Selfish and irisponsable?

[lozzy21]

The unloved child bit is aweful and I hope she apologised for it. But it sounds to me like it was just a VERY bad way of getting across her point, which was (I think) that you should do everything you can to prevent a pregnancy if your partner doesn't want a child yet. And I have to say, I agree with that. I don't think you're under any obligation to take the pill, there's other methods. But I don't think that "if I fall pregnant it's your problem, I want to anyway" attitude is very fair to him. He doesn't not want a child to annoy you, he's just not ready. Imagine you're not ready yet (for whatever reason) and your man tells you he'll stop using condoms and if you still sleep with him and something happens it's your own fault. I would feel very pressured by that and slightly left alone with my concerns about not being ready yet.
Having said all that, obviously her words were completely out of order and I hope she now realises that she can't talk to other people like that, especially people she's only known for 3 weeks... Hope things get better with her at work.

We are using other methods, i dont stop him from using comdoms, i just dont see why i should pump my body full of fake homrmones giving me nasty headaches and making me into even more of a cow than i normaly am when he is the one that dose not want kids yet. If I dident want one i would take the precations, as i have for most of the relationship. Why is it assumed that the woman has to be in charge of the contraception.

 

[Amygdala]

I completely agree with you there! I don't think it's the woman's responsibility, I think it's a shared one. I'm fortunate in that my husband agrees and we both decided that I shouldn't be on the pill. If he felt strongly that he wanted me to take it to make him less nervous about a pregnancy I think I would though. Same as he would do things for me if I felt strongly about them (like in this case agreeing that we can take a higher risk and don't need the pill).
I didn't mean to criticise your decision in any way, what I meant to express is that it sounded like somehow your OHs feelings of not wanting a child aren't as important as your feelings that you want one. That's probably not the way you meant it at all but I think that's what she caught on to.

 

[lozzy21]

I completely agree with you there! I don't think it's the woman's responsibility, I think it's a shared one. I'm fortunate in that my husband agrees and we both decided that I shouldn't be on the pill. If he felt strongly that he wanted me to take it to make him less nervous about a pregnancy I think I would though. Same as he would do things for me if I felt strongly about them (like in this case agreeing that we can take a higher risk and don't need the pill).
I didn't mean to criticise your decision in any way, what I meant to express is that it sounded like somehow your OHs feelings of not wanting a child aren't as important as your feelings that you want one. That's probably not the way you meant it at all but I think that's what she caught on to.

If oh asked me to go on the pill, i would but under a lot of protest. He knew it was giving me some nasty side effects and becase of my weight im limited to what i can use. Hes never once said anything about using comdoms,apart from how epencive they are.

 

[shambaby]

Hes never once said anything about using comdoms,apart from how epencive they are.

I'm pretty sure you can get them free from family planning clinics

 

[Pyrrhic]

I agree with you. If your OH doesn't want a baby, then he should be the one to use contraception.