Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Boo44]

Angel it was when he was quite young (11 wks). I'd noticed his night feed gradually creeping later and later, from 2 to 3ish etc. so I waited until it was consistently around 5 am. If I fed him at that point he would hardly take any morning bottle so I knew he didn't need both. I basically just went in his room when he woke, gave him his dummy and shh/patted him. I was amazed he would actually fall back asleep! Sometimes he'd then wake again at 6.30 or something but I'd hold his morning bottle til 7 every day. (Obviously I was lucky as he was never inconsolable hungry and would accept his dummy). Eventually he started not waking until 6.30 or 7.

The dream feed we waited about 3 weeks after dropping his night feed. Jack did this all himself really as by this point he was hardly rousable at 11pm and was only taking like 2oz so didn't seem worth it! We bit the bullet one night and didn't give him it and he slept normally so we were lucky.

I hope it goes well for you! Fingers crossed x

 

[AngelUK]

Thank you Boo for your answer Lucky you with Jack! Dominic wakes for that bottle and cries and is not to be fobbed off with the dummy lol. For a while he basically didn't go back to sleep if he didn't get that crack of dawn bottle- with the result that I sometimes had to be up for the day at 4am, depending on when he had the previous bottle! Cause thing is, we never know when he wants it, it could be any time from 12 to 3 really. And then he would want the next one 4 hours later. I am really dreading dropping this bottle as I can just imagine him crying on and off for the rest of the night . But in reality he doesn't need that bottle, he is off the chart weight wise and he gets 3 solid meals a day as well as bottles. I am not sure we will be brave enough to be honest cause sleep is only now starting to be ok-ish and I am so scared that it might go to pot again

 

[Boo44]

Ahh angel that sounds so tough. Maybe Noelle will be able to help more as I think she's read the books on 'proper' night weaning? I really hope for you and your OH that it goes as smoothly as poss!

 

[Noelle610]

Hi Angel! Ferber's book, "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" has a chapter on night weaning. He basically advises either reducing the ounces every few nights (so if LO takes 8 ounces, you would give 6 ounces for a few nights, then 4 ounces for a few nights, etc) until they're basically taking very little. He also says you can replace the formula you take away with water (so if LO takes 8 ounces, you would give 6 ounces of formula and 2 ounces of water, etc.). His theory is that they will shift and take more calories during the day and stop waking for the feed eventually. I must admit I haven't tried this approach, so can't speak to it's effectiveness.

Our pediatrician recommended night weaning Charlotte because she was eating a ton overnight and it was really exacerbating her reflux. He recommend we go cold turkey with her and that's what we did. We soothed in other ways when she woke for feeds. After three nights she didn't miss it and started to take in more during the day. It was a very difficult couple of nights though.

 

[libbylou]

Bananaz - I hate to say it, but we're still recovering sleep-wise from the cold and minor ear infection LO had over a month ago

Last night was ok I guess. She went down ok and slept 4 hours and I actually managed to go to bed early AND fall asleep during that time. Spent a half hour nursing and cuddling her and put her back down. 10 mins later she woke up and screamed for an hour straight
I marched the monitor out to DH in the living room (he never goes to bed early and thinks he's entitled to sleep in every single day he doesn't have to get up for work), dropped it on the coffee table and said "I'm not going in there again, you deal with it" He came into our room 15 mins later (while I listened to her scream her face off in the meantime and heard him changing her diaper because he's always convinced that she must be crying because her diaper needs changing rather than just because she doesn't want to sleep) to tell me that there must be something wrong with her because she won't stop screaming. Um yeah. She's 8.5 months old and she spends a lot of time crying when there's not actually anything wrong with her buddy
Anyway...finally got her settled again and she slept another 4 hours, then came into our bed for just over an hour and woke for the day at 7:45

I'm getting really frustrated with her naps. She generally goes down easily, but she used to take two 1-2 hour naps a day. Lately she's been taking three 20-40 min naps a day...it makes it hard for me to get anything done, hard to juggle nap times and she's always tired because she needs the longer sleep. No idea how to get her back to the longer naps

minikiwi- glad you guys had a good night, yay Mia!

aimee - the constant wake ups are the worst, especially if they continue after you've gone to sleep. I do NOT do well with only getting an hour or two of sleep at a time. My friend has a 15 year old daughter and tells me that she used to keep her kid up all day so she'd sleep better at night...I'm like um yeah that doesn't work for my kid

I've briefly considered night weaning to see if it helps her sleep better...but I don't think I want to. Continuing our BF relationship (I intend to extended BF especially because it's a coping tool that helps my high needs little miss wind down) and continuing to BF her on demand is really important to me and I'm worried that trying to cut out night feeds would affect BF for us.

 

[Aimee1003]

Libby- I do not want to night wean either. I actually don't mind one wakeup. If we could get down to that, it would be awesome. I work and only get to see him 2.5 hrs in the evening so I think we both need a night cuddle just not one every 2 hrs!!!

I use to need 9 hrs sleep. What a joke!!!

 

[lysh]

lysh - I hope you're able to get the early wakeup sorted, getting up before 5 is really criminal in my book lol. What time is her first nap of the day? Maybe you can push that back a bit?

Yeah, this morning she was up at 3:45 and refused to go back to sleep. I should have let her fuss for a bit to see if she would resettle, but she was off yesterday so I was feeling guilty. Her first nap depends on when she wakes up. Some mornings she gets up at 4 others at 5 and once in a blue moon at 6. She is so inconsistent with her naps and I am struggling with how to put her on a schedule when her nighttime is still not on a schedule. Sorry your LO is sick....I am keeping my fingers crossed that her sleep goes back to normal. I can only imagine the fear you are feeling right now about that!!!!

Lysh - glad you had another good night. Ughhh but I know about waking up before 5 am...been there and it's brutal!

It is brutal!!! Prior to baby I could easily sleep 10 hours a night. I tended to wake up early, but early for me was 7! I hope you and your LO get a break from being sick as well.....this year is brutal!!!! We have been sick on and off since November as well!!! It seems that LO, DH, and I are constantly taking turns.

libby- Ugh, it is SO hard to listen to a screaming baby. When we are waiting to see if LO goes back to sleep I lay in bed and my whole body gets hot and I start to sweat I am so anxious/upset by it. Hopefully the nap issue is just a phase. My LO never naps well....45 minutes is a good nap. Most of her naps are 30 minutes. I never get anything done, it is frustrating. I constantly feel like I am running uphill to do anything I need to do!!! And lately she is fighting being put down for naps again and I just have not had the energy to battle that again.....even though I should. Hang in there!

Aimmee- I have gotten interesting advice too lol. My mom decided that I should be keeping my LO up later so she will sleep later....that does not work! I try telling her that, but she does not listen. 5 times is a lot....hope tonight she sleeps better for you.

So last night, even though LO only woke up once I still got 5 hours of interrupted sleep. The timing just sucks. She slept from 7-12, I nursed her from 12-12:30 and then she was up for good at 3:45. I did not fall asleep until 9:30, so I basically got 2 1/2 hours and then 3 hours because it took me a few to settle back to sleep.
By the way, I love my DH- he is supportive and tries to help out in ways that he can (we will even take turns sleeping in one day on the weekend, even though with BFing my sleeping in is short), but does anyone else's DH complain how tired he is and you just want to scream??? lol I get it that he wakes up when the baby cries and wakes up again when I come back in, but he is not sitting up nursing her for 30 minutes. He is lucky I love him so much!

Have a good Monday ladies!

 

[lysh]

Libby- I do not want to night wean either. I actually don't mind one wakeup. If we could get down to that, it would be awesome. I work and only get to see him 2.5 hrs in the evening so I think we both need a night cuddle just not one every 2 hrs!!!

I use to need 9 hrs sleep. What a joke!!!

lol.....I use to need about the same! Some nights I use to sleep for 10 hours. I use fear lack of sleep- it is funny how our bodies adjust!!!!! I do not mind getting up to feed LO once either. I just wish she would get on a somewhat consistent pattern though......we are getting closer though!

I only get to see my LO for 2.5 hours at night as well...it is hard!

 

[bananaz]

Thanks for all the responses. It looks like there's a really broad range of sleep recovery times after illness! And I'm really, really scared about her getting an ear infection now, haha.

I just put her down for the night and she cried for about a minute afterward but now it looks like she's trying to settle herself. Fingers crossed that she does.

In other news, I am leaving baby with her grandma and going out for a few hours tonight. Does anyone else feel totally crazy when they "spend" potential sleep time doing frivolous things like, oh, having a social life and being an adult? It makes me feel so irresponsible, lol.

libby - I had to giggle at your OH changing her diaper and then coming in to tell you that she's broken. I guess he hasn't been handling a lot of the nighttime stuff?? We've also been dealing with suddenly short naps here and it's driving me crazy. I hope both of our girls get back to 1-2 hour naps again soon. 30 minutes isn't long enough to get anything done!

 

[socitycourty]

i hate to say it but my lo's sleep is really getting me down. i try to be grateful and positive that she's healthy and etc, but it's hard at times when i'm so tired and feeling awful. it also gives me horrid anxiety because i don't feel like it will ever get better. i have some health anxiety/phobias and i'm always worrying, what if i'm really sick and she won't settle, what if, what if.

she takes cat naps in the day like 30 minutes. then will sleep if i hold her in the evenings. last night i had a headache and sore throat. i fed her and held her till she was asleep, put her in the pack n play, went to lay down, closed my eyes and she was awake crying as soon as i closed them. it feels like torture.

just having a whine

 

[libbylou]

lysh - my DH doesn't complain about being tired nearly as much since I started threatening to kick him in the junk whenever he said it


bananaz - Glad you're getting a break! I've only been out without LO a few times and I'm an anxious mess most of the time.
DH does try to help but I basically do almost all of her "care" like diapers, baths, naps, meals, BF (obviously), sleep, etc. Most of his help is him entertaining her so I can get stuff done.
I've been losing my mind a bit more than usual lately so he is helping a bit more with night stuff. He always gets mad at me when I get frustrated and yell or cry after 8.5 months of doing all the hard work...but then he gets mad after like 10 mins of trying to settle her He usually changes her diaper, tries to rock her for a bit and if she doesn't settle down within 10-15 mins he thinks something is wrong with her

oh socity I'm sorry you're still having such a hard time. Does/can your OH help at all? I know what you mean about feeling really down and anxious about it all. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in this black hole of sleepless misery and I'll never get out.

 

[Irish Eyes]

I haven't been on for a couple of days but things here just aren't improving Last night I propped myself up with pillows for LO to sleep upright on me. His ears must be really bad, I feel awful for him! Going to ring the doctors at 8am for an appointment for him.

In some ways I feel like I'm getting used to getting no sleep but I'm really starting to feel down about it as well. It's starting to affect mine & OHs relationship a bit, I'm resenting the fact that he gets a full nights sleep every night while I don't sleep at all.

Noelle is Charlotte still going through the night? I heard there's an 8 month sleep regression, if that starts after this then I'm doomed!!

 

[Boo44]

Libby I really hope that your LO is getting there she seems to be definitely improving! Just wanted to say that I hear what you mean about preferring to just do everything yourself, but I've found (for me anyway) that that is a bit of a dangerous road to take. As you feel extra pressure that nobody can do it as well as you and you even end up thinking you're the only one who can change a nappy right etc etc and you end up with no break at all and will burn out.

I've found the odd half day/hour or so/evening off does me the world of good. It is healthy to reconnect with some things outside baby as I've always been surprised that when I've left him, my OH or my mum etc have always managed perfectly well with him! And yes they may have not done things exactly how I would, but he's always fine and it's probably good for him too, to not get so used to things one way that he can't cope out of routine either

Just a few thoughts but I wanted to let you know how much better things are since I personally realised that xxxx

 

[socitycourty]

he does help but he's useless at night. he's now pestering me to make her sleep on her own, as if it's that easy. urgh

i know it won't go on forever but right now i feel like a zombie. i have zero interest in anything.

 

[Noelle610]

Boo to bad nights and yay to good nights. That's all I have the energy to say right now... LOL!

Socity, I totally sympathize. When you're in sleep deprivation hell, it feels never ending.

Irish, Charlotte is on and off with STTN. Lately she has been sitting up or getting on all fours in her crib. I definitely think there's truth to the regression around this time due to developmental milestones.

Last night was awful!!!! Charlotte was awake from 2:30am to 4:30am and started her day at 5:30am. No idea why! She was very upset. We tried everything from advil to feeding to rocking. Nothing worked. She woke up with no fever though and was quite happy. WTH???? I'm tired.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Irish - oh you poor thing,....I'm now officially terrified of ear infection Hope your LO feels better soon and you get some sleep.

Noelle - damn the new milestones! But you know this too shall pass...Charlotte has already learned to sttn so she'll get there again in no time.

Lysh - glad to hear your LO is sleeping better. Do you usually go to her right away when she wakes up? I find with mine sometimes when I let her fuss for a few minutes she just goes right back to sleep...

Boo - agree with everything you say. My mom and DH also do things differently from me but I'm happy to have their help.

Last night was rough for us. I was really sick and had a high temperature so I went to bed as soon as Sofia did (around 7 pm). I had taken a dose of Advil night time too. She woke up at around midnight and DH fed her. However, she barely ate and so woke up again at 2:30 am. She finished her bottle and then woke again at 5:30 when I fed her.

The problem is that I could not sleep between 2:30 and 5:30 and only slept 30 mins or so after that. I still have a temperature and earache and now wondering if I ever get over this cold.

DH and I have decided to start night weaning tomorrow night as well as replacing the Woombie with the Magic Sleep Suite. We're gonna do it gradually and hoping that it will work. My pedi has assured me that would be better for LO and us. Wish me luck!

 

[mrsbeano]

We had a meh night here. I tried to DF but only took 3oz then up again at 3.30 for the other 4oz but only up for about 10 minutes so still got plenty of rest.

I think we need to just suck it up and stop feeding at night. I can't see him stopping on his own.

Socity - have you considered sleep training? I think I've seen before that you don't want to go through the crying. Obviously completely up to you but I think in the long run you would probably hear a lot less crying. Bedtime for us isn't a battle now because he puts himself to sleep. Nice to have some time for you and DH in the evenings and lower your stress.

Noelle - at least you can tell yourself that this is a phase. I believe that with the 8 month regression that you just have to be consistent and not start any new bad habits.

I'm pretty sure that I mentioned that my nephew is an amazing sleeper but I witnessed it for myself on Christmas Day. He was very over stimulated so very tired and my sister put him down to sleep at 5.30pm. He slept right through until... 8am when my sister got him up!!! Hes 11 months and averages 4hours in the day and 12/13 at night. Madness. The best bit... my sister complained that she was tired

 

[mrsbeano]

Irish - oh you poor thing,....I'm now officially terrified of ear infection Hope your LO feels better soon and you get some sleep.

Noelle - damn the new milestones! But you know this too shall pass...Charlotte has already learned to sttn so she'll get there again in no time.

Lysh - glad to hear your LO is sleeping better. Do you usually go to her right away when she wakes up? I find with mine sometimes when I let her fuss for a few minutes she just goes right back to sleep...

Boo - agree with everything you say. My mom and DH also do things differently from me but I'm happy to have their help.

Last night was rough for us. I was really sick and had a high temperature so I went to bed as soon as Sofia did (around 7 pm). I had taken a dose of Advil night time too. She woke up at around midnight and DH fed her. However, she barely ate and so woke up again at 2:30 am. She finished her bottle and then woke again at 5:30 when I fed her.

The problem is that I could not sleep between 2:30 and 5:30 and only slept 30 mins or so after that. I still have a temperature and earache and now wondering if I ever get over this cold.

DH and I have decided to start night weaning tomorrow night as well as replacing the Woombie with the Magic Sleep Suite. We're gonna do it gradually and hoping that it will work. My pedi has assured me that would be better for LO and us. Wish me luck!

Ooh Shadowy, its soo rough when you're sick and caring for LO. Good that DH tried to help. How are you going to wean? x

 

[Noelle610]

Noelle - at least you can tell yourself that this is a phase. I believe that with the 8 month regression that you just have to be consistent and not start any new bad habits.

I'm pretty sure that I mentioned that my nephew is an amazing sleeper but I witnessed it for myself on Christmas Day. He was very over stimulated so very tired and my sister put him down to sleep at 5.30pm. He slept right through until... 8am when my sister got him up!!! Hes 11 months and averages 4hours in the day and 12/13 at night. Madness. The best bit... my sister complained that she was tired

Thanks, I agree. I have read that the 8 month regression is a true regression unlike the 4 month one, when a baby's sleep permanently changes. It helps to think of it that way. My DH did point out I needed to be more consistent in my responses. When I get tired, it's easier just to try and soothe Charlotte quickly rather than wait ten or fifteen minutes to see if she goes back to sleep on her own.

UGH where do these babies come from? Are they for real?

 

[bananaz]

I'm pretty sure that I mentioned that my nephew is an amazing sleeper but I witnessed it for myself on Christmas Day. He was very over stimulated so very tired and my sister put him down to sleep at 5.30pm. He slept right through until... 8am when my sister got him up!!! Hes 11 months and averages 4hours in the day and 12/13 at night. Madness. The best bit... my sister complained that she was tired

Why is that when I read stuff like this my kneejerk response is always to get angry and hope that their next child sleeps horribly? I think I'm just a very bitter person,haha.


Shadowy - Sorry to hear you're sick too! I hope you feel better soon

Noelle - Ugh, that's so frustrating! I'm glad she was in a good mood when she woke for the day though, at least that makes it easier to handle her when you're exhausted.

socity - I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Hearing your LO start to cry the moment you close your eyes is one of the worst feelings


Last night wasn't too bad for us. I got home at 11 and my mom said Elsie had woken once and seemed to be having a hard time sleeping because she was so congested (despite my clearing her nose out and turning on the humidifier full blast). The rest of the night her cough woke both of us up pretty frequently but she managed to put herself back to sleep each time until her feeding at 3am. Unfortunately she decided to get up for the day at 5:30am, but I can't really blame her since her poor face was just covered in snot at that point. I wouldn't have wanted to sleep like that either

I think my cold is finally starting to ease up so hopefully hers will too. I'm just praying she doesn't end up with an ear infection.