Sensitive kids group

[polaris]

Quartz, Thomas has the same issue that he will not use the toilet in preschool at all. He has always been a bit like that. I remember when he was two he went through a phase of refusing to use the toilet at home on the days that he was with the childminder. That was stressful. There was one day that he held his pee from 7.30 a.m. until I got home at 5 p.m. I was so worried that he would give himself a bladder infection that I actually did a brief period of jelly-bean rewards for using the toilet! So I guess no surprise that he doesn't go at preschool. In the school that he is going to in September, there are toilets at the back of the classroom and they can just get up and use them if they need to, they don't have to ask, so I am hopeful that he might go if necessary. He doesn't like anyone to know that he needs to use the toilet!

 

[Cattia]

Abigail's noise issues seem to be getting worse. Her pre school teacher said she was really upset about a thunder storm yesterday and this morning she even covered her ears when I was hoovering, the Hoover has never bothered her before. She can't seem to stand any noises at all. I'm having a down day and thinking that maybe there really is something wrong with her and her old pre school were right all along! She's ok socially, but why so anxious at four years old?

 

[seaweed eater]

Hey ladies haven't had time to catch up thoroughly but I hope everyone is adjusting well to getting back to routines after the holidays. I know it can be a tough transition.

for you Polaris -- I hope your sleep situation improves a lot soon. I can't imagine having had such disrupted sleep as you have had for months and months. And you are so knowledgeable about sleep, too.

I really appreciated all your tips about traveling. I'm happy to say we survived Munchkin did so well on the planes! He liked having our own little space to explore, and he got addicted to swiping the home screen on the iPad back and forth. He didn't sleep very well though. There were a lot of other babies on some of our flights, and without fail they would all be asleep within minutes of takeoff, but not our Munchkin. Even at 4AM, he just had to stay up until after the meal service. So funny.

We tried so hard to keep his routines intact while visiting family. He did well all things considered. We discovered that during visits with family it was helpful to try to find children for him to play with, because then the adults usually left him alone. It was tough getting all his grandparents on board with the idea that he really needs time to warm up to new people and downtime in between, but I think we did a good job of protecting his needs. I'm so relieved it's over!

Now he is starting in a new room at daycare. I was really dreading it since he had such a difficult time last time, but I'm hopeful that it will be easier this time. He seems to like his teachers and the bigger kids, and I think the routine will suit him really well once he learns it. He's gone from the on-demand baby room to a very routine toddler room. I just hope that his teachers learn not to get into battles of wills with him over silly rules that aren't about safety, like lying on his stomach at nap time.

The biggest problem is that he's almost not eating at all. They provide snacks and so far he hasn't touched them at all, just stared at the other kids as they eat. For lunch I send him things that I know he likes, but he sometimes doesn't even eat things that he eats at home. I am hoping that as he gets used to the idea and continues to see all the other kids eating, he will be more willing to try. They also don't give them very much milk, and he is used to drinking LOTS of milk. Our doctor said to give it a try with less milk in case he eats more that way, but I feel bad that he's so hungry all day. Seems like we are not the only ones having issues with eating at school!

Hope everyone is having a good day

 

[Tacey]

Great news that Abigail has settled back to pre school so easily Cattia! She must feel really comfortable there.

It sounds like you've found a gem of a swimming teacher Omarsmum! Hopefully as he gets used to it, he'll be able to go to sleep more easily.

So glad to hear Samy is getting on well Quartz. I think life does become easier for them as they get older. The sibling relationship is a big help for us too.

Hi Julie! Nice to have you here. Alice doesn't go to school, but we've had the nervous weeing thing on and off for a few years. For her, it's about getting alone time, somewhere quiet and feeling in control (a bit of an issue as she always wants to lock herself in the cubicle. The number of times I've had to scrabble around to get her out again!). I hope she's more settled this term. Does her teacher have anything to say about it and the food thing?

I've been thinking of you with the reports of the extreme weather in the US Daisybee - I can't get my head around those temperatures! Fantastic that Megan is doing well. We've had similar issues with story time sessions. I wish they'd let you know what they'd be reading beforehand. I am definitely guilty of thinking of Alice as older. I expect a huge amount from her. Arthur is entering tantrum age now, and it's reminded me that actually, although Alice seems so much more mature, she's just as incapable of controlling herself in those moments as Arthur. I'm trying not to take it so personally. How's Jordan doing now?

Things are definitely improving here. I'm enjoying some really interesting conversations with her. I think we're finally getting to see the good side of her sensitivity. Some things seem a bit weird though. She's very morbid lately. For example, we were talking about how life will be when she's my age. She asked how old I would be then, and then asked how old my mum would be. I told her. Then she paused and said - "And Great Granny will be dead." I was a bit dumbstruck, and just agreed. She often talks about how she'll move to London and live with Arthur when Steve and I die. She's very matter of fact about it all. Is this a normal thing for a 4 year old to be thinking about?

 

[polaris]

Tacey, I don't know whether or not it's normal but Thomas is exactly the same. Very matter of fact about making plans for himself after I'm dead and talking about when people die. He also asks me quite often what age he will be when he dies and then tells me he will be 200!

 

[Cattia]

Arghhh, I've written a reply about five times and it hasn't let me post! Anyway, in summary, Tracey I wonder whether they talk quite dispassionatly about things like death and leaving home because they understand that those things happen but they don't really grasp the concept of what it means. Although Abigail is quite emotional sometimes she just doesn't get things if that makes sense?

I think it's hard to know what's normal for a four year old and what's more attributable to having a sensitive child. I struggle with this a lot and feel I always analyse Abigail when other parents don't notice all their child's oddities. She is definitely more anxious than most and asks lots of questions about things that worry her to look for reassurance. I think I also do that with my own anxieties so I can understand it.

Anyway, hope everyone has had a good day.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Daisy sounds SO like Abigail Cattia. I've always thought they were similar but they really are!!

Daisy tends to worry about things and get emotional about them, for example when I said she was upset because she always wants us all to live together. A few days ago she was playing with her moshi monsters, which she is only allowed downstairs when Tommy is napping, and I explained it was because Tommy puts things in his mouth still and he might choke. She did listen but left some lying around and Tommy did later on put one in his mouth. I told her that I was serious about not letting Tommy get them because if he chokes he might have to go to hospital and that people can even die if they choke. I regretted saying that immediately because she has panicked about it ever since. Today Tommy put a piece of tissue in his mouth and she started screaming, almost hysterical, 'Get it out! get it out! I don't want him to die!'. She was physically shaking and it took a while to calm her down.

She got sent home from pre-school yesterday. They said she was holding her tummy and crying and was constipated, which is very unusual for her. They sat her on the toilet but she just cried more, getting more and more worked up, saying it hurt, and then a few minutes later she accidentally did a teeny little bit of poo in her knickers and she never has accidents ever and got so hysterical about it that they had to ring us to collect her. When hubby collected her she was so upset and clung to him and sobbed. He didn't mention it to her and tried to cheer her up talking about other things and then half way home she said in a teeny little voice 'Don't ask me about the poo daddy. I don't want to talk about it ever again.' She heard him telling me what pre-school had said a few hours later and she started to cry and put her hands over her ears and hid behind the curtain for ages. She was SO mortified and upset and I felt so bad for her that she felt like that. I don't know why she felt like she did. The embarrassment wasn't helped in that nursery had put her in boys underpants and she was really upset about that too. I wouldn't mind but I sent in 12 pairs of Daisy's old pants for them to have for spares on Monday, and sent in a load a few months ago too, plus she had 3 pairs in her bag where she keeps her change of clothes!

I wish she wasn't so emotional. Things seem to affect her so deeply.

 

[Cattia]

Oh JC, poor Daisy I can't believe they put her in boys' pants when she had so many pairs of her own there as well. I hope she had a better day today. Last night I put Abigail to bed in a pair of pyjamas, no problem, then this morning when she got up, she looked at herself in the mirror and started sobbing hysterically. 'I didn't want to wear pyjamas, I wanted to wear a nightie' like it was the end of the world. I just stood there, I mean, seriously, what do you say to that?
I wonder with trepidation what they will be like as teenagers...

 

[Jchihuahua]

Gosh, the though of Daisy as a teenager is a bit scary!

Tonight she woke up and was crying and I went up and she was really upset, sitting up and saying Peppa Pig was in her bedroom. She's had nightmares lately and often seems to dream about characters from the television so I soothed her, promised Peppa Pig was not in her room and settled her back down to sleep. Not long later she woke up crying again and when I went up a Peppa Pig phonics toy she has in her toybox had somehow malfunctioned and was talking so that was obviously what woke her and in the dark with her vivid imagination the poor thing obviously really though Peppa was in her room .

 

[OmarsMum]

I dont know why I was un subscribed from the group!

Omar doesnt touch food in school, he stays for 5 hrs, he used to refuse to use the toilet there, but the TA taught him how to wee standing, so he thinks that he's a big boy now he can use the toilet on his own loool.

JC so sorry about the dream, it sounds scary I really hope she doesnt remember it in the morning. Did you have a talk with them regarding the underwear? I honestly wouldnt be happy if my kid is back home with someone's else underwear.

We dont talk about death around Omar, I dont even think he knows what it means, but he's overly protective over us, his family should always be together, all his future plans include his family. He's very obsessed about age, he always asks what he can do when he reaches a certain age, according to him he will walk without holding hands at the age of 8, he will get his own car at the age of 18, it's a red Ferrari, his dad with be the "co-driver"

He's also obsessed about growing up, he wants to grow taller, he wants to be a grown up not a kid. According to him grown ups can do more things than kids.

I had a chemical, I dont know how I feel about it, now all what I think of is having another baby

Anyways, Omar had his 4 yrs vacs on Saturday, the last time we went to that dr was over 1 year back, he remembered the clinic when we were on our way, he told us that there is a fish tank there & he used to go there when he was younger. He was amazing, he was cooperative, & he didnt cry at all when he had the injection, he said bye to the dr & told me that he will go out to wait fo me & watch the fish.

At school he still doesn't have a friend & he refuses to play outdoor, when we started the swimming classes I met a nice mum, today when I went ot pick up Omar from school she was there, I asked her if she'd be interested in play dates after school & she was soo happy about it I think it would help Omar if he has a friend from school

 

[seaweed eater]

OM, sorry for your loss sounds like Omar is doing well. I'm impressed with how he did at the doctor's office! Sounds like you both handled it perfectly. I hope he does make friends with the other child from his school!

 

[Jchihuahua]

So sorry for your loss Omar's mum .

Omar did great with his injections, brave boy! Eddie had his on Friday and has been unwell ever since . Reminds me of how poorly Tommy got after his MMR.

 

[polaris]

I'm so sorry for your loss Omarsmum. Sounds like Omar did great with his vaccinations. JC - I remember how poorly Tommy was after the MMR, it's awful seeing them like that, isn't it.

I am back in work tomorrow! Mixed feelings but on the whole I am looking forward to it. I am worrying about silly things like how I will manage to get all the washing done. I am also worrying a little bit about how Clara will be, because she is very attached to me even though she is also quite independent. But she is nearly 17 months so I have been really lucky to have this time at home with her. I'm less worried about Thomas, I guess because he's older, but actually Clara generally copes with change much better than he does, so he's probably going to be the one who is most affected really!

 

[DaisyBee]

I'm so sorry omarsmum! I hope you are doing ok.

I took Jordan to the dr yesterday. She has ear infections in both ears... Poor girl! The dr had Megan do the ear check first and get on the table and all these things to show Jordan and Megan did them all fine! she ws saying she was scared to go to the dr and didn't want Jordan to cry, ( while we were still at home) so maybe helping jordan was more important to her than being scared? Then Jordan did it all without any crying! It was amazing! ( Megan hates the dr office, and before they held her down for checking ears, and she wouldn't even do her temp without crying). So to have her have such a good visit is shocking)

Megan doesn't want to go to heaven sometimes and worries about people dying and going to heaven ( after our discussions about grandpa). She has a picture of her grandpa jack ( dhs grandpa ) holding her when she was a tiny baby. He passed away before she was 1. We visited the cemetery last summer and she cried and cried and talked about how much she missed grandpa jack and she talked down into a hole meant for a pole for flowers and now she talks about him a lot when she looks at this picture, about how he is in heaven and she wishes he could come visit us and why doesn't jesus let him come see us, and will grandpa ( my dad) and g jack live together in heaven.

I think her food issue last year was about being scared about choking. She randomly has something happen and starts panicking worse about choking or someone else choking. We've had to not panic ourselves and act like things are not a big deal if one of them is having issues with food in their mouth and also had something almost identical with Jordan with small toys and Megan panic and worry about Jordan doing to the hospital. She worries about people and getting hurt, etc.

This morning I had a conversation with the parent educator that teaches the classes when it's a parent part and kids are in toddler or preschool type class with the teacher... She was asking if Megan still is having issues and mentioned a time at the end of a class when someone bumped into her and she was melting down. I was surprised she considered that melting down and to me that was nothing. A women backed up into Megan while holding her baby in the carseat carrier... The carrier bonked Megan on the head. Megan was hurt and also very tired bening 7:30 at night after a long day and was crying..... Upset.... And I didn't consider it a meltdown at all, she was just being emotional and not over the top in my opinion... Not like how she can act anyway! Well this parent teacher asking bout it and her hmm in response to my answer... I'm now thinking about it.

We went out shopping and then to dinner out with the girls last weekend. Megan wasn't very well behaved at all and dh and I were having regrets about leaving the house. Jordan was fine... No issues... She is an angel in public and so much easier at the store, restaurants, etc then Megan ever was. Megan has always been tough to handle in public. We had been discussing going on a family vacation for the first time... Plane and everything, and now we arent sure it's a good idea. I don't know how Megan will handle it, and if she is a mess or acting up, or overstimulated it won't be fun for any of us.

Megan is starting to do better with public bathrooms. She still doesn't like the automatic flushers or loud hand dryers which are the 2 things that have made her nervous about going anywhere else but home. Dh went all of his schooling without ever once going at school as he remembers being too nervous and embarrassed to go. Megan now likes the idea of privacy even at home and won't poop if I am in the room, and for years she wouldn't poop unless I was there with her but shutting my eyes. Megan claims she went potty the other morning at school, but I for some reason am wondering if she is making it up. She usually holds it, but she is there less than 3 hrs.

 

[Cattia]

Hey ladies
Omar's mum, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have a successful BFP soon if you are TTC. It sounds as though Omar is doing well. I hope he enjoys his play date with his swimming buddy.
Daisybee, I wouldn't take any notice of that woman. What child wouldn't scream when they get knocked round the head? It sounds as though Megan is making really great progress, especially with how she was at the Dr. We have the same issues with Abigail in public toilets. She is so terrified of the dryer, every time a woman walks in she begs them not go put the dryer on. The weirdest thing is that she LOVES the hairdryer at home! When i am drying my hair she will come through from another room and sit on my bed and look at books, when I am finished she asks me to put it in again! It's the same noise as the dryer! The other day she covered her ears when I blew my nose! Then later I blew it again and she wasn't looking and so she didn't care at all. It makes me think that it isn't the noises that bother her but the fear of being shocked or startled by a loud noise.
We had a loooong conversation about dying and heaven yesterday. I don't know what prompted it but she asked so many questions that were so hard to answer. At one point she started crying because she said she didn't want to go to heaven because she wanted to stay living in her own house forever She asked a lot of questions about what heaven would be like and who would be there. She asked if I would be there to help her talk to god and I said yes, she was asking whether she would have the same voice, whether children die sometimes, so many difficult questions.
Yesterday we went to soft play and Abigail and George were playing with other children. They always go up and talk to other children and introduce themselves, but then afterwards she was upset as she said some other girls were not being very nice to her. I told her the kind of things that she needed to say, and how she should walk away or tell a grown up. It makes me worry about her starting school in case other children are mean to her although she has loads of friends in pre school and outside school. Recently she has started to say that she doesn't want to go to big school and that she will miss her pre school teachers too much. I wonder if I have talked about school too much in an attempt to prepare her for the idea and maybe I shouldn't mention it for a while.
We are also potty training George at the moment which is not going that well. I have yelled at him a couple of times for pooing in the floor, then I feel SO guilty and worry that I've done him psychological damage. I feel like I am spending every spare moment marking at the moment and am often trying to get on with work when I am looking after the kids. In addition to that things are not good between DH and me, we have been arguing a lot for a while so all in all I feel I don't have enough patience with the kids.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Cattia, Daisy is the same with hand dryers. She hates using public toilets because of them and has also asked strangers not to use them.

Poor Abigail at soft play . It is horrible when other children aren't kind. Daisy is always taken aback when children aren't nice as she is very sociable and friendly. I posted on here last year about some older girls at pre-school who had previously been her friends (who have since gone to reception) being unkind to her and pushing her and telling her to go away and that she was a baby among other things. It really affected her and she still often talks about it often, both to us and the staff at pre-school. I also worry about school but Daisy sounds the same as Abigail in that she is friendly and has lots of friends, so I guess for every child that might be unkind there will be many more for them to be friends with. I am just doing my best to make Daisy understand that it is not okay for her to be mean even if other children are mean to her and that she needs to tell a grown up.

You won't have done George psychological damage . Daisy was a nightmare to potty train and I pushed her too much when she wasn't ready and lost my temper with her loads and I do feel guilty now. I'm sure if they are honest most parents are guilty of losing their patience at some point during potty training! I am contemplating trying with Tommy soon but already dreading it!

I am so tired at the moment. Daisy is up a couple of times a night as ever and Eddie has been a good sleeper for the last 8 weeks but this last week he has been up every hour. He is very unsettled all the time, day and night. As well as silent reflux he has eczema which really bothers him. He has to have socks on his hands constantly or his face is all scratched. Poor little thing seems to be constantly given medication of some sort: gaviscon, ranitidine, steroid cream, diprobase, oilatum baths.

 

[Quartz]

Omarsmum sorry for your loss.
Polaris I hope work is going ok.
Samy often asks about heaven (prompted in part by not having a paternal grandparent). So I know she thinks about it.

For the most part we are doing ok. I have noticed at school (and at home) one of her problems is she is very much one to one give her one friend to interact with and she is fine. Add anymore and not so much - which can cause issues with her friends when they want to play with more than one.

The other thing is she can be quite cold and I hate to say it slightly ruthless. When she came out of school last week with her good friend her friend mentioned to her mum about having two other friends (not Samy round) but I thought nothing of it and Samy said she had a good day. Fast forward a week and she comes out with the same friend and this time tells me how her and Tiffany are going to go on a playdate. It turns out that the week before she had asked if she could join in (after they had started playing) and they said no and she cried a little about it. But she waited a whole week until she could truthfully do the same to them. The way her minds works is sometimes just so alien to me!

Cattia I also have a habit of over talking things through with Samy - its difficult to find a balance.

 

[Quartz]

And how could I forget - she is finally sleeping the whole night in her own bed at least 50% of the time and the other times she is staying there until she wakes up (usually around 4) she has even woken and gone back to sleep there herself. It was all her own idea (I miss her a little) but I am so glad I did not stress of force the issue it was so easy in the end

 

[sparkle_1979]

Hi ladies

Popped in for a little advise

I wonder if any of your little ones whispers to themselves. Ruby's been getting on great, big improvements but I have noticed she's always whispering to herself, often when playing with toys but at other times too ?

Wish I hadn't googled

We were doing so well I'd stopped worrying. We had lots of issues most of which have gone or seem just like normal behaviour. She is still shy but now had two friends at her new pre school and the teachers say she's getting on great

 

[Cattia]

Quartz, sounds like Sammy is doing great at nights! I think with girls their friendships can get so political at such an early age - it's scary really! I dread to think what they will be like when they're teenagers!
Sparkle, sounds like she's just externalising her thoughts, maybe working things through in her imagination. George hums and sings to himself ALL day long (and yes, I googled that too and scared myself daft!) I think once you start focusing on various behaviours you can find all kinds of things that will freak you out, but I try to tell myself that if the overall picture is ok and they seem to be coping at school them they probably are ok. Abigail tells stories to herself a lot, I hear her talking about princesses, weddings, parties all sorts when she is playing on her own.
Abigail has been rather anxious about all kinds of things lately. I have worked out that when she's anxious, she asks a lot of questions, like she's trying to get it all clear in her mind. Lately we have had a million questions about heaven - who will ne there, how we get there, what it will be like etc and ocassionally she gets upset and says she doesn't want to go there. I don't know why it's become such a big thing for her. I wonder if it's all tied up with a higher anxiety about starting school as she has been saying that she doesn't want to go to big school. It's not until September so obviously I have been talking about it too much!
JC, thanks for the encouragement re potty training. It's finally starting to go a bit better, although we're not there yet!