Self-soothing without cry-it-out

[jcg0506]

My lo is six months and I'd like him to start learning to self-soothe but don't want to do the cry it out thing. I usually breast feed to sleep except the couple nights when I work and DH rocks him to sleep. I alternate between cosleeeping or having him in the pack 'n play next to the bed. He usually wakes up twice to feed, but sometimes if he wakes up between feeds he can't put get himself back to sleep, so we rock him as I don't really want to nurse him to sleep when he's not hungry. Naps are the really hard part. I also rock or nurse to sleep but he usually only sleeps for 30-40 minutes before waking since he can't get himself back to sleep when he goes through the normal arousal period. I think his sleep (day and night) would really improve if he could self-soothe. But how do you teach a baby to self soothe without crying it out? Anyone have any advice? What have you done? Do you just wait until they learn it on their own? When would that be? Does self soothing come with weaning? (I don't want to do that any time soon).

 

[freckleonear]

6 months is still pretty young for self-soothing, my children started doing it at about 10-11 months. The No Cry Sleep Solution book gives a gentle removal plan for feeding them but unlatching before they fall asleep, which might be something you could start gradually working on.

 

[NaturalMomma]

In my opinion and experience is that they don't need to learn that, but that that is something that happens when they are old enough to not need night time parenting. That normally happens around 1-3 years, sometimes longer or earlier. Both my boys started to self soothe around 20-24 months.

 

[Rachel_C]

I agree with the PPs and I don't think you CAN teach a young baby to self soothe without it being a bit cruel in some way. IMO it's like teaching a baby to walk - there is a certain age where you may be able to help them learn it (if you're that way inclined!) but up until then it's just going to be stressful and horrible all round if you try to force it. I'd imagine it would vary between babies but from my own experience it has been at about a year old.

 

[mumandco]

I agree that you can't teach a baby to self soothe,Zack is 19months and for the past 2months we have been trying to get him to sleep in his cot for the first part of the night. An it's only now that he is starting to self soothe a little. I think it's just a milestone they reach,you can help them along the way to reach the milestone but you can't make them reach it.

 

[Hanskiz]

I was SO hoping someone would have a magic answer to this question!!

My LO is only 4 months but I have been trying to gently move away from the feed-to-sleep thing. The No Cry Sleep Solution that someone else mentioned is a good buy - well worth a look.

I've been using the gentle removal technique and trying to put her down sleepy but not asleep. It's slow going, but I *think* we're making progress. I usually feed her until she is half alseep, remove nipple, then put her down. If she fusses I put her back to the breast and start again. Sometimes I can put her down and then she fusses 5 minutes later, I just, repeat, repeat, repeat. I'd say I'm still feeding her to sleep about 70% of the time but sometimes she does the last bit herself. Like I say, it's slow going, but we're getting somewhere with it as I was feeding her to sleep 100% of the time. I'm hoping that over the course of the next few weeks/months if I am consistent we may get to a stage where I can put her down awake.

Good luck!!

 

[jcg0506]

Thanks everyone. I actually do have the No Cry Sleep Solution but haven't had any luck really with the nipple removal. We may try up to eight times and I only get him off when he he is finally asleep. We do some of the other things like the bedtime routine and sleepy words. I guess it's just too slow glowing to see any progress. I've got to find something to help though. Last night was terrible and he was waking every few minutes at the slightest noise until I finally left hubby and went with lo into another room. Most nights aren't this bad but daytime naps are really suffering. I guess he's just a really light sleeper and wakes up too easily.

 

[mumandco]

How about cuddling and feeding him to sleep,when he's asleep put him in his cot Or wherever you want to put him to sleep. If he cries gently pat his belly whilst shhhhing him,if that doesn't work feed him again and put him back in the cot once he's settled,pat and shhh. It may take a while but hel soon get used to it. The more he's settled in the cot he may not wake when transferring him from breast to cot. You could also then try to stop the patting and just do the shhhhing. And the hopefully it will be a case of feeding and then putting down.

Honestly it may take a long time and be hard work but persevering is essential.

 

[NaturalMomma]

I don't think there is any reason why you can't put the baby to sleep already asleep. Doing that won't make them bad sleepers when they are older. I did that with both my boys and when they were ready to (around 18 months to 24 months) they would go to bed awake by themselves and fall asleep peacefully.

 

[jcg0506]

I don't have a problem with putting lo to sleep when asleep (it's what I already do), the problem for me is that he doesnt stay asleep well and wakes up so easily during his light sleeping/arousal periods. I don't mind putting him back to sleep when he's hungry, which is usually twice a night, but sometimes at night and almost always during naps he wakes constantly and can't get back to sleep on his own. It's taking a toll on everyone's sleep.

 

[oread]

My daugher is older, 11 months, and I have finally figured out something that works for us so I don't have to constantly hold her the entire time she sleeps. It was taking way too much of my day to get her to sleep and now she is so squirmy it was a big struggle every time. I wouldnt say that she self soothes exactly, but having her sleep without being held is an amazing relief.

She has always coslept, but now I have her crib in our room. For naps or bed time I wait until she is tired but not asleep, and lay her in her crib. I just sit in the room and read or something, and sometimes she'll cry a little bit or play some, but she doesnt get hysterical like when I leave the room. After she falls asleep tight I can leave, but sometimes I just stay and read and relax. At first it was slowngoing and would take 15-20 minutes before she'd quit screwing around, but it has been getting more and more successful after about a week of doing it and she goes to sleep much faster with less fussing and messing around.
She just likes to have me in the room. When she wakes up in the middle of the night I bring her to bed but I will eventually transition away from that. Her naps are short but sometimes I can just put her paci back in and she'll go back to sleep,so long as she knows I am closeby

 

[mistyscott]

The further into this parenting lark I go, the more I think that every baby is completely different - but this is my experience, for what it's worth

LO was a nightmare to get to sleep at night until one evening at about 21wks he self settled to sleep, around the same time he moved into the cotbed from cosleeping and his bednest. Since then he's mostly gone down awake after his bedtime feed (he used to have to feed to sleep too) and gone off to sleep himself.
But, don't necessarily think it transfers to daytime sleep! He used to nap 45mins in his pushchair or on someone. For the last few weeks his naps have decreased to 30mins - and now he will only sleep on me or daddy. I'm lucky if I get two naps out of him per day... But he is more frequently sleeping through so I'm not worried he's not getting enough sleep. And if I have to sit down for 30mins or so, I can cope with that oh, and he must be the only baby who doesn't sleep in the carseat or out and about in his pushchair!

The only other thing which coincided with him self settling was the introduction of bedtime routine. He gradually brought it forward from 8pm to now 6.30pm, but he has bath/no nappy time (alternate evenings), dressed and night nappy, bedtime story (daddy) and bedtime feed - both in his room in low light. Then into cot. If he wakes in the night it's generally for a feed and he won't go back off without some sort of intervention from us.

 

[cheese lover]

I know it's not ideal but can you move him to another room? My LO has gotten to where she can't cosleep because she can't settle with us in the same bed. She also was a noisy sleeper so we had to move her to her own room early.
Everyone told me that if we didn't let LO cry it out she'd never sleep on her own but around 9 months she started pushing me away while nursing to sleep so I put her down and she settled just fine. Now she almost always self-settles or cries for a few seconds before falling asleep. Give it some time and he'll sleep much better.

 

[Hanskiz]

The further into this parenting lark I go, the more I think that every baby is completely different - but this is my experience, for what it's worth

LO was a nightmare to get to sleep at night until one evening at about 21wks he self settled to sleep, around the same time he moved into the cotbed from cosleeping and his bednest. Since then he's mostly gone down awake after his bedtime feed (he used to have to feed to sleep too) and gone off to sleep himself.
But, don't necessarily think it transfers to daytime sleep! He used to nap 45mins in his pushchair or on someone. For the last few weeks his naps have decreased to 30mins - and now he will only sleep on me or daddy. I'm lucky if I get two naps out of him per day... But he is more frequently sleeping through so I'm not worried he's not getting enough sleep. And if I have to sit down for 30mins or so, I can cope with that oh, and he must be the only baby who doesn't sleep in the carseat or out and about in his pushchair!

The only other thing which coincided with him self settling was the introduction of bedtime routine. He gradually brought it forward from 8pm to now 6.30pm, but he has bath/no nappy time (alternate evenings), dressed and night nappy, bedtime story (daddy) and bedtime feed - both in his room in low light. Then into cot. If he wakes in the night it's generally for a feed and he won't go back off without some sort of intervention from us.

This gives me hope!! My LO has had a bedtime routine since she was about 2 weeks old (bath, cuddle, feed) but I have to feed her to sleep or she'll freak out (tried shh/pat last night and it was a disaster). I'm planning on moving her to her own room when she is 6 months (ish) so maybe I can hold out that long!!