Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Noelle610]

Noelle- she'll be pretty pissed about restricted feeds but in the end, we started doing that with Alex too. I'm a very hippy "attachment parent" in all ways but one thing that kind of irks me is that girls with reflux babies are often told to continually feed on demand, which can actually do more harm than good. I understand most people can't comprehend what a real reflux baby is like (it's not a wee bit of puking!!!) but I worry sometimes girls make it a lot worse for themselves following standard advice. Good luck!! We noticed a remarkable improvement in his reflux when he was able to sit, stand, and then once he started walking, it was gone.

Thanks for you understanding. My friends lean toward AP parenting as well and while I think it's awesome (skin to skin did wonders for my relationship with my daughter when I really didn't like her and was suffering from PND), feeding on demand doesn't always work for a reflux baby. We were forced to put her on a daytime schedule and I'm not sure why I didn't think if applying the same principles at night even though she was waking up in vomit. Charlotte is usually restless after the 3am feeding, but after she finally went back to sleep last night she actually slept soundly until 7am which is unheard of in this house. I'm wondering if not feeding led to less pain which led to a deeper sleep. I'm hopeful.

Come to think of it, I have noticed a vast improvement in Charlotte's reflux since she started sitting up in the past week... I didn't even connect the two!

 

[Noelle610]

Here, here to coffees all around! It's interesting how different babies react differently to shots. Charlotte always SLEEPS great after hers. I thought it was a fluke, but after a few rounds it seems to be a pattern.

Last night was our first real attempt not to feed Charlotte between midnight and 5am per our doctors orders. He thought it would help her sleep better and help her reflux. The plan was to have the last feed before midnight... she woke at 11:30pm and I fed her then. She then woke again at 3:30am and man was she mad not to be fed! I spent an hour soothing her. Then DH took over and she ended up going to sleep (maybe that's key here...). It was hard, but I'm glad we stuck with it. She hasn't been thrashing about this morning like she typically does and I imagine it's because she's not refluxy, gassy and doesn't have a super-wet diaper.

I told myself I'd commit to this for at least a week. Give me strength girls! Even thought the doctor thinks this is best and I KNOW she's not starving (it's not even like he asked me to have her go all night), it's hard to not do the "easy" thing especially when you are tired.

You can do this Noelle. I'm currently on the "wait at least two hours before you feed" and it is definitely hard, its 5 am and we had a 4 am feed, so I know this hour is just going to be ridiculous.

We can do this. For them! They are worth it.

Thanks Katrina! They ARE worth it! My doctor made the point that I'd have to do lots of things in the future for the good of my child that she won't necessarily "like". I think that's a good way to think of it.

 

[aliss]

Noelle- she'll be pretty pissed about restricted feeds but in the end, we started doing that with Alex too. I'm a very hippy "attachment parent" in all ways but one thing that kind of irks me is that girls with reflux babies are often told to continually feed on demand, which can actually do more harm than good. I understand most people can't comprehend what a real reflux baby is like (it's not a wee bit of puking!!!) but I worry sometimes girls make it a lot worse for themselves following standard advice. Good luck!! We noticed a remarkable improvement in his reflux when he was able to sit, stand, and then once he started walking, it was gone.

Thanks for you understanding. My friends lean toward AP parenting as well and while I think it's awesome (skin to skin did wonders for my relationship with my daughter when I really didn't like her and was suffering from PND), feeding on demand doesn't always work for a reflux baby. We were forced to put her on a daytime schedule and I'm not sure why I didn't think if applying the same principles at night even though she was waking up in vomit. Charlotte is usually restless after the 3am feeding, but after she finally went back to sleep last night she actually slept soundly until 7am which is unheard of in this house. I'm wondering if not feeding led to less pain which led to a deeper sleep. I'm hopeful.

Come to think of it, I have noticed a vast improvement in Charlotte's reflux since she started sitting up in the past week... I didn't even connect the two!

We gotta stick together

But yes, there is a big difference in mobility! The upright position rocks!!!

 

[MrsPear]

Well we have been trying to settle Joni for 2 hours now and she is still screaming I was getting fed up so OH has taken her off me. I think the quickest we can get her settled is 1 hour, and it can take up to 3. I know she is only 4.5 months but I thought it would be a little bit better than this by now. I feel so frustrated and rubbish.

 

[Noelle610]

Well we have been trying to settle Joni for 2 hours now and she is still screaming I was getting fed up so OH has taken her off me. I think the quickest we can get her settled is 1 hour, and it can take up to 3. I know she is only 4.5 months but I thought it would be a little bit better than this by now. I feel so frustrated and rubbish.

 

[MrsPear]

Well we have been trying to settle Joni for 2 hours now and she is still screaming I was getting fed up so OH has taken her off me. I think the quickest we can get her settled is 1 hour, and it can take up to 3. I know she is only 4.5 months but I thought it would be a little bit better than this by now. I feel so frustrated and rubbish.

I have calmed down now! She went to sleep 40minutes ago...but now is awake again. Sigh. Fingers crossed we will get some sleep tonight! xx

 

[bananaz]

We have had/are having a crap night! Brodie went to bed at 7 and has been up screaming from 8:30-10, 10:30 he was fed. Then up 1-1:30 and now 5:30 feed. I usually don't have to feed him at night!! Urgh exhasted

Aw, that's rough. Hopefully it's just a growth spurt and he'll back to sleeping well soon!

 

[bananaz]

Ergh, last night was even worse than usual. She went down at 6:50, woke at 10:30 and then was up every two hours the rest of the night. I think the sleep deprivation finally caught up with me because I was a total zombie and handled everything about as badly as I could have, AKA I fed her back down at every waking. There were a couple times where I made a halfhearted attempt at soothing her but when she kept screaming I just picked her up and nursed her. I guess I wasn't prepared for such a bad night and the exhaustion made me weak.

I did at least make a point of continuing to shorten the first few feedings - I took her off after 5 minutes and put her back down awake and she resettled herself with only a little fussing. Tonight I'm going to shorten that to 3 minutes, and then the night after that I'm sure she's going to just magically stop waking for those feedings, right??

How's it going for the rest of you? Were you able to skip the 12am-5am feedings, Noelle?

Also, here's a question for reflux mamas - do you give them meds in the middle of the night? My LO is supposed to get hers 2-3x a day and usually I give her a dose when she wakes up and then a dose an hour before bed, but maybe it's wearing off at night and she could use a dose then?

 

[bananaz]

Well we have been trying to settle Joni for 2 hours now and she is still screaming I was getting fed up so OH has taken her off me. I think the quickest we can get her settled is 1 hour, and it can take up to 3. I know she is only 4.5 months but I thought it would be a little bit better than this by now. I feel so frustrated and rubbish.

Wow, that's really tough. How do you usually try to settle her? Does she have reflux or a food allergy or another medical issue that might be keeping her from being able to go to sleep? I ask because I had the same problem with my LO when she was a couple of months old. I went on an elimination diet to see if it helped and within a few days she suddenly started being able to go to sleep - it was like she was a different baby. As it turned out, she had a sensitivity to cinnamon and it was getting passed through my milk and making her super uncomfortable.

Anyway, I hope you get it sorted soon!

 

[katrinalorien]

Ergh, last night was even worse than usual. She went down at 6:50, woke at 10:30 and then was up every two hours the rest of the night. I think the sleep deprivation finally caught up with me because I was a total zombie and handled everything about as badly as I could have, AKA I fed her back down at every waking. There were a couple times where I made a halfhearted attempt at soothing her but when she kept screaming I just picked her up and nursed her. I guess I wasn't prepared for such a bad night and the exhaustion made me weak.

I did at least make a point of continuing to shorten the first few feedings - I took her off after 5 minutes and put her back down awake and she resettled herself with only a little fussing. Tonight I'm going to shorten that to 3 minutes, and then the night after that I'm sure she's going to just magically stop waking for those feedings, right??

So sorry. We had a horrible night too, but at least I was prepared. Don't worry about what was done, just keep goin on! I think you're doing a great job - I'm not even to the shortening feedings part yet.


Sending you some sleepy

 

[Shadowy Lady]

hope you guys all get some sleep tonight, I know we all need it.

I also had a terrible night and am scared of what may come tonight as I won't even have help (will be back at home and DH starts work early). I honestly am determine to sleep train by 4 months. It's rough being a zombie every friggin day

 

[Noelle610]

Bananaz, you have to do what you have to do! Limiting the time nursing is progress. Don't be too hard on yourself!

Charlotte woke at 3:30am last night wanting to be fed. I had fed her at 11:30, so I felt pretty comfortable not feeding. Unfortunately she cried on and off for an hour! Interestingly, as soon as my DH took over she fell asleep. She then slept soudly until 7am, which I thought was odd... How hungry could she really have been?

 

[Noelle610]

We had a good night! DH fed Charlotte at 10:30pm and she didn't wake again until 5am! Per the doc's suggestion, I waited ten minutes to see if she'd put herself back to sleep and SHE DID! I'm proud. Three nights of not eating between midnight and 5am... here's hoping it's becoming a habit.

Unfortunately I couldn't sleep after 2am. Shadowy Lady, I'm really struggling with this postpartum insomnia too. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take a real sleeping pill, but at this point the melatonin and simply sleep have worn off. I'm really tired and feeling a bit ill at the moment.

 

[aliss]

Hooray for a great night!!

Mine was both the best and worst 8:30-3am (with feeds at 8, 12, 3, simple and quick) and then at 3 he just SCREAMED, for 2.5 hours It was awful. He's asleep now for 30 minutes, with OH, I ended up leaving the room as I was getting so upset and angry that I thought it was one of those "....walk away" moments I need to buy gripe water today, I think it would have taken care of it before he got upset & overtired.

Oh and changing the naked toddler who peed everywhere at 12. AGAIN. EVERY FREAKIN NIGHT. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Noelle610]

UGH sorry aliss! I have those "walk away" moments more than I'd like to admit sometimes.

Wish I had tips on the toddler, but unfortunately I don't! I have a colleague going through potty training at the moment and she claims she's found it one of the hardest parts of motherhood, since it's just such a long process.

 

[aliss]

I've been reading a 3 day bootcamp one but it just seems to be too overwhelming and strict (ie. no diapers from minute 1, sleep in their room and rush them to the potty when they pee even at night). Yikes.

Yeah potty training sucks, but I'd rather deal with piss once a night than 3 horus of crying

 

[MrsPear]

We had a good night! DH fed Charlotte at 10:30pm and she didn't wake again until 5am! Per the doc's suggestion, I waited ten minutes to see if she'd put herself back to sleep and SHE DID! I'm proud. Three nights of not eating between midnight and 5am... here's hoping it's becoming a habit.

Unfortunately I couldn't sleep after 2am. Shadowy Lady, I'm really struggling with this postpartum insomnia too. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take a real sleeping pill, but at this point the melatonin and simply sleep have worn off. I'm really tired and feeling a bit ill at the moment.

I wonder if you just have to ride the insomnia out a bit? You have had months of unpredictability so it's not surprising your body is alert even when your baby sleeps. So far you have some really good signs that not feeding is going to help! The fact she settled for your OH shows you are a feeding cue and she is not necessarily hungry. So, I really hope if you get a few more good nights a pattern might start to emerge and your body will start to relax a little. The end might be just around the corner for the majority of your problems, and then the anxiety that stops you from sleeping might start to dissipate. Of course all of us are going to have sleepless nights from time to time but if it's the exception rather than the norm we might not be on red alert so much.

 

[MrsPear]

Well we have been trying to settle Joni for 2 hours now and she is still screaming I was getting fed up so OH has taken her off me. I think the quickest we can get her settled is 1 hour, and it can take up to 3. I know she is only 4.5 months but I thought it would be a little bit better than this by now. I feel so frustrated and rubbish.

Wow, that's really tough. How do you usually try to settle her? Does she have reflux or a food allergy or another medical issue that might be keeping her from being able to go to sleep? I ask because I had the same problem with my LO when she was a couple of months old. I went on an elimination diet to see if it helped and within a few days she suddenly started being able to go to sleep - it was like she was a different baby. As it turned out, she had a sensitivity to cinnamon and it was getting passed through my milk and making her super uncomfortable.

Anyway, I hope you get it sorted soon!

I think the main problem is being over tired. OH normally comes home right about the time she is drifting to sleep and naturally it's hard for him to be so quiet that she doesn't wake up. And I feel really bad for him because he leaves before she wakes and doesn't get to see her some days. So she hears him, wakes up, and before I know it, it's like we missed 'the window' and she's too tired to get herself to sleep. I try to get her in bed before he gets home, but he comes between 6:45 and 7:30 and that's really right when she drifts off.

She doesn't nap well either. She never ever naps more than 45 minutes. Today she has been up about 3.5 hours and I've managed to squeeze two 10-15 minute naps out. She wakes up refreshed and bright eyed, but quickly gets ratty, so I don't think she has any pain, just tired.

I suppose I could try cutting out caffiene? Do you think that could help her sleep better? It'll be hard work though!!! But if it worked I would do it!!!! x

 

[MrsPear]

Hooray for a great night!!

Mine was both the best and worst 8:30-3am (with feeds at 8, 12, 3, simple and quick) and then at 3 he just SCREAMED, for 2.5 hours It was awful. He's asleep now for 30 minutes, with OH, I ended up leaving the room as I was getting so upset and angry that I thought it was one of those "....walk away" moments I need to buy gripe water today, I think it would have taken care of it before he got upset & overtired.

Oh and changing the naked toddler who peed everywhere at 12. AGAIN. EVERY FREAKIN NIGHT. I don't know what to do anymore.

Yes when OH took Joni last night, that was definitely a walk away moment. I went back up 20 minutes later to take over again, and he refused to give her back. She does settle better for me but to his credit, he tried different things until she fell asleep and then came to collect me from underneath my duvet and made me a drink

 

[bananaz]

We had a good night! DH fed Charlotte at 10:30pm and she didn't wake again until 5am! Per the doc's suggestion, I waited ten minutes to see if she'd put herself back to sleep and SHE DID! I'm proud. Three nights of not eating between midnight and 5am... here's hoping it's becoming a habit.

That's great! I hope it keeps up. Did she really cry at the 5am waking or just fuss a bit? I have a hard time not responding if LO actually starts crying since I feel like it's always going to escalate...

It's 3:30am here and Elsie has been up for over an hour now. I decided I was going to get her back down at least once without feeding her but she has not made it easy. She just got fed at 10pm and 1am so I know she can't be that hungry but you'd never know it by the way she was screaming. I had to chase her around the crib trying to shush/pat her because she was so furious and writhing around. I think she's finally going to sleep now, thank god. I'm sure she's just going to pop back up in an hour though