Sensitive kids group

[DaisyBee]

It's still really slow going with the eating. But she is doing much better. She is putting more things in her mouth, spitting lots out. But some is going down. Omarsmum - when y said it was like weaning again... What exactly did you mean? What does Omar do when starting to eat again?

I'm sorry sounded like a rough night for you. Megan had been doing so good yesterday but dh came home grumpy and annoyed at me because the hospital wanted us to pick up my dad, and dh had just got home and we had called 15 minutes before thinking maybe he was ready to be picked up. So dh had to drive back to the hospital and then my dad wasn't close to ready, so dh had to wait 1 1/2 hrs until he was ready. so dh was taking it out on me and Megan was hearing that. I don't know dh just had a rough day and we were all stressed out. Megan was upset.

We missed most of the class because of picking up my dad. Dh had my vehicle with the carseats so I couldn't even just leave and bring Jordan with. It was negative degrees out and really windy so no way we would walk. The amount that we were there Megan had fun. She was looking so forward to going that I figured a small amount of class was better than none.

My dad had his surgery after all the other tests they did. 2 days worth of tests And then surgery and they put to stents? In his bile duct or something like that. But he's not better and he has to come back next week as what they thought was wrong, they now don't think that's it. I can tell my dad is really upset but won't talk about it.

Polaris - hope Thomas starts doing better how is Clara doing?

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi ladies. I havent read through the posts from today or last night yet but I feel so down today and just wanted to write it down.

Tommy has croup as well now and he is so poorly. He had a temperature of 38.6 this evening. He has been ill for 3 weeks now . His face looks swollen tonight. I wonder if he could have a mild form of mumps from the MMR. It looks like mumps and I'm an expert on that as me, hubby and Daisy all had it when she was 4 months old.

Daisy behaved badly at pre-school today and they kept hubby behind to tell him. I phoned her keyworker in my lunchbreak to talk about it to her as well. Even though we ask every single day and they say she has been fine apparently she hasn't been fine at all . She has not been sharing and has been pushing and snatching from other children and today hit a child on the head with a torch because she wanted a bike and had a meltdown when she was moved away from the bikes. I was mortified. She has NEVER shown aggression before to other children and has never behaved like that in her groups. She can be mean to Tommy to some extent but has never not shared with other children or behaved like that. I asked the keyworker if it was a one off and she said no, she is often very bad at sharing and doesn't always do what she is asked. I feel so upset and like I want to take her out of pre-school. I don't want her to hurt other children and I don't want her always getting in trouble. I was starting to think she had a behavioural disorder and now I think she has even more . I really thought she was behaving well at pre-school and I wish they told me all along she wasn't. Her eating is awful, her sleeping is awful and her behaviour is awful and I feel like I'm at my wits end .

 

[polaris]

JC
Poor Daisy, do you think she is maybe stressed out in the pre-school environment and it is coming out as aggression and difficulty in sharing? I totally understand what you mean about just wanting to take her out of preschool, that would totally be my initial reaction too. Then I would have to go away and really think about it and work out whether or not my reaction was justified or in everyone's best interests or not.

A big reason why I didn't send Thomas to pre-school this year was that I worried that it would be too stressful for him. My heart would just sink to get any sort of bad report that he wasn't coping well, I think it's so hard to let our babies out in the world and when we do take the plunge we just really really want everything to go as smoothly as possible for them. I agree that it's a shame that the pre-school weren't more open about it before now. Did the pre-school have any suggestions or say how they are managing her behaviour at the moment?

 

[OmarsMum]

Daisybee- I start by introducing lumps slowly. I start to go for 1 proper meal during the day. I cook something he really likes, I don't offer him any snacks 2 hrs before the meal. I don't insist on eating as a family, I put the tv on & I start slowly to talk about what I cooked for him. I don't leave it to dinner as I know when he's tired he won't eat. I offer it at lunch time. I don't make an issue if he doesn't eat. I try not to offer him loads of snacks between meals when I'm trying to introduce food again. If he eats from his food, I offer him the same meal for dinner & next day for lunch

JC I don't think there is something wrong with her Hun, I think it's the nursery's mistake. 1st they should have addressed those issues from the beginning. This is the 1st time for daisy away from home, she needs their guidance to start sharing. I honestly think she's acting out of frustration as it's all new to her Hun. I wouldn't be happy if they kept something like that from me for all this time, you have the right to know!

Polaris - hope you all fully recover soon Hun

 

[DaisyBee]

Ok I wrote out 2 long thought out posts and had internet issues and lost both posts! so short version now!

Jc I know you are upset, really think sharing or lack of is a big reason kids are in preschool. They should be aware of that and be helping teach her how sharing works, and how to handle things. And to spring it on you like this after saying things have been fine? Not ok. She has had big transitions lately. You just recently went back to work right? Potty training, new bed, preschool... LOTs going on. And being agressive over toys doesn't mean she is aggressive, it means she has a lot of emotions going on. Its really very normal for kids to hit when overwhelmed and frustrated.

I personally wouldnt pull her out of preschool. The more she is there the better it will be. There is always a transition period and some kids handle it better than others. But she can learn how to share. They just need to be helping her a bit with it, and that is their job.

 

[TennisGal]

DaisyBee - positive progress on eating, that's great...small steps all add up to big deals.

OmarsMum - fab on the trying the cheesecake

P - poor you I hope you are all feeling better soon and sleep improves

JC - don't worry! And don't be mortified! One of Lizzie's closest friends had a few teething issues at preschool. Like daisy, she had recently potty trained / toilet trained...and she found all the milestones a big deal. She reacted by finding it hard to share and lashing out a bit. Lizzie would come home and tell me 'x hit me on the head, but it's ok because then she got cuddles and said sorry'. Didn't last more than a few weeks, and she is back to being the little chilled soul she was. Either that, or she had enough of Lizzie foisting hugs on her! Either way, her mum told me after speaking to preschool about it all...she felt reassured that it is a perfectly normal way for some littlies to react to change.

 

[TennisGal]

Oh, with us - we had a lovely morning...then went for a walk, and Lizzie got very upset with ducks, geese, dogs and birds. Mr TG had to carry her, as she was so scared. I have really no idea where this came from!

She also had a fish finger and tartare sauce sarnie while we were out...and took real issue with the sauce. She loves my tartare sauce, but said this one smelled 'sicky'. I honestly think she has real texture / smell sensitivity with food. Not always easy.

 

[DaisyBee]

I realized what a big difference in taste buds people have when dh tried to crush up megans meds. She was so upset and spitting it out, and then I tried it and had the same reaction. It was the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. Well dh had tried it before giving it to Megan, didn't taste a thing! And he tried it again after I did, and still couldn't taste it, I couldn't figure out how he couldn't! We started talking about spicy food and he loves spicy things, jalepenos, whatever. I can't tolerate them. I'm very sensitive to tastes. I notice if anyone adds nutmeg in something as I can't stand it. We once had a drink on vacation and I scrunched up my face saying there is nutmeg in there. He couldnt taste it, so asked the waitress and sure enough, nutmeg. I hate smells - perfumes make me sick. I can't even stand wearing smelly lotions. Certain shampoo mil has given me I smell on me all day. I can't handle the texture or taste of cheesecake, so interesting that omar tried it!

My mil has a big texture thing with food and cannot eat things like mayo, tarter sauce, sour cream. She cannot eat something with those types of things on it.

I think the older the kids get it will be easier to figure out what are there real dislikes and what is just being picky for sake of pickiness on a certain day.

 

[TennisGal]

I needed to hear this. Lizzie just gagged over baby corn...which she previously loved. Can this textures thing suddenly just creep up?!

 

[TennisGal]

Ps there's definitely nothing wrong with her throat or ears etc.

 

[DaisyBee]

Megan was a great eater before. And then got pickier as time has gone on. The way she shoveled in food as a baby I never dreamed we would have food issues with her! I really wonder if some of it with her is stress related, similar to the tags issue. Sometimes fine, but other times can't handle it.

 

[TennisGal]

Lizzie just suddenly seems to have developed fears Nothing has changed at home, family, routine..., she loves preschool.

The only thing I could possibly think it is is her reaction to change - perhaps this is her reaction to starting preschool?

She's definitely also had some kind of developmental thing - she her dreams, imagination and fears are all very real and came from nothing! She was literally no-fear girl!

 

[DaisyBee]

Thats exactly how Megan has been recently. And it's all very new to us too. She was afraid of things with tv shows, books, etc before. But it's at a very high level right now. We aren't even watching bubble guppies. She is imagining things at night in her bed. She has mentioned Santa clause, her uncle ( my brother), my squishy squashy, there usually seems to be 2 megans and someone is chasing or going go get the other megan. She isn't dreaming these things as she wasn't asleep yet. She just lays there and thinks about things and something scares her.

Her being afraid to put shirts over her head - it was a major ordeal for us for what 3 weeks? Now it's mostly gone. She was VERY afraid of putting on her shirts over her head. She would have a panic attack basically over having to get dressed.

Same with hair washing and getting hair wet. Yesterday was the first time I've used shampoo on her hair in weeks!

So is this whole food thing with her the same sort of thing? Just fears?

I totally relaxed my whole approach. I felt relaxed before but wonder if it didn't feel like it to her? Or stress of Xmas or something? I don't know. So I tried to distract as much as possible with getting dressed. Was over the top silly. Also made it not a big deal. She is now doing so much better and bringing me clothes to put on and not even flinching with shirts.

It's got to all be related.... And it's all come on at once. And all seems to be leaving as well? Im sure the imagination will stay here for a while, but it's such a huge breakthrough that she is eating, getting dressed, and washing hair and body without screaming like someone is torturing her.

 

[TennisGal]

Exactly like Lizzie. Doesn't like her hair being washed, brushed, face being cleaned...gets panicked if a top gets stuck on her head.

She has got a very vivid imagination - she described the elves coming to visit her at night during advent, described Rudolph popping in to see her...gets very involved in role play games. Interestingly, she eats pretty much anything when doing pretend cooking.

I am going to have to chill out a bit more - I find myself getting stressed at mealtimes these days. She still eats enough, but more and new things are making her gag. And get upset. I try not to let her see my stress...I don't get cross...but I'm sure she picks up on my worry.

Like today, the chicken was fine...the noodles were fine...but some of her previously loved veggies. No go.

She got distressed over a strawberry that was too squishy in her trifle type thing.

I think it has to be some form of developmental leap? And spirited children just find their imaginations and fears hard to filter?

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar is picky with textures since we started weaning. He was fine with 1st tastes, then he started to build preferences. I remember feeding him lentil soup for the 1st time, he was eating it fine, then I gave him a taste of spinach, when I tried lentil soup again he refused it & he gagged. He was eating it before few mins, but he immediately build a preference for spinach. Since then he never ate lentil soup again, he was only 7 months.

He loved eggs, but he got sick when he was 23 months & threw up his eggs, since that time he went off eggs as for him it's linked to throwing up.

He liked pasta but again he stopped eating it over 1 yr back & until now he don't eat it.

He's better with trying new food, but he will not try something he ate before & went off it.

As for fear, Omar is the opposite, he had fears when he was younger, & he was very cautious, but now he seems fearless & less cautious. He's more adventurous & he likes to try new activities. He's not scared of animals or monsters.

He's also fine with new TV shows, earlier he couldn't handle anything a bit scary on TV or in a story.

I think as now he's older, he can know what will really hurt him.

I have very strong taste buds, but I'm not picky. But I was a very picky kid. My mum used to stuggle to get food into my tummy, I was a tiny toddler.

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar's main issues those days when it comes to sensitivity is his clinginess & separation anxiety. It got worse since his nursery experience in October last year. He still have sleep issues.

With food as it's been going forever, we kind of went over his food anxiety as we got more relaxed & now we know what he likes & dislikes when it comes to food & textures. It has been going on for almost 3 years, it didn't settle until he was almost 3 yrs.

He's improving socially, but I still don't know how he will go to pre-school in September. I feel that he will struggle & it might affect him emotionally

 

[DaisyBee]

That little boy in my daycare that was sensitive, he had major food texture issues starting when he was weaning. He would gag on textures and as time went by things slowly got better. So sounds like Omar. By 3 I knew exactly what he would eat and as long as I made things he would eat and separate then he would eat fine. He did end up having food sensitivities, he would randomly vomit. But he also just was a very gaggy kid. He was having issues with dairy and wheat.

Megan isn't very gaggy. But she is getting pickier with things as time goes on. I have no clue from day to day anymore what she will accept ( before this whole no eating thing).

Megan is really very upset by anything with negative emotions. Scared, sad, angry, etc. She gets so upset. She cried big tears today while we read a book saying the dinosaur was sad and she was so upset for him. She has very intense emotions. When she is happy she is very very happy. When scared she is freaked out. I think that's a big difference between Omar and Megan. He seems a lot more laid back, so maybe that's why the fears are going away as megans are getting worse?

Megan doesn't have much separation anxiety. I can leave her at class and she is fine. We leave her with mil more lately and she is great. And her sleep is good. Her sleep was horrible til 13 months. Good from 13-18 months then horrible from 18 mo - 2 1/2.

 

[polaris]

I think that is definitely true about there being a developmental leap in their imaginations and the fears go hand in hand with that. I think I remember that 3 to 4 is the most common age to develop phobias. Thomas is the same with imagining things when he is going to sleep and he has to sleep with a night light now whereas he used to have to have the room totally dark. Tonight he told me that the night light wasn't bright enough. He sees shadows on the wall and makes up stories and sometimes he scares himself I think. However I am happy that so far he doesn't really have any specific fears.

Eating is quite good at the moment, definitely much better than a year ago. I think a bit like Omar, we have learned what he doesn't like and what textures and foods just aren't going to work for him. He's quite good at trying stuff most of the time, but I don't insist if I know it's a texture that he doesn't like.

Sleep is really good at the moment. He's having a two hour nap and sleeping about ten hours at night time and it's working well for us.

My main concerns really are how he will manage socially when he starts pre-school and especially when he goes to big school the following year. I actually feel quite panicky thinking about him in big school. He isn't really a typical boy and I worry so much that he will be the odd one out and be bullied or not make friends with other kids.

 

[DaisyBee]

We are taking megan out tonight. Possibly going to do something else with her as well, depending on time. Try to have some one one one time and bring Jordan to mil's house.

I knew something was up after the last few days with my dad, but we've talked this morning and they found a mass during his ct scan. Honestly all of his symptoms point to pancreatic cancer which doesnt sound good at all. He hasn't said that but I would be shocked if it's anything else at the moment. I spent last night crying as mil actually said something about it so I looked it up. He sees the oncologist wednesday. Megan has been picking up on my sadness and its so hard to put on a brave face. She is way to perceptive.

 

[Tacey]

Omarsmum, so great that Omar is doing well with his class, and speaking up too! Sorry you had such a bad night. Don't beat yourself up about leaving him to cry. Once they get to that point, it really is the best thing to do at times, as hard as it is for us. It's taken me a long time to realise that.

Polaris, how's Thomas been? I hope you're feeling better. It's hard enough managing when we're well. Great that he's sleeping well though! When is he starting preschool?

Daisybee, I hope your dad is doing well and that Megan's eating is continuing to improve. I must say, it sounds like you have handled a really difficult situation amazingly well.

Edit, cross posted with you. So sorry to hear about your dad. Praying for the best outcome possible for him I hope you manage to enjoy your time out.

Ah, JC, I hope things are brighter today. Not good of the preschool to keep the full picture from you. I think I'd be making it clear I'd want to be kept informed. Please try not to worry too much. I'm sure you've had children who misbehave initially before settling down. The preschool teachers will make sure all the children there are safe. I don't think you should worry about behavioural disorders for a good while yet. Have you heard of love bombing? It's something Oliver James suggests, and is great at times of change. I find it's when Alice has pushed me away in terms of her behaviour is the time she needs my attention the most.

TG, it is weird when fears come on so suddenly, and so strongly. I do think 3 is a funny age. Alice has had far more nightmares recently. Their imaginations are so vivid. Alice does a very strange, but effective thing where she states 'facts' that help her fears. She keeps telling me "Mummy, did you know, lions are actually very tiny and friendly? They only have very small mouths." This is after seeing a picture of a roaring lion that clearly bothered her. Apparently, bears aren't real either . She also says "I actually really like dogs now. I like them to bark at me and lick me." Bless her, she said it while looking at my friend's dog, shaking head to toe, but with this fake, rictus grin. She's essentially doing her own exposure work though, and it seems to be helping!