Sensitive kids group

[sparkle_1979]

I love reading here as sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with a sensitive child. It's so strange as I also suffer with anxiety like many of you and our kids are so similar

We seem to be getting on much better, I'm still having anxiety over Ruby's old nursery bringing up problems but we've started a new one and they said she's doing really well. No cause for concern

Ruby will also talk to strangers now which is a real leap forward as she would just hide behind me.

We still have meltdowns but there are few and far between. Usually over stupid things like I've flushed the toilet but she is much easier to calm now

Sparkle, so nice to see you! I actually am finding it hard to get past my anxiety about Abigail's last pre school although like you we've had no problems at the new place. Quite the opposite really. It makes me worry more about George too. I wouldn't describe him as sensitive but he does appear to have some sensory issues. I'm always stressing about them both. How was your Christmas? X

I'm the same I'm so bloody angry at her last pre school, they were out of line as have caused me no end of worry

Xmas was great. We've moved back to England. Being around friends and family has made a huge difference to ruby, she's coming along so well socially

Still things I pick up on ( again thanks to her old nursery. ) but I try not stress toomuch

Glad to hear Abigail is doing well too xx

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar's sleep is a bit better than before, but last night he couldn't fall asleep until almost 10 pm, but he woke up at 4.30 am fully awake! I dont even know how he's going to cope today at shcool!

I didnt go to the gym during this break, I was planning to go to the gym today morning to renew my membership & start again, but I didnt loool, I went back to bed when omar left in the morning, I didnt even have any energy to leave bed after sleeping 4 hrs only at night.

Daisybee- I guess some me time would really help, our relationship is not perfect, we have our ups & downs, but we try to set up dates alone without Omar, we go for a couple massage, then for a nice dinner, we talk about our feelings & so on, something relaxing like a massage really helps us to focus on our issues rather than blaming each other or just arguing on small issues.

If your kids are into dancing try Zumba with them, it's fun & you can all dance to the music.

I'm also trying to stop feeling the guilt towards others, I feel that those around me have loads of expectations from me & they take me for granted, but when I ask for help they make excuses.

 

[Cattia]

Omar's mum, that sounds like a bad night
Hopefully once he is back at school he will use up more mental and physical energy and sleep better over the next week. Having a massage together sounds like a lovley idea!

Daisybee, the ebook I am using is called 'How to Journal for Self Development' by Julia Duran. It's kind of a cross between writing a diary and meditating. I used to really like keeping a diary but it can end up being a bit of a rant about all the things I hate about my life which isn't particularly helpful. I tired a book on mindfulness which I really liked, that one was called 'finding peace in a hectic world' or something like that but I struggled to keep going with it. With the journaling one I enjoy doing the writing part and you can see the progression, for me it just really works.

Sparkle, I keep telling myself that if Abigail gets through her reception year at school next year without her teacher having concerns about her then I will relax a bit. The truth is I am terrified about her starting school. It's another nine months and I'm getting worked up about it already.
Great news that you've moved closer to family and friends. I think having support around you makes so much difference.

How is everyone else? Hope you're all looking forward to the new term. I am not wanting to go back to work this time. I've got the guilt that I am working too many hours and that the kids would be more settled if I was home more. I guess once we've been back a few days I'll get used to the routine again.

 

[Jchihuahua]

I am back at work on 7th March. Eddie will only be 5 months old . I am dreading it and so worried as he is exclusively breastfed on demand and not happy with a bottle of EBM. I just wish we could afford for me to be off longer or go part time but no such luck . I felt like this when I was o maternity leave with Daisy and wasted away my maternity leave worrying about going back so I'm trying not to think about it. It sounds bad but with Tommy I couldn't wait to get back to work as he just screamed solidly all the time and I felt like I was going insane. I hope my hubby will be okay managing all three when I'm at work. I'm sure he will though as he is very good.

Omar's mum, I hope he is okay today after so little sleep. Daisy is having nightmares at the moment. They seem to be about a mobile phone being in her room. I think it is a talking mobile phone off an advert we've seen that she is deaming about but she is waking up terrified 3 or 4 times a night at the moment. For ages she had nightmares about Dora the Explorer being in her bed. Her imagination is so vivid and things seeem very real to her.

I am also worried about Daisy starting reception but not as worried as I was about her starting pre-school. She loves her pre-school so much and the adults are so kind and patient with her and she loves them all (she's asked to see her keyworker, Julie, every day she's been off this holiday!) so I just really hope she gets a teacher that will not tell her off all the time if she can't handle change or flips out if she slightly hurts herself. Daisy will enjoy the socialising, outdoor stuff and learning through play, and that is what she needs the most, but I think she'll be bored with the more structured stuff as in terms of the Early learning Goals for maths and literacy she has already met them and can read and write really quite well now.

 

[OmarsMum]

Surprisingly he had a good day! He had fun, he was ok & smiling when I picked him up, but he slept on our way home. Now he has loads of energy bless him.

JC, big hugs no advise regarding bfing & going back to work, 5 months sounds too little I really hope he starts to enjoy ebm bottles soon, here maternity leave is 6 weeks only, no less hours of part time.

Omar is also having nightmares, last night he asked me tk turn the bathroom light on when he woke up as it seems that he's scared of the dark

We're starting swimming classes tomorrow at his school after school hrs, I dont know how it will go, there are only 5 kids in class & parents should stay during the class. I really hope it goes well as he loves water

 

[Tacey]

Wow, this thread has sprung back to life hasn't it! Lots to catch up on. Sorry if I miss anything!

Daisybee- I had CBT last year (probably talked about it here in fact) and it made a huge difference, although I think the biggest help it gave was that I had to prioritise time for me to go to the sessions. I also practised mindfulness, which has been a godsend. You can't keep on giving if you've nothing left to give, so investing time in yourself benefits everyone in the family.

My anxiety and Alice's sensitivity are closely linked - it's a vicious circle where the more sensitive she is, the more anxious I am, which makes her more sensitive etc. etc.

As for exercise, I'm very active because we're always walking somewhere! No formal exercise though - I've never darkened the door of a gym! I'd love to do yoga, but if Arthur wakes, I'm the only one who can resettle him, so I need to wait a few more months I think.

Polaris - the 'should do' things I cut back on were mainly to do with socialising. I had always believed that the more exposure you have to things that are hard for you, the better you get, but I don't think it was true for her. So instead of having friends to play/visiting friends 3 times a week - we cut back to once at most for a few months, stopped going to toddler groups, and I didn't push her to talk to people like shop assistants or people who talked to us in the street. It may be controversial, but I stopped trying to get her to do the social niceties like saying please, thank you, sorry, hello and goodbye. I could never manage it anyway, so it was a bit of an act for the benefit of the other person to show I was 'doing something'. I started saying those things for her, and it wasn't long at all until she was doing it without prompting. I think she flips out if there's any sort of pressure. I stopped worrying (or tried to!) that the way she was in this moment would be a sign she would always be that way if I didn't try and fix it. I'm a lot kinder to myself, and her now.
for the crappy sleep. That must be horrendous. No advice, but I hope it improves soon.

Omarsmum - I agree with the others. Having a sensitive parent is a great thing for a sensitive child. You're able to read him like nobody else can. Try not to worry that you're making him the way he is. Chances are, you're the best guide he could have, as you know what it's like. If you're able to get your own anxieties under control, you'll be even better placed to show him coping strategies. I hope he enjoys the swimming class!

It reminded me when JC mentioned that Daisy was upset at the idea of moving out one day, that this is something Alice seems to be not so typical about. She's already making plans to move to London on her own (when she's 10 apparently ). She's always been independent, which of course has lots of benefits, but I do find it a bit extreme. She's recently started giving me the odd hug, but she remains fairly unaffectionate. I can leave her anywhere, with anyone and she won't even look for me. The only person she seems to miss is Arthur. I don't really know what to think about it.

 

[Cattia]

Tracey, Abigail has always been really independent too. She's never had any sort of separation anxiety. She wasn't ever really a cuddly child but has become much more so recently. She's generally ok in new situations. Her pre school said that she'd been asking for me a lot towards the end of last term and I was actually really surprised! George is definitely much more of a mummy's boy but I don't know if that's partly a gender thing.

Omar' s mum, how did Omar get on with the swimming lessons? I hope it went well.

JC, going back after maternity leave is always so hard. Both mine wouldn't take ebm for ages and they both started taking it at five months. With Abigail I was starting to get desperate because she was five and a half months when I went back.

Abigail seemed to have a good day back at pre school. She'd been saying she didn't want to go but when my mum dropped her off she ran straight in and was pleased to be back which I knew she would be really as she's really happy there.

 

[OmarsMum]

It went well only 2 other kids came to the class, one of them didnt have his swimming suit so he only watched.

When the coaches approached Omar, he hid his face behind me, the male coach (I forgot his name lool) asked Omar about his name then he gave him a high five. Omar asked the coach not to throw him in the watee, then he asked him how he can swim without the arm bands

They took the kids to the side of the pool, the they asked them to splash water with there legs, omar refused, so I sat next to him, raised my trousers up to show him that it's ok to do it. He started to do it but cautiously, at that point I told the coach that he's not scared of water, he can perfectly swim with arm bands alone. I panicked when I saw him how he was reacting, when I looked at hubby his head was down looking into his mobile, he was also panicking!

The other kid was fine although according to his mum he's scared of water. Then the coach asked the kids to splash him with water & so on. After few mins he took the other kid & showed him how to use a floating noodle, when he was ok, he gave him to his assistant.

This was the best part, he picked Omar's sensitivity, he undedstood that Omar has confidence in water but not in him as he's a stranger, so instead of going directly to the noodles, he carried Omar, & took him around the pool while chatting with him & telling him jokes, then they came back to the pool side, omar was relaxed & laughing, he didnt resist when he showed him how to use the noodle, he didnt complain when he left him alone to swim across the pool with the noodle, Omar was laughing loudly at this point, I was so happy I had tears in my eyes.

He was also fine with the assistant, he followed her instructions when they switched kids, theu raced to the finishing point, he splashed her with water & so on.

It was the best class we've ever attended (I love his piano classes, & he's hilarious there but this was better!)

But he was so overwhelmed in the evening, he went to bed at 7.30 but he couldnt fall asleep until 9.15 bless him.

At school he didnt do great today, when his teacher was showing the kids how to count to 5 using their fingers he refused to do so. She spent 15 mins with him alone but he refused!

When I came to pick him up she told me about it, when I asked him why he didnt do it, he said I was only watching. I got him a croissant to eat before the swimming class, his teacher saw him eating it outside, she asked him why he didnt eat his croissant that came with his school meal the day before, he told her that the crust was hard

But he did well in the school photo today, he was the only kid who smiled without freezing, his teacher was so proud of him.

I'm happy with the school, they have patience, the TA taught him how to pee standing looool, he used to refuse to use the toilet at school as he cant put on his shorts & underwear, he cant use the toilet unless he takes off his clothes, now he can as the TA showed him how to pull down his clothes, pee standing then pull them back up

They really love him, according to them he's so sweet & well behaved. When he refused to do the finger counting, his teacher asked him to go & bring something for her from outside, he whined a bit but then he ran outside to get it for her.

Other than going to bed late, we had a good day

 

[Cattia]

Awwww, I so enjoyed reading that Omar's mum, I could just picture him in his swimming class! The teacher sounds great. It sounds like Omar did really well. His teachers at school also sound ad though they are really getting the best out of him. I think sometimes when children are very bright which it sounds like he is, they struggle to see the point of some of the work. When he gets a little older and the work challenges him more I expect he will find it more engaging. It sounds like a really good day!

 

[Jchihuahua]

I think sometimes when children are very bright which it sounds like he is, they struggle to see the point of some of the work.

I agree with this. Daisy is exactly the same.

It sounds like Omar's swimming class was great! I am pleased Abigail had a good first day back at pre-school. Daisy did too. She has been desperate to get back!

 

[Jchihuahua]

There was a new programme on cbeebies today called Starting School (I think!). It was on at 4:30 and is a series and is basically about children starting in reception. I have set the series link to record as I thought it would be really useful for Daisy to watch over the summer to help get her prepared for school.

EDIT: Just checked and it is called Time for School
https://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/grownups/shows/time-for-school

 

[Quartz]

So great this thread has started to get busy again. Samy is doing ok at school now after talking to the teacher and talking it through at home she actually skips in now and seems to have found a little group of friends - it helps that one of the friends she found is also on the highly sensitive/highly strung side and we had a playdate before Christmas where they played on their own together (a first for both) without tears or arguing and then played in the front room with us at the end. We are really lucky she has a great teacher and some like minded children.

I can certainly see a maturity in her now she is approaching 5 (in two months how has that happened) that means she is handling things far better than she did even 2/3 months ago and she managed to do a ballet performance as well on stage by herself. One thing that has helped is we drew out a timetable together for her to carry around at school so she knew where she was in the day. If she knows what to expect from time away from me she is fine and I think she had learnt now what her school day is. I really noticed when she had to do to a full dance rehearsal of her ballet performance and she broke down and cried an hour in as she expected it to be over then. Luckily our next door neighbour happened to be there (she was tap dancing in it) and she was able to get her through it.

So that all the postives! She still worries about stuff and is currently going through an obsession with asking if the front door is locked. This is totally one of my anxieties from when I was little (I remember when I was 11 or so we got a new extension and the back doors were sliding doors and I would literally check it was locked properly 3/4 times a night for a good few weeks) and she seems to have picked it up.

Her brother helps her I think though as he is socialable and affectionate and I think when we go out to places him being there gives her confidence.

 

[juliespencer9]

Hi all, another mum here with a daughter who is 4 and at school and sensitive and has anxiety, I also suffer with anxiety but I can control it.

She has her little ways probley just like your kids do, how are your kids coping at school? My lo started school in September, she used to eat her lunch fine but hasn't touched it lately, it started with her having tummy ache one day and now it's just in her head she will get it at food time at school!
Thing is I know if I was there at the school with her she would eat but I can't start doing that as I would never be able to break the habit!
I'm hoping she will just eat again!
She also started her nervous weeing again where she will go to the toilet up to 6 times in an hour. First day back at school today so unsure how often she's been going for a wee at school, we went to a pantomime 1 week ago and sat at the front and it was loud and in your face and I'm sure it's started the wee problem off again, we left half way through the show as lo wanted to go home cos she had a head ache and felt sick, it got to much for her little mind taking it all in!

Does anyone else having these little problems like us?

Julie x

 

[hattiehippo]

There was a new programme on cbeebies today called Starting School (I think!). It was on at 4:30 and is a series and is basically about children starting in reception. I have set the series link to record as I thought it would be really useful for Daisy to watch over the summer to help get her prepared for school.

EDIT: Just checked and it is called Time for School
https://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/grownups/shows/time-for-school

That is a fantastic idea! Tom will def benefit from this too - he's already worrying about going to school and what it will be like. He also worries a lot about when he is a grown up and that he wants to stay living with us in his bedroom for ever!

Tom is not miles ahead with reading and writing though he's now interested in reading words and is getting good at rhyming sounds. His maths though amazes me - he told me this pm that '4 5s are 20' and he loves working out add and takeaway sums and spotting number patterns. I think he's going to be very bored in Reception if the teacher doesn't push him.

Polaris - I wish I hadn't pushed Tom to go to organised groups so much. We did music groups, play groups etc but none of them made him want to join in and his behaviour just got worse and worse. I stopped taking him altogether about 6 months ago and he is so much happier. He has 3 full days at nursery/preschool and the 2 days with me, we do jobs like go to the supermarket or the library and he gets time to play.

 

[polaris]

Cattia, I love the sound of the journaling/meditation, I have ordered a copy of the e-book to give it a try. I really think something like that would be very beneficial for me right now.

 

[DaisyBee]

Jordan is sick again so I've been too busy to write.. She is miserable and clingy.

Megan has had some very creative busy days at home. It's super cold here and school has been canceled. (-60 with windchill yesterday). She seems to be possibly over Xmas( lets hope!) I've noticed she is much less sensitive about things the past few days which is one of the reasons I think she is back to herself.

A lot of my friends that aren't working are doing multiple classes with their kids and Megan hasn't been interested so we don't go. She also doesn't like story time at the library as she says the books are scary. Which is true- the kids librarian is horrible ... Picks the worst books for story time and then proceeds to use loud, mean, angry, scary voices during the books. It's shocking that it's really as poor as it is. Once the weather gets better I might look into a story time in a nearby town.

We went to church for Xmas eve, hadnt been there in forever. Megan didn't want to go and was so upset that we were going. But she loved it, and she has always loved the atmosphere of church. BY the end she was saying she was so glad we went and she loved it. I'm hoping to get there more often - I think it would be a good place for her. She had the option of being in Sunday school this year but for how much we are gone it didn't seem like it was a good idea.

I'm still not loving megans preschool and I still think it's the teacher. Megan is ok with it, but its not really impressive.

Dh was talking last night about how mature Megan seems sometimes. Not in her emotional outbursts times of course but how she talks and the way she thinks about things. We need to make sure we don't treat her like she is older or expect too much from her.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Dh was talking last night about how mature Megan seems sometimes. Not in her emotional outbursts times of course but how she talks and the way she thinks about things. We need to make sure we don't treat her like she is older or expect too much from her.

I think this with Daisy too. She seems like she is about 6 or 7 sometimes, the vocabulary she uses and the way she sees things. As she is the oldest of 3 I think I am guilty of expecting her to act like a much older child than she is. I'm forever saying things like 'You are the oldest. You have to set a good example for Tommy' etc etc.

I'm sorry to hear Jordan is ill Daisybee. I hope she's better soon.

Hi Quartz, good to hear from you . It sonds like Samy is doing really well at school.

Hi Juliespencer and welcome to the group. My daughter is at pre-school in the mornings so doesn't have her lunch there but her having lunch at school is actually one of the things I am most worried about when she starts reception in September. I think she will find the whole situation difficult. Do the younger children have lunch with the rest of the school in the dining room? I know that at my school (I am a teacher) they do and the little ones do find it stressful and hate the noise and how busy it is when they first start. They tend to feel a bit lost among all the older ones but they do tend to get used it after a while.

 

[Cattia]

Nice to hear how everyone is doing. Quartz, great to hear that Samy has found a friend and seems to be enjoying school. It's good to know that our sensitive kids can manage school as I said before, I'm pretty worried about it. JC, will definitely be checking that programme out.
Julie, your daughter sounds very similar to my friend's little girl who is also sensitive. She also didn't want to eat at school, and it turned out that she was eating a lot slower than the other children and getting left behind. I think a lot of sensitive kids have issues around food. I often find it hard to get Abigail to eat anything at all. She's not really picky, just not that interested in food. The wee thing also sounds like my friend's daughter a little bit. She had some sort of uti and from that she got a nervous habit of continually touching herself because she felt like she need to wee. My friend took her to a special clinic where the GO referred them and they ruled out anything physical and said that it was a nervous tick and that she was highly sensitive. My friend had never really heard of the concept of sensitive children before even though she has one so it came as a bit of a shock to her!

Our day was ok until bedtime when Abigail insisted on having her hair towel dried before bed instead of being done with the hairdryer, then had a meltdown because she had gone to bed with wet hair and didn't get to use the hairdryer!

Polaris, let me know how you get on with the book if you decide to buy it. I'm loving it and finding it so helpful although finding the time is hard now I'm back at work.

Daisybee, hope Jordan feels better soon. I can't believe the temperatures you've been having, we've heard about it on the news over here. We've had really bad flooding but luckily our area is ok so far, even though we're on the coast.

 

[polaris]

Dh was talking last night about how mature Megan seems sometimes. Not in her emotional outbursts times of course but how she talks and the way she thinks about things. We need to make sure we don't treat her like she is older or expect too much from her.

I think this with Daisy too. She seems like she is about 6 or 7 sometimes, the vocabulary she uses and the way she sees things. As she is the oldest of 3 I think I am guilty of expecting her to act like a much older child than she is. I'm forever saying things like 'You are the oldest. You have to set a good example for Tommy' etc etc.

I can really relate to this too. I know I am guilty of expecting too much from Thomas at times because he can sometimes seem like he is much older, and also because he is the older child.

Daisybee, sorry to hear that Jordan has been sick. Thomas has been really quite ill since last Tuesday but he is finally on the mend now, thankfully. It really is draining when they are ill. I really can't believe the temperatures you are having - you must be totally housebound!

Julie, welcome to the group. Thomas is also four but he's not in school yet, he goes to preschool until 12.30. He brings a packed lunch with him but sometimes he eats it and sometimes he doesn't. It doesn't matter really at the moment because it's a short day so he can just eat it when he gets home. Hopefully your daughter will start to eat again at school soon, it's a good sign that she used to eat fine at school, hopefully she'll go back to that again.

I don't do any organized groups with Thomas now, except for swimming on Sundays which he loves. We do go to an outdoor group called Free Range Kids, which is basically just put on wellies and raingear and head out to a park or a wood and meet up with a bunch of other families. I find that the outdoor location really suits his temperament and he can choose how much he wants to mix with the other people there. I usually send him to preschool four days and we do Free Range Kids the other day. It breaks up the week for him too - the couple of weeks that he has gone to preschool five days, he has been really exhausted by the end of the week, whereas four days seems much more manageable for him.

 

[Quartz]

Juliespencer we did have lunch problems last term (lots of tears and refusing to eat anything) culminating in her just taking a ham sandwich with the crusts off in her lunch box so that was all she had to eat and then she could go out and play. We then gradually added things back in so she was comfortable with how much she had to eat. Then she tried school dinner and she is on them now (she realised doing out too quickly meant being on her own in the playground). We have had two days of school dinners so far and it seems to be going ok.

We have the opposite toilet issue in that she wont go at school at all. So far though this has not caused any accidents or issues so I am not pushing it.

I was dreading school as well but its is going ok. I have to say I think its largely down to her teacher being very good and also very willing to work with me. When it was going badly wrong she took on board some of my suggestions as how best to handle Samy and I did some of hers. A different teacher we may not have been so lucky.