Should you be together only for your child(ren)?

[x__amour]

I'm curious as to what others thought about this.

I am not in this situation, thankfully, but do have a few girlfriends and my MIL who are.

In your opinion, do you think you should ever be together solely for your children? There is no love, no affection, you are only together for the sake of your children.

I believe you should always follow your heart and if your heart is not in it, what's the point? You are only making yourself and eventually your children miserable as well. You will always be a family, just a little different.

What about you?

 

[greenbeans12]

NO, I would never stay with someone I did not love or who did not love me because of my children. There is no happiness in that and you'd be throwing your life away.

 

[fieryphoenix]

No, kids know if you miserable and not truly in it and they blame themselves for it. No way for kids to grow up.

 

[minties]

I would. Thomas loves his dad like crazy. We both love the kids like crazy. He might take Thomas...I can't live without Thomas. And I couldn't live with myself if I took the kids rights away to have their dad there.

we have known eachother for over half our lives now anyway and could live as friends easily. Have done so before. Recently even, as I don't feel anything more than a friendship sort of love for OH. We get along fine, we are kind and affectionate and always demonstrate that for the kids.

 

[beautifulpack]

No I would not.

 

[missk1989]

I don't think I could. I don't think it's fair on either party.

 

[little_lady]

What Minties said.

 

[Stelly]

For myself , I think a marriage and especially a marriage with children is worth fighting for. Yes it takes effort, no you aren't always going to "like" each other, but something about that other person once drew you to them enough to fall in love and marry them in the first place, I believe with effort it can be found again if life managed to get in the way.

I don't rely on my husband for my happiness, I love him very much- but if I relied on other people for my source of joy and contentment - you'll always wind up feeling unfulfilled. I think that winds up being the downfall of many a relationship

Anyway- not hoping to start a debate- just my personal view on it.

 

[My_First]

From someone who grew up in a household where parents didn't love each other, I would say no. My parents were together for 25 years, half if that they stayed together until my brother and I went to Uni. They didn't love each other. There was no lots of fighting or shouting, just no affection towards each other and it got to the point where they resented each other. Everyone deserves to be happy and it common that the kids are happier if parents seperate and stay friend ( the adult way of dealing with it), as there is no more atmosphere etc. For those that say yes they would stay, would that be for ever or until the kids grew up?

I edit to say that I agree that marriages shouldn't be given up on, but when everything has been tried in order to work it out and it's just making everyone miserable then yes, it's time to move on.

 

[NoodleSnack]

I would. Thomas loves his dad like crazy. We both love the kids like crazy. He might take Thomas...I can't live without Thomas. And I couldn't live with myself if I took the kids rights away to have their dad there.

we have known eachother for over half our lives now anyway and could live as friends easily. Have done so before. Recently even, as I don't feel anything more than a friendship sort of love for OH. We get along fine, we are kind and affectionate and always demonstrate that for the kids.

This. I think relationships have ups and downs, so not being "in love" is not a deal breaker for me, even if no kids were involved, so long as we're nice to each other and respect each other as human beings. I wouldn't stay if we're arguing all the time, or if he cheats though.

 

[cbass929]

i sorta have mixed feelings, if it was a really bad environment or if i just didn't want to live like that anymore then no. But if i was ok with it and it didn't matter to me then i would but the thought of not having my children around me all the time is not something i would want at all!! MY kids are my life and i don't think i could go a day without seeing them! Never have yet...

 

[Rachel_C]

It's not that my children aren't 'worth' staying together over, it's that they're worth so much that they deserve happy parents. I wouldn't stay together just for the kids. If it's not a happy and healthy relationship, you are not showing them how relationships are supposed to be - I think it's better to split up for the sake of the kids than stick together because it's easiest.

 

[babyhopes2010]

YES! providing u dont hate eachother i think yes u should make a go of it even if ur not inlove or u seek excitement from someone else.

Its not the kids fault theyre parents split so yes if u can stay together for the kids providing ur not fighting every second then i think its the right thing to do

 

[WildHeart]

Yeh I would stay I actually read a story the other day about a woman who wouldn't let her son see his dads new partner ever , everybody said it was wrong and it obviously is but I thought about it and I actually think I would end up being that woman, also I would hate the idea of having to share custody and give me boy away so many times a week just not worth it I'm so jeleous and I wouldn't be able to cope - me and my OH are very good friends though so I could cope with living with him if we weren't together and I could never see us falling out of love unless he cheated or done something awful. X

 

[twobecome3]

yes. our relationship was a trainwreck when it started, we waited until we were sorted to have kids (8 years). theres nothing we could do to eachother that's worse than whats been done I agree with STelly that anything can be worked out.

 

[fairydust87]

I was in this exact situation. I fell out of love with LO dad. I wasnt happy so I broke up with him when LO was 4 months old. Best decision for all involved. Im so much more happier now so my son is happier. LO sees his dad all the time so its a win-win. When theres no love then whats the point? If your not happy and you stay for the sake of the kids yor children will grow up knowing their the reason your not happy. You cant put that on a child and I refused to do that to my son. He now has two happy parents instead of two unhappy parents x

 

[babyhopes2010]

yes. our relationship was a trainwreck when it started, we waited until we were sorted to have kids (8 years). theres nothing we could do to eachother that's worse than whats been done I agree with STelly that anything can be worked out.

if we didnt have a kid and i werent pregnant we would have been going thru divorce now. its bcos i dont want my children coming from a broken home. v rare a break up doesnt damage children and i didnt want history repeating itself. also my dd loves her dad so much i just couldnt do that to her,

we are working things out and things are sooo much better now.

 

[special_kala]

I took my husband back after some really sh#tty behaviour from him, partly for my children and what i think they deserve from a father (which to me is more important then what i deserve s a wife) and family.

I would never even consider it if i didnt still love him though. I wouldnt waste heart like that.

 

[special_kala]

You may find alot of the women who say they are just staying for the kids are bending the truth slightly.

I judged alot in real life for taking my husband back and people think im a mug, even more so if i say its because i love him.

I feel a lot less vulnerable if i explain that step families isnt something i want for my kids and i put what might be best for me long term behind what i feel is best for my kids.

 

[Indi84]

Nope, my mum stayed with my dad for 30 years (divorced when I was 21 ish) I must have been the only kid dreaming of her parents splitting as a teenager!
Now she's the happiest I've known her as an adult
However my DH is nothing like my dad and I'd work work work to keep it going. Just not a good 15 years of work like my poor mum.