Second pregnancy and anxiety over labour and delivery is getting bad

[Beanonorder]

I had an extremely traumatic experience birth with my first baby and this is making me very anxious for my second. At the time she was born the doctor asked if I wanted more kids and my reply was 'yes, no. Yes I want more but I don't know where they're coming from cos it's not me'. I thought I'd healed and moved on from the trauma but my dd recently turned 2 and as her birthday approached all the memories resurfaced.
I desperately want a better experience than last time but now I've got myself so panicked about it I'm scared I'm going to make it worse, despite the measure I've taken to avoid at least some of the issues of last time.
I'm not sure the point of this - maybe to see if anyone has positive stories after a similar situation?

 

[ttc126]

Hi Hon. I feel the same way. Dh and I really really wanted another but we tried again (and caught) quite soon because I told him if we waited too long I wouldn't ever have another.

The pregnancy has been stressful in and of itself....several health concerns and been high risk. While I'm over the moon to meet my little guy, I'm now having anxiety over the birth. I honestly wanted to opt for a c section in the beginning but was just gearing up for a hopefully normal vaginal birth this time. But lo and behold, this little man is breech. My hospital doesn't allow breech deliveries and so I have a section scheduled. While in my head I do want the most natural delivery and I'm doing things to turn him, part of me hopes he won't so I won't go through anything that reminds me of last time. I feel a little guilty over that but mentally I think I can't handle it again. I still have nightmares from last time. I just want to forget it and replace it with a better experience.

sorry this is long and not all that helpful...I'll let you know after my delivery how it goes. I have a completely different dr this time and she's wonderful. That's the best thing I can recommend at the moment. It's been hard, but I know when I see my baby it will be worth it.

Hugs to you!

 

[Beanonorder]

Thanks! I still have to meet the doctor who I will be with for deliver - I have to change hospitals at 32 weeks so will meet him or her then. Hopefully the new doctor will be understanding about my feelings. To be honest I think c-section freaks me out even more just for the reason that I scar really badly.
Good luck to you! I look forward to the update.

 

[BunnyN]

My mum had a traumatic 1st labour and decided to have a home birth with me. She had a lovely experience the second time.

 

[Beanonorder]

My mum had a traumatic 1st labour and decided to have a home birth with me. She had a lovely experience the second time.

I'd love a home birth! My mom is a nurse and trained midwife so it would be lovely to have her at least part of it. But unfortunately home birth are illegal here. You can get away with it if you really want but you are not allowed access to any medical equipment and very few hospitals will accept you if you haven't given birth there. Dd was in the NICU for 3 days and this baby has tested positive for the same thing so will likely also have to go in, so I can't risk it.

 

[BunnyN]

I can see that makes sense for you to choose hospital. It seems like you have been doing what you can to make this time a better experience. I really hope it goes more smoothly for you this time. I know lots of women do have a good experience after having a bad one.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I really feel for you and hope I can instill some confidence in you! I had a traumatic first time birth. I thought I had handled it quite well but realized afterwards that I felt compelled to talk about it often because it bothered me so much. I also knew I wanted more children but was adamant that i didn't want to go through labour again. Imagine my horror then when I discovered I was pregnant last year! I cried to my husband because I was terrified of going through labour again.

I'm here to say, the second time around can be such a different experience. My labour and birth were amazing and made me want to have more babies! A far cry from my first when I said to dh, "I am NEVER doing that again!!" I did hypnobirthing (Maggie Howell) and had a calm, controlled, relaxed birth. In fact, I laboured mostly at home and upon arrival to the hospital found out I was already 8cm

If I had known how well things could go I wouldn't have spent so much time worrying about giving birth. You can do it mama! You're going to do great and remember that no two births are the same! Just bc you had a traumatic first birth doesn't mean you're in for a bad one again.

 

[Beanonorder]

Thank you so much! I appreciate everyone's comments.

I have been thinking about looking into hyonobirthing. I must get onto that!

 

[AmeliePoulain]

My second labour and delivery was a lot smoother than my first - it had its moment but that was to do with a completely unpredictable event (drug reaction) and that I need to be induced for medical reasons (GD)

Can what hapenned first time around be avoided - lessons learnt by your doctor?

I found my second experience of birth so healing, I had a lot of guilt and insecurities after the first time. The second birth I felt so incredibly proud.

I still don't overly fancy doing it again but I am optimistic for the most part.

 

[Carly.C]

My second labour was immensely fast. 90 minutes from start to finish. I had a 3rd degree tear with dd1 and only 2nd degree with dd2. On the whole it was an amazing experience that I look back on and smile, I really hope you can say the same after you give birth x

 

[Beanonorder]

Amelie I've done what I can to change the situation from last time. Like I'll be going to an expat hospital this time instead of a Chinese hospital. So I'll have a private labour and delivery room instead of a communal one, my dh will be allowed in (if I actually decide to have him in), my doctor and the staff will be able to speak English, I'll be able to make requests like having my waters broken instead of sitting in excruciating pain with no progression and although I don't want one I know that getting an epidural is an option. I think actually being able to communicate with the staff around me will make a massive difference.
Also I'm prepared for if the baby has to be taken to the NICU and I can request to at least hold him briefly before he's taken away.

 

[AmeliePoulain]

I am having a meeting around 28-30 weeks with the hospital to discuss both previous births and to see what that does to their plan.

I personally think I'll feel more settled after that meeting. A lot is unknown for me at the moment.

 

[fisher640]

I'm glad to see this thread and thanks everyone who's responded so far. Keep the advice coming!!!

I'm just under 12 weeks with #2 and already dreaming (nightmaring) about labor and delivery. My first one, alls well that ends well, but was really traumatic.

The very short version is they messed up my epidural and it was a spinal, only they didn't realize and overdosed me on meds and our vital signs tanked we both easily could have died. I managed to have a vaginal delivery in the end only because I convinced the doctor to let me try. Then had a spinal headache that the blood patch didn't fix and stuck around for weeks. I couldn't even stand long enough to change a diaper.

I feel like everything went wrong as a result of the epidural so I'm still in the beginning stages of research as to how to avoid an epidural. But frankly kind of unsure of my pain tolerance? I don't know what to do and feel pretty lost.

 

[ttc126]

Hey just saw this pop up and realized I had yet to update!

Had my section January 13! It went so well!!!! Definitely a lot better than last time despite my nerves!

Recovery has been very smooth and problem free. I only needed pain meds for a week! And now I'd not even remember I had surgery if it weren't for my precious little boy!

My scar is quite small and I bet by this time next year I won't even notice it. And I was concerned because I have kelosis which normally makes me scar horribly.

Good luck to everyone