Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Noelle610]

Shadowy Lady, what great news! I sometimes think our babies are more adaptable than we give them credit for.

MrsPear, congrats on the tooth!

Bananaz, glad to hear you had such a great night.

Lysh, I work full time too... I so hear you on the exhaustion! It can be really tough. How do us US moms do it? 12 weeks of maternity leave really is unfair.

Katrina, totally relate... my DH and I argue about sleep. He's much more flexible, he thinks I read too much and that I over think it.

Last night was quite good for us. Charlotte went to sleep at 6:30pm. DH decided to give her a dream feed around 10pm... that never worked for us before, but we've instated it because we don't want to take away night feeds cold turkey, but we also don't want her to be confused and be fed when she wakes only some of the time. Anyway, she woke at 3:30am and 4:30am briefly, but put herself back to sleep within 5 minutes both times! (Katrina, my LO is definitely more wakeful during those early morning light sleep hours) She then slept until 6:30am.

 

[MrsPear]

Noelle it sounds like you have started a brilliant trend! You were right, reflux from feeding was making her miserable at night. And sounds like she is already used to not feeding until morning!

Joni slept terribly last night! BUT I don't want to be downbeat all the time: I am now instigating a STRICT night time routine, and it is lights out after bath so she has no more stimulation until she sleeps. It's a shame for OH, means he won't see her at all 4 or 5 days a week BUT is comforting a screaming baby really quality time anyway? Last night was day 3 and it took an hour BUT there were hardly any tears and most of that I was just holding her, not even rocking. So less stimulation definitely relaxes her.

Also, OH has just gone to BUY THE CHRISTMAS TREE. We went yesterday but then realised how are we supposed to fold the back seats down with a baby in there!? Can't wait to get decorating!

 

[aliss]

I had a fantastic night. Up every 45 minutes but a "shhh" and back to sleep. Only 1 feed. Put the toddler in a backwards 1 piece PJ suit and he was unable to rip off his diaper (oh how he tried).

Good luck MrsPear! We found a strict repetitive bedtime routine made huge improvements for us. It's like he finally started to "get it", LOL.

 

[katrinalorien]

Mrs Pear - yeah we put up our christmas tree! It was awesome!!

Well DH and I resolved our differences and talked it out, so I feel a lot better in that department. Tonight (because its still night here) Lily did decently, actually pretty well I'd say. We got her in bed at 7:30, then she slept till 11:00 (3 1/2 hours is really good for her!) Then I fed her, and she woke at 2:30. I got up to feed her after waiting a few minutes but decided to go to the bathroom first, and she was back asleep before I was finished, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Then she slept till 4, and I fed her at 4. So that was 5 hours between a feed. Then she got up at 5:30, and she needed a little bit of comfort once but now she's asleep. That dang 5-5:30 wake up is definitely the worst. She has yet to self settle through that one, I always have to help her to sleep. Its right before she's out for a good while though. I'm sure she'll be up for the day between 6:30-7:30, so I'd better go catch a few more z's before then!

 

[Noelle610]

Last night was tough. Charlotte was really fussy between 3am and 5am. I REALLY wanted to just feed her, but I didn't want the past few days to go to waste. We spent a long time soothing her and I was really tired. She woke for the day at 6:30am and wasn't even that hungry, so I'm confident she didn't really need it. I think her reflux may have been bothering her as OH fed her some new food later in the day that maybe didn't agree with her.

I do however, need to have some perspective. Charlotte slept from 6:30pm to 3:00am with a dream feed. That's pretty amazing compared to where we were when we started this thread.

 

[katrinalorien]

Noelle - it does sound like that's progress, but its always hard when there's even a slight regression. I know if something has happened for three days I expect it from then on and I can be pretty upset if it doesn't go well. But I really think you made the right decision with not feeding her.

 

[Noelle610]

Question, do any of you ladies suffer from Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/OCD? I do and I genuinely think lack of sleep has contributed. I feel depressed when I'm utterly exhausted. I feel anxious because I don't know what each night will bring. I feel obsessive when I try to find the solution and find myself spinning in circles. It's tough! Then of course there is the feeling of being a failure and doing something wrong.

I tend to be prone to anxiety and depression, but I've really had it under control with good therapy in the past. If you knew me in real life, you would never believe it. I seem like a really happy, laid back person! And I think I truly am when I'm not suffering from either affliction. I was sharing with an aquiantance the other day that I'm on the anxious side and she just didn't believe me.

Anyway, I'm an exclusive pumper and I'm in the process of weaning. I am thinking of going on an antidepressant. I feel embarrassed about it, but I think it would help. I spoke with a few moms in my moms group who have older babies, but had a similar experience with the sleep thing when they were younger. They both confirmed that although an antidepressant didn't help their babies sleep better, it helped them cope. It also helped them feel less anxious so that they could sleep when their babies did.

 

[aliss]

Oh, I'm pretty sure my colicky boy was the cause of my 1 year of PND. I had no issues with mental health before (seriously, how many psych exams did I go through to work in law enforcement? Hah...) but it hit me like bricks!! And when his reflux went away, so did my PND. And my non colicky baby, felt normal immediately after birth.

It has been shown that high needs babies increase the rate of PND for sure.

 

[katrinalorien]

I think so. When we have gone out, I am always so anxious she's going to explode into screaming, and it has caused us no end of pain! And then when we're at home sometimes all I can think about is sleep, and how I don't have it, but then when she does sleep for a few hours, I keep thinking she's going to wake up so I can't settle myself.

I think it has caused a lot of the fights between my husband and I as well.

 

[bananaz]

Question, do any of you ladies suffer from Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/OCD? I do and I genuinely think lack of sleep has contributed. I feel depressed when I'm utterly exhausted. I feel anxious because I don't know what each night will bring. I feel obsessive when I try to find the solution and find myself spinning in circles. It's tough! Then of course there is the feeling of being a failure and doing something wrong.

I tend to be prone to anxiety and depression, but I've really had it under control with good therapy in the past. If you knew me in real life, you would never believe it. I seem like a really happy, laid back person! And I think I truly am when I'm not suffering from either affliction. I was sharing with an aquiantance the other day that I'm on the anxious side and she just didn't believe me.

Anyway, I'm an exclusive pumper and I'm in the process of weaning. I am thinking of going on an antidepressant. I feel embarrassed about it, but I think it would help. I spoke with a few moms in my moms group who have older babies, but had a similar experience with the sleep thing when they were younger. They both confirmed that although an antidepressant didn't help their babies sleep better, it helped them cope. It also helped them feel less anxious so that they could sleep when their babies did.

Yes, having a high-needs baby who won't sleep has definitely brought out my anxious side in a big way and I also find myself obsessing and feeling hopeless over the situation. In fact I have a custody hearing tomorrow and I'm 95% sure my ex is going to try to use my anxiety to prove that I'm an unfit parent (and of course having that mess looming over my head has not made me more relaxed ). I would definitely try an anti-anxiety med if I weren't breastfeeding.

 

[katrinalorien]

Question, do any of you ladies suffer from Postpartum Depression/Anxiety/OCD? I do and I genuinely think lack of sleep has contributed. I feel depressed when I'm utterly exhausted. I feel anxious because I don't know what each night will bring. I feel obsessive when I try to find the solution and find myself spinning in circles. It's tough! Then of course there is the feeling of being a failure and doing something wrong.

I tend to be prone to anxiety and depression, but I've really had it under control with good therapy in the past. If you knew me in real life, you would never believe it. I seem like a really happy, laid back person! And I think I truly am when I'm not suffering from either affliction. I was sharing with an aquiantance the other day that I'm on the anxious side and she just didn't believe me.

Anyway, I'm an exclusive pumper and I'm in the process of weaning. I am thinking of going on an antidepressant. I feel embarrassed about it, but I think it would help. I spoke with a few moms in my moms group who have older babies, but had a similar experience with the sleep thing when they were younger. They both confirmed that although an antidepressant didn't help their babies sleep better, it helped them cope. It also helped them feel less anxious so that they could sleep when their babies did.

Yes, having a high-needs baby who won't sleep has definitely brought out my anxious side in a big way. In fact I have a custody hearing tomorrow and I'm 95% sure my ex is going to try to use my anxiety to prove that I'm an unfit parent (and of course having that mess looming over my head has not made me more relaxed ). I would definitely try an anti-anxiety med if I weren't breastfeeding.

Oh my bananaz - Sending lots of positive vibes your way.

 

[bananaz]

Oh my bananaz - Sending lots of positive vibes your way.

Thank you. The chances of him actually getting custody are very small given that I've been LO's primary caretaker since birth and her only caretaker since he took off when she was 2 months old, but I can't help freaking out anyway

 

[bananaz]

MrsPear - I hope the new bedtime routine continues working well for you, it sounds like you're definitely headed in the right direction. I think I also need to work on reducing pre-bedtime stimulation for LO.

aliss - Holy cow, only 1 feed? That's great. Is he in your room with you? Maybe you can figure out how to "shhh" him without getting out of bed

katrina - I hate that 5am waking too! I think the issue is that they're not quite as tired at that point so they have a harder time going back to sleep without help.

Noelle - So glad you had such a good night! It seems like the dream feed was a good idea, I wish I could do that!

Last night was not as good as the night before but it was still pretty decent. She went down at 6:30 and woke at 11:20 (so almost a 5 hour stretch!), 2:30 and 4:45, and then was up for the day at 6am. My mom handled the 11:20 waking and it was kind of a nightmare, LO took more than an hour to go back to sleep and that was with shushing/singing/patting. When she got up at 2:30 I waited a few minutes to see if she would calm but she was obviously hungry so I went in and nursed her for 5 minutes and she went straight back to sleep. The good part of the night was that she self-settled at her 4:45 waking. I was actually about to run in there and feed her because I was afraid she would decide to get up for the day otherwise, but my mom made me wait and sure enough she went back to sleep on her own after about 10 minutes

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Bananaz - sending tones of positive vibes your way hun both with the custody battle and the sleep.

Katrina - I'm glad you had a better night and also sorted out issues with OH. You gotta do this as a team

Noelle - glad the dream feed worked and hoping things stay great for you guys We tried dreem feeding a while back and it didn't work so we gave up. I think I'll just go on like this and wean her off her 2am feed after 4 months if she doesn't do so herself.

I took another night off and for the first time since giving birth, I feel well rested. I went to sleep at 10 pm and didn't wake up at all until 4:30 am. I then drank some water and slept again till about 7 am

I put Sofia to bed before sleeping myself at 8 pm and DH took charge for the second night. He told me she woke up for her feed at 2 am, drank it and went down again till 6:45 am. She never fussed for her soother. Poor OH is pretty tired though mostly his own fault. He watched Top Gear on his iPad till 1 am though he knew he would be in charge.....men

 

[bananaz]

I took another night off and for the first time since giving birth, I feel well rested. I went to sleep at 10 pm and didn't wake up at all until 4:30 am. I then drank some water and slept again till about 7 am

I put Sofia to bed before sleeping myself at 8 pm and DH took charge for the second night. He told me she woke up for her feed at 2 am, drank it and went down again till 6:45 am. She never fussed for her soother. Poor OH is pretty tired though mostly his own fault. He watched Top Gear on his iPad till 1 am though he knew he would be in charge.....men

Yay, I'm so glad you finally got some real rest! Does your DH feel like coming over and handling my LO for a night? He can bring his iPad

 

[MrsPear]

Oh my bananaz - Sending lots of positive vibes your way.

Thank you. The chances of him actually getting custody are very small given that I've been LO's primary caretaker since birth and her only caretaker since he took off when she was 2 months old, but I can't help freaking out anyway

Lots of positive vibes xx

 

[aliss]

Oh big hug bananaz, I had no idea you were a single mother, that is so difficult and then sleep issues to boot!

He has no grounds. You would have to walk into court with a heroin needle dangling out of your arm in order to be proven unfit in OR. Besides, if he thought it was THAT big of a deal then Im guessing he called CPS every week and did not walk out at 2 months? Yeah... ok, nice try buddy. Blowing smoke for sure.

 

[bananaz]

Oh big hug bananaz, I had no idea you were a single mother, that is so difficult and then sleep issues to boot!

He has no grounds. You would have to walk into court with a heroin needle dangling out of your arm in order to be proven unfit in OR. Besides, if he thought it was THAT big of a deal then Im guessing he called CPS every week and did not walk out at 2 months? Yeah... ok, nice try buddy. Blowing smoke for sure.

Thanks, I appreciate the reassurance. And that's a very good point, he's done absolutely nothing to express his concerns over my apparent incompetence aside from sending me some insulting text messages. I just can't wait for this mess to be over with, taking care of LO is stressful and time-consuming enough!

 

[Noelle610]

I typed out a long response and accidentally deleted it! Ugh...

Bananaz, he doesn't stand a chance. Thinking of you.

Shadowy lady, dream feeds never worked for us either. Not sure why they do now. My LO defies all rules of logic and reason

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Bananaz - hahaha I shall if you pay for a ticket from here to Oregon lotsa good vibes to you for tonight sweetie.

Noelle - Based on your experience, I'm getting tempted to give the dreamfeed another try since I'm getting 6-7 hours stretches from Sofia again. She goes down usually at 8 pm and it would be nice if her long stretch would start at 10-10:30 when I go to bed....hmmmm...

So i had to let Sofia fuss for 2 minutes after I put her down and left the room. I looked at the watch and was about to go back in to comfort her when I saw on the monitor that she was asleep. DH is outta town tonight and tomorrow night so hoping things stay ok :/