Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[Noelle610]

hey bananaz thank you for the link, DF is going to try that for a few nights and I am going away for 2 nights because it is much needed. I am so stressed out! this separation anxiety is terrible, and it is only at night. my mom says i should just let her sleep in my bed but that is NOT an option. She moves constantly, I am an incredibly light sleeper and it wakes me up every 5 minutes. And like you, we have no help. It is just DF and I. I feel a bit worse for you as you are a single mom

I am really happy to hear you're going to get away for a few nights. I think it will be good for you and your family.

I think cosleeping is great if it works for you, but you shouldn't feel you must if you can't get rest that way. Your healthy is important too.

Best of luck -- keep us posted!

 

[megangrohl]

Thanks Noelle.

Df has a few questions about that link bananaz. He wants to know if he has to sit in the room in his spot comforting him the whole time or if he just comes in and out as she wakes up? I told him I think he is to sit in there and sooth her but not use a crutch so she learns to self soothe and when she is fully asleep he can leave but if she wakes he is to come back and do the exact same thing as the first time? Also, how long do I give it before I should see results?

When we try to not hold her hand she stands up and cries and she did that for 3 hours lastnight with no end in sight. I don't even know if CIO would even work

 

[daneuse27]

I REALLY hope my LO doesn't get separation anxiety (Im sorry for what you're going through Megan) it sounds incredibly difficult. And as a single mom, I definitely wouldn't be able to handle it. lol
Does anyone know of any ways to avoid separation anxiety from happening?

Regarding the gas - Thank you for all your helpful and supportive replies. Successfully put her down for her nap today, and she woke up every 10 mins twice, and then slept solidly for 40 mins and then the gas bothered her again. Im getting soo frustrated with it because I know its not her fault and shes in so much discomfort but I just hate how it keeps interfering with both of our sleep and my 'me' time (my time to regain my sanity.)
Im only on day # 2 of dairy elimination and hopefully I see a difference. Ive looked up other things I could try.. like Windi, but I hate the sound of it!

 

[bananaz]

Thanks Noelle.

Df has a few questions about that link bananaz. He wants to know if he has to sit in the room in his spot comforting him the whole time or if he just comes in and out as she wakes up? I told him I think he is to sit in there and sooth her but not use a crutch so she learns to self soothe and when she is fully asleep he can leave but if she wakes he is to come back and do the exact same thing as the first time? Also, how long do I give it before I should see results?

When we try to not hold her hand she stands up and cries and she did that for 3 hours lastnight with no end in sight. I don't even know if CIO would even work

I think you're right and that he's supposed to stay until she's asleep, and the key is that he's only soothing intermittently to calm her down, not that he's actually putting her to sleep.

If he's already had luck settling her through the bars without picking her up then I'd guess that he'll get results pretty quickly. The people I know who used this method said that things started improving within a few days, though I think it typically takes a couple of weeks before you can expect the baby to actually just go to sleep on their own. He wanted a gentle, gradual method though so that's kind of par for the course!

 

[bananaz]

Regarding the gas - Thank you for all your helpful and supportive replies. Successfully put her down for her nap today, and she woke up every 10 mins twice, and then slept solidly for 40 mins and then the gas bothered her again. Im getting soo frustrated with it because I know its not her fault and shes in so much discomfort but I just hate how it keeps interfering with both of our sleep and my 'me' time (my time to regain my sanity.)
Im only on day # 2 of dairy elimination and hopefully I see a difference. Ive looked up other things I could try.. like Windi, but I hate the sound of it!

I used the Windi regularly on my LO when she was a newborn. Once you get past how disgusting the idea of it is, it's really an awesome tool for gassy babies and the only thing I've found that offers immediate relief.

However for my LO it stopped being as effective when she was around 3 months old. I don't know if that's just because she stopped being as gassy at that point or if the catheter is really only intended for itty bitty babies.

 

[Noelle610]

Daneuse, don't feel bad about wanting "me time" and some sleep. YOU are important! I was speaking with a friend when I was just a few months postpartum and I told her I felt guilty for wanting things that were selfish and she reminded me that I was a person too, not just the baby.

I think bananaz had success with the Windi, hopfully she can comment.

 

[megangrohl]

So much for THAT! AGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFS I am so angry. Tried the suggestion from the link bananaz gave. First she screamed in intense fear and agony for 20 minutes. Then she vomited YET AGAIN all over me, her dad, the crib sheet, her pajamas, the floor etc. She would not settle and it took me another 20 minutes to calm her and she finally fell asleep.

I guess this means I am co-sleeping for the next 2 years of my life and will be going to bed at fucking 8:00 every single night because that is when she starts waking up. I hate my life. I seriously am at my wits end and can't stop crying. Everything makes me so ANGRY. Rant over

 

[daneuse27]

So much for THAT! AGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFS I am so angry. Tried the suggestion from the link bananaz gave. First she screamed in intense fear and agony for 20 minutes. Then she vomited YET AGAIN all over me, her dad, the crib sheet, her pajamas, the floor etc. She would not settle and it took me another 20 minutes to calm her and she finally fell asleep.

I guess this means I am co-sleeping for the next 2 years of my life and will be going to bed at fucking 8:00 every single night because that is when she starts waking up. I hate my life. I seriously am at my wits end and can't stop crying. Everything makes me so ANGRY. Rant over

This may sound annoying because Im assuming youve tried this... but maybe if you slipped out of bed an hour or two after shes in a deep sleep? Also I doubt this will last two years! FOB's sisters son is 2, and he cries for15 mins in his crib at every naptime and then calls asleep. As Lily gets older and matures Im sure you guys will discover more solutions

 

[megangrohl]

So much for THAT! AGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFS I am so angry. Tried the suggestion from the link bananaz gave. First she screamed in intense fear and agony for 20 minutes. Then she vomited YET AGAIN all over me, her dad, the crib sheet, her pajamas, the floor etc. She would not settle and it took me another 20 minutes to calm her and she finally fell asleep.

I guess this means I am co-sleeping for the next 2 years of my life and will be going to bed at fucking 8:00 every single night because that is when she starts waking up. I hate my life. I seriously am at my wits end and can't stop crying. Everything makes me so ANGRY. Rant over

This may sound annoying because Im assuming youve tried this... but maybe if you slipped out of bed an hour or two after shes in a deep sleep? Also I doubt this will last two years! FOB's sisters son is 2, and he cries for15 mins in his crib at every naptime and then calls asleep. As Lily gets older and matures Im sure you guys will discover more solutions

Yes I have tried that. The problem is she moves around so much in the bed that I don't like her in my bed. But if I did have her in my bed she would happily sleep 12 hours in there.

It is separation anxiety, and it is very severe. I was told by our doctor that it can last into their 2nd year of life and sometimes 3rd. So yes we potentially do have another 2 years of this crap! She is a total mommy's girl and while that is sweet and everything I still get no sleep when she is in my bed because she is constantly moving around and wakes me up every 5 minutes.

I get kicked in the stomach, kneed and slapped in the face, punched in the face, headbutted, etc. It is NOT fun.

 

[socitycourty]

So much for THAT! AGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFS I am so angry. Tried the suggestion from the link bananaz gave. First she screamed in intense fear and agony for 20 minutes. Then she vomited YET AGAIN all over me, her dad, the crib sheet, her pajamas, the floor etc. She would not settle and it took me another 20 minutes to calm her and she finally fell asleep.

I guess this means I am co-sleeping for the next 2 years of my life and will be going to bed at fucking 8:00 every single night because that is when she starts waking up. I hate my life. I seriously am at my wits end and can't stop crying. Everything makes me so ANGRY. Rant over

just wanted to offer sympathy, it's basically the same here

 

[MrsPear]

Megan what you are going through its awful I'm sorry. I really feel for you and you deservea break soon. Joni is similar in that she will NOT sleep except on me. Not even next to me will do. Yet in the day she does not have bad separation anxiety- no more than the average baby. I don't want to bed share either, partly just because my oh works long hours plus overtime and on call and often literally the only time I see him is in bed.I know that sounds a selfish reason but I want to see him! Like you I'm either stuck bed sharing (in my case she is in my arms and I am sat up in the spare bed) and she just screams otherwise. I have not really tried any methods, soi can't give any advice sorry. It just sounds so awful for you, fingers crossed there is an epiphany soon.

As for Joni, yesterdayshe griped all day non stop which I thought nothing of but she has refused to be put down all night and now I see she has a temperature poor kid. So it wasn'ta good night sleep but even I (who likes complaining!!) can't be huffy when she isn't well x

 

[Shadowy Lady]

wow so much happened since i last posted. I just read the last two pages and wanted to say:

Megan - omg, what you're going through sound incredibly tough. I have no experience with it but wanted to offer hugs

MrsPear - sorry to hear Joni is poorly Hope the bug goes away soon.

Last night was ok. She went down at 7 pm as per usual and woke up at 1 am for a feed. She again only has 2 oz of ebm but this time no MOTN PARTY She was asleep by 1:20 am. So i managed to sleep from 1:30 am till 6 am when she wanted to be up for the day. She's in her jumparoon now happily babbling away to her toys.

Really hope we passed the MOTN episodes for good

 

[megangrohl]

Well after the puking episode she slept in her crib until 12 then she was asleep again 12:30 to 2. Then she came into our bed from 2 until 7. She was awake until 2:15 then again at 5:45 then slept again 6:15-7 so it is getting better. I am happy with half the night. But the entire night? No thanks. I am hoping we can keep it this way but with my luck she will have another crap night tonight. Argh! Can't wait until I go away tomorrow. Not that I want to get away from this but I need time to not be so angry and more refreshed because it is so frustrating! Especially since it is looking like it is either pick up put down like DF did lastnight or co-sleeping. Both of which suck, he had to lay on the couch in her bedroom lastnight to make sure she didn't wake up and even then she woke up 1.5 hours later.

 

[Lady_Bee]

Megan, sending you huge hugs What you are dealing with sounds sooooo hard on you. I have no experience with nighttime separation anxiety, it sounds like an utter nightmare. so sorry.

MrsPear, aw no I hope your LO feels better soon.

Our night wasn't too bad! It took 45 minutes to get Alexander to sleep. No tears. Naps were good yesterday too. At bedtime I was able to actually leave the room for a while when he was playing and babbling to himself. I went back in when he got fretty and called out, because that usually means he is finally ready to sleep. So that was an improvement

He woke from a nightmare (I think) a little while after I went to bed but luckily I wasn't asleep yet. He went back to sleep pretty fast after I calmed him down.

He then woke at 3 am for a bottle. Sigh. Wish we could get him off these nighttime bottles! I am watering the night bottle down to half strength currently. He drinks about 4-6 oz of it at the moment I plan to keep watering it down until it's just water... I read somewhere that other mums have had success doing it this way. Hope this will work for us.

Anyone got any other ideas on how to successfully get rid of the 3 am bottle?

 

[Noelle610]

Big hugs to those dealing with serious separation anxiety. I can't even imagine how tough that must be. C has a little, but nothing of the magnitude that some of you describe.

Lady_Bee, Ferber's "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" has a great chapter on night weaning. He basically says to keep increasing the amount of water versus formula so that your LO will gradually shift their caloric intake and drink/eat more during the day. The hope is that when it becomes mostly water that they no longer wake for it. Perhaps that would work for you? We went cold turkey with Charlotte (with a dream feed), but that was mostly because her intake overnight kept increasing and it was really bad for her reflux. I probably wouldn't have taken that approach if she was just having a 3am bottle and settling nicely afterward.

 

[Lady_Bee]

Big hugs to those dealing with serious separation anxiety. I can't even imagine how tough that must be. C has a little, but nothing of the magnitude that some of you describe.

Lady_Bee, Ferber's "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" has a great chapter on night weaning. He basically says to keep increasing the amount of water versus formula so that your LO will gradually shift their caloric intake and drink/eat more during the day. The hope is that when it becomes mostly water that they no longer wake for it. Perhaps that would work for you? We went cold turkey with Charlotte (with a dream feed), but that was mostly because her intake overnight kept increasing and it was really bad for her reflux. I probably wouldn't have taken that approach if she was just having a 3am bottle and settling nicely afterward.

That sounds like pretty much what we are doing already I'll keep gradually watering it down and just see what happens. One night feed is really brilliant progress for us (recently he was having up to 3, argh!) but we are tying to eliminate the feed really. At his age I am pretty sure he doesn't NEED it anymore and it was just affecting his daytime appetite when he had proper milk feeds at night.

 

[Noelle610]

One night feed is good! He'll get there!

 

[megangrohl]

Lily was having 1 feed at night. I realized it was comfort so I slowly gave less each time. Down 1/2 an ounce to 1 ounce. I then was only giving 2-3 ounces and she stopped waking for it. I also jam pack her full during the day to help with that. She has 3 bottles a day and tons of solid foods (3 meals a day). Hope this helps.

 

[daneuse27]

Last night, she slept for 8 hours, woke for a feed, then went back down for 2 hours.

When she woke, I nursed her, changed her, then we played downstairs, I gave her infant cereal as per usual, then it was naptime.

Nap lasted 40 mins.

Then she played for about 90 mins, and got fussy so I tried to nurse her and put her down again.


Its been THREE HOURS. Three goddamn hours and shes STILL on my boob and hasnt taken a real nap!! Im about to just give up again. Another day on my boob for hours, no napping, and as usual no break for me.

Tell me this will get easier or offer any help! Please. Anyone?

 

[megangrohl]

I think it sounds like a sleep regression. Sometimes the 4 month regression starts later. It sounds alot like she is comfort sucking. All you can do is keep trying to get her to nap and honestly it does get better. It may not seem like it at the time but it will get better. Our first regression lasted about 4 weeks.