Sick of people commenting about me FF

[fairypop]

Why is it that people feel it necessary to comment on me FF and then I feel I have to justify it...I am getting sick of it, especially people commenting who don't have children, men, people who never tried it themselves....telling me breast is best as if I have never heard it before.

They don't know my situation, or my reasons.

I did try it, I couldn't do it, it hurt too much and I was too weak to continue due to my anaemia. See I am doing it now, trying to justify it.

My LO is thriving on formula, yet I still feel guilty

 

[Kitty23]

Completley ignore them, I hate when people assume that they can comment on your life. Just say you are intelligent enough to form your own parenting style. you know best xxx

 

[angel2010]

I've been there. TBH it took me a while to get over my guilt, even though YOU NOR I HAVE ANYTHING TO BE GUILTY ABOUT!!!!!!! Now that it has been a while I couldn't give a crap about what others say. It is very rude of them though and people should think before they speak. You don't need to justify to anyone, you are doing a great job and are a great mom!

 

[Bertsbaby1]

I too find it odd how our vaginas are doing ("did you tear? does sex feel the same after?") and how our breasts are being used become open topics for conversation with everyone - even strangers! - after we have a child....

I would never, for instance, ask a male coworker if he's planning on having a vasectomy after the birth of a child or pressure him into doing it. "Really?? You aren't snipping the boys after having your baby? Don't you know that the world is becoming overpopulated and it's BEST to SNIP? Any other option is simply not okay and I'm judging you based solely on your choice, regardless of the reasoning."*

People are rude.

* not my actual views - quotation is for sarcastic effect only

 

[pinklizzy]

I feel the same Fairypop. I BF for two weeks, I hated every minute of it-LO had a tongue tie and wouldn't latch and lost lots of weight. She screamed and screamed because she was hungry and I spent the whole time in tears.
She's now FF and doing well but I still feel major guilt and don't want to tell people I'm FF'ing.

 

[N1kki]

dont worry hun,i dont intend to breast feed or even try im not bothered!

 

[fairypop]

I tried but didn't like it, but was determined to give it a go but it was agony. I had so many different midwives try and latch him on, and it hurt so much, yet they all kept saying it was fine and it shouldn't be hurting....they then were trying to hand express from me without my consent, it was traumatic. They just kept saying it shouldn't hurt, but my toes were curling. All the while LO was screaming for food.....I lasted 2 days....

The thing is I know I am no wuss as had no pain relief furing labour, so I don't know what it was...it just didn't work. I lost so much blood aswell that I fainted and felt dizzy all the time which I am sure didn't help...

I can't stop feeling guilty even though I know he is ok. It is the pressure that others put on, it is just too much...

 

[JayeD]

Just ignore them. They don't know you or your reasons as to why you FF. There is nothing wrong with FF. If there was, then those of us who could not BF would be hiring wet nurses to feed our babies because otherwise they would starve to death.

 

[1308emma]

I really hate how some people respond to FF - i chose to FF and didn't even try Bf - i genuinly believe i would have gotten depressed BF - i can't imagine i would ever be comfortable with my boob out in public or even in front of my friends and family!!

I went to a baby massgae class the other day and the teacher asked if i was breast or bottle, i said bottle and she said "oh... well thats ok!" I felt like saying, "yes i know its ok thankyou - i wasn't looking for your approval" the next woman she asked was breast and the teacher was like "oh, thats excellent, well done" the next woman was FF and she started going into details of why she was FF and how her baby wouldn't latch - you could tell she was made to feel and felt awful for making the choice to FF which i think is sooo out of order!

I've got a friend with no children and zero maternal instict who tried to lecture me on Bf-i really did feel like telling her to F off, its just so rude!

i hate how people try to make you feel guilty for the choices you make, i stand by my decision to FF as myself and my baby are very happy and healthy... what more can you ask for?

Sorry for the rant!!....

 

[fairypop]

Thanks for all your comments, makes me feel better it isn't just me...

I am worried as I wanted to join some NCT classes and go to some of the coffee mornings etc, but now as I am FF I think I will be frowned upon and I am not sure whether I can go and see - or whether this will just hold me back from even attempting to go I have heard the NCT are pretty militant about BF so I guess I am excluded. I need to find a Formula Feeding Cafe!! Don't think they have those groups!! Might be a lonely maternity leave for me then

 

[pinklizzy]

I could've written that last post too Fairypop! I had all these plans to go to bumps and babes groups etc but now don't feel comfortable enough. I think if I do go it'd have to be between feeds! Maybe we should start our own group lol!

 

[AppleBlossom]

You shouldn't need to justify it. You chose what is best for you and your baby. If people question you tell them to jog on. I tried BFing and lasted 2 weeks. It was agony and LO just wasn't getting enough milk (people don't believe me when I say that but they don't know me so really it's not their place to judge) I tried it. Couldn't do it. She is now 2 and a half and, in the words of my HV, is one of the brightest children she's ever met. And also one of the healthiest. You have nothing to feel guilty for

 

[fairypop]

Shame you live in Wales, it's a bit of a trek from Warwickshire!! LoL!

I think I will ask the Health Visitor today if there is anywhere I can go.....it is quite depressing....

I would probably go to a group, having fed him before I got there...would sit in the circle....then a contraband bottle would fall out of my bag and roll to the middle of the group....they would all gasp and start to tut, and I would run home crying...lol...I may now be exaggerating!

How do you stop feeling guilty?

My family and hubby are very supportive, as are his. He couldn't bear it in the hospital when they kept trying to latch him forcefully and I was in pain...he wanted me to give up before I did. I hope your family are supportive too?

x

 

[1308emma]

I go to quite a few groups run by our local SureStart Center (Baby massage, Baby sensory and a swimming class)

Do not feel embarrased or asham,d for feeding your child! In all the groups i have been to i have not been the only mum there FF. I have not had any negative reactions from any of the Mums - my only negative experience was from the baby masage teacher and to be honest i don't really care what she thinks!!

You have to let it go that people are looking down on you for FF - most people and mothers can understand that BF is not for everyone and those who don't don't matter!

Don't stop yourself from attending classes its great to get out with the baby and meet other Mum's and babies - you'll be surprised how many mums have similar stories to you with trying to BF and not being able to continue!

I agree with there not being any support for FF mothers - there is this stigma on us and it makes you feel unnecessarily guilty, but you shouldn't feel like this. Hold your head up high, stand for your convictions and go to some classes!! xx

 

[LPF]

I'm bf at the moment but I don't particularly enjoy it and there is no way I'd do it in public - I'm terrified of leaving the house in case he needs a feed but I'm also going stir crazy in doors ... I want to join things but I feel too self conscious to bf and fear the bf mafia if I whip out a bottle....I'd rather come to your group!!

 

[Kitty23]

You shouldn't need to justify it. You chose what is best for you and your baby. If people question you tell them to jog on. I tried BFing and lasted 2 weeks. It was agony and LO just wasn't getting enough milk (people don't believe me when I say that but they don't know me so really it's not their place to judge) I tried it. Couldn't do it. She is now 2 and a half and, in the words of my HV, is one of the brightest children she's ever met. And also one of the healthiest. You have nothing to feel guilty for

I completely agree with people not believing you when you say you didnt produce enough milk. I got that aswell and I got the whole lecture about only 1% of people dont produce enough milk etc etc. Unless they are there with you they dont know what it is like. Trying to use the electric pump every 3 hours for weeks and getting 2 mls out at a time! xxx

 

[Bertsbaby1]

I'm sort of in the same boat, but aren't really a social animal and have a couple good, non-judgmental moms in my life that I can hang out with.

In my mind, anyone who judges me and looks down on me because of the way I feed my child wouldn't be someone I'd enjoy spending time with anyway. Those are the same people that would be judgemental in all aspects of life - judge me because of the clothes I wear or the music I listen to or the books I read.... No thanks!

Go anyway! I have a good feeling that you will meet other "outcasts" who FF and I bet that they'll be happy to find another "bad" mom to hang out with.

You shouldn't ever feel guilty for doing right by your family and your baby. Making the choice to FF with all the naysayers out there is a hard choice BUT it is the right choice for us. So go out, meet other FFs and have a great time enjoying your baby!

 

[bubbles123]

Oh, I have been there. When LO was little I had been known to feed him in toilet cubicles because I was so ashamed to be FF and I thought everyone would judge me. I avoided feeding LO at all at baby groups when he was young. I used to go home if he needed bottle feeding (I live only a few minutes walk from my local Sure Start centre). Having said that, problem was mainly in my head as no one ever said anything to me about it and there were other FF mums at the groups too, so I wouldn't avoid them. It does make you feel horrid though, I remember once they were taking pictures of all the babies (it was one of the rare occasions I had to FF Lo there) and they said, oh, we can't take a picture while your bottle feeding we'll have to come back later but then would go and take pics of the ladies BF'ing (as they should of course) and you do feel like your doing something shameful. So as you can see I can't offer much advice but it does get easier when LO gets older and is on solids etc and taking milk out of a beaker rather than bottles.
I do think though it's important that us FF'ers stop trying to justify ourselves all of the time. I always feel so sorry for a new mum when she is asked are you Bf'ing? and you just know you'll get no, then a desperate attempt to justify why not.
I do think it's important to acknowledge though there is also a chronic lack of BF'ing support in this country too so BF'ers don't always get an easy ride either. You just can't win either way.

 

[George35]

You shouldn't need to justify it. You chose what is best for you and your baby. If people question you tell them to jog on. I tried BFing and lasted 2 weeks. It was agony and LO just wasn't getting enough milk (people don't believe me when I say that but they don't know me so really it's not their place to judge) I tried it. Couldn't do it. She is now 2 and a half and, in the words of my HV, is one of the brightest children she's ever met. And also one of the healthiest. You have nothing to feel guilty for

I completely agree with people not believing you when you say you didnt produce enough milk. I got that aswell and I got the whole lecture about only 1% of people dont produce enough milk etc etc. Unless they are there with you they dont know what it is like. Trying to use the electric pump every 3 hours for weeks and getting 2 mls out at a time! xxx

Expressing is by no means an accurate representation of how much milk you're producing. Babies are much more efficient than a pump. I have never been able to express much but sustained my baby just fine.

 

[bubbles123]

You shouldn't need to justify it. You chose what is best for you and your baby. If people question you tell them to jog on. I tried BFing and lasted 2 weeks. It was agony and LO just wasn't getting enough milk (people don't believe me when I say that but they don't know me so really it's not their place to judge) I tried it. Couldn't do it. She is now 2 and a half and, in the words of my HV, is one of the brightest children she's ever met. And also one of the healthiest. You have nothing to feel guilty for

I completely agree with people not believing you when you say you didnt produce enough milk. I got that aswell and I got the whole lecture about only 1% of people dont produce enough milk etc etc. Unless they are there with you they dont know what it is like. Trying to use the electric pump every 3 hours for weeks and getting 2 mls out at a time! xxx

Expressing is by no means an accurate representation of how much milk you're producing. Babies are much more efficient than a pump. I have never been able to express much but sustained my baby just fine.

I think she was probably saying that when you have a baby with latching issues and you can't express a lot it's very hard to BF and that people can be dismissive of this and not believe you.