Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[beth_terri]

Boo, If Rory isn't totally sleepy he stands back up but I just leave him and he lays himself down to sleep eventually. That being said hes not upset or anything hes just standing chattering. x

 

[beth_terri]

Ps I cant believe your already 12 weeks along. Its flying by! x

 

[rmsh1]

Thanks everyone

Partly I want Emma to sleep longer for my own sanity, and partly it is because everything I read says she "should" be sleeping longer

I think I need to wait until she has a set bed time, and goes to bed happily at that time, then re evaluate how her sleeping is. Last night she went to bed at 7.30pm, and was ready to get up at 7.30am, after 4 night wake ups (10pm, 1.30am, 3.30am and 6am). She fed well at each wake up.

She does settle very well after a feed, she only feeds about 5 minutes, but that is normal for her, she is very efficient and is certainly not underweight. So she has a good feed, and instantly goes to sleep again. I can put her back awake too, she grizzles for maybe a minute, then shuffles around til she is asleep.

She keeps me awake far more though. She starts squirming about half an hour before she actually wakes. Then she squirms around again for maybe another half hour, so I am kept awake a lot. (will be nice when she can have her own room, when we finally move out of this one bed place - I cannot WAIT for that)

Last night she went to sleep on the boob, but for two of her wake ups she was wide awake when I put her back, and she only grizzled a little bit

 

[gaiagirl]

Honestly rmsh, that sounds like an AWESOME night and it sounds like she is right on track and doing great! I would be THRILLED with that schedule

My advice...don't read baby sleep stuff. It's crap

 

[seaweed eater]

Rmsh, I agree with Gaia...there's no reason she "should" be sleeping longer. It sounds like she is sleeping plenty for her health and happiness. When there's a problem, you'll know without needing any experts to tell you! Of course, your sanity is a different matter...definitely worth taking seriously if you feel it is being threatened.

 

[stephie_corin]

Amy, I know that feeling of uncertainty about what to do. Whenever we have a really rough patch I'm determined to start some kind of gentle sleep training but in my heart I know even the gentlest sleep training is not a good fit for either of us ... Cully is not the kind of baby who would calm easily. He gets more and more worked up the longer I leave him. Whether this is his personality or a product of my parenting, I'm not sure. I'm also just not capable of letting him cry. This may be a personal weakness in my part, who knows? But don't feel foolish for changing your mind or trying different things. We're all on a journey... Especially as first time mummies we can't be expected to know everything. You're learning as you go.

Gaia, what great news! It sounds like F is sleeping so well in his new bed! I hope that first stretch just gets longer and longer for you!

RMSH, the others have given you great advice. It sounds like Emma is doing really well! You're a good mum. Just keep doing what you're doing and hopefully her night sleep gets better and better.

SE, how is your night nursing plan going?

As for us, we had a bad night last night again and I spent a lot of time holding him towards the end of the night. He just doesn't want to be put down. I saw lots of ear pulling so Ido think its a tooth. He's very swollen on his front teeth. I can't believe how rough teething is for some babies! He's also eating a bit more and his digestive system has slowed right down so I also suspect tummy troubles. If he isn't sleeping better in a few days I plan to take him to our doctor just to rule out an ear infection xxx

 

[polaris]

Hi everyone!
I'm back from my trip to visit my parents - we got back last night. I've missed so much so I know I'm not going to be able to comment on everyone's posts! We had a lovely trip and Clara slept reasonably well, a couple of bad nights and a couple of pretty good nights.

Gaia, we actually have a similar set-up in that Clara sleeps on a futon in the spare room for naps and night-times, she doesn't go in the cot at all now. The only difference is that instead of bringing her into bed with me, I sleep in there with her from about 10.30ish when I go to bed. I am finding it so much easier since I gave up trying to get her to sleep in the cot. I honestly can't see her going back into the cot now. It's so strange because DS absolutely loved his cot and was still in the cot until 2.5 years and I only moved him out of it because I was pregnant on Clara.

Stephie I have definitely been guilty of losing my temper with Clara in the middle of the night. It's not a nice feeling but it happens to all of us. It definitely doesn't make you a bad mum, we are all only human after all. Sorry to hear that the sleep log was a bit depressing. I actually used to be a bit obsessive about keeping track of Clara's sleep and recording numbers of night wakings etc. One thing that has really helped me is actually to stop doing that! Now I have hidden the clock display so I don't know what time it is when she wakes and I've stopped keeping track of how many times she wakes. Obviously this has no impact on how she sleeps but it has really helped me to feel better about her sleep because in the morning I can rarely remember clearly how many times she woke.

rmsh - I agree that it sounds like your LO is doing very well! Try not to worry too much and just relax and enjoy her, she's so little and she really will grow up sooo fast!

Amy - I actually think that is very interesting about "tension reducers" and "tension increasers". I guess it's not going to fit perfectly for every baby but I really do think this is a big difference between my two. DS was definitely a tension reducer, he did need to have a little cry to wind down before sleep and he would actually cry no matter what you were doing to try to soothe him. Even once he was self-settling he used to cry for about five minutes before all of his naps for months but that was just his way of unwinding and going to sleep. Clara is completely different. She just gets worked up and there's no way she's going to just go to sleep after crying for five minutes. If she starts properly crying, she's going to cry for hours (unless I pick her up and nurse her again). Big hugs to you, I totally empathize with your going backwards and forwards on what the best way forward is, it's so stressful. I actually found that place of indecisiveness and wavering was the worst time for me. Since I embraced co-sleeping and waiting it out (for the moment anyway) I have been so much less stressed and actually Clara is sleeping better too (although she still has a lot of wakings they are just not getting in on me the same way and I just feel relaxed about things and not constantly questioning myself about what action I "should" be taking). I am not doing any sleep training at the moment, I am just allowing her to feed to sleep if she wants to (although sometimes she will self-settle by choice) and to comfort feed at all night wakings. I'm honestly finding it so much less stressful!

 

[stephie_corin]

Polaris! We've missed you! I'm glad Clara slept reasonably well. You're in such a good place with her sleep right now. You seem very at peace and happy and I'm so glad for you!

I think I might do the same for a while and not look at number of wakeups or obsessively check the time. If you are waiting it out, whether temporarily or not, you really just need to go with it I think.

So glad to have you back! X

Ps Culver is also a tension increaser!

 

[seaweed eater]

Welcome back Polaris! I'm glad you had a good time and that Clara slept reasonably well during your trip. You really do sound far less stressed about her sleep!

Stephie, I think if the no cry approach to changing C's sleep is causing stress and not helping, then just going all the way toward WIO sounds great! And there's definitely no reason to keep a log or even look at the time when he wakes up if you're not working on "improving" things. I'm really sorry you had another rough night. I hope you are able to get some rest during the day

Things have been really good here the past two nights! He hasn't woken earlier than 4 so no need to resettle without nursing. Yesterday morning he woke an additional time but went back to sleep on his own, but this morning he slept until he was ready for the day at 6:30! I think it's all going to change soon, because everyone has been commenting on how his top teeth seem to be coming in, but I'm trying to just enjoy it for now.

 

[stephie_corin]

Woohoo! Go munchkin! That is awesome! You better not stop coming here and giving us advice I joke. I hope teething doesn't derail him too much. Cs front gums are so swollen. I have no idea how long before a tooth might pop out but I'm sure it will be soon!

After realising this week that Culver wants to be held and nothing else will do, I took some pillows and propped myself up in bed and actually held him from about 11-6. I know it sounds mad but he actually slept reasonably well. He woke probably hourly I'm guessing and went back to sleep quickly. I'm feeling pretty tired today but surely this phase will pass!?!? I actually dod manage to get some sleep but as I'm sure you can imagine, it wasn't great sleep! It's only been this last week he wants to be held all night. I'm going to keep trying to put him down and if its still going on in a week ... Well I'm not sure what I'll do then!!! Has anyone else experienced this?!?

 

[polaris]

Stephie, Clara has gone through phases like that when she was a bit younger, just wanting to sleep on top of me, and also phases of wanting to sleep attached to the boob. It is not very restful at all. She's much better at sleeping beside me now and will generally roll away from me once she's finished nursing and go off to sleep by herself. So in my experience it does improve with age. I hope Cully gets over this phase soon so you can get some sleep!

Seaweed, that's such great news that Munchkin is sleeping so well. You never know, teething might not upset things too much. Once DS started sleeping well (similar pattern to Munchkin) he wasn't really too thrown by teeth etc. although obviously we had some disturbed nights he always got back on track quickly.

 

[stephie_corin]

Thanks Polaris! It's hot and uncomfortable having a big baby lying on you all night!! Lol. I'm glad to hear there is a chance he might grow out of this!

I think someone stole my baby and replaced him with an identical but different baby... These last three days he's asked to nurse not at nap time, in the middle of the living room with cats and all kinds of distractions AND he just fell asleep for a nap with some rocking and didn't want to nurse??!?

 

[polaris]

Thanks Polaris! It's hot and uncomfortable having a big baby lying on you all night!! Lol. I'm glad to hear there is a chance he might grow out of this!

I think someone stole my baby and replaced him with an identical but different baby... These last three days he's asked to nurse not at nap time, in the middle of the living room with cats and all kinds of distractions AND he just fell asleep for a nap with some rocking and didn't want to nurse??!?

Wow, that really doesn't sound like Cully! It just shows you that they DO change!

I remember somebody once saying to me that the good thing about children is that whatever you are worrying about now, you can rest assured that you won't be worrying about it next year because they will have stopped doing that and started doing different new things for you to worry about. I often think of this at challenging times!

 

[seaweed eater]

Thanks Polaris, I really hope you are right that teething won't mess things up. We'll see!

Stephie, that's crazy!! Do you think it's because he actually got more rest last night? Maybe all you need is to break the cycle of overtiredness and things will sort themselves out? I really hope so! Hang in there hope tonight goes well!

 

[stephie_corin]

Don't worry everyone, he woke after 5 minutes and demanded to be nursed back to sleep, and is currently feeding to sleep. All is right with the universe!

Polaris that's so true. They change so quickly! I'll keep your wise words in mind next time in agonising over something he has/hasn't done!

SE I do hope you're right he seems to have realised he can communicate for things this last week. So I think the tugging at mummy's shirt and resulting feed may possibly just be a novelty but hopefully not! He's only done it a few times and never for very long but it's definite progress!

 

[seaweed eater]

Aww, communicating for things! That's lovely...our babies are growing up!

Hope your night is going well

It's been quiet here...how is everyone doing??
Happy birthday to Boo's Jack!

 

[gaiagirl]

Doing ok! Last night was a bit of a mess. Bed at 7:30, woke up after one cycle as always and was hard to settle. Tried nursing, tried rocking, finally nursed again on other side and he projectile vomited like I have NEVER seen. Seriously it was terrifying. I'm hoping it was just overeating/some food that didn't sit well/extra drool from teething. BUT he also has learned this weekend to go from crawl to sit and yet doesn't sit well 100% of the time so he's been hitting his head CONSTANTLY. So if course I freaked about concussion...

Needless to say we were both wide awake. Rocked him back to sleep shortly after...

Interestingly, in the past two weeks he has been needier than ever with sleep BUT has also fallen asleep not nursing and even on his 'own' a few times! It's like a pull-push thing. I'm learning a new skill, I'm gaining independence, now I'm gonna pull you even closer because its scary...

I laid beside him in my bed as he flipped and flopped and finally settled and went to sleep! This has happened 4/5 times lately! Amazing!

 

[gaiagirl]

Note: It only seems to happen at or after 9pm when he's really tired and ready for night time. Never at naps or earlier in the evening.

 

[AmyS]

Stephie - That is so awesome that he is learning to communicate with you!

Gaia - Yippee for learning new skills! Very exciting! Projectile vomiting is very scary - Chloe did that twice a day for 2 weeks when she had RSV (touchy gag reflex).

Polaris - True, things change so fast hopefully next year's challenges won't have me longing for sleepless nights again, haha!

SE - Glad you have nothing to report!!

 

[rmsh1]

Last night we began some very gentle sleep training, as being woken every 1-2 hours the last few nights has just gotten to be too much for me. Last night Emma was waking every 2 hours on the dot

So we picked a time - midnight til 2am, where I will not nurse her. When she woke at 12.30am, OH got up, shhhed her and patted her, then walked away. She continued crying for about 4 minutes, then started playing, which is OK. 10 minutes later she started crying again so OH again patted and shhhhed her. He walked away, she cried for another 4 minutes, then stopped. That was the only interraction he had with her and she was asleep by 1.05am.

When she woke at 2.30am, I fed her as I was engorged - obviously my supply is used to getting emptied every 2 hours!

I hope we can continue this. I wont let Emma get too upset, or cry for hours on end. I am reading the NCSS book too, so will see what I can pull from that