Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[stephie_corin]

Hi all, can I join in? I think I am about to just give up, our baby is 13 1/2 wks and hasn't slept for longer than 2 1/2 hrs since birth...except for two amazing nights at 11 wks, then she got a cold and that was that. Some nights are two hour bursts, some are one hour bursts, some are a mix. It's just hell and I spend most nights and many days thoroughly regretting having her I've stopped believing everyone who says it gets better, which makes me want to claw my eyes out as I Need sleep

Hi hon and welcome. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Can you post up your day time routine? Let us know how you deal with night wakings? LO is very young and it's normal for them to wake pretty frequently at night but hopefully with a good routine you'll start finding that she sleeps for longer stretches x

 

[VikkiD]

Daniel slept well Friday night woke for the day at 6 yesterday he had two naps went to bed around 7:30 woke at 3am for a feed as he didnt eat his tea then up for the day at 7am he's already had a nap so we Are going to have a two nap day again

 

[Noelle610]

We're visiting my mom and Charlie is sleeping like crap

 

[stephie_corin]

Vikki, I'm watching your progress with interest! I'm hoping C is down to one nap by a year so that I could return to work in the mornings. Good luck!

Noelle, that's terrible! Why do you think she is sleeping so badly?!? You poor thing! I had a question for you so I'm glad to see you around. Is total waketime the most important thing? Just say you are aiming for 3, 3.5 and 3.5 but baby does 3, 4 should you aim for the last waketime to be 3 so that the total awake time is around 10 hours? I hope that made sense! Good luck and enjoy your visit to your mum's! X

 

[Noelle610]

I'm sorry I haven't been around! I'm here in Iowa and then I fly to Scottsdale for work, so things have been crazy. I think we're going through a sleep regression at the moment as a result of milestones and a change in routine. She just started walking more confidently and we've been traveling. Lots of wakings. It sucks. I get so scared it's going to "ruin" everything. Really hope she goes easy on her daddy when I'm away for work next week.

I think the importance of total wake time is over-estimated unless you have an extreme variation in either direction. I know I've tried to limit the last wake time if the others are longer and it's backfired! Charlie seems to need a long-ish wake time before bed

 

[stephie_corin]

Oh gosh, you poor thing. And poor Charlie! Sounds like she is going through a lot! But it must be exciting to see her walking with confidence!

Thanks for clarifying - I hope Rachel sees this as I think I gave her poor advice (but with a note that I needed to check with you )

I hope life calms down soon for you Noelle! X

 

[polaris]

Noelle, sorry to hear that Charlotte is sleeping so badly. I hope your trip is going well apart from that.

Justme - welcome! I agree with Steph, your LO is still very young and there's plenty of time for her sleep to improve, she's not necessarily going to turn out to be a long-term poor sleeper like some of our little darlings! Definitely tell us a bit more about your routine and what you need to do to settle her. There's always great advice and support on this thread.

We are flying to the UK tomorrow to visit my parents, not sure if I'll be online much. Hope everyone has a good night tonight and hope to hear about lots of good sleep when I get back!

 

[Noelle610]

Polaris, have a great trip! xx

 

[rmsh1]

Hi all, can I join in? I think I am about to just give up, our baby is 13 1/2 wks and hasn't slept for longer than 2 1/2 hrs since birth...except for two amazing nights at 11 wks, then she got a cold and that was that. Some nights are two hour bursts, some are one hour bursts, some are a mix. It's just hell and I spend most nights and many days thoroughly regretting having her I've stopped believing everyone who says it gets better, which makes me want to claw my eyes out as I Need sleep

Our babies are similar ages and I am having similar problems Emma is 13 weeks old on Wednesday.

BAD night last night. I think I forced an early bed time on Emma. We gave her a bath and I fed her to put her down at 7pm. She fell asleep on the boob, I thought great, she will go down now. Nope crying at 7.30pm, and cried on and off right up til 9.30 when she then decided it was time to sleep. I was so tired, then she was awake every hour from 12.30am I was sooooo grumpy at OH, I am finding myself resenting him as he just sleeps through everything. He never wakes up, has had no bad night sleeps since Emma was born. This morning before he left for work he asked if he should put Emma in bed with me, I snapped at him and said no! That wont help me sleep any. Then he got back in bed, with his coffee and lay there a while. I asked when he was leaving, he asked why, I said cos I cant sleep knowing you are leaving! GRUMPY! This is the most tired I have been now, since Emma was first born. It is just not getting better. I might have to go back to the sleep clinic.

 

[seaweed eater]

Stephie, I hope your night is going well and leak-free! And happy Father's Day to your DH if you guys are celebrating that!

Polaris, thank you for sharing your thoughts on sleep training it was so interesting to read that. I can identify with what you're saying about its being simpler in a way for a baby who cries a lot in any case than for one who doesn't cry if you just do what she wants. And then it's even more complicated when you don't know how much the sleep training will actually reduce crying long term, isn't it? But what you said about weighing everyone's needs and continuing to have her close to you for as long as that's a workable solution makes perfect sense to me. I hope it does continue to be workable and then things improve on their own so you never end up having to face the question. You really have had a long stretch of constant teething and illness...she'll be much older when it's over than she was when it started. Maybe maturity will make all the difference.

Speaking of which, thank you for sharing about Thomas and the travel cot! (yes, I think it's basically the same thing as a pack 'n' play). Maybe there is hope! I guess we'll have the daycare transition before vacation anyway so we'll see how LO handles that. Poor Clara, I hope the teeth are out soon and she's less uncomfortable. It's hard to see a normally cheerful baby suddenly cranky!

Thanks also to both you and Stephie for your support for me and Munchkin, I really appreciate it! Stephie, I honestly think you're giving me too much credit, though. The previous time I thought we were using the gentlest possible method that would actually work, but it really was a disaster compared to this last attempt. I do feel I learned more about my LO in the process, so maybe it was because of that...or maybe we were just luckier the second time!
Also, Munchkin can't be the poster child for gradual withdrawal since I'm not willing to finish it at the moment it essentially ends in CIO and I'm still not up to that right now. I'm sure we will get there sometime before he goes to college, though, so you could call it very gradual withdrawal!

Finally -- Polaris -- have a wonderful time in the UK!

Justme, welcome I am sorry to add to the chorus, but it really DOES get better! That time can be really tough as you head toward WW19/the four month regression, but things will change so much in the next few months, your LO could come out of it sleeping just great! For now, there are lots of very knowledgeable mamas on this thread so hopefully we'll find a way to make things better so you can hang in there.

Noelle I'm so sorry things are rough right now! I hope Charlie sleeps well for your DH too. I am sure things will get better again after the developmental stuff has calmed down. But I hope in the meantime it doesn't get too bad.

Vikki, did you end up with two naps? I don't think it's a big deal if you do every so often as you are going through the transition.

Rmsh, I'm so sorry things are so rough 3-4 months is so challenging. You think since you no longer have a newborn things are going to be better, but then they are worse, while other babies your LO's age don't seem to be struggling at all. I completely understand your feelings toward your OH. It's hard when you are alone with something like this. Is there any way he can share the load? Or is it on you because he's working, or because you're nursing?

 

[stephie_corin]

Polaris, have a great trip!!

RMSH, hugs to you. I know that feeling of irrational grumpiness all too well! My DH is also a heavy sleeper and its tough when you are up with baby and they are snoring away.

SE, you're doing a fantastic job - and so what if you are still sitting by his door when he is in college? how many night wakings is he doing now? How is bedtime?

As for us, I wanted to wait until the end of the week to report back. Overall I think we've had some very positive improvements but last night was very hard. I think it's teething again and I found him twice crawling in his sleep!!! I'm so glad we put the mattress on the floor. This shocked me as in 7.5 months he has never even rolled over in his sleep let along got in all fours and moved to the other side of the bed... He also bumped his head on the wall trying to crawl forward

Anyway, tonight is another night!

 

[seaweed eater]

1-2 NWs. Bedtime has been...anywhere from pretty good to bizarrely good? A couple times he has lain in bed quietly with his eyes open for several minutes before simply falling asleep. I really have never seen anything like it.
You trying to get me cursed, friend?

I'm glad to hear things are going better for you guys on the whole what are you doing now in terms of picking up/rocking? Sorry you had a tough night last night. The crawling at least should hopefully calm down soon hope you are hanging in there ok.

Shelby, if you're out there, I've been meaning to ask you how things are going??

 

[rmsh1]

Thanks ladies, I read all your posts, though most babies are older than mine. The experience might help me sort things with my LO before she gets too much older.

SE yes the load is really on me at night, as OH works but also simply because he just does not wake up! I would have to wake him anyway, and then wait for him to warm a bottle while Emma cries (that is if she would even take a bottle, which she wont right now). It is just easier for me to nurse her. If he gets a proper job any time soon, we will at least be able to move out of this one bed place sooner than October, and Emma can have her own room, then her thrashing about would not keep me awake like it did last night.

Have a great trip Polaris!

 

[seaweed eater]

Yeah, heating up a bottle at night never seems like a good option when you could nurse. Although one thing I didn't realize when LO was younger is that EBM keeps at room temp for 6 hours, so if you happen to have a chance to pump right before you go to bed, you can just keep the bottle out. I know it sucks when you would have to wake up anyway though I totally understand why it might not be worth it to get OH involved if you are nursing every time.

 

[stephie_corin]

Lol! Sorry SE I shouldn't have asked! That's amazing you have done such a great job! That's all I'll say on the matter - BnB curse be gone!

You know, before last night we'd done no rocking AT ALL but last night I rocked him for hours. I hope I haven't undone all my good work. He was really uncomfortable and wouldn't fall asleep. I finally gave paracetamol at 3am. No sign of any teeth though?!?

RMSH, hang in there my friend. This will pass, I promise. I know it doesn't help now. One thing I read was when LO wakes up and is crying and you can't resettle them, try and give them a gentle kiss on the forehead. It won't help with resettling but it will help your mood. I can find myself getting very frustrated with Culver some nights but a little kiss is all it takes to remind me he isn't doing it on purpose and he is my son and I love him no matter what xxx

 

[rmsh1]

We are still trying to get Emma to take a bottle, then I will try expressing at night again.

 

[rmsh1]

RMSH, hang in there my friend. This will pass, I promise. I know it doesn't help now. One thing I read was when LO wakes up and is crying and you can't resettle them, try and give them a gentle kiss on the forehead. It won't help with resettling but it will help your mood. I can find myself getting very frustrated with Culver some nights but a little kiss is all it takes to remind me he isn't doing it on purpose and he is my son and I love him no matter what xxx

Yes that always helps. I was so tired when we got up at 7am, but I popped her onto the change table and she gave me a beautiful smile

Emma got weighed today too - 6.17kg (13.6pounds). Nothing wrong with her weight gain!

 

[VikkiD]

We did end up with two naps again yesterday but both were only short he slept fab though 7:30 till 6:30.
We are doing the switch to cows milk and this morning he's turned his bottle down its 4oz of formula 3 of cows milk will see if he takes it in a bit

 

[VikkiD]

We did end up with two naps again yesterday but both were only short he slept fab though 7:30 till 6:30.
We are doing the switch to cows milk and this morning he's turned his bottle down its 4oz of formula 3 of cows milk will see if he takes it in a bit

Just editing he's drank his bottle now

 

[AmyS]

gaiagirl - Glad the teeth are finally coming through! Maybe some peace for you ahead!

seaweed - That is awesome you saw Munchkin SS!!!! All of your hard work, and to see him learning that skill is amazing!

polaris - Glad that you could resettle Clara quickly, even though you were up a lot! Teeth suck, and we don't even have any yet on my end! I thought we were getting one through last week, and then nope! Love your explanation of what kind of sleep training worked for each of your kids...that's great that you can figure out what each of them needs so clearly! I am still trying to figure that out!

Noelle - Sorry you're having such a rough time right now! I was just reading about a 13 month regression last week. And off topic, but where in Iowa were you? That's where I am from!

rmsh1 - Sorry you are having a terrible time! I resent the hubby too sometimes, since I do 100% of the night time with our LO - and then he has the nerve to claim that he didn't sleep either...blah, blah, blah!


Stephie - Crawling in his sleep! That is so funny but frustrating! I have caught Chloe trying to, but she doesn't know how yet, so she just gets frustrated and wakes herself up.

Vikki - Great night of sleep!
_____________

So, for the past 2 nights, I've tried to put Chloe down, feeding to sleep as usual. She will be half asleep, then she will get really squirmy, her eyes will pop wide open, and she starts grinning at me! Wide awake! So, it's taking longer than usual to get her down. Then, she's very unsettled the rest of the night. I think I got 2 hours of sleep last night.

Her night wakings are getting worse. I remember telling Stephie that she would fight me sometimes when I'd pick her up, and I'd just bounce her to get her back to sleep. Now, she is taking longer to resettle. And, she is fighting me harder. It's like she doesn't want me to hold her at all. So if I put her down, she screams and sobs. I have no idea what she wants. Most babies want their moms, and are soothed by their moms, but not Chloe. I just barely hold her and rock her and have to wait out the storm. She alternates between crying out and sleeping for about an hour before I can put her down, if I'm lucky - sometimes it's 2 hours.

I definitely think we are ready to start teaching some self soothing, but now I'm unsure of what method will work for her. In NCSS, you pick LO up and soothe until drowsy, then put back down. What do you do with a baby you cries out when you pick her up and pushes against you? She won't let me do anything to soothe her. I'm trying not to take it personally, but it is hurting my feelings!