Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Radkat]

Quick check in... My LO has been doing OK. Two nights ago she had a really hard time going to sleep. Was hypervigilant when I put her down and would cry a lot if I tried to leave the room before she was asleep, but didn't need me to hold her to sleep, so I guess overall that's progress. I kept trying for about 45 minutes to leave while she was still awake, but no dice. So I waited until she was asleep. Last night she went down easy, but it was 1 hour after her normal bedtime (I work late 1 night every two weeks. OH doesn't usually do bed times, so she wasn't having it with him). Both nights had two wakeups for feeding around 2 and then 4:30/5. She dropped her 3rd night feeding so I'm happy with that.

Question... How do you balance your training vs the kid getting some sleep? For example, OH was trying to put her down in her cosleeper in the bedroom for naps instead of in the swing in the living room, but she wasn't having it. When do you say it's better for her to get some sleep rather than keep trying what isn't working? I know you have to be persistent, but just wondering what others do.

 

[seaweed eater]

NotNic, if everyone at nursery naps at the same time, he may adapt to that routine when he starts going, even if he's not on it at home. Being with the other babies during awake time will be very stimulating and tiring, and then suddenly it will be dark and boring and everyone else will be asleep. I have friends who've said their babies got onto a much tighter daily routine after they started in daycare rooms where everyone naps together rather than each baby on demand.

Radkat, for progress. If she went down more easily much later than her usual bedtime, could it be that the usual one is too early? And thank you for asking that question, I've been wondering about the exact same thing.

 

[Noelle610]

Quick check in... My LO has been doing OK. Two nights ago she had a really hard time going to sleep. Was hypervigilant when I put her down and would cry a lot if I tried to leave the room before she was asleep, but didn't need me to hold her to sleep, so I guess overall that's progress. I kept trying for about 45 minutes to leave while she was still awake, but no dice. So I waited until she was asleep. Last night she went down easy, but it was 1 hour after her normal bedtime (I work late 1 night every two weeks. OH doesn't usually do bed times, so she wasn't having it with him). Both nights had two wakeups for feeding around 2 and then 4:30/5. She dropped her 3rd night feeding so I'm happy with that.

Question... How do you balance your training vs the kid getting some sleep? For example, OH was trying to put her down in her cosleeper in the bedroom for naps instead of in the swing in the living room, but she wasn't having it. When do you say it's better for her to get some sleep rather than keep trying what isn't working? I know you have to be persistent, but just wondering what others do.

Personally, I am a big fan (as are most "experts") of sleep training for nights first and doing "whatever works" for nap sleep for the time being. Night training is much, much easier of baby isn't overtired. Contrary to popular belief, this won't "confuse" a baby because different parts of the brain are responsible for day and night sleep.

Once nights are under control, you can work on naps.

 

[Twister]

Ugh, LO went down for the night at around 8pm, since then she's woken twice, once at 8:45 and again just now at 10pm.

I hope this isn't a sign of things to come! Starting to feel like I have no idea what my LO needs in terms of sleep and that I'm doing it wrong and failing her

 

[Noelle610]

Aw Twister Glad you're here with us!!!

 

[Twister]

I think she might be having tummy pains. At dinner this evening I gave her a bit of my chicken, it had a bit of a kick to it (probably shouldn't have given it to her tbh) so to cool her mouth down afterwards we gave her some natural yogurt, she seems to love the stuff and seemed to eat quite a lot. Maybe a bit too much and her tummy isn't used to it. Maybe that's what keeps waking her, she nurses back to sleep fine though. Either that or I shouldn't have put her down for that last nap. I think tomorrow we might try having just two naps and see how she goes.

Maybe it's time for me to try and come up with some sort of routine, I've always been baby led but I feel like I've lost my way with it iykwim. Might start keeping a diary of when she naps etc and try and come up with something that will suit her?

 

[Noelle610]

Definitely keep some logs! I think you can be baby-led and have a routine. When I started paying attention, it seemed like my DD did much better with a routine. So I say she led me to it!

 

[Twister]

Yes that's what im thinking. I'm rubbish at time keeping. I still have to make a note of what time her last feed was on my phone so that I know roughly when she's due for another feed. Or if she's fussing/crying and I'm not sure why I check my phone and realise its been a while since she last fed and she's probably hungry I'm such a scatterbrain at times.

 

[NotNic]

I'd say we've always been baby led but we're lucky that Finlay is expressive so we know when he needed to feed and sleep. I know plenty of mums that follow strict routines but it seemed too stressful to me, but it is nice to have some sort of control over your day. I didn't EBF, so we naturally got a routine as he dropped some breast feeds himself and we swapped others for bottles. I'd recommend a few days observing and making a note, as there will be a few patterns which will help you create a routine that best fits you and your baby.

 

[seaweed eater]

Twister (and happy 6 months Jessica! )

Personally I started out completely baby-led but found that (with sleep at least) routine is a must for us. I've been reminded of it through this exhausting recent nap transition. When there is no structure, LO doesn't know what's going on either, so if I try to follow him it's like the blind leading the blind. Once there's a structure in place he finds his way and I can adjust from day to day according to his cues.

I can understand that some babies may not need it. It's different with feeding -- routine actually doesn't work as well for us with that. But for sleep, absolutely.

 

[Radkat]

Noelle - Thanks for the idea of dealing with nights first. I think that's what we're essentially doing. Nights are going better anyway. Self soothing a bit better and fewer night wakings. The last few nights has been 3 wake ups (only 2 feeds), down from 6+ a week ago. I'm hoping this continues. Naps have been the same. Needs to be walked to sleep and still doing 3 naps of 20-30 minutes.

 

[Noelle610]

That's wonderful progress!

 

[seaweed eater]

That's good progress, Radkat I hope it continues!

 

[Twister]

Ugh she's acting like she's up for the day. I think she woke at 3:30am (it's 4:30 now). Really regret putting her down for the last nap now, I bet that's what's caused it. Tried nursing her to sleep, twice. She was very fidgety even though she was 'asleep' and woke once she was put down. She seems happy in her cot so I've left her in her room for now but she keeps rolling over so I doubt she will settle without help.

Sucks even more because I have af pains and all I want to do is curl up in bed but she won't let me lol.

 

[polaris]

We had a dreadful night again last night. Bed at 7 but awake again at 7.45, 10, 11, 2.15 (for an hour long MOTP), and 4.30, and then up for the day at 6.40. I am exhausted. I honestly have no idea why she is waking so much. I ended up feeding her every time except the 11 p.m. waking because I was just too tired and wanted her to go back to sleep. Her tooth is through now so I don't think it's teething. She's 35 weeks (I think) so I guess maybe it could be the lead up to WW37. Just feeling really tired and disheartened this morning.

 

[Twister]

Polaris that sounds pretty much exactly the same as my LO last night, except she woke at 3:30 for an hour. She's been up since 6am. Soooo tired, I feel your pain

Going to try sticking to two naps today and keep her awake longer than the 1.5-2hours she's usually up for, see if that makes any difference. She will probably be grumpy but if it means a better nights sleep tonight then it's worth it. Especially as oh is away on a stag do this weekend so I won't get my weekend lie ins to recharge.

 

[MiniKiwi]

Everything has gone back to how it used to be now and I just need to vent. I don't know what went wrong. I think Mia's trying to transition to one nap but she's getting up at 5/5:30am so it's all impossible and I'm juust sick of fucking ssshhhhing and patting and fucking rocking and fuck! lmao. There.

 

[Twister]

So she went down for her first nap at just before 10am, she woke just after 11 screaming but she still had her eyes closed, she was hungry so gave her a feed and she went straight back to sleep. It's now midday and she's still asleep! I think keeping her awake longer has definitely helped.

 

[Noelle610]

Twister, before you even commented the second time I thought "two naps". She's ready. Sounds like she's doing great! Charlotte will sometimes wake early from a nap and I'll give her a pacifier or even let her fuss for five minutes and she will go back to sleep. I know she's ready to get up when she wakes happily.

Polaris, I think you may have one of those babies that just takes longer to sleep train and needs absolute consistency. With most kids, CC takes just a week or so, but for some it takes longer. I think by responding to each waking with a feed, you're sending mixed messages. I would respond to night wakings with CC each time. That's just my opinion though and of course you have to do what you're most comfortable with.

Oh MiniKiwi, mama! What's going on, long night wakings again? The early morning wake-up actually can be indicative of being ready for a nap transition. How's Mia sleeping during the day?

 

[Twister]

Yeah I think so too, can't believe I didn't realise, feel so stupid lol. She slept for just over 3 hours in the end she's NEVER napped for that long, ever. I think maybe she was catching up with the sleep she lost last night. I'm a bit unsure as to what to do about the second nap now though, she woke at about 1pm, so she'll probably be due another nap at around 4ish, maybe later. Wouldn't that be a bit late? Guess I'll just see how it goes, it's all a bit trial and error atm.