SIL Not going to have newborn sleep in same room

[undomestic]

I'm still torn, as baby isn't due for another few months, about where baby is going to sleep..
I know lots of people who have had their babies in their crib from day one and their babies are fine.. And they saved themselves the co-sleeping nightmare of trying to get the baby to sleep in their own room.. My sister co-slept with her daughter, and refused to do it with the second one, because at 5, her daughter still won't sleep through the night in her own bed. Her son, on the other hand, who was in the crib from the beginning, can be put down awake in his bed, and will put himself to sleep.

There's so many recommendations.. If you plan on saying something to your sister-in-law, judge the time and place you choose to bring it up.. and maybe, say something like, "I was just reading this article and it brought up an interesting point about SIDS.. I'm sure you'd find it interesting" and then give her the article and leave it. Don't bring it up again.. That way you can feel better that you've done your part, and maybe she won't find it as a cause for getting defensive.

 

[JessPape]

Her choice, yes, they recommend it. But it is NOT a law.

We had our daughter in her room for 8 days, than we moved her to the crib. It didn't work out for us, it happens. she slept straight though the night till we came back from holidays (GERMANY 9 hour flights, time changes)

She may also change her mind when the baby is here.

 

[JessPape]

It helps regulate their breathing, and helps with breastfeeding. but reality, babies die in the same room as their parents every year form SIDS.

 

[rayne22]

WOW!! Never had I said that I'm telling my SIL what to do, or that I'm preaching to her, and giving her unwanted advice. I can't believe some of the previous posts who are so offended at my concern, and then attack me for swaddling my baby. I think my concern is legitimate and obviously I wanted others opinions on if I should say anything to her, because I don't know ANYONE in my life who hasn't slept in the same room with baby when they were newborns. I wanted to know if not sleeping in the same room is something that a lot of ppl do.

And you know what? Even if I did mention it to my SIL, at least she would know that someone has interest and concern for her and her lo. When I had my daughter NOBODY helped me with anything, not even when I was clearly struggling with things. That's the problem with ppl these days, they are so fucking scared to offend ppl and they just end up not even showing interest in others.

 

[rayne22]

Wow... this isn't even about me, but I feel incredibly judged and offended, since I'm planning on doing the same as your SIL. If someone even remotely implied that I was doing the "wrong thing and it was going to cause my baby to die of SIDS" I can't even express how hurt I'd feel. Especially since there is no concrete proof of what does cause SIDS, or what prevents it.

My advice: keep your thoughts to yourself on this one. New moms have enough to deal with without people making that new mom feel judged, guilty, or offended about her choices.

I don't know why you would be offended. I find it interesting that what you read from my post you interpret it as me saying that I think she is doing the wrong thing and its going to cause the baby to die. WTF? There are guidelines for a reason, and ya not all of them need to be followed. That's why I was asking what others thought and do with their babies. My main concern was if she wasn't aware of the guidelines, and something happened to the baby, should I have been the one to inform her so that things could be prevented. I wasn't judging her. I'm not giving her unwanted advice. And if you knew my SIL, you would know that she is someone who admits she knows nothing about babies, doesn't read any baby books, and asks my opinion on things regarding babies and pregnancy. So please calm down and stop feeling judged and offended as that was not my intention

 

[rayne22]

I agree with the other two ladies. It's not like she's told you she's going to starve her baby.

Quite a lot of people do this. It's what works for you. My lo stayed with me but my oh snores and it disturbed her. Moved her in to her own room and she slept much better. Am i a bad mum? She was in there way beyond 6 months.

As a mumma already you should know better IMO. They are guidelines and recommendations. Not compulsory. Let her mother in her own way and style. I pick and choose which guideline I listen to I'm sure most mums do.

Where did I say she was a bad mum? I think I have a legitimate concern as it is a recommended for baby to sleep in the same room. Did I say I was judging her, or shoving advice down her throat? No. I wasn't going to tell her not to let baby sleep in a different room. I wanted to know if I should make sure she was aware of SIDS as I had been told that sleeping in the same room can help prevent it. Don't tell me I should know better. I believe its important for new moms to be as informed as possible and she has been asking me for advice.

 

[ajksand]

i was one of those first time mommas who said i didn't need a bassinet because my baby was going to sleep in her room from the beginning, but when we got home from the hospital and my husband told me to put my sweet little baby in her room all by herself i started to cry and so the first night home she slept in her swing and my dear mom in law went to town and picked up a bassinet the next day. My second baby will be sleeping in our room for at least 6 months because i don't want to put it upstairs when we are downstairs.

 

[Conundrum]

Personally I would. Especially if she is a first time mother. I appreciated other's advice as long as it was not overbearing or aggressive. I said myself that our LO would sleep in her own room from the start, that lasted all of thirty minutes and we began to co-sleep. Which resulted in us being thoroughly scolded by her pediatrician since in our area co-sleeping is a negative thing that has been linked to SIDS in new case studies. Between that and her reflux (having to sleep upright) we might as well have not purchased a crib at all.

If you are looking for a way to approach her about it and can afford it, offer to buy her a cot or futon to go in the baby's room. They take up little space and if she wants to help her hubby sleep, she can. We ended up purchasing one since I decided to be a SAHM and during all stages of sleep: co-sleeping, crib-sleeping and now a sleeper swing I can stay right beside her and in the morning put it in a closet.

Hope this helps hun

 

[BethK]

I had LO in her own room. She was safer in there. I had a nappy alarm, heartbeat sensor, 2 sound monitors, a temperature monitor, a video monitor and a movement alarm, all on her cot.

If anything did happen to her while i slept, i'd never know if she was in a basket next to my bed, but in the cot in her room all hell would break loose.

Maybe she's got the same....

She also slept SO much better in her own room.

Try not to judge other mothers on what you think they should do.

 

[aliss]

Most first-time mothers think this before they realize that babies are nocturnal. I know I did. Pre-baby plans are not set in stone for sure.

 

[Pearls18]

I don't think you're being harsh or intrusive. As a parent I wouldn't dream of doing anything that goes against SIDS guidelines, they do not know what causes it but what they do know is that since guidelines such as sleeping in the same room as the parent, on their backs etc have come in the amount occurring has dramatically reduced. I don't care if sleeping in my room reduces the chance of it happening by 0.0000001% that's enough to convince me to do it. Certain people are at a slightly higher risk if the baby is formula fed, if the baby doesn't use a dummy, if it's a smoking household, it's all about managing risk. We didn't manage to use a dummy because DS wouldn't take it it, obviously lots of babies are FF through choice or through necessity so we have to manage the risk that we can control. I would recommend anyone worried to talk to their midwife. When my DS was sleeping terribly the HV told me to move him out at 5 months because we were low risk in every other way. It's every parent's worst nightmare. I would perhaps say to her has she looked at the SIDS guidelines, but they are only that, a guideline.

I have a co sleeping crib that will be in the main bedroom, but when my husband goes back to work I will have a spare bed in baby's room that I will use so we can still sleep together and not disturb hubby, tbh I'm sure he'll sleep fine anyway!!!

 

[TicToc]

What's a dummy?

 

[Pearls18]

What's a dummy?

Sorry a pacifier for those of you left of the Atlantic, I think the sucking motion is meant to keep babies a little more alert while sleeping? I must re-read the guidelines as things are always changing and it’s been 3 years for me. But yeah it was recommended babies sleep with one for the first 6 months but DS never took to it.

 

[TicToc]

That is such a relief! I was imagining some kind of fake little person, like the ones ventriloquists use.

I always called it a sucky, pacifier is just too many syllables to spit out when you are tired from baby.

 

[Pearls18]

That is such a relief! I was imagining some kind of fake little person, like the ones ventriloquists use.

I always called it a sucky, pacifier is just too many syllables to spit out when you are tired from baby.

Haha took me a few attempts to spell it, it's not really a term we use in the UK other than to "pacify a situation" lol.

 

[scarolinarn04]

What's a dummy?

I was wondering that too

 

[bekkie]

That is such a relief! I was imagining some kind of fake little person, like the ones ventriloquists use.

I always called it a sucky, pacifier is just too many syllables to spit out when you are tired from baby.

My son's dayhome provider is from Australia and she warned us the first day we met her 'he will end up picking up some slang... I had a father come in one day asking why I was calling his son a dummy - but I wasnt... I was referring to his pacifier!'

I've always called them 'soothers'

 

[Bonnie11]

Yes dummy's are supposed to keep the baby's airways slightly more open and develop the muscles in their throat more quickly. Don't know if its 'official' but that's what I've read. Though I wouldn't necessarily give my baby a dummy from newborn I'm pretty sure I will for this reason if nothing else.

As for the OP's question, I would stay out of it. I'm sure she is aware its recommended unless she really has buried her head in the sand as it seems to be everywhere I look, plus I'm sure the health visitor will mention it to her if nothing else. I do know quite a few people who have had baby in their own room from birth/few weeks so its not unheard of. Personally I would steer clear of the topic, it bound to cause friction if you bring it up unless you are asked your opinion. It's the same kind if deal as breast feeding etc, its always best to keep those opinions to yourself! I'm sure someone else will tell her x

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I don't think the op said anything wrong honestly and if her sis doesn't mind the advice then what's the problem? To the op I'd just let her know about the baby sleeping alone but just know that in the end it really is up to her and her dh. I understand where you're coming from though...if I knew something that could hurt Someone and didn't say anything and it happened I'd feel so bad.

 

[jessthemess]

For the OP, I think it's a personal decision. I've never heard that co-sleeping or having the baby sleep in the same room as the parents is like the recommended thing to do, at least not over here in the states. My parents didn't. And my brother hasn't with his ten month old either. I also don't plan too. Maybe it's our family?

I googled "What room should my baby sleep in?" and several sites said one thing, and several said another.

From babycenter.com, During the first 10 days, it'll probably be easier to keep him in the same room so you can more easily get up to feed him and so you'll get used to his sleeping patterns and breathing noises. From 2 to 4 weeks, he should still be sleeping in your room or in a separate room with a baby monitor. After that, it's fine to let him sleep in his own room as long as you feel comfortable with that; just keep the doors open so you can hear him if he starts to cry.

Babysleepsite.com details the pros and cons and actually says that parents who get their babies up every time they make a noise is not protective but actually harmful in that it can create bad sleeping habits.