Should I let it go? Suggestions pls.

[mommysbaby]

So here is the thing. Recently this new girl has moved in our court. Her lo turned 1 last week, mine turned 2 yesterday. I met with her in the park and she grabbed me.... She just drops in my place anytime without calling. I have offered her tea n snack a couple of times. She takes them happily but never invites me at her place. As she is new here she asks abt everything like where to get toys frm, good cloths, food for the baby, etc, etc. I also help her as much as I can thinking that she is homesick n all.
Last week I attended her dd's bday party which was really lame. I did not have time to eat so she packed only 2 slices of pizza for me after knowing that my son was also at home waiting for his dinner. Yesterday she came for my party, njoyed nice food, packed quite a lot for her husband and left. NOW, when I opened her gift, it was not only opened already but even played before as some of the parts were already assembled....
I was expecting some passing on gifts but opened n played.... I can't.
It's not abt one stupid gift but after u used me as an information center for everything how could u do this. Do u think I am a fool or something that I won't know anything??
Sorry for the rant. Now my question is should I let this go? I want to tell her to take the gift back as it is already used. Pls don't tell me to let it go... Suggest me some way to let her know that I am not a fool.

 

[MetalMaiden]

sounds like its not worth getting into. maybe she couldn't afford more, i know you dont wanna hear this but let it go. you gave her a chance and if you don't meld, don't chum with her. you gave the potential new friendship a chance and its not working out for you, just avoid her then. pick your battles... its an important lesson i am starting to learn.

 

[lhancock90]

Maybe she can't afford more and the fact you can makes her feel ashamed?

 

[scoobydrlp]

I would let it go. Sure it's not in great taste to regift something that's been opened and played with, but I doubt she would do it if she had the means to buy something brand new. It sounds like you don't mesh with her well so perhaps find a nice way of laying some ground rules as far as not dropping by unannounced, etc, and maybe she'll get the hint.

 

[Kittycat155]

Do you get feeling this is money based of why you have not gone to her house/her giving you only 2 slices and she taking more(maybe they are really going without/hungry)?

Either way I would not say anything about the used toy but if I thought it was money situation I would maintain friendship to some extent but if she is well off enough I would slowly drop her as nothing more then a playground friend.

If she is ok money wise I really could not stand to deal with someone so one sided and thoughtless that often.

 

[mommysbaby]

Actually she can afford as my friend is her hubby's peer and knows how much he earns. Also as I said I was expecting passing on the gift as her Lo's bday was just last week. But opened and on top of everything half assembled...?

What I feel worst abt is keeps on using me as if she is my little sister and that's her right. Actually she calls me 'big sis' as I am 7 yrs older than her. But when it comes to giving me something like gift or a slice of pizza she is that stingy.....

 

[Soph n Chris]

Just so you know, just because you think you know what someone earns doesn't give you enough information to know whether they are 'well off' or not. They could have all sorts of outgoings that you don't know about and frankly that shouldn't be the issue here.

The toy is the least of your worries, as far as I'm concerned. So what if it is opened and played with, it's still a gift.

Dropping in unannounced though, I would pretend I wasn't in or make it known you were heading out in fifteen minutes time so you can only manage a quick chat.

If you really don't like her, then drop all contact, I'm sure she will find someone else.

 

[RachA]

Personally I'd let it go and try to maintain a friendship but maybe only meet at the park for a while.

Sayubg that your friend knows how much her hubby earns doesn't mean a thing. They could be in she'd loads if debt and be ploughing all he earns into paying that off. Or anything really. Knowledge of income doesn't mean a thing.

 

[mommysbaby]

Just so you know, just because you think you know what someone earns doesn't give you enough information to know whether they are 'well off' or not. They could have all sorts of outgoings that you don't know about and frankly that shouldn't be the issue here.

The toy is the least of your worries, as far as I'm concerned. So what if it is opened and played with, it's still a gift.

Dropping in unannounced though, I would pretend I wasn't in or make it known you were heading out in fifteen minutes time so you can only manage a quick chat.

If you really don't like her, then drop all contact, I'm sure she will find someone else.

I completely agree with u abt her money. Believe me I am also not a money minded person. I cherish relations that's why I helped her up till now. Even her pizza thing also I didn't take very seriously. Moreover on her Los bday she got a combined gift card frm her husbands colleagues for babys r us worth 250$. I was present there when they gifted her that so money was a problem, hard to believe. Again I don't want an expensive gift but an honest feeling. Using me according to ur wish (she even expects me to wake up lo frm nap to play with her dd.) when u hardly know me is unacceptable to me.

 

[Kittycat155]

She seems to be either a bit out of it or real desperate for a friend. Are you one of the few with a DD so close in age? Either way that dropping by needs to stop ASAP as that will not go away on its own. I would keep anything with her formal-park at 2 or shopping at 11 and stick to schedule for time being if you are to continue being her friend. Set limits of I can go for 20 minutes or I have to be home by 3 and stick to it.

 

[_jellybean_]

Yes...I'd let it go. Maybe she has financial issues. It sounds like you don't really like her, so maybe it would be best for you to cut ties with her. She does sound lonely though

 

[Scottish mum]

I know your pissed but I wouldn't say a thing! If it's that bad in your eyes try stepping back a little and not getting to involved. Packing food away after a party for hubby or lo? I've never heard of this !! I'm in scotland and we don't feed folk that don't come to the party if you get my drift! X

 

[lindseymw]

I'd let it go. I would find it quite amusing that someone gave me/LO a used gift.

As for the comment about the pizza...I am not entirely sure what the issue was? She gave you two slices of pizza but that was not enough for your OH & child at home..have I got that right? I think it's a bit rude to expect food to go home with and expect enough to feed everyone in your household.

 

[tommyg]

I'd let it go.

I don't understand why your DS wasn't with you at the party. But I wouldn't expect to be given food to take home from a party either.

Does sound like she is desprite to have a friend. Calling you big sis sounds like she is trying to let you know you are more than just a friend to her. She maybe doesn't have much family support. When she asks "where did you get" ask the same things.

 

[mommysbaby]

I'd let it go. I would find it quite amusing that someone gave me/LO a used gift.

As for the comment about the pizza...I am not entirely sure what the issue was? She gave you two slices of pizza but that was not enough for your OH & child at home..have I got that right? I think it's a bit rude to expect food to go home with and expect enough to feed everyone in your household.

Exactly that's what my point is. Either u pack for my family or don't pack for urs. U can't have both. In our community we do pack a little bit for the absent kids, only kids. That too not a lot. She didn't give anything for my DS and packed dinner for 2 for her hubby.... Is it right?

 

[mommysbaby]

I'd let it go.

I don't understand why your DS wasn't with you at the party. But I wouldn't expect to be given food to take home from a party either.

Does sound like she is desprite to have a friend. Calling you big sis sounds like she is trying to let you know you are more than just a friend to her. She maybe doesn't have much family support. When she asks "where did you get" ask the same things.

My DS wasn't with me because he had swimming that time. I believe any relation is two sided. When she calls me big sis and takes advantage of me like my lil sis she should behave like an aunt, right? I am the oldest in my family and love to care for my siblings. But at the same time they also care for me n my Los like their own. And I am not talking abt spending money or giving gifts. But they take care of their naps and routine like me. Isn't that a genuine relationship that u care by heart n not use ur sibling?

 

[d_b]

Doesn't sound like it's worth getting upset about. She might not even have noticed the toy was opened. Sometimes things are like that at the store or maybe her kid got into it or husband started assembling it not knowing it wasn't for their DD and she didn't have time to get something else.

Also that's nice of her to pack up food for your LO! I'm always all frazzled at my DS's parties and would never have thought to pack up food for anyone let alone try to figure out how much they would need to feed their entire family. You could have packed your own up like she did at yours if you were worried about not getting enough.

TBH I'm a bit put off by you calling a 1 year old's birthday party lame, lol. It's probably the first birthday party she's thrown for a baby so I'd cut her some slack!

 

[mommysbaby]

Doesn't sound like it's worth getting upset about. She might not even have noticed the toy was opened. Sometimes things are like that at the store or maybe her kid got into it or husband started assembling it not knowing it wasn't for their DD and she didn't have time to get something else.

Also that's nice of her to pack up food for your LO! I'm always all frazzled at my DS's parties and would never have thought to pack up food for anyone let alone try to figure out how much they would need to feed their entire family. You could have packed your own up like she did at yours if you were worried about not getting enough.

TBH I'm a bit put off by you calling a 1 year old's birthday party lame, lol. It's probably the first birthday party she's thrown for a baby so I'd cut her some slack!

Ok, you have judged me pretty much so let me clarify point by point.
1. She handed that gift without any wrap or bag. Anybody just looking at it could get that it was opened. The parts inside were loose and making noise. A blind or deaf person couldn't have noticed that.
2. She didn't at all pack food for my lo. Try to read the original post properly first...Please! That food was for me as I did not have time to eat. I could have got the food packed for myself 'as she did' if I knew this person for more than 2/3 weeks. I am not that begged to get the food from almost a stranger. She did not pack those slices for me someone else suggested her.
3. I will definitely call a party LAME if you r calling 75 people in a 1bedroom apartment with a seating for 6 on a week night where 90% of guest r struggling to reach even by 8:30PM.

I think this should clear your doubts abt me.

 

[staralfur]

To be honest, it all sounds a bit petty. She still made a gesture to send you home with food, whether it was up to your standards or not. The gift thing is odd but it's not the end of the world. Perhaps they're having a difficult time with money right now. I really couldn't even be bothered if someone showed up with nothing to my daughter's birthday party, it's the fact that they SHOW UP that's important.

I'm not sure why you expect her to buy you nice things or give you lots of food just because you answered questions for her? It sounds like she's just trying to be friendly. If she's too aggressive then find a nice way to tell her to ease off a bit.

I really think doing anything other than letting it go is uncalled for. She'd probably be humiliated if you brought it up, and just speaking objectively, saying "You only gave me 2 pieces of pizza and then took 'x' amount of food from us" doesn't make you sound like a very nice person.

 

[Maxy1]

You obviously don't want to let it go, but I think you need to. It seems to be eating you up a bit.

Just stop socialising with her if you think she is taking advantage of you. I agree that you shouldn't let people take advantage of you, so if that is how you are feeling put a stop to it. But since you don't really know her motivations for her actions I wouldn't bring it up with her. I don't think its very nice to point out that you find her behaviour to be below what you consider 'adequate'. From pp's responses it seems you might be alone on that view. So best to just leave it and move on without her.