Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[jessicatunnel]

A little off topic, but have you noticed how many of us on this thread live in the U.S.? Its just different for this forum!

I hadn't noticed that, but its pretty cool!

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Noelle - yes, I shall start that today. I just put her to nap in her swing minus the soother and she's been asleep for an hour will do the same tonight....Once I figure out the soother situation I will start putting her down to nap in her crib too...

Katrina - Ya I know except for this Canuck I'm also surprised at lack of Brits in this thread though.

 

[bananaz]

Bananaz, do you still swaddle Elsie? We sometimes still do because frankly she still really needs it at times. We swaddle her 50% of the time and keep her umswaddled the other 50%.
I made another thread that I was watching her nap earlier and she still has her startle reflex which is another reason why I think she wakes up a lot.

Two nights ago she went back to waking every 2 hours or so, then last night she slept a four hour stretch. So her sleep is still allllll over the place.

No, I don't swaddle her at all anymore, but I really wish I could! Unfortunately Elsie is just too active to sleep safely in a swaddle. She also still has her startle reflex, though it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

Honestly if Lilly needs the swaddle then I say use it for as long as you can!

 

[aliss]

Katrina - Ya I know except for this Canuck I'm also surprised at lack of Brits in this thread though.

Oooh me too though!!! Except I am a Vancouver transplant. However, I feel much more "at home" running to New York and Vermont since I live in French Canada

 

[Noelle610]

Noelle - yes, I shall start that today. I just put her to nap in her swing minus the soother and she's been asleep for an hour will do the same tonight....Once I figure out the soother situation I will start putting her down to nap in her crib too...

Katrina - Ya I know except for this Canuck I'm also surprised at lack of Brits in this thread though.

So glad it worked! I bet the soother thing is hard for a minute but resolves itself quickly.

 

[katrinalorien]

!!!!!!! Lily just put herself to sleep completely awake, no nursing at all!!

And... no crying at all! I put her down after singing her naptime song, she stared at the video camera for a while, and then.. I went in and checked on her in a few minutes because I hadn't heard anything.. and she was out...


Wow....

 

[MrsPear]

I'm in England

Well, I started rocking Joni at 6:30pm, she was in bed by 7:05pm (sleepy but not asleep after one false start where I put her in too soon) and now it is 7:25 and she is still silent. So that's a good sign! Even if she wakes up she has definitely managed to get herself to sleep in there, so I consider that a total success!

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Aliss - hahah ya living more central has its advantages. We go to NYC annually it's 7 hours drive from Ottawa We even did DC once but it was for xmas and it took friggin 12 hours coz of the snow and fog! Not doing that again!!

Mrs Pear - great progress!

Katrina - yey! Send some sleep vibes my way too

Noelle - tonight DH is in charge so we will keep the soother. But we'll start tomorrow night with soother elimination process. We also still swaddle her and have to see if she prefers that or would like to be in a sleep sack and use her hands to sooth...

Anyone not swaddle 3 months old baby and have them sleep great?

 

[lysh]

I have been out of the loop since I started work on Tuesday- my days are much more hectic! I wake up at 5, out the door at 7 and I get home between 3:30-4 (depending where LO is during the day).

And, boy, am I TIRED. Not only is my work day nonstop (with the addition of two pumping sessions thrown in) but I am still exhausted from waking up to nurse LO. She tends to go down around 6:30 then wakes up around 9:30-10 for a nursing. I am usually in bed by 8:30 (spend the evening getting ready for the next day and getting my school day planned out) so I only get a short sleep at that point. Then she is up around 1-1:30 for another nursing. That is typically my longest stretch of sleep (3 hours). Nursing sessions take about 20-30 minutes. Then LO decides to try to wake up around 4. Sometimes she will cry for less than 5 minutes then go back to sleep. Other times it is a battle. So that is usually just a 2 hour stretch, and that is if I am able to go back to sleep right away. I have been having trouble with that lately.

I will have to back read if I get a chance tomorrow to catch up! Right now, I just put LO down (she stayed up later than usual- 7:20) and I am going to bed!!!!!

 

[Strike]

I am a horrible mom. Chantal's been fussy and crying since 10pm and it's now 0130 in the morn. I've fed her to the point where she is taking neither boob or bottle and she's still crying. I finally snapped and took her bassinet from our room to her own and closed the door.
Of course, she's stopped crying.

LO is out of town until later this morning so he can't help me.

Update 10 minutes later and she's crying. Just can't bring myself to comfort her right now.

 

[Noelle610]

I am a horrible mom. Chantal's been fussy and crying since 10pm and it's now 0130 in the morn. I've fed her to the point where she is taking neither boob or bottle and she's still crying. I finally snapped and took her bassinet from our room to her own and closed the door.
Of course, she's stopped crying.

LO is out of town until later this morning so he can't help me.

Update 10 minutes later and she's crying. Just can't bring myself to comfort her right now.

You're not a terrible mom! I think most of us on this thread would admit to needing to walk away and catch our breath for a moment in tough times. Your baby is so young. It will get better, I promise! Does she have reflux?

 

[aliss]

Strike, do not feel bad about putting here there & closing the door! When you're going to break, you walk away. We've ALL done it (I don't even know how many times I did with my 1st... crying, screaming etc). My mom told me that once she rang my grandma's doorbell (her MIL), pushed me towards her, and ran away!!! I was colicky too. You'd be surprised how many GOOD mothers do that.

 

[katrinalorien]

I am a horrible mom. Chantal's been fussy and crying since 10pm and it's now 0130 in the morn. I've fed her to the point where she is taking neither boob or bottle and she's still crying. I finally snapped and took her bassinet from our room to her own and closed the door.
Of course, she's stopped crying.

LO is out of town until later this morning so he can't help me.

Update 10 minutes later and she's crying. Just can't bring myself to comfort her right now.

What everyone else said, and I want to add that being a good mom means doing this whenever you have to, and knowing what you need to be doing to really do what's best for the baby. Sometimes that is taking a break!


lysh - so good to hear from you again, I forgot you had gone back to work. I was wondering when we'd talk to you again (course I was hoping it wouldn't happen). Sounds so tiring. That's so tough.

Last night here was not great, but started well. We invited my brother over, but DH wanted to go out to eat and didn't look at the time so we got home after her bedtime which meant she screamed the whole way home and was overtired. We did get her into bed with only a little fussing and she slept for four hours, but it was because she was overtired. Then DH made fun of me like "oh see? It doesn't matter if we go out because she's good now, she sleeps" and I said "that's because YOU don't get up with her in the night" I could have spit nails I was so mad. He just doesn't understand at all and is starting to have less and less sympathy, but I woke him ONCE last week about an hour before he's supposed to get up to help with a diaper that I needed his help on and he got angry at me! Really?

Ok that rant over, but after that she did 1-2 hr stretches with a 45 min stretch in there as well. So really a regression if you want to know the truth, but I think its because she was OT when we put her down for the night. She got up for her last feeding at 6:30, and I just tried to put her down again, but her normal wake up time is 7:15 or so, so I really doubt that she will go back to sleep.

 

[bananaz]

I am a horrible mom. Chantal's been fussy and crying since 10pm and it's now 0130 in the morn. I've fed her to the point where she is taking neither boob or bottle and she's still crying. I finally snapped and took her bassinet from our room to her own and closed the door.
Of course, she's stopped crying.

LO is out of town until later this morning so he can't help me.

Update 10 minutes later and she's crying. Just can't bring myself to comfort her right now.

You're not a horrible mom at all. Self-care is one of the most important pieces of being a good mom, IMO, and sometimes that means letting the baby cry for a few minutes so you can collect yourself. If you're totally frazzled and upset you're not going to be able to look after your baby properly. I remember someone making the comparison of how adults are supposed to put on their own oxygen masks before putting on their children's masks during emergencies on airplanes, and I think that's right on - if you're passed out on the ground, how are you going to be able to help your kid? You're doing the best you can so hang in there, mama

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Katrina - awww, I'm sorry to read your night got messed up sometimes men need to be reminded that they're in this baby raising too...She's also his baby so he's gotta help. It's exhausting for one person to handle it all

So we were gonna wait till tonight to wean the soother as it was my night off. However, my DH insisted that we start last night and he could try it alone. We bathed her, read her a book and then I fed her, put her down drowsy at her usual 8 pm. She started fussing wanting her soother, we waited one minute, then DH went in and told her it was ok and go to sleep and came back out. She fussed again and this time he went in after 3 minutes and reassured her and left again. It worked this time and she slept so I went downstairs to sleep at around 10 pm.

I woke up at 5:30 am thinking DH prob had a terrible night and I found him asleep in bed, lol! I laid next to him and around 6 am heard Sofia being awake. I went to her, changed her and brought her to living room for the day. She took a nap in her bouncer between 7-8 am. DH told me later that she woke up at 2 am for her night feed and had her bottle. He put her down after and repeated the 8 pm steps but he only had to go in once before she slept again till 6 am

This was a lot easier than I had though though I will be repeating this till she does not need her soother at night at all. She's napping now in her swing (w/o) soother as well. She's been down for 1.5 hours so I got to start decorating our tree I'm now convinced that I had actually messed up her sleep with giving her a soother once.

Hope everyone else had and will have a great night

 

[bananaz]

lysh - I'm sorry you're still getting such short stretches still. How is she eating during the day? Have you considered trying to gradually reduce the length of the night feeds? Three 20-30 minute nursing sessions seems like a really long time to me, but maybe that's just because my kid's a snacker.

katrina - I hate when people try to make you feel crazy for being concerned about your kid's sleep schedule! It's not like we want to be anxiously clock-watching all of the time, and obviously we wouldn't be making a big deal out of it had we not already learned from painful experience that it is a big deal! Oy. I'm sorry you had a rough night, I hope tonight's better.


We actually had a decent night last night! After how awful the week was my mom came over again. I decided that I wasn't going to feed her before 2am so we had planned to try progressive waiting with checks for all wakings before then, but as it turned out that wasn't necessary at all. LO only woke three times and during the first two (11pm and 1:40am) she just yelled and then talked to herself for 10 minutes before finding one of her stuffed frogs and cuddling it to sleep. Her third waking was at 3:15am and she didn't really start crying that time either, she just kept resettling herself and then waking up and fussing so I went in and nursed her for 5 minutes and then she slept until 6:40am!

I know it's too soon to call this progress but I'm desperately hoping this means that my gradual night weaning efforts are having some effect.

 

[MrsPear]

I have been out of the loop since I started work on Tuesday- my days are much more hectic! I wake up at 5, out the door at 7 and I get home between 3:30-4 (depending where LO is during the day).

And, boy, am I TIRED. Not only is my work day nonstop (with the addition of two pumping sessions thrown in) but I am still exhausted from waking up to nurse LO. She tends to go down around 6:30 then wakes up around 9:30-10 for a nursing. I am usually in bed by 8:30 (spend the evening getting ready for the next day and getting my school day planned out) so I only get a short sleep at that point. Then she is up around 1-1:30 for another nursing. That is typically my longest stretch of sleep (3 hours). Nursing sessions take about 20-30 minutes. Then LO decides to try to wake up around 4. Sometimes she will cry for less than 5 minutes then go back to sleep. Other times it is a battle. So that is usually just a 2 hour stretch, and that is if I am able to go back to sleep right away. I have been having trouble with that lately.

I will have to back read if I get a chance tomorrow to catch up! Right now, I just put LO down (she stayed up later than usual- 7:20) and I am going to bed!!!!!

You have such a long day and such broken sleep. It's so hard getting back to sleep isn't it. I thought it was just me until I came on here. I hope you have a better night, you deserve a good few hours. xx

 

[MrsPear]

I am a horrible mom. Chantal's been fussy and crying since 10pm and it's now 0130 in the morn. I've fed her to the point where she is taking neither boob or bottle and she's still crying. I finally snapped and took her bassinet from our room to her own and closed the door.
Of course, she's stopped crying.

LO is out of town until later this morning so he can't help me.

Update 10 minutes later and she's crying. Just can't bring myself to comfort her right now.

When you need to walk away, walk away. Just do something to calm yourself a little. Take a few breaths, pour a drink...it's fine, honestly. We have ALL been there. You are not a bad mum. All of us on this thread have experienced continuous crying and we know what it does and how it feels. You will get through it, and in the mean time keep reading the comments left for you on here and remember that there is no shame in being at breaking point. Even good mum's step away from time to time xxx

 

[MrsPear]

Katrina- When Joni is overtired she sleeps badly too. It's definitely related. And SO fruastrating being the one who always gets up. I have a great OH, but he drives me wild in the night, and not in a good way! He got up with her once a week ago about 4:30am, came back about 5:30 when she was asleep again, put her down and went back to sleep, then I got up with her about an hour later when she was up for the day. He had a lie in- fair enough we take it in turns. But today he said to me it wasn't a lie in and didn't count because he'd already been up beforehand- I nearly popped! As if I haven't been up for 30 minutes in every 2 hours for the past two months! Yet my lie ins still "count". He's such a good guy, but jeez he can be a moron!

Anyway, exciting news is that Joni cut her first tooth today!! So no wonder she has been clingy and only sleeping in my arms. As soon as I felt it, I burst into tears because I feel it's such a big leap away from being a baby. OH said, "I really don't understand this emotion you are feeling". I thought, just you wait, one day when she first walks, or talks, or puts on her first school uniform, I'm sure he'll get his own wave of sadness!x

 

[katrinalorien]

Thanks for all the support. Its hard because I'm also the only one who read the sleep books, and he won't read them, so I'm the "expert". But then he thinks I'm being pushy when I want my way about her sleep. Ah well, he's great in a lot of other ways.

Sounds like you guys had great nights! I know mine was basically a result of being OT, so I hope tonight goes better. Dr. W's book really describes Lily's sleep patterns perfectly. She seems to wake the most between 3 am and 5 am, but that's because that's her "light" sleep period, then goes back into deep sleep for a while. But last night her "deep" sleep period didn't even last as long.