Sensitive kids group

[polaris]

Daisybee I'm so sorry about your dad, that sounds so worrying. I really hope that it doesn't turn out to be pancreatic cancer.

 

[polaris]

We are all finally much better, today is the first day that I feel almost normal, and Thomas is in much better form too. It feels great to have a little bit of energy back!

Thomas is due to start pre-school in September, he will have 15 free hours. I really hope that I won't have to go back to work until after Christmas so that I will be there when he is starting pre-school. If I do have to go back to work I would try to take some leave when he starts preschool.

Tacey, I always have to laugh when you describe how Alice rationalizes her fears because Thomas does the exact same thing. He talks a lot about "scary things" at the moment and he will say things like "the scary things were coming out of the walls but they were actually very friendly scary things". LOL. It is really quite a clever strategy I think!

 

[Tacey]

Very clever of them to find their own (slightly mad,) solutions! Try not to worry too much about preschool. 7 months is a long time. If you think back to how Thomas was 7 months ago, I'm sure he's made huge changes.

On a related "how things change" note, our hair washing situation is going from strength to strength. I've instigated a weekly hair wash, and today was the 3rd time. She lay back on me into the water (we share a bath,) with her eyes closed and hands over her ears. I rinsed off the bubbles, then told her she could sit up. She didn't move. I thought she might not have heard, so said it again. She said "I'm just enjoying the water first." !!! This from the child who wouldn't let a wet comb near her hair a month ago! It gives me hope that seeming impasses can be solved unexpectedly.

Oh, one more thing. Alice has done another about turn, and is being (for her,) very affectionate with me. She's happy with DH, but she plays up for him, and only seems to listen to me. I'm finding this quite a strain, especially in the night, as Arthur is in bed with me, and I disturb him if I have to hop out to deal with her. If DH goes to her, she gets really worked up and then takes ages to settle. I don't know whether he should persevere, or if we call it a phase, and I just have to get on with it.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi ladies, I have only just caught up as with Tommy being ill I've had little time to read and reply recently.

Daisybee: I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope it turns out to be something less serious .

I'm glad Megan is eating again. Good news about having her hair washed too. That's a big step.

Tacey: It sounds like Alice is doing great with hair washing too. I'm glad she's being affectionate too. The way she rationalises her fears is so sweet and quite a mature thing to be able to do as well.

Polaris: I'm so glad you are all feeling better. Try not to worry about Tom settling into pre-school as there is still lots of time until he will be going .

Omar's mum: It is interesting that Omar is less cautious and less fearful than when he was younger. Daisy is very much like the others in that she is developing irrational fears at the moment whereas she wasn't fearful of anything before.

TG: Daisy sounds very like Lizzie. She doesn't like her hair washed, face cleaned, things getting stuck on her head. She also has a vivid imagination and is very picky with food.

Thanks for all the advice regarding the pre-school issues yesterday. It really made me feel better reading it. I was so upset and was in tears most of yesterday evening but your advice did help.

I felt cross with Daisy yesterday when I heard she'd hurt someone but I just feel so sad for her today. She has always been so sociable and happy and loves other children. Even over christmas she ran up to some children squealing in delight in Ikea, wanting to play with them. On her first visit to pre-school the first thing she did was go over to a little boy and say 'Hello, what's your name?' and sat down to play with him. The child the woman described yesterday is not like Daisy. I hate to think of her being in trouble all day at pre-school or other children being afraid of her or other parents thinking she's horrid.

She has been a really lovely little girl all day today and we've had such a nice day. No meltdowns, completely co-operative and well behaved, lovely to Tommy. The only strange thing was twice today, once at the park and once at the shops, she saw some other children just a little older than her walking towards her and she said in a growly voice under her breath 'Go away boys and girls'. It wasn't meant for them to hear, she said it to herself, but she has always loved other children and been so keen to interact with them so I don't understand what's happening to her. She loves pre-school and always asks to go and hubby was dropping something off on Friday and saw her running happily outside with other children so she does have fun there but it is starting to feel like my sociable little girl is disappearing and I don't know why. I am regretting sending her out into the big wide world .

I have written a long letter to her key person for hubby to give her on Monday expressing my concerns and asking to be kept in the picture. They have mentioned a few times that she is very tired (which she is - she hasn't slept at night in 3 weeks now) so I have asked if she could just go for an hour and a half rather than three hours until she has found her feet a bit more and while she isn't sleeping well. She's still got a cough and cold too so is not feeling 100%. I also asked whether they though she wasn't emotionally ready for pre-school yet as I am wondering that myself.

I feel as though I just want to wrap her up in cotton wool and move to a remote island and protect her and keep her safe from the outside world . She is so little and vulnerable and my baby and I hate aspects of her life being out of my control.

Tommy is SO poorly. I thought I was going to have to take him to A&E at one point in the night. I was sat up with him for 5 hours during the night while hubby was in Daisy's bed with her trying to get her to sleep. Tommy has slept pretty much all of today. He hasn't eaten in 3 days and that boy loves his food usually. His temperature has gone down a lot now though and he seems a little better than last night. On top of croup, mumps and conjunctivitis he cut a tooth during the night too which is causing him pain. He has a soft toy that he really loves, a doll he calls Baba and he dropped her in the mud today and I had to wash her and dry her ready for bedtime and the poor little boy has just crawled around crying 'Baba Baba' looking for her all afternoon as he just wants to feel comforted and cuddling her seems to comfort him. I hope he is his normal self soon. He is such a lovely little boy and it is horrible seeing him so poorly.

 

[Siyren]

hey girls, sorry i havent had time to catch up- only read this page cos im madly typing uni essays

daisybee- really hope your dad is ok

polaris- glad youre feeling better

tacey- sounds great about the hair washing- that gives me hope

we've had a hit and miss week. lyssa was forced to apologise to another child by her childminder and that just seems to have set off a spiral of events over the week.
i know im her mum but i feel the childminder completely over-reacted. (she sees it as lyssa maliciously shutting another childs fingers in the door of a toy fridge- i asked lyssa and she said that she wanted to go play else where and the other girl wouldnt move her hand so she closed it anyway so she could go play)

forcing lyss to do anything just makes her really anxious, if they'd waited for an apology they'd have got one in 5 mins tops!

today was a positive day though. x

 

[TennisGal]

Just a quick one to say thoughts and prayers for your dad, daisy bee.

And, JC, poor Tommy. My heart went out to you when you wrote about the 'baba'.

Lack of sleep can make everyone not quite the person they usually are - I also think that when our littlies start in a new environment, their sleep quality isn't as good...as I personally think their brains find it hard to switch off from all the new sensations. Lizzie would come in from preschool and sleep on my knee! This from my little hurricane who gave up napping a while back. She also introduced her bedtime 'talk time' about the time she started preschool...kind of for her to discuss everything the day had shown her.

P and OmarsMum- easier said than done, but try not to worry about preschool. At Lizzie's, they have boys and girls of every personality type you can imagine. Girls shouting and pretending to be planes...little boys sat quietly on a staff members knee, with a fairy wand, reading a book. None of the kids bat an eyelid...I think that's one of the pure joys of being a toddler. You take each session at your pace, too And P - so glad you're all on the mend!

Tacey - major grins here for the hair washing! Fingers crossed for us. Funny, Lizzie repeats little things to stop her being scared. Like her current thing is to say 'the bird is just smiling and dancing for me'. Little love.

Siyren - that's such a shame about the finger incident But glad today was good

 

[cutie4evr01]

Daisybee, huge and I'll be praying for your dad and your family. My students have been recently researching pancreatic cancer and I know how scary that is, so I'll be praying that he doesn't have it.

Tacey, sounds like Alice has really come on a long way from a few months back - that's terrific! We have major mommy preference over here and during the daytime we do try to impose Daddy doing certain things, but for night wakings, I just go in to settle her so she doesn't wake up everyone else when she gets worked up. I'm sure it's harder for you since you've got Arthur in with you, but from what I've read about it, for most children it's usually a phase, so hopefully this too shall pass for you. Unfortunately I don't think it's a phase for us as it's been going on for 3 years!

JC, to you too, it's sounds like the preschool situation is stressful. I'm disappointed in the preschool for not telling you what was happening - I imagine they have seen it often and know that misbehavior is common when kids first start. I agree with some of the others though and would recommend you leave her in. It's their job to help her make the adjustment and support her and teach her to share. Are you happy with their approach?

As far as her saying "go away" to those kids (or to herself about those kids), do you think she has heard that from some of the kids at school? Perhaps someone has treated her meanly and she is hurt and a little more wary of other kids now? The first time I heard Christina say "go away" I was shocked as we had never said that to her. I can only assume a child from her daycare either told her that or she heard one of them say it to someone else. It is so tough as they are so small and vulnerable still, but I wonder if it's better for them to deal with these type of struggles now while they are more closely supervised with smaller student/teacher ratios than when they start school. We are struggling with the decision of whether to send Christina to preschool this fall for the same reasons. Of course she's been in daycare so she's been exposed to other kids quite a bit, but it's the same few kids and the same sitter for 3 years now. Going to preschool would be such a huge change for her, with both good and bad aspects, but I just don't know if she's ready (or if I'm ready!). Like polaris said, I'm so worried she will be singled out or bullied for being different.

I'll be saying some prayers for Tommy too - I hope he's feeling better soon!

Christina has had a very vivid imagination for quite some time now - she's always talking about people/things that aren't there and has elaborate stories about what went on. A few months back she went through a more fearful period, and we allowed her to sleep with her door halfway open and the hall light now. She seems to have gotten past it now though and is back to her "usual" fears (mainly dogs for her). When she first started saying she was scared of monsters/people/ghosts/etc. that weren't there, we taught her to look at the scary thing and say "go away xxx, poof!" and the scary things would be gone. I think it worked as we sometimes hear her randomly saying "go away lion, poof!" or "go away dog, poof!" when she's upstairs in her room playing around before bed. Similar to Omar, now that she's older, she seems to know better what is really there and what is imagined. She often tells us "that's my pretend friend", or "I'm pretending to make dinner", etc.

 

[DaisyBee]

https://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler-behavior/sensitive-toddler.aspx

 

[TennisGal]

Cutie, Christina sounds a lt like Lizzie! And my little lady does nooooot like dogs!

Daisy, that link has soooo many Lizzie flashlights. She's fine with clothes, but so much else!

 

[Jchihuahua]

That link is like Daisy too apart from the clothes. Thanks for posting that Daisybee.

 

[OmarsMum]

Daisybee- praying for your dad & family

Omar is more have more control on his body physically. It's a why he lost some of his cautiousness, he doesn't act spontaneously, but he knows what he's capable of doing. Like today he was wandering around the house with his balance bike. His scuttle bug broke 3 days back, he doesn't have an alternative other than the balance bike. I wasn't around when he started to ride it. He just decided he can do it. I tried several times to encourage him to ride it, but he wasn't interested.

As for irrational fears like TV/ book characters, monsters, dinosaurs, etc, he says those are scarey but he doesn't react scared, he tells me those are not real & he makes fun out of them.

Even when we went to the zoo, he didn't act scared, he was cautious but not scared. He fed the animals but from far, he closed his eyes several times, he hid his face behind me, but he wasn't scared. He gave the animals names. Then he asked to leave, he wasn't interested.

His fears are social, if someone is running & approaching him, he gets startled & he looks scared. Any sudden unfamiliar noise scares him until he figures out what it is.

Tacey- I tried the clouds thing for bed time, it didn't work when I asked him to close his eyes & imagine we're on the cloud, he said "there no enough space for both of us", then he went on talking about the colour or the clouds, his is white, mine is blue as it's a rainy cloud, then he went further with his imagination & said that there are birds around & he can't sleep if birds are around, then the cloud is too soft for him & he needs a pillow on the cloud, then he got overwhelmed & asked to go to back to bed sleep. We were already on bed, but he was so occupied with the scenario & he needed to go back to reality.

The next night I didn't bring it us, but as soon as we're on bed, he wanted to go to the cloud again.

He talks to himself all day, he doesn't stop talking.

 

[OmarsMum]

Siyren- I think the childminder didn't handle it well, lyssa didn't mean to hurt the girl, she thought she was doing the right thing, guess the CM should have explained to her that what she did hurt the girl instead of ordering her to apologise. Omar used to hurt his nephew unintentionally, I never asked him to apologise, I used to explain to him that what he did is wrong & next time he shouldn't snap a toy/ push his cousin if his cousin refuses to share/ takes his toys.

Polaris- hope tommy gets better soon Hun

 

[Tacey]

So funny about the cloud! Alice takes a long time to choose her colour. Sometimes she'll be bearly asleep, then sits upright and says "Actually, now it's green and blue!"

It would be so interesting if our children all met each other. I wonder if they'd get on, or if their similarities would cause more issues. We're a very international bunch though, so I guess we'll just have to imagine!

 

[TennisGal]

It's funny how they all show their sensitivities in different wayS! Lizzie loves it if someone runs up to her, she's almost too social...but a chicken or a dog. Totally different!

I wonder how they'd all get on, too. Lizzie would be hugging and talking nonstop, then would spot a bird and be very concerned!!

 

[polaris]

Thomas is like Omar in his fears, he would also be frightened by somebody running up to him and he would tend to either freeze or back away. He's not afraid of animals (cautious but not fearful) and all the monsters/ghosts/etc. are all friendly ones so he's not really afraid of them either. He is quite afraid of cars and he will panic if he's standing in the carpark next to our car and a car drives by, because he's on the road not on the path. He used to be afraid to do a lot of physical things, like jumping, running, climbing, but like Omar, he is more aware of how to use his body now and knows his capabiities so he is much more willing to do physical things now. He doesn't tend to have any accidents because he is very aware of what he can do safely!

Some of his problem socially is that he just takes too long to think about things and so it stops him from getting involved socially. Like in a group, if the teacher asks what is in the picture, I can see that Thomas is thinking of the answer and is almost going to say it but he always takes too long and the moment is past. Or with other children, by the time he has decided what way to respond to them they have moved on to something else. I think it is anxiety-related because he isn't like that with people he knows well, it's like he doesn't want to do or say the wrong thing so it stops him from saying anything at all. But I don't think he's actually afraid to speak to others, I think if they gave him enough time he would actually answer in the end.

 

[DaisyBee]

A lot has been said, and my mind feels a bit numb... So I'm not going to respond as much as I would like. Thank you everyone for the support with my dad Its very worrying for me, and I don't want that to affect Megan.

After hearing what everyone is saying about fears, I think that's why omarsmum and Polaris are more concerned about preschool. Megan does great in the class that we've been going to. She speaks right up when the teacher asks a question. At the restaurant last night Megan was very curiuos about other kids there. She wanted to talk to them. And yet she had to go to the bathroom and was very upset because she didn't want the toilet to flush. Then someone else flushed another toilet and she cried and covered her ears. She was upset until we left the bathroom and then was totally fine and over it.

She told mil she needed a haircut and mil was trimming her hair a bit in the hairdresser chair. Megan turned her head to look at the scissors and mil says " these are very sharp scissors, and only grandma can use them " in an anxious voice. Megan immediately said she was done with the haircut and almost jumped off the chair trying to get out of there. I think with megans cautiousness anyway, that it's better not to put emphasis on how dangerous things are. They did the same thing with the stove that was hot. Kept bringing it up and instead of just nicely saying that the stove was hot they kept saying "oh be careful, the stove is very hot!" and things that were in more of a panic voice.

Megan has an issue with tags when she is overstimulated And the idea of tags bothered her for a while, so if she would notice the shirt that she was going to wear had a tag, she didn't want that one. If it was on she wasn't noticing it. She loves socks.

Jc - I'm sorry tommy has been so sick! must be so worrying! The note for preschool sounds like a good idea.

Megan doesn't do well with imagining things at bedtime as it seems to make her think more vs less. We say click shut your brain off, and visualizing her body parts getting tired. It's more helpful to her. I got visualization books and they werent working for her. They used colors to create feelings of calm, water, clouds, etc.

 

[moomoo]

Hi ladies, sorry I don't get chance to post a lot... Always come on here and read the threads though! Hope you are all well!

It's been a little while since I posted, we went though a really hellish time with Reggie for about 6 weeks after he was 3 (more hellish than normal ) We seem to have come out the other side of this leap and the difference is amazing! He will play with toys!!!! He will actually take his toys and play on his own for 3-5 mins which is a massive change for us!! I've been teaching him his phonics and basic reading and he absolutely adores doing it, and is actually much better than I thought he would be! He has cut down on lashing out and I'd say he is back on a normal toddler tantrum scale now with fewer huge meltdowns. He's become very sensitive to people's feelings though, and is very, very upset if he thinks you might be angry/sad with him!

He seems to be anxious at night and has been having night terrors, will wake up ademant he's left florence in the snow! he's also saying there is a shadow of a man in his room on waking? He's very upset by this!!!

Eating is still a huge problem, still eats a small amount of foods and gags very easily by the texture and taste of things :/

It really feels like he's made a huge leap with regards to himself and seems so much more grown up! Anyone else's little ones struggle with these leaps and growth spurts?

 

[Jchihuahua]

Moomoo, that is great news that things have been going so well with Reggie lately! I bet that is a huge relief to you. It sounds like he's doing great!

I had to rush Tommy to the emergency doctors yesterday morning. He was SO ill through the night on Saturday night. I rang NHS direct and they sent us straight to an Urgent Care Centre. The poor little love has really bad infections in both ears and a throat infection on top of the conjunctivitis and croup. The doctor said it is also very likely he does have a mild dose of mumps as a side effect of the MMR as his glands are up and he's feverish. The infections are unrelated to that though. He is SO poorly and weak. He hadn't eaten since Thursday, isn't sleeping, isn't smiling. He just cries and cries. Anyway he was prescribed antibiotics so he has those and his eye drops and a vaporiser for his croup and calpol every 4 hours to keep his temperature down. This evening he ate some food finally so I hope that he's on the mend.

Hubby took my letter to pre-school and gave it to Daisy's key person to read when she had the chance. She phoned him later on and asked him to go in to see her at 11. Steve talked about our concerns and she said Friday was the only day Daisy has had a meltdown or hurt someone deliberately. The other times she'd had trouble sharing and there had been a bit of snatching but nothing out of the ordinary so that's why they hadn't mentioned it. She said she just put it down to settling in until Friday when she was very badly behaved. Today she was fine all day and behaved well. She is going to go until 11am rather than 11:30am for this week and then see how she gets on but we feel a bit more positive after feeling so upset at the weekend. I was beginning to convince myself that she has oppositional defiant disorder so I'm glad she had a good day today and I hope she has a good day again tomorrow.

I hope you've all had a good day .

 

[Tacey]

That's great that you've seen such a change in Reggie, Moomoo. Alice's sleep always goes to pot when she's developing in other ways (in fact, we're dealing with that at the moment!). Hopefully that, and his eating will settle down soon.

Poor Tommy! He's been poorly for so long, it must be so draining for all of you. Hopefully he's turned a corner now. It sounds like Daisy's preschool have cleared things up a bit. Good news that she's had a good day too.

Another question for those of you with perfectionist children. How do you deal with their frustration when things aren't going well? Here's one example from today. Alice was making a den, and she was trying to straighten a blanket for the floor. It kept wrinkling up and she was screaming, then throwing it. I'm probably just tired, but I found the whole thing incredibly annoying, and ignored it for a while (I was trying really hard not to scream back at her!). I finally told her it was never going to lie perfectly flat, and that if she had a problem with it, I would put it away. She went and hid in a cardboard box (yes, really!) and I packed up the stuff. 5 minutes later, she crawled out of the box and tearfully said "I'm a bit calmer now." but it took a long time for her to really get over it. In fact, she had a meltdown before bed which I think was connected.

Anyway, I am in two minds about this sort of thing. Part of me thinks I should validate her feelings - "I can see you're so frustrated about X. It's making you really angry" etc. but another part says that doing that reinforces that I think it's a big deal too. A bit like when they fall over, and look to see your reaction before deciding to cry or not. Maybe I should just offer "I can see you're getting upset. Would X, Y or Z help you manage your feelings?"

Lack of sleep is making me pretty short tempered, so I'm just glad I didn't yell today!

 

[polaris]

JC - Poor Tommy, he really has had an awful time of it for the past while. So worrying too when they are unwell for such a long time and not eating and so on. Really hope that he is on the mend finally. Great news that Daisy had a good day today and I'm glad that you are feeling more positive about preschool. From what you have said about her I don't think she has ODD by the way.

Moomoo - so pleased to hear that things are so much better with Reggie now compared to when you last posted.

Tacey - I have been really struggling to stay calm recently over minor things and I'm sure that it is related to sleep deprivation. Today I was so annoyed with Thomas over something silly and I sort of pushed him out of the way and he began bawling crying and said "I don't want to be pushed", needless to say I felt absolutely terrible. It's just so hard to stay calm sometimes especially without getting proper sleep.

The incident with the blanket sounds very similar to the type of thing that Thomas often gets totally worked up about. I know exactly what you mean about not knowing to what extent to validate feelings when it is over something ridiculous. Occasionally I am able to sort of make light of it with Thomas and laugh it off and he relaxes about whatever it is. But most of the time that just wouldn't work with him because it really is a genuine problem for him even if it's something that is totally trivial and totally impossible. I do like the idea of just naming the feeling and offering suggestions of ways of managing that. But sometimes I just honestly feel like snapping at him not to be so ridiculous! Going off and hiding in a cardboard box is exactly like Thomas too by the way, that has actually happened in our house too in broadly similar circumstances!