Sensitive kids group

[polaris]

Yeah you might find that some of the traits he "grows into" as he gets older? I definitely found with Thomas that he has grown into some of the more positive traits whereas other things like being sensitive to noise he has largely grown out of. What was F like as a baby?

 

[hattiehippo]

Just wanted to say hello too though I know lots of you already from other threads.

I've spent along time trying to convince myself that Tom isn't really that sensitive but am having to accept that actually he really is and that he's not growing out of it. He's been like this for nearly 2 1/2 years of the nearly 3 1/2 yrs of his life...a bit long for a phase really! He scored 17 on the highly sensitive test today.

He uses lots of big words and very complicated ideas, he constantly asks detailed questions (never just why?), he spends hours in complex, detailed role play, is very non-conformist and isn't at all bothered that he doesn't like what all the other boys t nursery likes and really doesn't cope with change, groups of people or playing with children he doesn't know. He has a huge temper and goes into mega meltdowns that he can't bring himself out of and gets absolutely distraught frequently. Def has to be handled with kid gloves a lot of the time!

On the upside he is very kind and considerate of other people and looks after the other children at nursery. He totally knows his own mind and what he wants and there is no swaying him. He is very inquisitive and has an amazing memory.

I'm trying hard to support him in who he is but I do worry about him at school. He is not going to find the social side easy particularly as a boy who isn't into being spiderman or kicking a ball round.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Hi Hattie. I have always thought Tom sounds quite like Daisy in a lot of ways.

This group has been very supportive and useful to me, especially when I really struggled with Daisy's meltdowns last year, and the ladies have some really good advice.

 

[hattiehippo]

Thanks!

I guess I've just come to a wall at the mo with coping with his behaviour today. He had one of his worst meltdowns ever out in town today and it just really emphasised how different he is to most of my friend's kids or the others at nursery.

I do worry about him having high functioning autism because some of his behaviour is so controlling and difficult but he is sometimes more open to reason so I just hope he carries on improving. I don't have a problem with him being whoever he actually is but I don't want his life to be harder than it needs to be if that makes sense

 

[Cleo]

He was definitely sensitive to noise. I remember him crying at the blender and the vacuum. But he got better with them the more he heard them.

He was an average sleeper, not amazing but pretty good. He slept through at 8 months, which in hindsight I realize was very good. (L didn't sleep through until 14 months, the little terror!) I think he was just a typical baby, hard to put down when he was under 4 months old, then eventually got good at putting himself to sleep. He has night terrors now though, especially when he's over tired.

The shyness started to kick in pretty early I think. I recall him really only wanting me or DH, but loving his grandparents (my folks who live in the same city as us and he sees regularly). He would be friends with any adult who would get down on his level and play with him, and not want to have anything to do with anyone who didn't play with him but yet expected him to hug them or sit on their laps. He's still like this to an extent. It would/does take him a long time to warm up to my DH's parents who live 6 hours away and we only see two or three times a year.

F's always been a pretty good eater. He'll pretty much try anything and if he doesn't like it he would always try it a couple of times to make sure. This has changed though, and I think it's an age thing...the need to argue anything and everything. Now he'll say he doesn't like it before even seeing it. He was a pretty shit nurser though. My friends used to laugh bc he was sooooo loud when he nursed, chomping and sputtering and crying and coming on and off constantly, and he never stopped moving the entire time. I'd watch their little ones in awe as they'd nurse and not move for the entire 30 mins. I stopped at 8 months so we could ttc #2. I link the sttn with the stopping nursing. I think it unsettled him rather than calmed him?

To be honest, I don't think I would have classified F as a sensitive baby. It wasn't until he was about 2 that I really started to notice how emotional he was about things and how he clung to DH and I. The more I watched him grow, the more I realized how delicate he was and how things that worked for my friends (like time outs) weren't going to cut it with this kid.

 

[Cleo]

Thanks!

I guess I've just come to a wall at the mo with coping with his behaviour today. He had one of his worst meltdowns ever out in town today and it just really emphasised how different he is to most of my friend's kids or the others at nursery.

I do worry about him having high functioning autism because some of his behaviour is so controlling and difficult but he is sometimes more open to reason so I just hope he carries on improving. I don't have a problem with him being whoever he actually is but I don't want his life to be harder than it needs to be if that makes sense

Hattie that definitely makes sense. I don't think any of us want our kids to change, we just want them to be able to be happy being who they are, and we know how hard the world can be for those labeled different, so we worry.

17 is definitely sensitive! See, F being only a 6, it makes me wonder, but then he has these reactions that make other people raise their eyebrows at him and I think there's SOMETHING going on there! I'm really not just trying to put a label on him, I genuinely feel he's delicate. That's my word for it. My uncertainty is why it took me so long to actually post about him.

Either way, I'm glad you and I found this group Hattie.

 

[DaisyBee]

Hi everyone... See we have some activity! Im exhausted and don't have time to write so will read and respond after the weekend. Welcome to the new ladies!

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi Cleo & Hattie

welcome to the group ladies

 

[OmarsMum]

Just wanted to say hello too though I know lots of you already from other threads.

I've spent along time trying to convince myself that Tom isn't really that sensitive but am having to accept that actually he really is and that he's not growing out of it. He's been like this for nearly 2 1/2 years of the nearly 3 1/2 yrs of his life...a bit long for a phase really! He scored 17 on the highly sensitive test today.

He uses lots of big words and very complicated ideas, he constantly asks detailed questions (never just why?), he spends hours in complex, detailed role play, is very non-conformist and isn't at all bothered that he doesn't like what all the other boys t nursery likes and really doesn't cope with change, groups of people or playing with children he doesn't know. He has a huge temper and goes into mega meltdowns that he can't bring himself out of and gets absolutely distraught frequently. Def has to be handled with kid gloves a lot of the time!

On the upside he is very kind and considerate of other people and looks after the other children at nursery. He totally knows his own mind and what he wants and there is no swaying him. He is very inquisitive and has an amazing memory.

I'm trying hard to support him in who he is but I do worry about him at school. He is not going to find the social side easy particularly as a boy who isn't into being spiderman or kicking a ball round.

Hattie

I thought we were over the tantrums, but during our trip & now when we came back he's back to having intense tantrums & meltdowns

He asks loads of questions he needs reasons & explanations, he uses very big words for his age. Sometimes I don't even have answers to his questions.

He's also not into boys stuff. He loves imaginary play, he spends hours pretending, he lives in his make believe world.

I'm also worried about school, he's different, he's that kid who doesn't get excited easily, he doesn't see kids, playing, or running around as something interesting. he prefers one to one attention.

He's an attention seeker, but he prefers adults & older kids. His best friend is 7 yrs! his friend doesn't baby him or treat him as a toddler, he plays with him as if they're the same age.

 

[hattiehippo]

It's a shame Tom and Omar can't meet in real life cos they would get on like a house on fire. Tom loves playing with his just 7 yr old cousin who is into role play too. She is also as stubborn and controlling as him but they have a brilliant time together.

Tom was always different even as a tiny baby looking back. He wasn't a screamer and no reflux but he was very difficult to feed, even with formula, he wouldn't nap or more than 30 mins at a time until 6 months and he didn't STTN until 2 1/2. He's still hit and miss with sleeping now and has vivid nightmares and night terrors. He had one where sharks were swimming round his bed and another where ants were crawling all over him...urgh!

He was always very clingy and started whining incessantly at 5 months old. This turned into small tantrums by 13 months and then mega ones at 20 months. Still going with the temper meltdowns at nearly 3 1/2. I'm exhausted after 2 1/2 yrs of dealing with meltdowns tbh.

Groups have always been hard but I persisted because I thought he would get it and because I needed to get out with him. He is very emotionally intense and relies heavily on me to manage his emotions and sometimes it's just too much.

Cleo, I've been very uncertain about Tom and have thought he's not that sensitive. But I've realised that actually I need some support with him because he is damn hard work. It sounds like F is pretty sensitive even if he only scores 6 at the mo. he may increase as he gets older - I did do Tom before and I think he was 13 a while bck but has gone up as more of his personality comes out.

 

[Tacey]

Hello all! It's been a while, so I thought I'd update.

Alice's miraculous transformation continues. Guess what class she's started. You won't believe it!


Drama!

I am flabbergasted. She's done 3 sessions now, and is really enjoying it. The guy who runs it is amazing. It's technically for 3-6 year olds, but there are a couple of 7 year olds who feel more comfortable there than moving up. One child has aspergers, and enjoys his time there, but has never once spoken during it. They just accept him and don't push. It's the perfect fit for Alice.

She's still happier on her own, but has started making comments about friends. She seems a bit uncertain about what to do. She has started stroking people she wants to be friends with. No talking, just straight in and stroking their arm or head. Unsurprisingly, this doesn't go down well! I've started 'coaching' her in more appropriate ways to get to know someone. It seems like role play is definitely a tool that works for her. I do feel sad for her, as she is definitely on the outside of groups, and for the first time she actually seems to mind, but hopefully that will improve as she develops better social skills.

I hope everyone else is doing well too. It would be good to hear people's updates if you get a chance!

 

[polaris]

Hi Tacey. Wow I can't believe Alice is doing drama, that is such fantastic progress. I think it will be so good for her if the group is a good fit for her. The singing group that I do with Thomas has been really great for him. He didn't participate at all for the first term but now he does join in, in his own way, and he is much more comfortable just taking part in group activities which he wouldn't have done at all before.

We have just got through two lots of chicken pox, first Thomas and then Clara, so to be honest there has been not much else happening. Poor Clara had them sooo badly and couldn't sleep at all with the itch, just thrashing her body around violently and head-butting and trying to claw at herself literally all night. It was really horribly stressful and exhausting too. She just finally getting back to herself since yesterday but her sleep is still very disturbed in general so I'm still feeling chronically sleep deprived and the week of barely any sleep did not help.

Maybe partly due to the sleep deprivation I am really struggling with Thomas at the moment. In some ways he is doing really well. He is much more confident in social situations. We went to the registration day for his pre-school and he absolutely loved it and was so comfortable there straight away, off playing with an older boy making "invisible pies" in the kitchen! But at home with me he is being very difficult. He is extremely clingy for the past couple of months and for ages he was literally just climbing on top of me when I was in the middle of doing other things which drove me mad. I encouraged him to ask me for a hug instead of just climbing on top of me, which in fairness he is doing, but when we are at home he literally asks me for hugs all day long constantly. Partly I think he is a bit jealous of Clara at the moment. She is very mobile now and he really really hates her touching any of his toys (i.e. any toys except really obviously baby toys). He had told me that he is "getting sick of having a baby". Also Clara's sleep is still awful and I do get very stressed out and snappy when I'm trying to get her settled to sleep and Thomas sometimes gets the brunt of that, which obviously is very unfair on him. His behaviour isn't really bad, just general toddler stuff like dawdling, running away when I'm trying to get him dressed, splashing water all over the bathroom floor, etc. But I am just finding it really difficult to stay calm with him at the moment. He also quite often pretends to be a baby and does all the things that Clara does, e.g. squishing his food and dropping it on the floor, pulling my hair, insisting that I have to carry him because he can't walk yet, insisting that his food needs to be cut up the same way as Clara's, etc. I find it really difficult to know how to respond to this behaviour, I usually just try to make a joke out of it, but it can get quite draining to be honest. I don't feel that I can tell him off when he's just copying what Clara does but I don't really want to encourage him to behave in this way either. Honestly, I can't wait for him to start pre-school now so that I will have a bit of time away from him each day. I think he is ready now and I think it will do us both good.

 

[Tacey]

Oh no! Poor Clara, that sounds horrendous. We've not had chicken pox yet. Not looking forward to that.

I completely understand how you feel about Thomas at the moment. In fact, it sounds like your describing our situation! It is so hard when you feel you're pulled in all directions, especially when you're tired, and could frankly do with putting your feet up for half an hour! I don't have any wise words. The only thing I would say, is that annoying as the baby behaviour is, I think it's usually a sign of progression in other areas, a bit like touching base with how things were. It's incredibly irritating, but I wouldn't worry too much about encouraging it. If there are some things that really aren't acceptable to you (the food thing is an issue for me) you could try babying him in other ways. Alice likes me to cradle her 'like a baby' while I brush her teeth, which is actually really useful! Or I'll scoop her up and cuddle her and call her my baby.

Great news that the preschool settling in session went well! When is he starting? It'll be nice for you to have some time just with Clara too.

Hope you catch up on your sleep soon!

 

[Cleo]

Drama class sounds great for Alice, Tacey! I've actually read about reserved children doing really well in drama and being able to express themselves better, so hopefully it will be a good fit for her! I think things will get better for her with starting to fit and not feel outside the group once she's gone a bit more and feels more comfortable with the other kids and they with her. Fingers crossed!

Ouch Polaris, you've had a hard run. You must be so drained. Sick kids are so exhausting and doubly so when their sickness keeps them (and you) from sleeping. It's no wonder you're having a hard time with Thomas. I find my reactions are sooooo much worse with F when I'm tired and stressed. Is there any way you can take some time to yourself? I've just started doing hot yoga a couple times a week and honestly, I could care less about the workout, I just like getting out of the house and having some time alone!

F is the same about acting babyish around L. Wanting his food cut up, needing me to carry him, babbling in made up words or grunts like she does. We make a big point of telling him he's a big boy and doesn't need the "baby" things that L does and telling him that he's teaching L how to be a big girl for when she's ready (my line is always, "you show L how to go up the stairs like a big kid! You show L how to eat with a fork! You show L how to play with toys gently! Etc etc etc).. It doesn't always work, and sometimes he says he doesn't want to be a big boy, but a lot of the times it's enough to explain why things are different between them.

 

[polaris]

Thanks guys, yes it really has been a tough couple of weeks to be honest. Cleo, I think I am just getting to the point now where I actually can get out in the evenings. Up until very recently, Clara was still waking up so much in the evenings and wouldn't settle for OH at all so it just wasn't really feasible to go out at all. The odd time that I did, I would normally come back to find that she had been up crying for an hour. She started sleeping a little bit better and then the chicken pox hit but I'm hopeful that she will go back to sleeping a longer stretch in the evening. Also she is getting better at settling without nursing so I'm hopeful that even if she did wake OH might actually be able to get her back to sleep now. I have a voucher for a yoga/pilates course in a local yoga centre and I would really love love love to get back to doing something like that. As you say, just to get out of the house on a regular basis without the kids would be great!

Tacey - unfortunately Thomas isn't starting preschool until September. I really wish it was sooner because I think we are both ready!

Thanks for the suggestions on dealing with the babyish behaviour. I think I tend to veer towards Tacey's approach (when it's not getting on my nerves too much) whereas OH would generally take Cleo's approach. The hair pulling is one thing that I can't tolerate. I don't exactly love it when Clara pulls my hair and I certainly don't want Thomas pulling it too!

 

[DaisyBee]

I keep forgetting to get online and update... Not enough time to update and read. So I'll update quick and try to get online tonight and read and respond to everyone else. I've just been so super busy lately. I used to be on b&b daily and now not at all! Feels weird... Lol

So jordan is getting molars we think and also wanting to transition to 1 nap. She is cruising and crawling. Not really any words at all... A few but not like she was doing before. I think the teething and working on physical more.

Megan is really doing pretty well. She is still as sensitive about things as ever. I had redone that checklist a few weeks back and realized I can checkmark more now than I could 6 months ago. Only 1 thing on the list I didn't checkmark - perfectionist. And that I'm unsure about. She is so sensitive! Hard time falling asleep at night. Shirt a little wet, immediately changes it, noticing everything, big words, etc. She is getting overtired if not napping and then awake all night. When she does that we bring her in our bed as she is imagining too much and gets scared out of her mind. She screams and cries. Has pretend friends and sometimes they aren't nice or something is wrong with them at 3 am. If we have a playdate or go to the park, shopping, grandmas, she has a VERY hard time falling asleep. I'm limiting her naps to 15 minutes. Haha it's silly. No nap just hasn't been working and yet any nap and earliest she is asleep is 10 pm. So with a 10-15 min nap she is asleep by 10. No nap awake at 10 til 4 am. Which is worse? Exactly!

We've been trying to figure out preschool tranportation for Megan. She is terrified of parking lots and roads as she hates moving vehicles. She feels overwhelmed and afraid unless we carry her or she is in a cart or something. The idea of getting on a bus worries her so much she cries when we bring it up. We were hoping I could start daycare and she could ride the bus. Dh has to be at work by 7 and it's in another town so he can't help with any transportation at all. So it's me or the bus. We saw a bus the other dAy while leaving a store and she covered her ears, started crying and freaking out. So I'm thinking she won't tolerate the bus.

We've been getting burnt out with my family. We end up dreading the weekends as it's 2 1/2 hr drive each way if we don't stop at all. Jordan teething means she is pooping 2ce each way it seems like. Plus Megan needing to go potty, kids getting hungry, neither sleep in the car. We think Jordan gets motion sick which would explain some of her crabbiness in the car. She doesn't travel well. Packing, shopping, fixing food, traveling, being gone all weekend, getting back late Sunday night, unpacking, laundry, cleaning out the car, dealing with overstimulated Megan, and 2 overtired girls. Dh and I blew up at each other a few weeks back and then we started talking about why we are so stressed. It's taking a toll on the 2 of us as a couple. We are working on it.

We've had lots of playdates recently. One boy we hadn't seen in a long time... Almost a year. They act like best friends. He is a bit sensitive too I think. They adore each other. Some of the other kids Megan hated the playdate. She has told me she doesnt want to play with certain kids again. One girl I thought she would really get along well with, and they didn't play well at all together. It was sort of weird.

 

[polaris]

Hey Daisybee,
lovely to hear from you, I had noticed that you haven't been around much. It really sounds exhausting all of that traveling every weekend. How is your dad doing?

I can't believe I forgot to mention the whole issue of napping in my update. It is a bit of a nightmare - and definitely contributing to our general difficulties at the moment. I just can't figure out how to get through this nap transition, we seem to have been in a horrible limbo for absolutely ages. He napped in the car today which is always a sign that he is overtired. When he does nap it is almost impossible to wake him and he's grumpy for at least an hour after waking up (often longer). He's OK without a nap for a few days but then gets gradually more and more overtired and his behaviour and ability to regulate emotions begins to really disintegrate. We also usually have bedtime issues if he naps - although today he was so tired that he was asleep by 7.20 p.m. despite having 45 minutes in the car. I really wish we could just properly drop the nap and be finished with all of this!

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi ladies

My connection is crap so I will update quickly before I get disconnected.

Omar is up & down. We had a good sleep for 2 weeks then it went out of the window when he developed a rash on his hands & arms, he started to wake up again crying. It started on Tuesday, today we took him to the dermatologist, it's an allergic reaction to something. He's on antihestamine now & some creams.

It was out anniversary on Friday, hubby & I made a big decision to spend the night out & leave Omar with my mum at home, according to my mum he did great. He asked for us but he was fine. I really appreciated the break, I felt bad for leaving him but I really had a very good time.

It was for one night only, but we went back home last night very late. Anyway he didn't stop whining today, he was very difficult, he kept kicking me out of his room & asking me to leave. I had a dentist appointment today morning, I left before he woke up, when I came back he started to blame me for leaving him all the time. I don't leave him! I'm always around.

He also started to hit me today, when I told him it's not nice & I asked him why he's doing it he said we all hit him! We don't!

I had a challenging day. He's also not speaking to his dad & I have no idea why.

He's ok most of the time. I will post later about our trip to Thailand.

 

[Tacey]

Cleo, that's interesting about drama and reserved children. I think it might be true of Alice. She often tries out new expressions or accents she comes across, and I guess it's an extension of the role playing we've been doing to help her socially. Hot yoga sounds AMAZING! Can't wait for Arthur to be ready for me to go out in the evening.

Daisybee, do you think the busyness might be partly to blame for the increase in Megan's sensitivity? It sounds so hard for you all. I hope your Dad is doing well.

Polaris - adjusting to a different sleep schedule is so difficult. When Alice dropped her nap, she changed to a 5pm bedtime. Bit of a nightmare for me to organise around! She's still an early sleeper now, but we sort of ignored the clock change, so she now goes to bed at 6. Do you think an earlier bedtime might help?

I hope Omar is speaking to his dad again! Did you ever get to the bottom of that one? Has his rash cleared up? That must have been quite a shock. Did you find out the cause? Hopefully your sleep can get back on track soon.

It's half term here and I signed Alice up for a drama morning (3 hours long). I think she enjoyed it - she even asked another girl's name and told me she was her friend! Afterwards though, when we got home, she was a nightmare. We had a huge meltdown and she was very angry all afternoon. I think it was a bit too much for her. The class theme was Arabian Nights, and they had put face paint round her eyes. When I asked how she found the morning she said "Very surprising. I wasn't expecting them to put make up on me." I think she liked the result, but I can imagine she didn't like someone touching her. I put her to bed early, and she was out like a light. I wouldn't be surprised if we have to deal with night terrors tonight though, as they often seem to follow a busy day.

Looking forward to hearing about the trip to Thailand Omarsmum! Hope it went well.

 

[DaisyBee]

Drama class sounds like fun! Sounds like a good way for Alice to interact with other kids!

That's a good point about our busy schedule causing more sensitivity. I do think it's possible. Some I think is just more obvious as she is getting older. She is more overstimulated more often and that I blame on all the travel, lack of down time, and my stress level and how that affects her. The past few days with her have been horrible. She has been defiant and refusing to listen to anything. Fighting me on every single little thing. I got short tempered with her today as I just couldn't take it any more. We were home this weekend but had been busy last week and then were doing things each day. Yesterday was a holiday so dh was home. I also think her sleep issues aren't helping. She needs more sleep than what she is getting. Not for lack of trying on my part.

Polaris - chicken pox sounds horrible! Poor you and the kids! I can't imagine the lack sleep like that for Clara! I was whining that Jordan woke at 4am this morning andnreally didn't go back to sleep. Now that feels silly. I really hope now they are better you all start getting some better sleep!

Omarsmum - it's funny how our kids interpret things isn't it. Im glad you got away for your anniversary. Great idea! Im sorry Omar is taking it so badly. I hope his rash is ok!

My dad is sick... And his white blood count is too low for them to put him on antibiotics. Im really worried about him. It's not a good combination... Chemo with being sick. We had helped them put in their garden last weekend. They are huge gardeners. I thought they were going to scale way back... But we show up and realize they weren't. 60+ tomato plants. 250 hills of potatoes. Rows and rows of squash, cucumber, peas, beans, lettuce, etc, etc. We were so exhausted. And frankly I'm a bit annoyed about the whole thing. I would prefer to spend quality time vs time working my butt off all summer in their garden. And for what?