Risking a gender debate...

[twobecome3]

the dresses weve been gifted are big puffy layered affairs with sashes and bows, etc. my kid would be stuck or strung up by her own dress in a quick minute at the park/ playground. even a simple dress just anything looser that can catch on something shes just one of thse kids thats a walking calamity

 

[jodilee6]

I dont have boys, So I cant really comment... But I highly doubt I would allow it if I were to ever have a son.

One thing... Why do people think dresses get in the way? I have two extremely adventurous toddlers, who climb and jump and run and a dress has never hindered them!

Funny story - I was at soft play with my friend and her (then) 3yo girl who was in a very girly poofy dress, she disappeared into the soft play and came back a few minutes later in just her pants. She practically threw her dress at her mum saying along the lines of 'I don't want this silly thing anymore it's just in my way'!

She then spent the rest of the day in a spare change of clothes I had for DS

I agree some dresses are fine for every day wear but some do clearly just get in the way and hinder every day life

 

[babyrough]

I'm fine with dressing up at nursery/in the house etc. But no, I would not let him leave the house wearing a dress.

 

[KatieB]

I wouldn't want Louis or Alex going outside wearing a dress, no.

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

I only have a dd and I think it is different, we regularly buy her clothes or shoes from the boys range and she's dressed up as pirates or bat man on many occasions inside and outside the house and no one blinks an eye, they think it's cute.

'People' have a problem sometimes with seeing boys dressed in female clothing and as a parent we all want to protect our children from 'people' and the negativity that sometimes comes from them.

I suspect that most of us on here don't really care what our kids wear as long as they are happy and enjoying themselves. The hesitation comes from never wanting other people to be mean to our kids and the worry that something as obvious as a boy in a dress would leave an opening for narrow minded people to make horrible comments.

I would love to be able to change that as I'm sure we all would and to know with confidence that no matter how my child chooses to express themselves they will be accepted and loved by the world. Until that is the case I can understand why some mums don't feel comfortable with letting their boy wear a dress in public.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I'd be fine with Micah going out to the shops or somewhere in a dress, however my husband would probably find it harder to understand. Our next door neighbour's 4 year old boy is often wearing a dress and my husband has mentioned it several times, nothing negative but it seems to really stick in his mind somehow, like it's part of what defines him rather than just clothes, which is sad. I've asked him not to mention it in front of Micah.

Micah has never asked for a dress, but he has chosen outfits from the 'girls' section many times, he loves cats and there are more cats on girls clothes for some reason! He has one top that a girl at nursery also has and it didn't bother him, in fact he loved matching her!.

He is starting to notice some differences in gender now, he has occasionally said pink is for girls, but other times requests pink, especially if the choice is pink or blue as he says it's closer to his favourite colour (orange). He loves to wear my pair of pink sparkly butterfly wings but gets annoyed if they're called fairy wings because "fairies are girls". He wouldn't entertain wearing make-up, but that goes for face paint too, he just dislikes the idea of anything on his face.

I'm not sure how is feel if he chose a dress for an occasion like a wedding or a big family party, as I'd feel like it would get too much attention and I wouldn't want that to embarrass him or make him feel it was wrong. So I'd probably steer him gently towards a more traditional boys outfit, but with fun aspects that let him show off his personality.. Maybe that's wrong of me, and.if he was insistent then I'd probably go with it anyway, but if he was easily swayed then I think I would try to go for a more neutral or traditionally male outfit to avoid too much discussion on the subject.

 

[Button#]

It wouldn't bother me if my DS wanted to wear a dress. He's only just started expressing any interest in his clothes. He's not the sort of child to care much about what others think of him. He also has dollies that he takes to bed with him and he and his friends used to fight over his pink toy pushchair when he was younger.

As for toys being considered girls and boys, of course it's marketing. After all if you have two different gendered children it means a lot less hand me downs. You need a whole new wardrobe and a whole new set of toys because a boy can't possibly wear or play with 'girls thing' and the shops cash in on people's insecurities.

 

[pinklizzy]

My little boy is really too young to ask to wear a dress, generally he'd rather not wear clothes at all but he does love his big sister's plastic sparkly high-heeled dressing up shoes and will ask to have bows and clips put in his hair like she does.
I have on a couple of occasions taken him out and about with a bow in his hair, usually because I forgot about it!
I think if he really wanted to wear one of the dressing up dresses out of the house that would be fine, just like taking his big sister out dressed as a storm trooper was, not my choice of outfit but she was comfortable in it so why not.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I dont care what other peoples kids wear, But I hate it when its all over fb like just to make a point. I dont know.
I wouldnt let a boy walk around outside in a princess dress. I think my son wore one once at home but he said it was annoying. We have a mixture of girl and boys toys. My daughter wears boys joggers and my son has worn my socks before by mistake. I would let them pick from either section but not a dressing up dress. Lucky my son never asked.
My youngest has tops from the 'boys section'if a character she likes. I can see the point of it maybe being more acceptable for girls. I dont know why, but I wouldn't encourage my son to wear a dress outside.

 

[lau86]

It depends how much he wanted it tbh. If it made him happy i would probably go along with it. Ds1 went through a phase of wearing dresses at nursery and hubby questioned it. He then asked for a dress at home which I bought and decided to just let him be. That itch was scratched and he moved on, as with all the other phases.

 

[staralfur]

I can understand where you're coming from because as I think you've already pointed out, the double standard is very clear in our society. A girl wearing clothes targeted towards boys is something most people don't bat an eye at. My lo's favourite shirt is a dark green one with dinosaurs on it and if I don't pair it with pink pants people assume she's a boy, but once I correct them they apologize and feel silly for assuming. Whereas if it were a boy wearing a princess shirt I imagine people would somehow feel more justified in their gender assumption.

Which leads to an interesting question: why is it okay for girls to dress like boys but not okay for boys to dress like girls? Why can we say "sure, sweetie, it's okay present yourself as more masculine" but deny boys the ability to present themselves as more feminine without judgment? It seems to imply that masculine = fine no matter what, but feminine = only okay sometimes. The implication is that it's more acceptable to show "boy" traits than "girl" traits and that's not okay with me. Girly things are awesome. Boys should like lots of girl things! To say that they can only dress a certain way or do girly things in private attaches an element of shame to it, I think.

All of that said, I know some people are just real sticklers for gender stereotypes in general and while I disagree with that, I think it's less of an issue if they're consistent. But if you would have no problem sending your daughter out in a Batman costume but wouldn't let your son go out in a dress, I think you need to consider what subtle messages you're sending your children.

 

[Rainbow82]

I'd be happy for my son to go out wearing whatever he wants as long as it is weather appropriate. If we all taught our children to be completely accepting of everyone then nobody could argue that the reason they wouldn't allow their son to pick dresses to wear is to protect him from others comments. I believe it is fine to teach our children about gender but so many times that actually seems to mean teaching them gender stereotypes. My son enjoys playing with a lot of different toys, we don't think of them as boys toys or girls toys, they are just toys. I just don't understand why it's an issue.

 

[miraclemomma]

We are quite stereotypical in our roles as husband and wife but it's not an intentional thing. Husband goes out to work, I stay home and look after the kids, cook and clean etc. He's a joiner so I expect him to do the diy - we never meant to take on these roles but that's what's happened! However, the boys have trucks and cars to play with but also dolls, tea sets, a kitchen set - I don't have a problem with buying him the toys he wants! He does ballet and he does rugby so I'm happy with him doing any activity he wants! He loves to bake with me and any sort of craft!!! If he had a big sister I'd have no problem with him borrowing her dresses to play. I just don't think I'd feel comfortable buying him girl clothes as I wouldn't want him to be picked on. And I feel it would be short lived and therefore a waste of money.

 

[Zephram]

It's really a commentary on wider society that it's okay for girls to look up to and emulate male figures but it isn't okay for boys to look up to and emulate female figures. Even in the 21st century it is seen as weak or wussy to play at being a girl or a princess, but if you play at being a traditional male role like a pirate or soldier you're obviously going to turn out strong and successful. It's sad, if you ask me, and if you really want to drill down to it these attitudes really underscore the gender pay gap that still exists - the idea that if you're a girl you're somehow "less".

As for my two boys, my eldest plays princesses with his older female cousin and no one bats an eyelid when they both run around in dresses. I have absolutely no concern about it effecting how he turns out. If anyone else is small enough to care what my son is wearing, that's their own problem.

 

[SarahBear]

"Girl things"?
Why is anything gendered at all?
What makes it for girls or for boys?

Exactly.

Have you ever seen the meme that says something like this:

How to tell if a toy is for a boy or a girl:

Do you operate the toy with your genitals?

No - This toy is for anyone.
Yes - This toy is not for children.

 

[Ali33]

If I had a son I would not be ok with him wearing a dress. Call me an old fashioned country gal but that just wouldn't happen in my house. I don't judge anyone for what they do with their kids but it isn't for us.

 

[AnneD]

If I had a son, I wouldn't be ok with him wearing a dress either. Children have plenty of other ways to express themselves and I don't see anything wrong with teaching them that some things aren't socially acceptable or appropriate in certain circumstances. Likewise, I don't allow mine to wear a winter coat in scorching heat or sleeveless dress with nothing else when it's cold, knickers on the head in public, my bra, high heels, make up, nail varnish, toilet roll scarf etc. If she wanted to go out naked, I wouldn't allow it either. To me, it's not any different from say not allowing excessive amounts of sweets (no matter how much she wants them) or draping spaghetti on oneself in a restaurant. The culture and tradition I come from, and live in, don't view boys wearing dresses as appropriate or socially acceptable.

 

[Larkspur]

If I had a son, I wouldn't be ok with him wearing a dress either. Children have plenty of other ways to express themselves and I don't see anything wrong with teaching them that some things aren't socially acceptable or appropriate in certain circumstances. Likewise, I don't allow mine to wear a winter coat in scorching heat or sleeveless dress with nothing else when it's cold, knickers on the head in public, my bra, high heels, make up, nail varnish, toilet roll scarf etc. If she wanted to go out naked, I wouldn't allow it either. To me, it's not any different from say not allowing excessive amounts of sweets (no matter how much she wants them) or draping spaghetti on oneself in a restaurant. The culture and tradition I come from, and live in, don't view boys wearing dresses as appropriate or socially acceptable.

Reading that list, it seems like "boys wearing dresses" is the only thing that's "wrong" for social reasons only. For everything else there's also a practical reason that you might forbid your child from doing it. So it's not really the same at all.

 

[AngelUK]

I wouldn't allow my sons going out in a dress either. I don't mind them dressing up at home or nursery or some setting like that but I would like to shield them from stares and comments that they would get if I let them go out in public in a dress. I feel it is my job to shield and protect them from unkindness if I can. Once they are older and understand more of what choices like wearing a dress will mean, I will not stand in their way of course. Though I do hope neither of my boys will have gender dysmorphia, as I wish them to have an easy life.

 

[sheebee]

It's interesting, lots of people have said they wouldn't allow it so that they don't get comments/reaction from other people.

Whilst I understand that in some respect, I feel it's is not our job to protect our children from the outside world, but to feel empowered to live as themselves within in it, to be able to find a way to deal with negative responses without changing who they are, and to build their confidence so the can be who they choose to be, without being afraid of being judged.

I would absolutely allow either of my sons to wear a dress in public, I couldn't comment on it at all, and if they felt uncomfortable with it I would discuss those feelings with them.