heard him many times before it all came crashing down.

 

[Springflower]

Just a quick one as I'm working. But for UK ladies who watch OBEM, tonight feature's a baby who sadly doesn't make it. Just thought I'd warn you in case you find it upsetting.

Amjon - What you are feeling is "normal" I am the same with this pregnancy. It started a few weeks ago and now I really struggle getting about. Apparetnly it's just the baby's position.

Tracy - Hope today is gentler on you. I'm the same it's Marnie's on the 30th and that was also the day Indy got ill too and they warned us we might lose her too. So I'm getting very twitchy.

Max and Awe - The beginning bit is very stressful. I had a private scan at 6.5 ws and that helped me a bit. I'd like to say the worry goes away but I think until you bring the baby home you won't relax. Sucks I know

I'm reaching the limit of what I'm able to cope with. I just want her here now. I'm in a permanent panic that she's died. I've decided I want a c section but oh is having none of it so its really causes issues at home.

We have had two late runners for names. Sadie and Erin so am thinking about those. Sadie seems to be the favourite.

So what's everyone up to for my weekend?

Spring

 

[AwesomeSauce]

Sadie is my first daughter's name, so I might be partial to that!

 

[dextersmum]

spring I love both Sadie and Erin and Erin has always been on my list but hubby didn't like it.

Why doesn't your husband want you to have a c-section?

I am off to the hospital this morning for the GTT to check I don't have gestational diabetes. Baby has been a bit quiet so far this morning only felt her about 6 times but am trying not to panic. I usually feel her when having my cup of tea and breakfast but I can't have that this morning. If not much movement I will go to triage whilst I am at the hospital.

Not sure what I am upto this weekend. Hubby is working tomorrow and my mum is going to come and help me clean the house and my sister has invited us round to hers for dinner on sunday.

 

[emnmaa]

Hello lovely ladies!
I've been stalking you on and off for a couple of weeks. I don't come on here as much as I used to when I was pregnant with Maya, but I thought I'd pop in to say hi again.

So erm, hi!

So much has changed for us in the last 11 months since Maya died. We've moved house, my husband has got a promotion and I'm now 25 weeks pregnant with Maya's little brother.
We're getting absolutely brilliant care from our hospital - We've gone back to the same one we had Maya at, but are under a different midwifery team now. My midwife is absolutely lovely and I'm having lots of scans and consultant appointments.

I hope you're all having a gentle day and the weather isn't getting you down.

Much love
Emma.

 

[nicola ttc]

Hi Emma :wave: good to have you here.
How are you feeling about things at the moment? I seem to go from calm and positive to absolute panic mode and back again about 10 times a day at the moment!
Do you have any names in mind yet?
Spring i like both those names, I think Sadie goes well with Indy (or is it Indie- sorry i forget!)
Tracy, Erin was on my list too but oh doesn't like it because he went out with an Erin once (my friends sister actually )

I had my visit from the CONI scheme (care of next infant) this week. She went through the monitors and charts etc we can have
- a movement monitor that attaches to babys tummy.
- a huge weight chart which has lines between the lines in the red book. Fsid study has shown babies who die of sids often go down 1or2 of these inbetween lines before they die. Edward had lost weight but in the red book looks so minimal but on this chart shows he dropped over 1 line....
If they see any drop baby gets checked out by dr's/monitored.
- A 'paediatric passport' which goes in the red book. If we take baby to a&e or dr's for any reason, we get fast tracked straight to paediatrics rather than through triage etc.
- scales
- weekly health visitor visits for as long as wanted
- a daily 'symptom' chart so any changes can be seen easily.

So it's good to have that support there but has all made me a bit panicky as i don't think i'd really thought about actually getting baby home and it scares me more than the pregnancy now!!

Hope everyone is doing ok.

 

[LoraLoo]

Hi Emma :wave: good to have you here.
How are you feeling about things at the moment? I seem to go from calm and positive to absolute panic mode and back again about 10 times a day at the moment!
Do you have any names in mind yet?
Spring i like both those names, I think Sadie goes well with Indy (or is it Indie- sorry i forget!)
Tracy, Erin was on my list too but oh doesn't like it because he went out with an Erin once (my friends sister actually )

I had my visit from the CONI scheme (care of next infant) this week. She went through the monitors and charts etc we can have
- a movement monitor that attaches to babys tummy.
- a huge weight chart which has lines between the lines in the red book. Fsid study has shown babies who die of sids often go down 1or2 of these inbetween lines before they die. Edward had lost weight but in the red book looks so minimal but on this chart shows he dropped over 1 line....
If they see any drop baby gets checked out by dr's/monitored.
- A 'paediatric passport' which goes in the red book. If we take baby to a&e or dr's for any reason, we get fast tracked straight to paediatrics rather than through triage etc.
- scales
- weekly health visitor visits for as long as wanted
- a daily 'symptom' chart so any changes can be seen easily.

So it's good to have that support there but has all made me a bit panicky as i don't think i'd really thought about actually getting baby home and it scares me more than the pregnancy now!!

Hope everyone is doing ok.

A bless you hun I had both Amy and William o the CONI scheme ad found it brill, especially the monitor (still have it i fact ) it was such peace of mind. The only thing i didnt find helpful was the passport, as they never even knew what it was down A+E and i still had to go through the normal processed

 

[AwesomeSauce]

I started to bleed today. Ultrasound confirmed that I am miscarrying again.
I feel so broken. So defeated.

How did you keep trying over and over again? How did you continue to risk putting yourselves through the anguish? I am so dead inside. Was there ever any explaination? Was there ever anything different you could do for the next time? Yet another scar on my heart.

 

[nicola ttc]

Oh awesome, i'm so sorry.
I don't know how i have carried on after mc's then losing Edward then Emily so i have no real advice i'm afraidd.
I guess the need for a baby overwhelmed any other feelings of fear.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs and strength to move forward.

 

[Krippy]

I am sorry for your loss Awesome! Sending you healing and positive thoughts!

 

[dextersmum]

Awesome I am heartbroken for you it is such a cruel thing you are going through. Take some time to get through this and find out if you can have tests for recurrent miscarriage. I had these and although there was no obvious reason for mine I was still put on some medication this time that have possibly helped me to get this far. Always here if you want to talk x

 

[Maxparedesmom]

:.( been bleeding off and on for days .. I kinda feel defeated and down idk what to do . I wed every morning when I wipe for the first time in the morning and then all day I have nothing .. But every morning it's more and more . I don't have any hope left for this baby .. The doctors say they can't do anything . So that's even. Worse to sit here and not even know what's happening .

 

[sweetbuthyper]

Ok so i have been AWOL i have been in hospital for the last week . i went into ptl all is fine now baby bean is still in my tum and i've been allowed out of hospital, only complaint is the lovely rash i have from being allergic to the hospital sheets. baby has steriods on board now and he is doing just fine, i'm 2cm dilated and membranes were bulging but stable for now and my stitch has been removed.

i'm home home now instead of at my mums and it feels werid the last week kind of feels like just a bad dream. I'm feeling fine just still itchy from the allergic reaction its gonna take a while for my rash to go down i decided against collecting my steriod cream for it as it is going and i would rather not give bean anymore drugs unless absolutly necessary and my being a little itch doesn't warrent the cream imo.

i got my mum to bring the crib back with us so it is at our house now its the one she had me in as a baby just need a matress for it and to make it a bit more sturdy ( it is old just needs a few extra screws)

have also ordered my pram found it really cheap ( well cheap for a phil and teds) so mum lent us the money till we get all the benifits we were ment to start claiming last week sorted out. I'm in serious nesting mode i though when i got to 24 weeks it was ok we had weeks and weeks to sort everything maybe wait til 28 to get big things and just pick things up here and there, however the doctors are now saying i'm a time bomb and i could go back in to labour at any time could be hours, days, weeks or months i could go to term or i could have him tomorrow so now feel like the pressure is on to get everything ordered and sorted here just incase, its irrational as i know there will be a long nicu stay if i have him now but i want everything done and sorted like yesterday.