SAHM or Career Mom?

[LucyLadyBug]

I've never heard of polyamorous relationships before, only polygamous. Really interesting Is it a religious or lifestyle thing if you don't mind me asking?

I don't mind at all. Polyamory for the most part isn't religious and tends to have a very different dynamic to polygyny (polygamy technically just means plural marriage, polygyny is one man + multiple wives, and polyandry is one woman + multiple men). Every relationship is different, some people who practice it as a lifestyle choice. Others identify it as a semi orientation.

But unlike religious polygamy, we can choose our own partners/structure. The most common forms are triads (3 people all dating each other) vees (two seperate people dating the same person. Quads (usually heirarchial polyamory with two couples dating each other), and then there's various webs that can develop over time.

I find polyamory fascinating because to truely work and be healthy (because there's bad poly relationships too), a lot of communication, honesty and work has to go into it right from day one, in a way that isn't always considered in monogamous dating. I don't mean this against monogamy, I pretty much feel like I am monogamous..x2... I just mean that if people weren't afraid to discuss sexual boundaries, what counts as cheating, if they find a person cute, where they want to be inthe future. jealousy and how to work through it, etc... really early on/continuing as issues arise; it could help build strongerfoundations to help relationships last.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on off topic, but hope I clarified a few things.

 

[BumpySomeday]

I'm just starting my career but we really want to start TTC too. I feel like I put in the hours and the hard work going to college to get my Masters Degree and working on my CPA right now. DH owns his own company so he is more flexible than I. So.. I will return to work at least with the first baby. By our second things may change at least until kids go to school. Fortunately we have a very close family to help with the first.

 

[VictoriaP86]

I earn the same as my hubby so is a big chunk of salary to lose each month. I plan to take a year off then return to work three days a week and leave lo with my mother in law. That could change though as it depends if hubby has passed his taxi exams by then so money won't be a factor in the decision which will be nice.

My friends that have one lo seem to enjoy going to work part time for a bit of adult time but after two it seems that it becomes more difficult. Suppose everyone is different.

 

[WhiteKhocol8]

I'm hoping for a year or two off working full time, but I am banking on having to work part time most of that to keep the house the DH and I are buying later this year.

Fortunately, once I am made permanent as a teacher if I take maternity leave they have to hold my job for me for seven years (only put in contractors). No way would I last that long, but the security is nice.

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

I'm hoping for a year or two off working full time, but I am banking on having to work part time most of that to keep the house the DH and I are buying later this year.

Fortunately, once I am made permanent as a teacher if I take maternity leave they have to hold my job for me for seven years (only put in contractors). No way would I last that long, but the security is nice.

Wow, seven years! I'm a teacher in NZ and we just get a year like other professions. Seven years is epic!

 

[annio84]

I'm going back to work from having #1 in 5 weeks. Partly I hate that I can't be a SAHM but I think once I'm back at work I'll feel differently because I really love my job. There's also the issue that I earn more than half of our income.

 

[oceania]

I will be combining the best of both worlds by working 4 days a week once my lo is 10 months old..here in Finland parents can work 80percent of their normal working hours until their child turns 8, which I plan to do. The paycut isn't exactly 20 percent, taxes are lower and daycare fees as well plus the government pays us 160 e while doing it to encourage combining work and family life...hubby can also get it and we could take like Mon and Fri off so lo would be in daycare 3 days a week. Can't afford to be a sahm

 

[eulmh82]

I work two days a week and although I'm finding the money side hard for me personally I want to be the one to raise my son. I know other people feel differently and I don't judge anybody you do what's right for you and your family but I know me personally I'd do it all badly. Bad mum/ bad teacher/ bad wife. This way I get the balance to do all the things relatively well. Yes it means my career is on hold a while but our babies are only young for a relatively short time in the grand scheme of things. They'll be plenty of years where he's ignoring me to be with his friends. I figure I can
Pick it back up
Then

 

[Eline]

Finland sounds pretty great atm! Wish we had the same arrangement over here, I would definitely go for working 80%!

 

[shannongmac]

I am also the breadwinner and plan on going back to work. We are currently TTC. Lucky for us my mom has said she can assist with babysitting duties which will help with child care costs.

 

[SerendipityED]

I'm hoping to combine the best of both worlds and go back to work after maternity leave on a 16-24hr contract and be at home the rest of the time. I'd love to be a SAHM, but then I want my children to grow up more comfortably than I did which makes me feel like I should work loads- hopefully I can find a happy medium

 

[Symphony7]

I'll be a SAHM until both kids are in school, then I will go back to teaching hopefully at the school they attend. I just really want the experience of being home with them from day one and luckily by the time we start TTC hubby will be making enough to cover all bills without my salary.

 

[daneuse27]

I made the decision to start full time school when LO was a year old. Its a 1-year teaching degree, and I enrolled last minute because I found out that teaching will soon become a 2 year program where I live. I didn't want to ever have to spend 2 years in school with a daughter to provide for, so I took the leap and am doing it now.

She's in daycare on average 30 hours a week, which is hard sometimes but I'm lucky that we often have 3-day weekends, I get a week off every now and then, and by the end of April I'll be at home fulltime with her until I enter the workforce eventually.

Honestly, she enjoys daycare and for such an active, outgoing and curious toddler like her, I think its been very beneficial to her. We live in an extremely cold city, its -20 celcius right now even though we're into March. Being a SAHM here would be dreadful IMO because its too cold to play inside and you're stuck indoors almost all the time.

Being a SAHM mom might be fun for a year, or 2 years tops in my opinion, but much longer than that might get a little slow. I've always been very ambitious and driven, I couldn't imagine not having a career.

 

[spicyorange]

I will go back part time after mat leave runs out at 9 months.sI'd love to stay at home but a. I can't afford it and b. I dint think I'd find it easy to go back after 5yrs completely out of work when the kids s start school. My parents worked full time, dh's mum didn't and we both turned out fine.
Interesting to see uk childcare bills now cost must households more than their mortgage though. Makes you question the value of working?!!

 

[dani_tinks]

I'm a SAHM. I used to work for the NHS and I did think I'd go back but I ended up quitting as I wanted to be at home with Jacob. The plan is to have number 2 and then think about going back to work when he/she is starting pre school. I'm lucky in that we can afford it (just). If we couldn't I would definitely have gone back.

 

[WhiteKhocol8]

I'm hoping for a year or two off working full time, but I am banking on having to work part time most of that to keep the house the DH and I are buying later this year.

Fortunately, once I am made permanent as a teacher if I take maternity leave they have to hold my job for me for seven years (only put in contractors). No way would I last that long, but the security is nice.

Wow, seven years! I'm a teacher in NZ and we just get a year like other professions. Seven years is epic!

Our government in its infinite wisdom is making small noises about changing it, but they'd have a revolt on their hands if they did as it is one of the very few (economically-based) perks of working in a public school. We only get paid for 12 weeks of that and six weeks MUST be before the birth of the child. Needless to say most people who go on family leave have timed their baby very carefully (most born six weeks into Term One so they get paid for the whole holidays, then all of term one plus the Easter holidays). Case in point: last year, 2 babies born beginning of March. This year, just the one. Pretty impressive figuring by the parents!

 

[sailorsgirl]

I am a sahm, partly through choice, partly through necessity;

1. I have 2 young child aged 1 and 2 so I cannot afford childcare, unless I earn a large amount in the ofset. Since I fell pregnant right out of Uni, I have no experience in my field therefore my masters is all but useless now, so a high salary is pretty unlikely.

2. I moved 200 miles away from family to be closer to my husband, childrens father, therefore I have no help with childcare.

3. My oh is military, meaning I cannot get a job that fits around his job because of the unpredictable nature of the military lifestyle.

4. My oh is often deployed for 8-10 months of every year. This makes me feel as though my children need me close even more so, I couldn't bare the thought of"daddy is gone all the time and we only see mummy at breakfast and bedtime"

5. I love being a sahm. I love exploring the world through their eyes, seeing all their new achievements, being the one to kiss their knees better when they fall over. And I know this is a very short period of life so I feel that I should enjoy it with them. Thankfully my husbands job gives me the rare opportunity to be able to stay at home with them whilst they are young. My career can begin once they are in school.

I admire career mums, and tbh sometimes get jealous of you amazing women, and I have days where I wish I wad working. But in truth I am so grateful that I am in this situation where, for now, even if I wanted to work, we cant afford it. We dont claim any help and things are tight but I get a lot of quality time with my babies

Xxx

 

[jren]

We will both work. I want kids but I also want to be in the career I love.

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

I'm hoping for a year or two off working full time, but I am banking on having to work part time most of that to keep the house the DH and I are buying later this year.

Fortunately, once I am made permanent as a teacher if I take maternity leave they have to hold my job for me for seven years (only put in contractors). No way would I last that long, but the security is nice.

Wow, seven years! I'm a teacher in NZ and we just get a year like other professions. Seven years is epic!

Our government in its infinite wisdom is making small noises about changing it, but they'd have a revolt on their hands if they did as it is one of the very few (economically-based) perks of working in a public school. We only get paid for 12 weeks of that and six weeks MUST be before the birth of the child. Needless to say most people who go on family leave have timed their baby very carefully (most born six weeks into Term One so they get paid for the whole holidays, then all of term one plus the Easter holidays). Case in point: last year, 2 babies born beginning of March. This year, just the one. Pretty impressive figuring by the parents!

That's so interesting, and fascinating! I too am thinking about term time etc when it comes to the due date of our baby, but at this point, I just want a BFP! If we get pregnant this cycle we will be due at the end of the year, around the last day of term. Hopefully the powers that be recognise that this would be awesome and send my BFP to me forthwith!

 

[WhiteKhocol8]

I'm hoping for a year or two off working full time, but I am banking on having to work part time most of that to keep the house the DH and I are buying later this year.

Fortunately, once I am made permanent as a teacher if I take maternity leave they have to hold my job for me for seven years (only put in contractors). No way would I last that long, but the security is nice.

Wow, seven years! I'm a teacher in NZ and we just get a year like other professions. Seven years is epic!

Our government in its infinite wisdom is making small noises about changing it, but they'd have a revolt on their hands if they did as it is one of the very few (economically-based) perks of working in a public school. We only get paid for 12 weeks of that and six weeks MUST be before the birth of the child. Needless to say most people who go on family leave have timed their baby very carefully (most born six weeks into Term One so they get paid for the whole holidays, then all of term one plus the Easter holidays). Case in point: last year, 2 babies born beginning of March. This year, just the one. Pretty impressive figuring by the parents!

That's so interesting, and fascinating! I too am thinking about term time etc when it comes to the due date of our baby, but at this point, I just want a BFP! If we get pregnant this cycle we will be due at the end of the year, around the last day of term. Hopefully the powers that be recognise that this would be awesome and send my BFP to me forthwith!

I will have my fingers crossed for you - baby dust to you and yours - maybe for a little after the end of term so you have a few days to recover before it arrives! I can't imagine trying to finish reports and other bits and admin pieces AND getting ready for an immediate birth!