Sensitive kids group

[Jchihuahua]

Daisybee, sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. Hopefully Megan going back to pre-school will help things. You’ve had such a lot to deal with over the last few months .

Daisy also had meltdowns rather than tantrums. Once she’d started with one I knew that would be it for the day. She couldn’t get herself back out of that mindset and couldn’t calm herself down. She was like that for well over a year but is much better now. Her meltdowns do still happen and when they do it takes forever to calm her down, but thankfully they are very very few and far between. Tommy has age appropriate tantrums and they are so different to how Daisy was at his age. He will tantrum and scream for his own way or if he is frustrated but he flares up and calms down so quickly and it is really easy to get him to snap out of it. His tantrums are like a storm in a tea cup while Daisy’s were the opposite!

Cattia, when you said Abigail seems less mature emotionally than her friends, yet is also very concerned with the emtions of her peers that struck a chord. Daisy is like that too. Her own emotionals are so difficult for her to deal with but she cares very deeply about the feelings of those around her. She is always checking I am alright and gets anxious if someone is unhappy and if I tell Tommy off or snap at my hubby she'll say 'but we still love him though don't we".

She was really upset today and when I asked her what was wrong she said that when she's a grown up lady she wants to live with me and daddy and Tommy and Eddie and doesn't want to live in her own house or the boys to have their own houses. It all stemmed from me explaining that her uncle is my brother but we live in different houses now we are grown ups. We had that conversation about a week ago but it has obviously been worrying her ever since.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Btw, just an aside and not really relevant to the thred, but I see that TennisGal has posted on this thread in earlier days. Just wonder if anyone hears from her or keeps in touch with her? She was my first real B&B buddy!
Hope you're all having a good evening x

I miss Tennis Gal. She was so kind and helpful to me when I was at my wits end with Tommy's silent reflux. I havent seen her around in ages but I wish she'd check in! I also wish Buffy71 (some of you may remember her as her little girl Hattie is the same age as our 4 year olds) would come back on BnB as she was so lovely. I am friends with her on facebook so do hear from her but she was always so kind to everyone and gave such good advice.

 

[Cattia]

Daisybee, sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. Hopefully Megan going back to pre-school will help things. You’ve had such a lot to deal with over the last few months .

Daisy also had meltdowns rather than tantrums. Once she’d started with one I knew that would be it for the day. She couldn’t get herself back out of that mindset and couldn’t calm herself down. She was like that for well over a year but is much better now. Her meltdowns do still happen and when they do it takes forever to calm her down, but thankfully they are very very few and far between. Tommy has age appropriate tantrums and they are so different to how Daisy was at his age. He will tantrum and scream for his own way or if he is frustrated but he flares up and calms down so quickly and it is really easy to get him to snap out of it. His tantrums are like a storm in a tea cup while Daisy’s were the opposite!

Cattia, when you said Abigail seems less mature emotionally than her friends, yet is also very concerned with the emtions of her peers that struck a chord. Daisy is like that too. Her own emotionals are so difficult for her to deal with but she cares very deeply about the feelings of those around her. She is always checking I am alright and gets anxious if someone is unhappy and if I tell Tommy off or snap at my hubby she'll say 'but we still love him though don't we".

She was really upset today and when I asked her what was wrong she said that when she's a grown up lady she wants to live with me and daddy and Tommy and Eddie and doesn't want to live in her own house or the boys to have their own houses. It all stemmed from me explaining that her uncle is my brother but we live in different houses now we are grown ups. We had that conversation about a week ago but it has obviously been worrying her ever since.

Gosh, I've always thought our girls were quite similar, but that is SO like Abigail, just exactly the sort of conversation that we would have in our house. She often brings up things that we talked about a good while ago that have obviously been playing on her mind. She also asks if I'm OK a lot, and if something goes wrong, or gets broken or something, she says 'it's ok mum though isn't it, we can mend it' like she wants it to be ok for everyone. The other day I was snappy or frustrated about something, I can't even remember what, and she said 'look mummy, the world isn't ruined because the trees are so beautiful'. Today we were talking about how some trees are really old, then ages later she said 'it can't be that bad that some trees are old can it mummy?' It's like end turns everything over in her mind for ages. Sometime I can barely even remember the conversation we had that sparked it and i don't even know what she's going on about.

 

[Cattia]

Btw, just an aside and not really relevant to the thred, but I see that TennisGal has posted on this thread in earlier days. Just wonder if anyone hears from her or keeps in touch with her? She was my first real B&B buddy!
Hope you're all having a good evening x

I miss Tennis Gal. She was so kind and helpful to me when I was at my wits end with Tommy's silent reflux. I havent seen her around in ages but I wish she'd check in! I also wish Buffy71 (some of you may remember her as her little girl Hattie is the same age as our 4 year olds) would come back on BnB as she was so lovely. I am friends with her on facebook so do hear from her but she was always so kind to everyone and gave such good advice.

I remember Buffy too, she was due almost the same time as me and I remember reading her threads as she was going into labour. Goodness, it makes me feel a bit emotional thinking back on it! There are some lovley ladies here on b&b and so many of my favourite people on this thread.

 

[OmarsMum]

I don't think I'm emotionally stable, I worry a lot, I over analyse everything, sometimes I get worked out I end up spending hours in my room with the blinds down. I'm social from the outside, I'm confident & people love me, but from the inside I hate socialising, I hate holding random talks with strangers & I hate loud places. I'm so cool from the outside, no one can tell that I lose my temper at home, & some times I end up shouting. I wasn't a happy kid, I never went with the flow, I used to worry about silly stuff (I still do)

Hubby is no better, he shuts himself out, he doesn't have friends although he knows loads of people but he doesn't socialise. People like him, he's kind & quiet from the outside, but from the inside he's always anxious & he worries more than me.

Sometimes I blame us for Omar's temperaments, we are not fun, when I play with Omar I can't chill out, I over analyse each & every behaviour & move, if he doesn't look at me while talking I ask him to look into my eyes, he makes silly noises I ask him to stop, when he grinds his teeth I can't stand it as it gets on my nerves. When hubby plays with him he keeps asking Omar not to this or that as he feels that Omar will hurt himself

I am trying so hard to get over my anxiety, but I don't know how. I don't want my kid to end up like us I don't think he's emotionally immature, I think his anxiety triggers his behaviour. When he has a meltdown he asks for reasons & explanations, when he sees my expressions he starts crying again as he doesn't want to upset me, then he remembers why he was crying earlier, so he starts again.

Sometimes I feel that I'm pressuring him with all the classes he goes to, but when I ask him if he wants us to stop, he says no & he gets upset, but again when I ask him to practice he gets anxious & he refuses to do it.

I don't get upset or angry when he has a meltdown, he doesn't have many those days unless he's overtired & I can figure out how to control them as I can feel it before they start.

I hate the fact that he's going back to school on Sunday, he's not having fun there, it is a good school, his teachers are trying there best to engage him in the activities but he still doesn't fit in.

Sorry for the long essay, I will go through the other posts tomorrow, I'm in bed now but I needed to talk to someone about my feelings

 

[polaris]

Btw, just an aside and not really relevant to the thred, but I see that TennisGal has posted on this thread in earlier days. Just wonder if anyone hears from her or keeps in touch with her? She was my first real B&B buddy!
Hope you're all having a good evening x

Cattia, I was actually thinking of asking you the same thing. I haven't seen her on B&B in ages but I haven't been on much myself either. I'd love to know how she's getting on.

Thanks for asking about sleep. To be honest, it is a bit of a nightmare. Clara is a really awful sleeper. On a bad night she could be awake every hour, at 16 months I think this is crazy! Even on a good night she still only really does two hour stretches with possibly a three hour stretch if I'm really lucky. To be absolutely honest, before I had Clara my belief was that people with children of Clara's age who slept this badly sort of brought it on themselves to some extent, by something they were or weren't doing. I definitely didn't think I would ever be in this situation. Can't believe how smug I was thinking I had it all worked out after Thomas!! I tried all the sleepsense stuff that worked so well with Thomas and it didn't work at all for Clara. I also tried full-on controlled crying for 10 days when she was about 8 months - that was very traumatic and involved a scary amount of crying and improvements were very modest - she still never slept through but was down to one or two wakings, but it only lasted about a week, as soon as I stopped she went back to waking up all the bloody time. I don't have the energy or the will for any more sleep training so I'm just waiting it out now really and trusting that she will eventually sleep better. We cosleep so I do get some rest on a good night. However when she is unwell or teething (which is honestly most of the time) I really do find the lack of sleep catches up with me. I am not sure how I will cope with the constant broken sleep when I'm back in work. As I think I said, I also worry that her sleep problems are related to some underlying medical condition so that also makes me very reluctant to try any more sleep training. It also doesn't help that any time I mention to family that I am tired they basically tell me that I've brought it on myself and I just need to let her cry it out.

Sorry for the big off-topic rant!! Thomas's sleep is OK apart from the nap issues and late nights.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Btw, just an aside and not really relevant to the thred, but I see that TennisGal has posted on this thread in earlier days. Just wonder if anyone hears from her or keeps in touch with her? She was my first real B&B buddy!
Hope you're all having a good evening x

I miss Tennis Gal. She was so kind and helpful to me when I was at my wits end with Tommy's silent reflux. I havent seen her around in ages but I wish she'd check in! I also wish Buffy71 (some of you may remember her as her little girl Hattie is the same age as our 4 year olds) would come back on BnB as she was so lovely. I am friends with her on facebook so do hear from her but she was always so kind to everyone and gave such good advice.

I remember Buffy too, she was due almost the same time as me and I remember reading her threads as she was going into labour. Goodness, it makes me feel a bit emotional thinking back on it! There are some lovley ladies here on b&b and so many of my favourite people on this thread.

Yes, so many of my favourite people are on this thread too .

Omar's mum . I think it is hard when they are so articulate and grown up in a lot of ways but yet they are still such young children. I know I sometimes expect too much of Daisy and over analyse things she does but I try to take a step back and remind myself how young she is. I think they want the explanations and reasons for things but can't really undertstand why they feel the way they do about something. I hope Omar starts to enjoy school soon. It must be awful knowing he's not enjoying himself there. From my teaching experience I know it takes some children a while to settle and find their feet but once they have they really start to enjoy it. I hope it will be like that for Omar .

I don't really know where Daisy's temperament comes from. I am not a particularly anxious or emotional person myself I don't think. I do worry about things and research the things that worry me so much that I become twice as worried as I was to start with and I have a habit of keep things bottled up but I have never really suffered from anxiety and am generally quite calm. My husband is so laid back all the time. He is very hands on with the children as he is a SAHD while I'm at work and then he goes to work in the evenings. He is much better at keeping his cool than me and he has never shouted or snapped at them. he doesn't let things worry him and he is very good at going with the flow while I prefer to plan things in meticulous detail. Daisy is like neither of us though!

 

[Cattia]

Omar's mum, I totally understand where you're coming from. Totally. I am the same, I over analyse both the children, worrying about any behaviour that I think isn't 'normal'. People also think I am a very relaxed and chilled out person. They don't believe that I could be so anxious, and they don't see the snappy side of me. My husband is also no better. He appears very happy go lucky and relaxed but at home he loses his temper, not really with me or tje kids but just over little things. He is grumpy and bad temoered and carries around so much baggage from his own childhood that makes him insecure. He broods on things and is inward looking, like me I suppose.
I have to say that I have always admired the way you are with Omar. I know I haven't met you, but I have read so many of your posts over the years, and I see a mother who is so very committed to doing the best for her son. You seem to have a wonderful understanding of his needs and his personality. The fact that you get down and frustrated doesn't detract from how great you are doing for him. It must be so hard sending him back to school, but I guess you have to ask yourself how much of your feelings about it are based on your own perception, and how much on his? It sounds as though he is someone who knows his own mind and could definitely make friends and fit in if he chooses to. He is still so young and I'm sure as he goes in be will find his own niche. You shouldn't be hard in yourself. Parenting is such a difficult job, especially when your child doesn't always conform, it's so easy to blame yourself and scrutinize everything, but all you can do is help them on their own journey. Do you have any friends or family who you can talk to when you feel low?

 

[Cattia]

Polaris, that does really sound hard Is co-sleeping working for you or would she sleep better on her own? Please don't think I am judging when I ask that, I co-slept with George for a good whole because he was a terrible sleeper. Your anxiety about her health must make it even harder. If you het a referal to a paediatrician maybe you can ask them about her sleep.
I know just what you mean about how your perception changes. I know it's bery different but when I used to see people's children climbing on furniture or running off in shops I used to think their parents shouldn't let them get away with it becasue Abigail was never like that. Well, now I have George! He's out of control half the time. Different children present such different challenges. Does your DH help out at night at all? Do you feed her when she wakes up?

 

[polaris]

Omarsmum Maybe Omar will settle a bit better this term? Fingers crossed. I know with Thomas it usually takes him a few months of doing anything new before he settles. I thought I would be looking forward to Thomas going back to preschool but actually it's been nice having him at home and especially not having to rush in the mornings. Thomas says he likes school but he prefers being at home. If I give him the choice he will always choose to stay at home or go out with me and Clara, whereas I know lots of my friends' kids who ask to go to school on the weekend.

Sorry to hear that you blame yourself sometimes for passing on Omar's temperament. I agree with Cattia, I think you are a wonderful mum and amazingly in tune with Omar and what he needs. I think your own sensitivity contributes to helping you to parent with sensitivity. I think we can too easily get caught up in the negative aspects of sensitivity and forget about all the wonderful aspects to the trait.

 

[polaris]

Polaris, that does really sound hard Is co-sleeping working for you or would she sleep better on her own? Please don't think I am judging when I ask that, I co-slept with George for a good whole because he was a terrible sleeper. Your anxiety about her health must make it even harder. If you het a referal to a paediatrician maybe you can ask them about her sleep.
I know just what you mean about how your perception changes. I know it's bery different but when I used to see people's children climbing on furniture or running off in shops I used to think their parents shouldn't let them get away with it becasue Abigail was never like that. Well, now I have George! He's out of control half the time. Different children present such different challenges. Does your DH help out at night at all? Do you feed her when she wakes up?

Thanks for your reply. Sorry everyone else, this is so off-topic seeing it's not even about my sensitive child! I never really planned on cosleeping - I never co-slept with Thomas after the first couple of months and I just presumed it would be the same this time round. But Clara had other ideas! They are just so different. Thomas has always needed his own space to sleep - he wouldn't go to sleep with somebody else in the room and he was very sensitive to noises etc. I didn't even go into his room to check on him because it would wake him every single time. Clara is the opposite, if I try to leave the room before she is asleep she quickly becomes hysterical. Thomas often used to cry for five or ten minutes especially before a nap if he was a bit over-tired but it was just his way of winding down and then he would go to sleep. Clara will just cry and cry for hours and hours. When we did CC with her I think on the first night she only slept for about three hours out of twelve and cried solidly for the rest of the night. It was horrendous. She is still the same, if I have to leave the room to check on Thomas or something like that, she becomes hysterical within a minute, screaming and screaming and her face goes all blotchy and she gags as though she is going to get sick. It's like really bad separation anxiety but the funny thing is that she doesn't have separation anxiety during the day at all, in fact she is incredibly laid back and will generally go to anyone.

She does sleep on her own from bedtime until I go to bed (she is on a floor bed in the spare room and I sleep in there with her) but she still wakes up just as much if not more often, so I don't think it's that I am disturbing her sleep. It's just a mystery. I have no idea why she is such a bad sleeper! I definitely will mention it when we see the paediatrician although I'm sure they will probably just tell me to do CC and that I mustn't have done it properly the last time!

I do feed her every time she wakes up if she will take a feed, as it is the easiest way to get her back to sleep. She won't always feed though and then it can take an hour to get her back to sleep. I have tried spacing out feeds but she was still waking just as often so it didn't really seem worth it. I haven't tackled night weaning yet - I guess that is probably the next step but there always seems to be a reason to postpone it - teething, illness, my return to work, etc.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Daisy used to wake every hour of the night until she was over 1 and I always fed her to get her back to sleep as that was the easiest way but it wasn't until I stopped feeding her every time that she started to sleep better. I would just sit and hold her and not feed her as I knew she wasn't hungry and witin weeks she did begin to sleep better, maybe just a coincidence, I don't know. I also moved her out of my room and into her own at 13 months and that helped her too. I hope Clara sleeps soon as it is soul destroying being that tired. I had physical symptoms of sleep deprivation and it was horrid so I can really empathise.

It is funny how they are so different isn't it? Tommy has slept through, 7pm until we get up, every night since he was 6 weeks old and we never did anything different with him. Eddie is pretty good too. At 12 weeks he feeds at 11pm and 5am but sleeps all night other than that. Daisy though still wakes and calls for us 3 or 4 times a night.

 

[Cattia]

Oh dear Polaris, it really does sound as though you've got a hardcore non sleeper on your hands there! I have a friend whose oldest is four and youngest is two and they are both up multiple times in the night. She got so run down that she actually got really ill both mentally and physically and she's now going to pay to get a sleep consultant to come and work with the family. I'll let you know how they get on when it happens and whether they provide any useful tips! It must be so hard getting broken sleep every night. I hooe the paediatrician can maybe offer some advice and a way foward for you. George goes through phases of waking up once in the night and even that is enough to frazzle me so I really feel for you. X

 

[DaisyBee]

I wrote a long reply yesterday and it didnt post for some reason. I don't want to write the whole thing again! Summary... I do agree counceling would be a good idea. Dh isn't in favor at all. I will have to get something figured out. I'm also realizing that I need to take more time for myself. Last summer I was starting to use babysitters. Well that sort of stopped. We haven't had a teenage sitter since early sept. So it's been mil occasionally. Dh and I did have 1 night away a few months back. It was the first time we both had felt relaxed in forever. We need to do more things like that. I've lined up a sitter for tomorrow night. Dhs grandma is moving in with his parents and his mom isn't going to have much time to help out. Dh wants her to watch the girls for a week so we can get away but i doubt it's going to happen. We asked my mom and she had lots of excuses why she can't. None of which were my dad.

I am having a hard time saying no to my parents right now and times when we should just stay home and have family time or relax we are traveling to see them. December especially they had many requests including last minute shopping for them, I was left in charge of menus and who would make what for our Xmas trip. And we did lots of baking and cooking for that trip. By the time we got back to our house 4 days later we were all on edge, overstimulated, and exhausted. Then we were supposed to have our Xmas, then Santa coming, then dh's sides Xmas. A lot of extra things I originally said I was skipping this year, I ended up feeling guilty and then was rushing to do them towards the end. Dh worked 190 hrs the 2 weeks leading up to Xmas.

I am wanting to find time to exercise. Are you guys all finding time to do this?

Polaris - I hope the pediatrician can help you. Ive realized that lack of sleep and broken sleep is really hard on me. Megan being a poor sleeper is tough on me and the nights she is awake all night - the next day I'm just a bear.

Megan has been like this since birth. So even if it's dh and my fault - it's because of our temperaments not just parenting. Jordan is not like Megan in regards to intensity or sensitivity and yet I have been more neurotic since Jordan has been born.

 

[polaris]

Daisybee, I think you are so right about needing to prioritize time for yourself. In fact that might be almost as good as counselling if you could really prioritize taking the time religiously. This is an issue that I have in that I have no hesitation arranging childcare if it's for the kids needs, e.g. I will get a babysitter so that I can bring Thomas to his swimming class, but for some reason I can't seem to bring myself to do the same for myself. Money is tight at the moment because I'm not working so that is definitely a factor. But actually one of the reasons I'm looking forward in a way to going back to work is that I will at least have a bit of time to myself away from the kids. Much though I love them it can get a bit intense! And with your hubby working such long hours, you are practically solo parenting a lot of the time which is tough for anyone. I can understand why it must be difficult to say no to your parents at the moment, I don't know if there's any way round that given your dad's illness. But it's really hard if they are not showing you the consideration in return and respecting your need to have down time and time as a family.

And to answer your question re exercise? Er no, what's exercise? I would love to be able to find the time but no, it is just not happening and I honestly can't see any way of changing that at the moment. I did try to sign up to a yoga class but I was ending up missing every second week because I couldn't get Clara settled so it wasn't worth it.

 

[Cattia]

Daisybee, I also think that having time for yourself is so important, otherwise you get overwhelmed by the demands of everyone else and you're constantly running in empty. I know myself that when I am doing too much my mental health always suffers. Even if you can have half an hour to yourself once the kids are in bed it helps. I have started doing this meditation programme, I downloaded it as an ebook and I do it for about twenty minutes when the kids have gone to bed. Only trouble is it makes me want to go to sleep then I have to get up and start all the jobs I didn't do in the day, but it's better than nothing.
I used to exercise three times a week, even after I had George but I stopped about a year ago and since then I have had one excuse after another why I can't start again. I miss it and I need to gwt back into it. Right now I am waiting for the weather to improve so I can get out running again. Like I say, there's always an excuse!

 

[polaris]

I would love to get back running! I used to do a lot of running before I had Thomas but I never really got back into it and then I tore my pelvic floor muscle during Clara's delivery and the few times I have been out running since her birth it has made everything much worse so I think running is probably out for me. Boo hoo. Childcare is also a big issue with me for exercise - because OH works mainly evenings I don't have anyone to watch them if I wanted to get out to the gym for an hour or whatever.

 

[sparkle_1979]

I love reading here as sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with a sensitive child. It's so strange as I also suffer with anxiety like many of you and our kids are so similar

We seem to be getting on much better, I'm still having anxiety over Ruby's old nursery bringing up problems but we've started a new one and they said she's doing really well. No cause for concern

Ruby will also talk to strangers now which is a real leap forward as she would just hide behind me.

We still have meltdowns but there are few and far between. Usually over stupid things like I've flushed the toilet but she is much easier to calm now

 

[Cattia]

I love reading here as sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with a sensitive child. It's so strange as I also suffer with anxiety like many of you and our kids are so similar

We seem to be getting on much better, I'm still having anxiety over Ruby's old nursery bringing up problems but we've started a new one and they said she's doing really well. No cause for concern

Ruby will also talk to strangers now which is a real leap forward as she would just hide behind me.

We still have meltdowns but there are few and far between. Usually over stupid things like I've flushed the toilet but she is much easier to calm now

Sparkle, so nice to see you! I actually am finding it hard to get past my anxiety about Abigail's last pre school although like you we've had no problems at the new place. Quite the opposite really. It makes me worry more about George too. I wouldn't describe him as sensitive but he does appear to have some sensory issues. I'm always stressing about them both. How was your Christmas? X

 

[DaisyBee]

Ive heard such positive things about exercise for mental health things. One of my friends seems to find the time - I was going to ask her about it. She has a 3 and 1 year old... But they are not demanding kids. We have a really nice treadmill but it's always been too loud to use when the girls are sleeping. They are both such light sleepers! I've thought about getting an elliptical as I would think that would be quieter? Then I wouldn't need a sitter, just time! Lol

Xmas was also just hard on me emotionally. I think I was trying to make everything perfect for everyone else, the whole white thinking about it being my last Xmas with my dad.

Meditation sounds like a great thing. Dh actually talked about figuring that out a while ago and we never did it. You say you found an e-book cattia? That might be a really good idea for both dh and I.

I've been horrible about time for myself - I need a dentist appt and finally getting in to see the dr for my bp meds, pap, and annual physical later this month... I am way overdue for my pap and I've had borderline issues with it before so it's something I should never put off. And yet I always put myself last. It's probably my biggest issue. I can't continue to take care of everyone if I don't take care of myself as well. I can really understand looking forward to work Polaris.