Shaking off the bad ju-ju - 3DPO, late O ...hey! ho!

[Wish2BMom]

we just passed each other!

I'm traveling to a client today and got the call from the RE's office as I was in the airport parking garage, so I hadn't had a chance to post just yet. All is good!
cramping has virtually gone away for now but the boobs are still killing me. And even though I've always had an afternoon lull in energy, it's getting worse. Still not at the 'I need to sleep for a couple of hours' but when it hits, it hits and a good 20 min cat nap does the trick. I think this is it. Or it could have to do with not having caffeine and waking up at 4:30 and not going back to sleep!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

6 weeks today!
and I just realized I didn't post the numbers from the other day - 9405! So we're still looking good!!
And I've definitely realized that all symptoms come and go. They aren't raging yet so that's good. Gassiness is getting worse, plus bloating, so I'm feeling pretty sexaaaay! But I'm loving all of it and it just tells me that all is going well with mini-me!

 

[malinko]

So good to hear from you! That's crazy how we just missed each other the other day. I'm glad to hear all is well!!!

I tried to post on Tuesday but then a co-worker came into my office so I had to close out of my screen, lol.

I can't wait for your ultrasound next week! It'll be borderline - but I hope you can see the little heart beating!!! Our little guy looked like a super small kidney bean at exactly 7 weeks and you can definitely see the heart beating. I'm so excited for you!!!!!

Glad to hear that you are having some symptoms Hugs and love to you!

 

[Wish2BMom]

right back atcha - how are you feeling?
names yet??
yeah, we'll only be 6wks 4d by Monday, but hoping to see a little something! I'll keep you posted!

 

[littlegirl87]

Hi friends! Just checking in to see how you are doing! Hope you are both doing well and staying healthy and feeling great!!

Love to you both!

 

[Wish2BMom]

hi little! thank you for checking in! I hope your wedding stuff is going well. Not long now! Do you have bridesmaids and the whole 9 yards? What colors are you doing?

so I don't have good news after today's u/s, unfortunately. We're measuring 5 days behind. My RE said she's concerned about it but all we can do is wait. I'm going in for another u/s in a week to 10 days. She said that 5 days is the margin of error so we're right there. She's seen pregnancies start out like this and turn out fine, but I think typically they end in miscarriage. So we'll see. Nothing I can do to help things out. We did see a tiny heartbeat, though. It was a cute little flutter.
I'm doing ok - she was nice to be matter-of-fact and point out that if it's slow to develop, then it's probably not developing right. So we clearly don't want a pregnancy with poor development. But she said it's still a bit too soon to determine things so we'll just wait a week or so. She also said that our 1 frozen guy turned out to be a nice looking blastocyst, so we have that in the wings if we need it.

I knew I shouldn't have bought that book yesterday!! I'm all about the jinx. I'm glad we haven't told anyone. If we lose it, it'll suck just telling my boss and PM.

 

[Wish2BMom]

well, wrong again - I guess there was no heartbeat. Could still be too early but we'll see - totally not looking good.

 

[malinko]

Wish - my heart is breaking for you. I am so, so, SO very sorry to hear this update. I really hope things are just slow to start out. Please know I'm praying very hard for you, your dh and your little one. I'm just at a loss of what to say. I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this as well as having to wait so long to get some answers. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

 

[Wish2BMom]

thank you. I'm ok now. The only thing I can do is be positive, right? as of right now, I still have a little one in there and I need to be positive for it. So I'm going to drown myself in veggies and protein for the week, even though there's technically nothing I can do. I'm also going to be watching my body like a hawk in case it turns out I lose all symptoms I've been having. And even those have been slight, so it's tough to tell.
Next u/s is scheduled for the same time next week, so hopefully it'll catch up between now and then. This is quite a finer line of cautiously optimistic than I expected! I want to be realistic but I don't want to send negative or 'giving up' vibes through my body.

 

[littlegirl87]

Wish I am so sorry to hear that news! I will keep you in my prayers and hope that the technology just stinks and when you get your next u/s things are right where they need to be! I just want you to know that I am truly feeling for you...honestly so sorry you are even having to worry like this at all....praying everything is okay!

I am having bridesmaids...my sisters and my future sister-in-laws....hopefully that made sense. We are going with a fall theme...due to the fact that I wanted October, but was only allowed September (DH is a deer hunter and the season starts in October) so my maid of honor is wearing red and the other girls are wearing a dark brown. My mother is also wearing red which is a huge step for her as black is her go-to color, but she looks fantastic in the red (dark hair and skin). Today it is technically 100 days away, and I don't mean to sound like I am not excited, because I truly am, but I cant wait for these 100 days to be over and it just get here already and we can go on vacation and I can get back to my normal life. But truly I am SOOOOO looking forward to it! Just these next couple of months are going to be a bit stressful....might have been a bad idea to have the entire thing at future in-laws....super nice of them to offer and it is what DH wants, but MIL is a bit controlling and *******...hahaha ehhhhhh im sure you all can understand. She's a great person, but this wedding stuff is just a little over the top for me.

Malinko I hope you are feeling well!

I am really looking forward to trying IUI in October...it feels like it is forever away, and who knows if it will even work....ahhhhh just ready for it to be here already.

millions of to you both
prayer and well wishes obviously...im overflowing with them over here!

love to you both!

 

[Wish2BMom]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, little!! I'm doing ok - as far as I'm concerned, right now I'm still preggo. I still have sore boobs, chin is breaking out, slight cramps every now and then, pretty damn tired around 7pm...the usual stuff. I don't know if crinone is so powerful that it would stop ALL signs of a miscarriage but maybe I'm wrong. So for now, my body is holding on to the little beaner! I hope we have a surprise growth spurt that shows on the monitor on Monday. I was also thinking that, at one time one of the sonographers I had said I had a bit of a tilt to my uterus. I know that could cause some difficulty in seeing such a little thing. So maybe that was it too. We'll see!

your wedding sounds gorgeous!! I wanted a fall wedding too (in Sept, when the leaves are beautiful here) but alas, didn't get it. But I'll take a tropical wedding in Puerto Rico anytime!! the bad part about it was that we had it at the end of December, so now our anniversary is ALWAYS in the cold winter!! and right near NYE and Christmas so it costs an arm and a leg to do anything!

Weddings ARE stressful and they bring out weirdness in people, so I can totally imagine that your MIL is acting a little weird and controlling. Just breathe - it's just one day, it'll be totally fun and the best part about it is the celebration!! Try not to sweat the small stuff!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

no good news to update with today, ladies. The embryo is still behind. It did grow, but it's further behind than it was last week.
So last week I was 6w4d and the embryo was measuring at 5w6d
Today I'm 7w4d and the embryo is measuring at 6w2d - so I'm more than a week behind now.
there was a heartbeat but it was only at 58bpm where it should be over 100bpm
And she said the yolk sac was enlarged - it should be around 5mm and ours was 6.

so 3 signs point to this embryo is not developing correctly and is not a viable pregnancy. So I get to choose between miscarrying naturally (which to my heart feels like the most humane thing since there is still a heartbeat), use a suppository pill that will force the miscarriage or schedule a D&C. I think I'm going to schedule a D&C b/c if I chose the natural way, it could be today or 3 weeks from now or anytime in between. I want my body to get back to normal and not have a surprise miscarriage while I'm out at someone's house or grocery shopping, you know?

so, all in all, i'm ok. it sucks really really bad, and I'm sure I'll work through those emotions at some point but we also know it's common and there's always a chance of this.

We have the one frozen embie or we can start IVF all over again with the stims and such. 94% of frozen embies survive the thaw, so we'd have to see if that even happens. Then if it takes or doesn't take. Then if it develops correctly. So much to wait for. First things first - my HCG needs to get back down to zero and then they want me to have another natural cycle before starting again. So I can't even do the transfer until, say, August, I think. Maybe Sept.

 

[littlegirl87]

Wish....I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am, or how much my heart is breaking for you. If I was there I would give you a very very big, long hug...mostly because I don't think there are any words that would do you any justice. I am just so sincerely sorry. You don't deserve this, not that anyone does, but after all of the trying and the ups and downs...you just don't.

I hope you know that I am thinking of you and will continue to pray for you and your hubby. And I am sending all of the love in the world your way!

 

[Wish2BMom]

thank you, little
i'm doing ok and I think having this past week to somewhat digest what could have been our result today helped. We've been trying to maintain a logical stance on things so far so I'm alright.
I think I've decided on a D&C, but maybe wait until next Monday or something. DH needs to bring me and I can't go this Friday (I have to travel into Boston for work), so that'll give my body a week to do what it needs to do on its own, and then we'll have the D&C already in the books if nothing happens.
AND, say a miracle happens, I'd hope they do an u/s before the D&C and we can make sure we're doing the right thing. But as of today, I'm off of the crinone and we're just moving forward.

 

[malinko]

Wish - Little said it best. If I could be with you, I would just give you a huge hug because she's right...there are just no words to say or make the situation better. My heart aches for you. I'm glad to hear the baby grew and that there was a heartbeat - but saddened that it wasn't where it needs to be. I'm absolutely so sorry.

To be somewhat positive - - - at least you know you can get pregnant. Hopefully it will give you some hope with the future.

 

[Wish2BMom]

Thank you for the hugs, it helps.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking about too. Albeit with someone jamming the embryo into my uterine lining, but at least the embie liked what it saw and decided to stick around for awhile.

D&C scheduled for tomorrow, apparently we don't waste time with these things. So I'll be offline tomorrow for sure. i'm just taking the whole day off.

thank you again, my girls. It helps to know there are positive thoughts in the air for us.

 

[malinko]

Wish - I know you won't be on today but I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your dh today during this difficult time. You are so strong and I admire you so much. Hugs to you and I hope today goes as well as it can go and that you don't have much physical pain. My thoughts are with you and I pray for strength for you both to find peace and able to move forward. Your dad WILL come.

 

[Wish2BMom]

thank you so much for thinking of us, malinko.

well - things didn't really go as planned....so you know how I said there WAS a heartbeat but it was really low? They can't do a D&C when there is a heartbeat, that would basically be an abortion. So we have to wait until there is none. Is this a kick in the pants or what? I got down there, all undressed and papers signed, day off of work and I get a call from my RE saying they made a mistake. We needed to do an ultrasound first to see if the heartbeat was gone and then make the decision. It was not gone, about the same rate as it was yesterday, though. But it was there. Both docs said they are not saying this is viable but there is that very slim chance that it could be, but we have to see what happens. Sometimes in rare cases, a pregnancy can start off really slow and then catch up. So I now have to have an ultrasound next Monday morning to see where we are and maybe have the D&C next week. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?? mourn, don't mourn; hope, don't hope; move on, hang on - stay right here...this is madness. So I'm trying to go with the flow as much as possible - we're going to be hopeful and damn, wouldn't this make a great story someday.
My RE said that she's only seen this happen once, so really not to get hopes up. But....she's seen it once so it is possible.

 

[littlegirl87]

That is absolutely INSANE. I would be freaking out on people at that point. Really PEOPLE REALLY?!?! As if this is an emotional situation to begin with then they do this to you?...You are a MUCH stronger woman than I because I am fairly certain I would have killed someone in that place....

HOWEVER, you are correct....there are miracles, and if RE has seen it once then it is possible. Hope is the most dangerous emotion humans have, but also sometimes the strongest and the best, without hope there isn't a whole lot to look forward to! So keep hoping Wish! I'm sure statistics say chances are rough, and I would keep that in mind....but I believe that hope is powerful and its best to keep the most positive attitude possible in situations like this, maybe the little one will pick up on that and thrive on it? Who knows?! I have been through some rough situations medically, and nothing dealing with babies, and I will say this: the way I have made it through situations where I felt like I would really like to give up, or maybe I would just rather die then have to deal with something hard or go through it....then I realize GUESS WHAT!? Tomorrow is going to happen. And you can decide to be miserable, or you can decide to deal with it one day at a time and move on. I just figured in these HORRIFIC situations that I didn't have a choice. I had to learn to deal with it and be "okay" and move on. Just a little something to think about....I know this absolutely sucks, and my heart still hurts for you more than I could ever express....especially since they are giving you the run around, but I will keep hope for you as well!

lots of love and hugs and prayers!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

thank you little - your words mean the world to me. That's exactly how I roll, and DH does too. You can't focus on the 'why me', I tend to think 'why not me'. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. There are things I can do to try to prevent certain things from happening in my life but ultimately, something like this is what it is.

I'm trying to take a little control back in this situation - I went out for a run yesterday, first time in about 8 weeks. B/c of that, I certainly didn't run the whole time, but it was nice to get the blood flowing a bit quicker. I'm going out for a walk today - I want to keep that oxygenated blood flowing a little quicker to the bean, maybe that'll help. And I bought some fruit smoothies, tons of veggies, going to have an egg/day, etc. Again, I know that if it's going to happen, there's nothing I can do to stop it. The embryo is just not developing right. But if it is just a slow-starter, then maybe I can kick it into gear.
That being said, I'm still not experiencing many symptoms at all - boobs aren't as excruciatingly sore as before, no nausea, no super exhaustion. Today I'm 8 weeks and I'd think I'd be feeling at least one of those since the baby would be taking up a lot of my physical energy and if there were a lot of hormones, I'd probably at least feel a little nauseous. So I have hope, yes. But basically all signs are pointing to no, so it's easy to be realistic. However, no major cramping or even spotting at all yet. So maybe it'll prove us all wrong!

and yes, I'd have ripped someone's face off if they weren't as apologetic as they were. They apologized probably about 10 times total so I had to give them that.