Should I let it go? Suggestions pls.

[staralfur]

Doesn't sound like it's worth getting upset about. She might not even have noticed the toy was opened. Sometimes things are like that at the store or maybe her kid got into it or husband started assembling it not knowing it wasn't for their DD and she didn't have time to get something else.

Also that's nice of her to pack up food for your LO! I'm always all frazzled at my DS's parties and would never have thought to pack up food for anyone let alone try to figure out how much they would need to feed their entire family. You could have packed your own up like she did at yours if you were worried about not getting enough.

TBH I'm a bit put off by you calling a 1 year old's birthday party lame, lol. It's probably the first birthday party she's thrown for a baby so I'd cut her some slack!

Ok, you have judged me pretty much so let me clarify point by point.
1. She handed that gift without any wrap or bag. Anybody just looking at it could get that it was opened. The parts inside were loose and making noise. A blind or deaf person couldn't have noticed that.
2. She didn't at all pack food for my lo. Try to read the original post properly first...Please! That food was for me as I did not have time to eat. I could have got the food packed for myself 'as she did' if I knew this person for more than 2/3 weeks. I am not that begged to get the food from almost a stranger. She did not pack those slices for me someone else suggested her.
3. I will definitely call a party LAME if you r calling 75 people in a 1bedroom apartment with a seating for 6 on a week night where 90% of guest r struggling to reach even by 8:30PM.

I think this should clear your doubts abt me.

This does clear a lot up but unfortunately not in your favour.

If she had seventy-five people to feed (which I'm guessing must be an exaggeration on your part as I don't think 75 people would even physically fit in an average 1 bedroom apartment), I'm guessing it cost quite a lot to feed everyone. The fact that she gave you anything is lovely in that case. I wouldn't ever expect someone to feed me if I wasn't staying long enough to eat there. Since she's not from your area perhaps she isn't aware of your oddly specific customs regarding sending people away with certain amounts of food.

And calling a party lame because it was in a one bedroom apartment and on a weeknight? Really? It just sounds like you're grasping at things to nitpick over. Maybe you should print out everything you've said in this thread and show it to her, I think it will be pretty effective in ensuring that she doesn't associate with you anymore.

 

[supertabby]

I definitely wouldn't say anything about the gift - regardless of the reason for it being pre-used (she night not even know, maybe her hubby had been messing with it thinking it was theirs), you'll just look ungrateful and miserable saying something. No one has anything to gain by it. If you genuinely think you're being taken advantage of then just avoid contact with her - no showdown needed.

The dropping in without any notice would annoy me - next time just stand in the doorway so they can't come in and just say something along lines of "oh lovely to see you, lo is just napping and I'm getting my jobs done so we'll have to catch up later instead. How about the park at 3pm/tomorrow etc?" If she suggests waking lo up just be honest and say you can't as you need to keep to routine and you're busy anyway with housework. After a few times she'll hopefully get the message to make proper arrangements.

As for money etc - even if you know their income you don't know their finances. They could have a lot of debt, healthcare expenses you don't know about, an ex wife and kids to pay maintenance to. They may well be struggling. As for not giving you enough food to take home from her "lame" party - I've never in all my life heard of sending home food for people not at the party, so it's nice she thought to pack you up a bit of pizza imo (ETA have now seen your post saying the food was for you because you didn't eat while at the party, your first post read like it was for DS at home. Even so plenty of people would just expect you to eat there and if you don't eat then you don't, not everyone would notice you must be hungry and pack something up). Just because you did the same and packed up more doesn't make her gesture a bad one. And I hope she doesn't know you called her baby's first party lame!

 

[mommysbaby]

I was definitely not going to insult her or tell her anything like that. Just wanted to know whether there was anyway to let her know that I am not an idiot.
But clearly I am clearly telling this to people who r more busy in judging me without knowing me or her at all. I made a biiiiiig mistake by telling anything abt food actually by anything. That was just my observation and not atall an issue which I wanted to share with u gals. But it seems that has proven me 'A bad person'.
Whoever knows her in person is irritated by her behavior but I guess u people r more smart than them.

Thanks anyway and Goodbye.

 

[Reidfidleir]

You need to establish boundaries. She sounds like a user and it is wearing you down. Be tactful but firm. If she really likes you and values the relationship she will respect and back off but still be your friend. If she was never sincere to begin with then she'll just find someone else and you will be in the clear. This is a very hard lesson I've had I learn twice over in the last year with two very close friends

 

[JASMAK]

Either she is your friend, or she isnt. I am thinking she isnt...because I would never put pizza or a toy between my friend and I. Its petty. But, maybe she just gets under your skin. If so, instead of putting it on her, just keep your distance.

 

[JASMAK]

I was definitely not going to insult her or tell her anything like that. Just wanted to know whether there was anyway to let her know that I am not an idiot.
But clearly I am clearly telling this to people who r more busy in judging me without knowing me or her at all. I made a biiiiiig mistake by telling anything abt food actually by anything. That was just my observation and not atall an issue which I wanted to share with u gals. But it seems that has proven me 'A bad person'.
Whoever knows her in person is irritated by her behavior but I guess u people r more smart than them.

Thanks anyway and Goodbye.

Now hold up. You came on here and in your own freewill asked for comment. You got comments. You asked us to judge it. Now you are tempering because we responded? Do you take responsibility for anything?

 

[JASMAK]

Doesn't sound like it's worth getting upset about. She might not even have noticed the toy was opened. Sometimes things are like that at the store or maybe her kid got into it or husband started assembling it not knowing it wasn't for their DD and she didn't have time to get something else.

Also that's nice of her to pack up food for your LO! I'm always all frazzled at my DS's parties and would never have thought to pack up food for anyone let alone try to figure out how much they would need to feed their entire family. You could have packed your own up like she did at yours if you were worried about not getting enough.

TBH I'm a bit put off by you calling a 1 year old's birthday party lame, lol. It's probably the first birthday party she's thrown for a baby so I'd cut her some slack!

Ok, you have judged me pretty much so let me clarify point by point.
1. She handed that gift without any wrap or bag. Anybody just looking at it could get that it was opened. The parts inside were loose and making noise. A blind or deaf person couldn't have noticed that.
2. She didn't at all pack food for my lo. Try to read the original post properly first...Please! That food was for me as I did not have time to eat. I could have got the food packed for myself 'as she did' if I knew this person for more than 2/3 weeks. I am not that begged to get the food from almost a stranger. She did not pack those slices for me someone else suggested her.
3. I will definitely call a party LAME if you r calling 75 people in a 1bedroom apartment with a seating for 6 on a week night where 90% of guest r struggling to reach even by 8:30PM.

I think this should clear your doubts abt me.

Wow...after reading this....I think you are the rude one. Wow. I am between speechless and wanting to tell you off.

 

[lhancock90]

I have to be honest i feel for the girl.

Firstly you have absolutely no clue about her financial situation not matter what her husband earns. You don't know what they are paying out. Its rude to even assume you do.

Secondly, maybe the gift was ex display? Or had been opened in store and she managed to get it cheaper?

Then theres the whole food thing, sorry but, is it normal for you to go to a party and walk out expecting to take home enough food to feed your entire family? Thats definately not normal. She sent you home with some food. That should be enough.

If you think shes taking advantage of you then you should tell her. Stop pretending to be her friend.

To be honest the only person in this situation who sounds rude here is you, you've criticised her party, her etiquette and basically called her cheap. You come over as very entitled.

You opened yourself up for comments, you got them, if you wanted them all to just agree with you then i'm sorry you have been disapointed.

 

[freckleonear]

I want to tell her to take the gift back as it is already used.

Do this, she will see your true colours and the friendship will end. Problem solved for both of you.

 

[Elphaba12]

I think you are looking to find fault in everything she does because tbh your reasons for criticising her are very petty.

I find it really sad that you referred to some poor baby's 1st birthday party as lame. Sure, it might not have been to your standard or taste but so what, it's not your child and who on earth sees only the negative in the celebration of any child's birthday

 

[Palestrina]

Maybe not everyone thinks she is annoying, she did after all manage to have 75 people come to her house in a new area so maybe not everyone hates her as much as you?

I can see how some of her behavior would be inappropriate, dropping by and/or asking you to wake up LO from naptime, or pestering you with questions. That can all be easily taken care of by saying "please call before you come" and "of course I'm not waking my child up from his nap" and.... well the questions part would be tricky but I can't relate to being upset about someone needing to know information about the neighborhood, I can't think of any reason not to answer those types of questions.

If those are the things that are bothering you then address them, don't put the lady down for giving you food, inviting you to her party, giving you a gift and asking a few questions. Honestly, besides being a little thrifty I just can't see how she has taken advantage of you. I think it's just hard for anyone here to relate to you about this, I've received gifts that I thought were silly or cheap or used but they have never made me angry, a gift is a gift after all. I don't think anyone wants to judge you, we just can't relate to this anger that you're feeling over pizza and a gift. I think if you complain about the gift you will come across as completely ungrateful and petty.

 

[Noodlebear]

Doesn't sound like it's worth getting upset about. She might not even have noticed the toy was opened. Sometimes things are like that at the store or maybe her kid got into it or husband started assembling it not knowing it wasn't for their DD and she didn't have time to get something else.

Also that's nice of her to pack up food for your LO! I'm always all frazzled at my DS's parties and would never have thought to pack up food for anyone let alone try to figure out how much they would need to feed their entire family. You could have packed your own up like she did at yours if you were worried about not getting enough.

TBH I'm a bit put off by you calling a 1 year old's birthday party lame, lol. It's probably the first birthday party she's thrown for a baby so I'd cut her some slack!

Ok, you have judged me pretty much so let me clarify point by point.
1. She handed that gift without any wrap or bag. Anybody just looking at it could get that it was opened. The parts inside were loose and making noise. A blind or deaf person couldn't have noticed that.
2. She didn't at all pack food for my lo. Try to read the original post properly first...Please! That food was for me as I did not have time to eat. I could have got the food packed for myself 'as she did' if I knew this person for more than 2/3 weeks. I am not that begged to get the food from almost a stranger. She did not pack those slices for me someone else suggested her.
3. I will definitely call a party LAME if you r calling 75 people in a 1bedroom apartment with a seating for 6 on a week night where 90% of guest r struggling to reach even by 8:30PM.

I think this should clear your doubts abt me.

You're really not coming across well. She invited you to a party, calling it lame is just plain rude. If she was trying to feed a large amount of people you should be grateful there was food put to one side for you at all. She obviously thought quite a lot of you to be asking your advice and inviting you to her child's FIRST birthday party, which is a shame as it just sounds like you don't like her very much. If that's the case don't speak to her. She could probably do without someone who will judge her every move.

 

[tommyg]

I'm I reading this right, you've only known this girl a few weeks?
She's trying to make friends with you?

She invited you to her kids first party even although she already had more than enough people coming and possibly relations / friends travelling a distance hence they never turned up to 8.30 - nobody in their right mind would wait to 8.30 to go to a first birthday party. Even if it meant travelling straight from work you'd go earlier and get dinner later or a quick McDonalds if your really short on time. Friends and relations being distant could also explain her apparent loneliness and desperation for a friend nearby.

You are making assumptions about their income but if they had a huge income I'd doubt they'd choose to move into a one bedroom flat with 3 of them. Could moving in have cost them a fortune recently, hence little cash for your kids present?

Catering for a big crowd is another expence that they were maybe struggling to do. TBH I think its rude to take food from a party.

I honestly think you should let stuff go and help her widen her circle of friends.

 

[Palestrina]

TBH I think its rude to take food from a party.

This may be a cultural thing so we can't really say it is rude or not. Where I live it's a very normal thing to do, I send everyone home with a plateful of food. I don't necessarily make sure to feed everyone in that person's house but I just wanted them to walk away with a bit of food. It's like a party favor and it is very common. When I go to a party by myself the host usually says "let me make you a plate" but it's not for the express intent of giving it to my husband. The OP said a few times that the food was not for her son at home, that it was for her. That seemed to bother her a lot. If it were me I'd just say thank you and give the pizza to my son regardless of who it was intended for lol. It's nice to go to a party and eat some food.

In fact, isn't it rude to leave a party without eating and expect to take the food home with you? We can set arbitrary rules and expectations all we want. But unless we have some type of gratitude then it's impossible to be happy with anything.

 

[jd83]

Honestly, this is the most petty argument I've seen in a while. OP, if you don't like this lady, which you clearly do NOT, given your clear opinion of her and her "cheap" gifts, bothersome questions, etc, then just stop associating with her. Simple as that.

I have never been to a birthday party and taken food home from it. That is odd, IMO. Maybe that's the norm where you live, but if she's new to the area, perhaps she doesn't know that she's supposed to feed everyone's family? Or if it was just for you, because you didn't have time to eat while there and were hungry, how is that her problem? Everyone else at the party made time to eat, I'm assuming, so its not really her place to be figuring out who out of 75 people didn't have a chance to eat while there, and send food home with them. Where I live, if you don't think you'll have time to eat at a party due to chasing after kids, then you either eat before hand or eat something on the way home. The party is for the kids, after all, not for making sure you get a good free meal. It's not "cheap" or disrespectful of her to only send you home with 2 slices, especially if she had 75 odd people to feed. If I had that many people to feed, I'd probably only serve 2-3 slices to each person as well. Its not a buffet where you are meant to get stuffed; you can always eat more to get full later at home.

In regards to the gift: It could have been a display at the store, she could have gotten it on clearance as someone had returned it to the store, her child could have tried to open and put it together before she decided to regift it, whatever. Doesn't matter. She got you a gift, so either accept it graciously, or move on. I've had friends regift things to my kids, I've had family who couldn't even afford to bring a gift. The entire point of having them there is to celebrate the child's birthday, not get caught up about what they brought or didn't bring your child, and whether its up to your standards.

Ireally think you just need to distance yourself from her, and move on.

 

[cookette]

You are the one who sounds completely out of line here.

 

[sparkle_1979]

To be honest you should do her a favour and just tell her...I'd want to know what sort of person you really are... Though I'm sure she has an idea by now

You need to get over yourself and worry about things that really matter, this doesn't

 

[Loui1001]

So she invited you to a party, plated you up some pizza and gave your child a gift. How dare she?!? The outrageous cheek of her!!!! it sounds like you are determined to find fault with her so anything she does is derided. So yes, in answer to your original question you should let it go. You clearly dislike her so just stop associating with her and move on. I hope she finds some nice real friends who won't judge her every move and appreciate her efforts.

 

[Rachel_C]

I'd come out and say it to her face, "I'm not a fool but I am materialistic and you can expect me to keep score so you might be better off looking for a new friend."

 

[KatieB]

I feel quite sad for her, she sounds as though she's trying her best and seems to care for you which seems to have been well and truly thrown back in her face. I suggest you do indeed distance yourself from her as you'd be doing her a favour in the long run.