Rant: People asking "When are you having a baby?"

[berwar]

Im sure you can all relate to this, but doesnt it just drive you CRAZY when people start talking to you about getting pregnant.
At the end of thanksgiving, my grandmother made a comment about how disappointed she was because she thought id be announcing my pregnancy! She even picked out a due date for me! "I just thought you'd be pregnant already", she says!
My mom messages me this morning. She just moved back to our hometown and writes "Can't wait to be around to see your pregnancy with #2 first hand. HINT HINT!" As you can imagine my mother and I have an already strained relationship.
I havent let either of these people know we are trying but its so hurtful and irritating when people talk about it. We are fortunate to have a 2 year old daughter but people at my job keep asking when I'm gonna give her a sibling! I have only told 2 close friends that we are trying and everytime I see them they ask if ive gotten pregnant yet!
1. Its my body and my business
2. Dont you know that if I could snap my fingers and make it happen I would?
3. Getting my period is hard enough without having to explain it to you ans relive the failure all over again.

Am I alone, ladies?

 

[myangel167]

im sorry this is happening to you! Im sure its very saddening and irritating. I haven't dealt with that yet myself, but I can imagine the frustration. Keep your head up! Hopefully you get #2 soon...try your best to ignore/let go of peoples comments...its probably not going to end until u r pregnant. You cant control anyone else, but u can control how u let it affect you. Don't waste energy being annoyed at others...they don't know its hurting you. They probably think they are caring/encouraging. Use your energy to focus on yourself and your family It'll happen when its time! Good luck!

 

[Radkat]

Yeah, people think that babies are their business, no matter what. I think you have to come up with a comeback that makes you feel better. Maybe "Oh we've got our hands full with LO." or "We're still enjoying LO for now." Or more directly "You'll be at the top of my list when we have news to share." I had a (male) friend of the family who kept telling people they were still practicing. Kinda funny and alludes to the private nature of the whole thing.

 

[monkeychic74]

I hate when people ask that! I try to laugh and kinda blow it off, because we haven't told anyone we're trying. But I'm always tempted to go into gory details about tracking CM, OPKs, and our BD schedule. I don't think anyone would ask again after that!!!

 

[Want1Too]

Im sure you can all relate to this, but doesnt it just drive you CRAZY when people start talking to you about getting pregnant.
At the end of thanksgiving, my grandmother made a comment about how disappointed she was because she thought id be announcing my pregnancy! She even picked out a due date for me! "I just thought you'd be pregnant already", she says!
My mom messages me this morning. She just moved back to our hometown and writes "Can't wait to be around to see your pregnancy with #2 first hand. HINT HINT!" As you can imagine my mother and I have an already strained relationship.
I havent let either of these people know we are trying but its so hurtful and irritating when people talk about it. We are fortunate to have a 2 year old daughter but people at my job keep asking when I'm gonna give her a sibling! I have only told 2 close friends that we are trying and everytime I see them they ask if ive gotten pregnant yet!
1. Its my body and my business
2. Dont you know that if I could snap my fingers and make it happen I would?
3. Getting my period is hard enough without having to explain it to you ans relive the failure all over again.

Am I alone, ladies?

You are not alone -
My husband and I have only told a couple people we are seriously TTC. We get asked by my MIL all the time. Heck she been asking when we were just dating. My SIL even told my husband she would carry our child. I was offended when he told me this. How would you ladies feel?

I recently found out my sister and niece are pregnant. Now if feels like the pressure is totally on. Lets not even mention at work, I am like one of the only people left on my team without child. I just tell people when God grants us with that blessing we will let you know. If I think its coming from a negative place from someone (family, friend or coworker) than I totally tell them to "mind their business". We have enough pressure on ourselves we don't need other people pressuring us.

I wish you much luck! Sending Baby dust to everyone! Good Luck!

 

[persephone13]

I actually avoid events with my extended family because I don't want to hear the constant reminders about how we are "next"! We've also been married for five years so I'm pretty sure by now they all think we have issues anyway (I do have PCOS though), even though we've only been trying for three months...

 

[odouglass]

I am so familiar with this too! My older sister has 5 kids and my younger sister has 1 son. However, my husband and I have put off the TTC for a few reasons- we wanted to own a house, wanted to be settled in our jobs, and I had major back surgery in May (spinal fusion). The fusion was the latest hold off as we were told we had to wait a year for my back to fuse. However, at 6 months out I was told that I was 100% fused and had no restrictions. The question of when we were going to have a baby went away for a little while when I had the surgery but has since returned when they found out I was fused. Now we are TTC but haven't told anyone besides some friends- our families would cause too much fuss. What a headache it can be.

 

[Bee Bee]

Honestly, I'm kind of having the opposite issue! lol. Well, my mother has always asked me when I am going to have "an asian baby with blue eyes" (my husband is vietnamese) since day one of dating my husband. (we've been together almost 10 years, only married for 1)

My MIL though, I would of expected her to ask but she hasn't. I was kind of a little hurt actually because over Thanksgiving she was asking one of my sister-in-laws when she was going to have a baby again. Just so you know, she is 37 and had an 11 and 9 year old. She has confirmed that she is way done with having children. My MIL asked her right when I was sitting there and I am not even 30 and I'm newly married to her son. And from what I understand she was always asking all the other wives this when they got married to their sons.

So yeah, it kind of hurt my feelings a little lol. I think it's because my husband's family is Catholic and we did not have a Catholic wedding. So, I guess all of our children will be considered illegitimate. Still, it kinds sucks that it has to be thought of that way If she would of asked, I would of told her we were TTC, but she didn't so I'm just waiting until we have a confirmed pregnancy and I'm a good 12 weeks in before I say anything.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I get it from sil all the time, my brothers have had children and keep popping them out n i get when u having one, iv told a couple of ppl whrn drunk that were trying but I'm hoping they forgot x

 

[Mrs Cupcake]

i used to get this before our first baby. used to drive me mad! once i snapped at someone and told them they were rude for asking and they looked so hurt i kinda backtracked and said we werent ready yet (i was actually just pregnant but didnt know!)

 

[siempre]

I got some good advice from a friend, only tell people you would want to know if you had a miscarriage. So only a few of my very close friends know we are actively (read: desperately) trying right now. All of them have children and have been encouraging to me, so it has been a good outlet for my frustrations; I do think you should tell someone other than your spouse. My husband is unphased by failure and thinks nothing whatsoever will ever be wrong. I need someone to listen when I'm worried.
That said, I don't tell acquaintances or random co-workers who ask. I just say "oh I think we'll have one someday…" and wander off. Most people accept it. Honestly, when people ask, I don't think they want to hear "well we've been trying for months and no luck, so i'm checking temperatures and peeing on sticks and freaking out!" They just want to hear "Yup, we want a baby!" That makes them happy. People mean well for the most part. I keep the response light and brief. I have several co-workers who have had problems conceiving and have gone through IVF (all successfully, fortunately). So they certainly understand. Via them, I have learned, unless you are a close close friend, don't ask. If it comes up, wish them good luck and change the topic, because probably, people who are not your very close friends, don't want to talk about this if they are having problems.
If your workplace is like mine, gossip spreads like wildfire. Have to watch what you say...

 

[Belle Shine]

We have this all the time, I like that people are interested but it gets emotionally draining. at the beginning hubby told a few of his friends we were trying whereas I would have kept it a bit more quiet. A year on people constantly ask us what is happening, and tell us to 'hurry up already'! My SILs have got pregnant before me, and my mum is constantly telling me she thought we'd be next. I have made many excuses.. Focus on work, not ready, want to enjoy my first child on her own first, but really I am heartbroken that I can't give her a sibling and that the potential age gap is growing. Part of me just wants to make it public that we are struggling and going through tests but most of me can't handle the extra comments that would encourage either.. Especially the 'just relax and it will happen' comment! I guess there is no good way of ttc. Xx

 

[Hollynesss]

Getting asked this is bad enough (everyone under the sun since we got married 7 months ago!), but what adds more salt to the open wound are the ones who have the nerve to say, "You're going to be 30 soon, you're not getting any younger!" Bitch, don't you think I know that?! (sorry, had to express my true feelings there!) I am well aware of my fertility clock ticking away loudly in my ear, thanks!

I don't think people get just how personal and heartbreaking of a struggle this is for some couples. I was working alone with a girl who had just gotten married about 6 months prior, and I asked her if she and her husband had thought about kids (trying not to pry or demand too much, just a little "getting to know each other" banter) and she busted out in tears and told me that they've been trying for 3 YEARS to get pregnant. I felt absolutely horrible for asking after that, but we gained a really close friendship out if it. She underwent IVF and is currently 6 months pregnant with a little boy, btw!

I have made the mistake of telling my coworkers we are trying, but we are such a tight-knit group that there is no way I could have hidden it. I do know that they would be an excellent support group if I needed it, but I'm really hoping I'll be celebrating with them instead!