Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[stephie_corin]

Amy, as you know I also had this problem with Cully a few weeks back. Nothing would settle him. He would thrash around and push me away. I think i even used the phrase 'none of the usual tricks are working' - it was horrible and I felt helpless. For us it was a case of waiting it out. Things are much better now from a soothing perspective.

I would definitely encourage you to try and teach her to self soothe though, and not follow my example of paralysis!

When she's fighting you what happens if you place her back down for a few moments to calm? I found this worked with Cully sometimes.

If its any consolation, Cully was doing this right before he finally figured our crawling so she could be working on this.

Don't take it personally. You are an awesome mamma. Some babies are just more highly strung and find it harder to wind down. Culver has just spent the last 25 minutes whining and tossing and turning in my arms because he wants to sleep but can't switch off.

One thing occurred to me; did you say day care did CIO for naps? I wonder if something like what SE is doing where you give her space but stay in the room and comfort her, or a PU/PD would work, as she's semi used to falling asleep by herself during the day. What is her routine like now?

Big hugs, I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

 

[AmyS]

Stephie - If I put her down, she really comes unglued! Instead of intermittently crying, she all-out sobs/screams. Last weekend (I think), she did this for 1 1/2 hours. Very hard to settle at that point. I remember when Cully was going through this, and that gives me hope that this is just a phase and it shall pass! She is definitely trying to figure out the crawling thing - hope it happens before I pass out from exhaustion at work!

Daycare has done CIO for naps. I haven't changed her routine at all, since I know I have to be consistent once I do. She is still fed to sleep and then I either rock her or feed her at her night wakings. Or bounced if she's really hard to settle. She's pretty much over her cold now, so I think tonight I'll try putting her down awake and see what happens. I need to detail it out though, so I know exactly what I'm going to do when she cries, and exactly what I'm going to do when she wakes up during the night, etc...otherwise, I will fall back into old habits.

I'm trying not to take it personally, I know what she's going through is either developmental or my fault (sleep associations). This is just the first day in a long time (surprisingly!) that I feel somewhat depressed about the whole thing.

 

[stephie_corin]

I wish I could give you an actual hug. Polaris wrote something really nice to me a few days ago when I was saying Cully's crappy sleep was my fault. I'll try and find it for you.

Honestly, we've had slow progress but its been progress none the less. The biggest factor has been getting him on a good day routine. Some babies can wing it with naps during the day and sleep fine but I think if you've got a bad night sleeper, having a good day routine helps immensely. Does she do one nap at home? Even if the first nap is awful and short, you could encourage her to take a longer afternoon nap. Then slowly but by bit break down your sleep associations. (That is, of course if you want to WIO). There are other options available to you, as you know.

Hang in there sweetie.

 

[stephie_corin]

I wouldn't say it's your fault Stephie, some babies just form stronger associations naturally and really NEED everything to be done in a particular way. Actually Thomas was more like this that Clara, he always got really dependent on routines and couldn't handle it if I did things differently, like even if I did things in a slightly different order, he just wouldn't like it and wouldn't settle. Or another example, he wouldn't sleep without a sleeping bag on even if it was really hot in his room. Clara doesn't care about things like that and despite her difficulty in staying asleep, she also doesn't have very strong sleep associations (although she obviously has some). They are just all different and need different things. I know everyone says this all the time, but honestly I only realized how true it is now that I have two who are completely different from each other.

Amy if Polaris was around she would say the same to you

 

[AmyS]

Stephie - Thank you so much!!! I do appreciate all the kindness!!!

I will have no luck with a good day routine because of daycare, unfortunately! She usually doesn't nap at home during the week because she's there all day. She ends up overtired 95% of the time. I feel really bad for her, and wish I had other options for daytime. She is so cranky for them, and I know it's just because she's tired. I think my only option is to make sure she gets a good night sleep and good naps on the weekend.

I was hoping that if I could get her night into shape, that her daytime would magically get better!

 

[stephie_corin]

Ahh Amy I feel for you. I hope someone else has some good ideas for you xxx

 

[gaiagirl]

Amy I was going to say...sounds like overtiredness! F has also been doing that a bit as he learns to crawl/teeth etc. But if he gets overtired it is a nightmare. I have to wrestle him into submission...

I feel like I am probably missing some of your info but if she isn't napping well, maybe try earlier bedtime to see if catching her earlier cuts down on the overtiredness?

 

[AmyS]

gaiagirl - haha, it does feel like wrestling! If I try to hold her too tightly, she really gets mad! Last night, I knew we were going to have a bad night. Her last nap was too late, so bedtime was all messed up. I had the most luck this week when I moved bedtime up to 6:30, so I think I'll try that again tonight, along with our new, improved routine.

 

[Noelle610]

Amy, my mom lives in Iowa City, I love it.

I'm off to Scottsdale for work until Thursday. Really hope Charlie sleeps well for daddy. And hope I can STTTN!

 

[AmyS]

Noelle - Very jealous! We are huge Hawkeye fans!! Hope you get some good rest while you are away...hopefully Charlie works out her restless nights and is back to STTN when you get home.

 

[freddie]

Evening all... Just reading through all the posts I've missed over the weekend - you're all so knowledgeable I'm a bit confused on the wake time thing now:

I think the importance of total wake time is over-estimated unless you have an extreme variation in either direction. I know I've tried to limit the last wake time if the others are longer and it's backfired! Charlie seems to need a long-ish wake time before bed

Oh gosh, you poor thing. And poor Charlie! Sounds like she is going through a lot! But it must be exciting to see her walking with confidence!

Thanks for clarifying - I hope Rachel sees this as I think I gave her poor advice (but with a note that I needed to check with you )

Sooo... Should I still aim for 3,3.5,3.5 but if he's awake longer earlier on in the day, still keep the 3.5 at the end of the day? Aaaa baby puzzles!

I have a question for anyone that co sleeps... I put LO down in his cot at the start of the night but he is now in with me more and more and always in with me for the second half of the night. I don't have a guard rail so I have pushed his cot up next to my bed to stop him rolling out.

This morning I woke up to a thud and cry and LO waas on the floor at the bottom end of the bed

He had obviously woken up, been quiet enough not to wake me up (that's never happened before!), turned himself around and crawled to the bottom of the bed (which the cot bars don't reach to) and fallen off...

He was absolutely fine the second I picked him up and had no bumps or marks so didn't seem to have actually hurt himself. But now I don't know what to do?! Do they do guard rails the whole length of an adult bed? I've only seen shorter/ child size ones. I need a way to contain my ninja baby!!

 

[stephie_corin]

Hi Rachel! That's the way I read Noelle's advice - if LO is awake longer first or second waketime, still aim for 3.5

I put our mattress on the floor and have the cot side-carred on the lowest setting. Sorry to hear about your little man!!! If its any consolation I remember reading falls from 1-2 feet (so bed height and lower) are usually fine, even if on a hard floor but falls from 3 feet (so high chair height etc) are more to worry about.

I'm loving co-sleeping and find Culver is sleeping much better. I hope it works for you guys too xxx

 

[gaiagirl]

Losin it here a bit this week ladies...hope I can hold it together until this phase passes...

My right nipple is soooo sore from biting...

 

[seaweed eater]

Aww Amy big hugs. Please don't take it personally. Mine is similar and always has been, though he's actually very cuddly during the day. Also don't blame yourself! We all do our best to get through the challenges of having a newborn, and some babies never end up having an issue with these associations. If things that usually work are not working, then I'm sure it's mostly developmental. But it's possible that you are also just learning about how she likes to settle to sleep. And that's good!!

I can understand that you are stuck when it comes to naps at daycare. Just make sure you are doing the best you can at home and at nights.

Noelle, have a great trip! I hope you get some rest and Charlie does well with dad at home!!

Stephie, so glad to hear that cosleeping is working well for you guys

ANY TEETH, ANYONE? I can't wait to congratulate someone on a new tooth and hopefully a respite from teething! Come on babies!

 

[seaweed eater]

Cross posted, Gaia. Hugs!!!
Can you get any extra support until this passes? You are so strong and you're doing such a great job.

 

[Aimee4311]

Rachel- we've got a similar set up as you. Could you get the shorter bedrails and put one where the crib ends so its extended to the foot of the bed? I'm worried about the same thing happening actually, and we have hard tile floors. So we're about to buy a full sized mattress for Josalyn and I to put on the floor. We'll all be more comfy this way and I won't have to worry about her hurting herself. Plus, her crib converts into a full sized bed so once she's ready, we'll already have her big girl bed!

Gaia- when Josalyn first cut her 2 teeth she bit me several times, but twice that counted. Made both sides bleed. thankfully she stopped biting right after! I hope yours start feeling better, I know it sucks!

 

[gaiagirl]

Thanks ladies!

DH tried rocking after yet ANOTHER bedtime fail but we cut it after 15 min of crying.

He also sobbed hysterically for an hour on a long car ride today...and I had a little meltdown before dinner.

Just all around lots of tears today!

This is one hell of a hard job. I have a science degree and a teaching degree AND teach teenagers math and science and raising a baby makes that all seem ridiculously easy and low stress...

 

[seaweed eater]

An hour of sobbing in the car?? Poor both of you I hope he surprises you and sleeps really well tonight!!

 

[gaiagirl]

It's funny, lately he's been sleeping very well from like 9pm-8am, basically when I'm in bed with him. (Probably cursed myself now though, great)

It's any time I'm NOT with him like naps or evenings that are ridiculous.

Could sep anxiety cause that!?! He's impossible to get off the boob and into the crib!

Ahhhhhhh!

 

[seaweed eater]

I think separation anxiety could cause that!