Self harm/ Self injury support

[MommaAlexis]

What I did to help me quit was keep a calendar and write down everything that had happened that day. I sometimes would have REALLY bad days for cutting and couldn't figure out why. When I wrote everything down, I noticed my really bad days were a day or two after I argued with someone, or broke up with someone, etc. Because even though cutting affected my mood, I couldn't tell the reason why I was cutting at first. This was only when I decided to quit, I had to find out the WHY before finding out how to quit. But when I was cutting it wasn't because of that fight in my head, it in reality was and for some reason I didn't want to admit it had made me angry/etc. because I didn't want the emotions at all. Haha that's confusing. Let me sum that up better. I didn't want to admit that it hurt me, and bottled it up, which led to me cutting and not wanting to admit to myself WHY I did it.

Self harming is massive to deal with, and even if she won't go to counseling, speaking with a councilor might help you learn how to deal with it and help her as best as you can. It takes a support system and the desire to quit on her part too. My cousin started cutting, her aunt called me and asked me to speak to her about it because she didn't know what to do. I was pretty upset as she's my baby cousin, and it took a huge reality check for her to see how hard it is to get out of once you're in too deep, and how your body looks after. Literally it was me and my two friends who were quitting or quit there all day with her. Because you're constantly telling yourself it's not a big deal, you can handle it, you an quit whenever. My cousin has only relapsed once or twice since then, and usually calls me before she gets to that point. If your daughter had someone she looked up to who has battled with SH, it might help her, might be hard to find considering how private people usually are about it.

 

[I Love Lucy]

MommaAlexis, you just reminded me of my cousin. I remember at a family party it was discovered that my cousin was cutting. I remember my aunt saying that if anyone would understand what he was going through, it would be me. Apparently my mom must of confided in other family members about my cutting because I had no idea anyone even knew. But regardless, knowing my little cousin was feeling enough pain to hurt himself made me sick to my stomach. All the hurt that I felt that led me up to taking it out on my body, I woulddn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's really hard trying to get up and make it through the day when you feel that low. Anyways...I remember talking to my cousin, he was experiencing some bullying (his adhd medicine made him like a zombie at school so he didn't really have many friends) as well as some girl trouble. I remember it helped him and even myself when we just sat together and cried and just got all the hurt and pain out in a healthy way. We also talked about expressing our pain through poetry rather then harming ourselves. My cousin even entered some of his poems in a contest and placed in it.

FiNZ, maybe it might be helpful for your daughter to join a support group with other teens that self harm. I think talking to people that have been there makes it easier to open up because you know those people have been there/are going through the same thing. It also might be helpful for her to learn of other ways of coping, like how my cousin and I used poetry to get our feelings out.

Also have you considered homeschooling or possibly transferring schools? If possible, maybe those would help with her mood if she is struggling so much at school right now.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Hha my last page in my journal is filled with poetry

 

[FiNZ]

Thanks! She's been begging me to let her change schools or to home school her. The school councillor said that changing schools is often NOT a smart idea, as it takes one text message or one whisper for word to spread to an associate of the bullies and her life will be hell at the next place too. I tend to agree. I wonder if sometimes it's better the devil you know.

As for home schooling, she can't take instructions from me as it is, so I can't imagine her respecting me enough to help her with her learning on a weekly basis!!

She used to be an amazing creative writer, so a while ago I suggested she write. She seemed to like the idea, so I will bring it up with her again. She has a journal and I've noticed that it goes with her to sleepovers and places. She wouldn't take it to school. One of her first bad encounters with the bully girl was when she took her diary to school and this girl got it out of her bag and showed it to everyone.

My blood boils when I think about this disgusting girl. Did I say that we've just found out she's in one of my daughter's classes next term? My daughte said she is going to stand up to her if there is any shit. I hope she does.

I wouldn't read her journal, but I did see one page when I was in her room and she'd stuck a bracelet her ex boyfriend gave her onto one of the pages, with some of the words to 'Someone like you' by Adele written around it. That makes me want to cry thinking about her being so pained and sad.

Why is life so sad and cruel for people who don't deserve it?

I want my daughter back. Will it ever happen? xxx

 

[MommaAlexis]

I switched schools when I quit, because of bullying. I went to an all catholic school, and when I came out it was horrible. My girlfriend and I were harrassed constantly, my locker was trashed, if I ate in the lunch room they'd throw food at me, followed me home. I was soooo angry and scared. I'm not an angry person by any means, but I got in two fights in one week and decided leaving was better. My mom wouldn't transfer me so I transferred myself. (You can do that if you're over 16 here). When I left I had a VERY low tolerance for BS and made good friends. Only one person harrassed me there, but my new best friend threw cake in his face when she was PMSing lol. I dropped out eventually, because my mom kicked me out but it was much better there for me.

 

[SnuggleMum]

Changed my mind!

 

[lifepraxis]

hi Guys Im New Here

 

[FiNZ]

Hi again. I can't believe it, we just found out that the bully is leaving school and switching to another one. I am sooo excited! I hope this makes a huge difference.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Your best bet is to do something really really fun/happy today or tomorrow. Honestly. When it's something that upsetting to happen, the second that dark cloud over the family hits it will make it worse. Let her know you're going to deal with it and they won't get away with talking to them like that and doing those things, and go out. Go for a road trip, deal with it when you get back. how horrible! I can't believe they'd do that!

 

[FiNZ]

Your best bet is to do something really really fun/happy today or tomorrow. Honestly. When it's something that upsetting to happen, the second that dark cloud over the family hits it will make it worse. Let her know you're going to deal with it and they won't get away with talking to them like that and doing those things, and go out. Go for a road trip, deal with it when you get back. how horrible! I can't believe they'd do that!

Thank you! I just took her to her friend's, and a few of them are going shopping. I gave her some money and she seems fine. I told her that I'm not going to hold back now, as there are so many things that they've done.

I can't believe how much drama is in my life. It almost sounds unbelievable. I just want life to be stress free!! I guess nobody really has that tho. I asked my daughter this morning if she's happy that she never has to see them again and she said she is. They have never treated my girls right, because they remind them of me and they always hated me.

I'll write some more in the GS section. xxxx

 

[I Love Lucy]

I haven't read your post in the GS yet but I just wanted to say how happy I am that the bully won't be at your daughter's school anymore. I can only imagine that, that is a huge weight lifted off her shoulders.

 

[FiNZ]

I haven't read your post in the GS yet but I just wanted to say how happy I am that the bully won't be at your daughter's school anymore. I can only imagine that, that is a huge weight lifted off her shoulders.

I know! We heard rumours about it a few weeks back but I thought it was rubbish! Then yesterday my daughter said that she's definitely leaving at the end of next week. I couldn't believe it!!!

So even though there is still facebook and tumblr and texting, at least she won't have to SEE this girl every day. I am so relieved.

She wore a singlet top out today, even though it's freezing, and there were no marks on her arms.

Sorry that I have so much to say about myself and my daughter. I do care about you and your battles too. It's just that I don't have experience so can't offer anything like you can offer me. Hugs though and I hope that you are all feeling OK and on top of things. xxx

I'll let you know any updates. xx

 

[MommaAlexis]

Don't worry about coming back here for advice. We'd all rather save one person then not take the time to help.

 

[I Love Lucy]

FiNZ, I've been doing fantastic lately. I've gotten myself into a good state mentally so I feel like I'm now ready to give up cutting once again.

I'm glad that things are improving with your daughter. Sounds like she is getting to a better place too.

 

[FiNZ]

FiNZ, I've been doing fantastic lately. I've gotten myself into a good state mentally so I feel like I'm now ready to give up cutting once again.

I'm glad that things are improving with your daughter. Sounds like she is getting to a better place too.

Oh yay, that's such great news, made me smile! Well done to you! xx

The mental health unit finally called me yesterday! They still haven't got an appt time for us, but she asked a heap of questions. I think I confused her more than anything, as I didn't realise how much there is going on. But it can only be a good thing getting it all out and they are the experts so fingers crossed they can help!

 

[FiNZ]

Hi again! I wrote a message a couple of days ago but somehow it got deleted. It was long, and I haven't had a spare moment since to rewrite it.

My daughter's facebook and tumblr got hacked the other day. We found out who it was, and it wasn't the usual bully. We had NO idea that this girl hated my daughter. This girl made my daughter's profile pic on fb a pornographic pic, and started abusing people, pretending she was my daughter. She then called me a slut!!! Anyway, the kids at school were great in exposing her, and they went to one of the teachers, and now she faces suspension. The school said they're sick of it. This girl actually deleted my daughter's tumblr. I don't know if anyone realises just how attached to tumblr teenage girls get!! My daughter was absolutely devastated. She said she'd been working on it for almost a year. The girl who deleted it has been bombarding my daughter with apology texts, but it doesn't take away the absolute malice it took to delete tumblr. This girl also has a tumblr and she is addicted to hers, so she knew how much it would hurt my daughter. Even though I don't like it, because she was always on it, and she wouldn't let me see it, I hate that she's been hurt by someone else.

On a positive note, her ex boyfriend is still being nice to her. I'm shit scared that it won't last, and she'll plunge back down into depression. I'm also worried because now they're friends again and talking and texting, all her feelings for him have come back.

The bully that is meant to be leaving school confuses me. We asked the school if she's leaving, and the teacher that talks to me and knows what is going on in my daughter's life said that he hadn't heard that she is going, so we're just not sure what to believe. One teacher said that if she is leaving, it'll be as if he's won the lottery (haha), so this shows that it's not just us that has a problem with her!

We should have an appt in another week with the mental health unit. I have seen a big improvement in her lately, so with counselling, maybe things will actually be good. Here's hoping.

xxxxx

 

[I Love Lucy]

I'm sorry your daughters account got hacked. I'm glad the school is taking that seriously. I believe you could also report it the hacked account to tumblr. Maybe they could recover it somehow since it wasn't your daughter that deleted it? I don't have a tumblr so I don't have much advice on that but it would be worth looking into.

Glad to hear your daughter is doing better. I hope the counseling continues to help her.

 

[FiNZ]

Tumblr have said that sadly, once it's been deleted, it's gone for good.

The girl that did it has been in isolation at school all week. Like, literally ALL week. Her mother called me and was very apologetic, and she said that she was banning her daughter from the laptop for 2 months. Well, she's already back on tumblr! Her facebook has gone though.

We finally have an appt with the councillor booked. It's not until the 9th July.

Last night she was out at a bday, and was texting me, sad that her ex boyfriend had said a couple of things about her at school yesterday. So now she's slipped back to sadness. I can't believe that it only takes one thing to trigger it. I'm not looking forward to this weekend because she will obsess over it the whole weekend now.

How are you going? xx

 

[Groovychick]

 

[I Love Lucy]

Tumblr have said that sadly, once it's been deleted, it's gone for good.

The girl that did it has been in isolation at school all week. Like, literally ALL week. Her mother called me and was very apologetic, and she said that she was banning her daughter from the laptop for 2 months. Well, she's already back on tumblr! Her facebook has gone though.

We finally have an appt with the councillor booked. It's not until the 9th July.

Last night she was out at a bday, and was texting me, sad that her ex boyfriend had said a couple of things about her at school yesterday. So now she's slipped back to sadness. I can't believe that it only takes one thing to trigger it. I'm not looking forward to this weekend because she will obsess over it the whole weekend now.

How are you going? xx

July 9th isn't too far away. I really hope the counselor is able to help her, especially when it comes to coping with other people.

I know what usually caused me to get upset were the things other people did. I think it's even harder when you're a young teen. You're not a child, but you're not an adult so it's kind of hard to know where you fit. Not to mention all the hormones and other changes brought on by puberty. The teen years are just a very stressful time in general I think.

I'm sending lots of your way! Hang in there!

As for me, I'm doing great. I've had a rough couple of days but self-harming was not the way I handled it. All I had to do was get myself in the mind set that I wanted to handle the stress and problems in a healthy way. Knowing OH and I will be TTC in a few days is a really big motivator.