SIL Not going to have newborn sleep in same room

[rayne22]

So i was talking to my sister-in-law this weekend, and she is 35 weeks pregnant. I asked if she bought a bassinet, and she said she wasn't going to because the baby was gonna sleep in their crib in it's own room. My reply was "oh, i know its recomended to have baby sleep in the same room with you for first 5 months", and she said she didn't want her husband to have a bad sleep.

I understand that husbands need to rest for work, etc, and I was concerned with that myself when we had our first baby, but our daughter still slept in our room in a bassinet and my husband just dealt with it. I know everyone does what works for them, etc, so i didn't say much more about it to her.

My concern is the risk of SIDS when baby sleeps alone. Is this a common thing people are doing, or do most people have baby sleep in the same room in the beginning? I didn't mention to SIL the risk of SIDS (i had assumed she would know about it), but maybe she doesn't? Or do you think this is a thing first time pregnant women say and then change their mind? Do you think I should bring it up again or just wait and see? I would feel horrible if something were to happen to her baby and if she were to claim she wasn't aware of the risk of SIDS, and that i didn't say anything. I also don't want to come off as miss-know-it-all.

What would you do?

 

[kit10grl]

We had both babies in with us to start with so its not my personal choice but I know others who have done it. It is very much one of those each to their own things I think. It may be she ends up deciding to sleep in babies room herself as I know some mums hwo have set up a campbed in the nursery for when baby woke through the night so their partners could sleep.

If your truly worried about the SIDS risk a more subtle way of raising your concerns rather than going directly at her plans again as she might take offense or think your trying to tell her what to do would be offering to buy a motion monitor. Or even just saying that you had heard/seen them and they seem like a good idea if baby isn't in with them. That way if she doesn't know about sids that might prompt her to read a little about why the monitors are a good idea. She might change her mind she might not but then at least you know shes making an informed choice.

It also then gives her the chance to feel like she is making up her own mind if she decides to change her plan as if she thinks your pushing her ot do something she might be more inclined to dig her heels in just so she can feel like she is the mum and she knows best IYSWIM?

 

[TicToc]

Maybe I need to do some SIDS research but I have never heard of that recommendation for sleeping. I don't understand how having the baby in the same room could help prevent SIDS, can a parent actually hear it happening and wake up? I haven't had a baby in a long time so there must be new information out there by now and I will be looking into it now. Thanks.

I always had the baby in the room by the bed for about the first month or two at the most and then moved them to their rooms. We used audio baby monitors, I don't even think they had any other kind out back then. Of course I would go check the baby if I woke up in the night and didn't hear anything. But this time we planned on putting baby right in his/her room from the start. Primarily because we have a lot of pets now that have free access to our bedroom and we anticipate the dogs will cry endlessly and the cats will scratch and ruin the carpet if locked out. I probably wouldn't even care about the carpet but we rent. I don't like the idea of all the pets having access to the baby if I am not awake, they are all gentle and friendly but maybe too friendly, I could see them trying to cuddle up with the baby is given the chance.

 

[babydevil1989]

https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Sudden-infant-death-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx

scroll down and it tells you about sleeping in the room for 6 months.

TBH i dont know why anyone would go against medical information for the sake of their partner being disturbed - if im up he can! i will still have to get up in the morning with a toddler so its no different!

nothing you can do though its their choice at the end of the day x

 

[we can't wait]

To be fair, having the baby in the same room will not necessarily prevent SIDS. It's silent. My niece died from SIDS slewping in the same room as my sister.

There are plenty of people who put the baby to their own room. Its a personal decision. I chose to have DD in a bassinet, and now she co-sleeps. Other people choose not to.

She's still pregnant... she could completely change her mind once little one gets here and she realizes how much a baby requires over night. You can give her some facts, but its ultimately her decision, and you should respect that. Maybe readdress it once the baby is here? Try not to stress her out on the last few weeks of her pregnancy.

Good luck.

 

[bunnyg82]

Everything I've ever seen always says in a cot/crib/Moses basket in your room.

I believe it's something to do with baby hearing you breathe helping regulate their breathing. Whatever the reason, they've used years of research to come to this advice and personally I'd never go against the research. Yes it doesn't mean it won't happen, but it significantly reduces the risk and for that reason alone I'd be doing that. But it's very tough if someone close doesn't feel the same, tricky to try and approach it if they have made their choice

 

[rayne22]

Just from my experience with my daughter, I would never have her in her own room from the start. There would be times when she would spit up while sleeping and milk ooozing from her mouth and all over her bassinet, or the recieving blanket i used to swaddle her with would get a little loose and ride up to her face. I think sleeping in the same room could prevent something from happening if you catch it quick enough. I know with SIDS they don't know what causes it exactly-but if there was anything that i could do to prevent it or anything else-i would want to do everything possible.

The tone of some of the previous posts seems to imply that i'm nagging her or trying to tell her what to do. I was just curious on others thoughts if i should mention it to her-because she only mentioned the sole reason was for her husband to get sleep, when i believe that baby's health is just as important-if not more so.

 

[Paigeturner]

When you are a parant you decide whats best for your child and for your family, I would certainly inform her of Sids etc (all knowledge is worth having) but if she decides that to have her lo sleeping in its own room is the best decision you will need to respect that.

I am having my baby sleep in a cot in my and my husbands room and not in a bassinet for space/safety reasons. If anyone tried to tell me otherwise i would let them know that for my situation that sleeping position works for us.

So forsure let your sil know about Sids recomendations but also be
supportive of whatever decisions she makes regarding her lo.

 

[HappiestMom]

Ive put a twin bed in the boys nursery for me to sleep in as I'll be BFing and know I'll be up tons and hubby does have to work and he is the sole provider for us and I know he will need sleep...not that I dont need sleep but I can sleep at home all day night as they do so no big deal..same thing we did with LO...but with LO she slept in our room the first 3 weeks...our movements kept waking her up...mainly hubbys snoring haha...and her noises kept freaking him out (he thought every little noise was something bad) and so that kept him up which in turn kept me up...so moving her to her room right across from ours in her bassinet worked for us..we left both doors open..had a monitor and everything was fine...

 

[ssjad]

Not meaning to be rude or offensive, but I think you need to let her raise her baby how she sees fit. Nothing worse than advice from a thousand other people as I'm sure you remember.
Based on my needs, my partner's needs, and of course bubby's needs I've raised each of my children differently. Whatever worked for us worked for us, if you know what I mean. Sometimes that meant ignoring 'recommended advice', and it definitely meant ignoring advice from friends, family members and random strangers down the street.
She'll figure it all out, and ask for advice if she feels she needs it.

 

[Equreuil]

Wow... this isn't even about me, but I feel incredibly judged and offended, since I'm planning on doing the same as your SIL. If someone even remotely implied that I was doing the "wrong thing and it was going to cause my baby to die of SIDS" I can't even express how hurt I'd feel. Especially since there is no concrete proof of what does cause SIDS, or what prevents it.

My advice: keep your thoughts to yourself on this one. New moms have enough to deal with without people making that new mom feel judged, guilty, or offended about her choices.

 

[smallpeanut]

I agree with the other two ladies. It's not like she's told you she's going to starve her baby.

Quite a lot of people do this. It's what works for you. My lo stayed with me but my oh snores and it disturbed her. Moved her in to her own room and she slept much better. Am i a bad mum? She was in there way beyond 6 months.

As a mumma already you should know better IMO. They are guidelines and recommendations. Not compulsory. Let her mother in her own way and style. I pick and choose which guideline I listen to I'm sure most mums do.

 

[kit10grl]

Bit harsh on the OP. She hasn't said anything to her SIL yet. She asked for advice about if she should or not. She hasn't judged her SIL just said she's worried her SIL might not have all the info.

And yes guideline are just that, no one is saying they must be followed to the letter but surely you would want to know what the guideline is first and then decide for yourself if you want to follow it.

Huge difference in making an informed choice which deviates from the guidelines because it works for you and blindly stumbling into doing the 'wrong' thing because you didn't know any better.

JMO

 

[tay_913]

I plan on having the baby in their own room from day 1. I plan to have a video/motion monitor. Not everyone does things the exact same way.

 

[babydevil1989]

but if the guidelines are there to perhaps prevent SIDS why would you not do it?

i dont get it - there must be SOME proof that having baby in with you helps prevent it otherwise they wouldnt tell you to do it x

 

[tay_913]

This is information taken from a website on preventing SIDS "When babies are in the same room as a parent, they don't fall into as deep a sleep as they do when they're alone in the nursery. Babies stir at the noises the parents make, and these frequent awakenings are protective." So in theory any kind of noise would help the baby.

 

[M&S+Bump]

Just from my experience with my daughter, I would never have her in her own room from the start. There would be times when she would spit up while sleeping and milk ooozing from her mouth and all over her bassinet, or the recieving blanket i used to swaddle her with would get a little loose and ride up to her face. I think sleeping in the same room could prevent something from happening if you catch it quick enough. I know with SIDS they don't know what causes it exactly-but if there was anything that i could do to prevent it or anything else-i would want to do everything possible.

You know that swaddling is also shown to increase the risk of SIDS, yes? It can cause the baby to overheat, apparently.

Having a dummy can reduce the risk of SIDS but it seems to be actively discouraged by most.

There are so many rules and recommendations it would be impossible to know them or try to follow them all - and the individual risk reduction from whatever recommendation can't be defined, since they don't even know what causes it.

It's not your place, she needs to find her own way of doing things.

 

[Dream.dream]

The swaddling one is actually still being debated And hasn't be proves one way or the other and actually is good for premature babies .

I've actually not heard sleeping in the room with parent reduces SIDS risk I thought it was bed sharing was though because the parent helps regulate the babies breathing .

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

I have to agree with the other ladies that say to just let her do her thing. I completely respect and understand your care and worry...and I know most people that give advice, it's only in their best interest to try to help but she will figure things out as she goes

 

[scarolinarn04]

First of all- I'm sure that your SIL would be very appreciative of the care/concern you are showing for her and her child.


I'm a nurse in an Emergency Room in the states and my husband is a firefighter; we have both seen SIDS cases and it had/has us both terrified. The best option for us was the angelcare monitor. It has a motion sensor pad that will alarm if there is no movement for 20 seconds. It worked wonderfully for us- there was an occassional false alarm if he moved into the corner of the crib, but I would take a false alarm any day. I knew that I would never sleep if I didn't have it. We loved the monitor so much that we used it until he was 3. We will use it again with this little one and she will most likely sleep in her crib from the start.

I was the first of my friends and family to have children and the angelcare monitor was always my answer for "what's the 1 thing you can't do without". Also, this was the baby shower gift I gave them. I did have one friend who opted to not use the sensor pad and that was her choice, but it was available to her. With her 2nd child he slept in her room until about 6 months.

My husband and I did a internet search a few months back, just out of curiousity regarding the monitor. I was wondering if there had been any reported cases of SIDS with the use of the monitor and we couldn't find any.

Anyways- now I sound like a sales ad for the monitor , but we each have our own fears and reasons for why we do things. Tactfully sharing knowledge isn't a bad thing, though. Good luck to you both.