SIL Not going to have newborn sleep in same room

[overcomer79]

Not meaning to be rude or offensive, but I think you need to let her raise her baby how she sees fit. Nothing worse than advice from a thousand other people as I'm sure you remember.
Based on my needs, my partner's needs, and of course bubby's needs I've raised each of my children differently. Whatever worked for us worked for us, if you know what I mean. Sometimes that meant ignoring 'recommended advice', and it definitely meant ignoring advice from friends, family members and random strangers down the street.
She'll figure it all out, and ask for advice if she feels she needs it.

This. DS slept in his room from the start. I decided to "follow medical advice" with dd and have her in our room. It was a big mistake as she was an over stimulated baby who required her own space. We didn't sleep for months. I wish we knew she wanted her own space but she can't tell us. All she did all night was scream. She passed out at 6am in her carseat (getting her ready for daycare) from pure exhaustion. Sometimes "medical advice" doesn't work for all families nor babies.

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

That is such a relief! I was imagining some kind of fake little person, like the ones ventriloquists use.

I always called it a sucky, pacifier is just too many syllables to spit out when you are tired from baby.

My son's dayhome provider is from Australia and she warned us the first day we met her 'he will end up picking up some slang... I had a father come in one day asking why I was calling his son a dummy - but I wasnt... I was referring to his pacifier!'

I've always called them 'soothers'

Maybe it's a Canada thing but I only refer to it as a soother too. I could never understood the "dummy" term and how that came about...there's actually some other odd names for a pacifier too.

 

[Sweedot]

We had dd in our room for the first 5 months, however...at the hospital, mt auburn Cambridge, MA, the paediatrician there told me, baby mut be in your room for the first two weeks and then you can put her in her own room. That was her professional recommendation at the time we gave birth. We only had one bedroom at that time anyway, so was a redundant issue, ut when we moved we transitioned Esme to her own room and I was soooooo glad! Lol

I think whatever your paediatrician recommends and whatever works for you and your baby when the time comes. Good luck!

 

[embeth]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to give your sil some advice. If she is a first time mum she may feel completely differently once she has her lo. You never can tell how you're going to feel. I certainly don't think it should
be taken as offensive, everyone sees guidelines and it is completely their choice how/ if they follow them. I have had both my sons in my room from day 1 and co sleep once they were not so tiny, I am aware of some of the advice regarding co sleeping and risks but having had my baby inside of me for 9
Months find it the most natural thing in the world to want them close. They are now 5 and 6 and sleep happily in their own beds in their Room.Suppose everyone does what they see as best and works for them.

 

[3boys]

i tried to breastfeed and failed because of lack of support on my first 4 children so i was determined i was going to make it work on my 5th so i did tons and tons of research into breastfeeding and while doing that came across loads of information on studies which show that when the western world started formula feeding and putting babies into their own rooms from day 1 the rate of sids shot up to an shockingly high rate. I didnt know this and had 4 previous children. Now obviously everyone has the right to raise their child how they see fit but maybe she genuinely doesnt know and i dont see how it would be a problem to have a gentle no pressure talk with her and if she is informed and wants to go ahead then thats her decision. I also dont want my husband to be disturbed at night so for the first few weeks he sleeps in the spare room and it seems to work for us. Thats not me saying that my way is better etc. just a suggestion. x

 

[barleywater]

Not meaning to be rude or offensive, but I think you need to let her raise her baby how she sees fit. Nothing worse than advice from a thousand other people as I'm sure you remember.
Based on my needs, my partner's needs, and of course bubby's needs I've raised each of my children differently. Whatever worked for us worked for us, if you know what I mean. Sometimes that meant ignoring 'recommended advice', and it definitely meant ignoring advice from friends, family members and random strangers down the street.
She'll figure it all out, and ask for advice if she feels she needs it.

I couldn't agree more.

While my husband is on paternity leave the baby will sleep in with us. Yes I still have to get up in the morning and look after a baby- but i'm not going to work 10/11 hours and be sat in court 2/3 days a week while I will be at home, going to the shops or baby groups- its hardly fair to say to my partner that he can't have his sleep (although of course he will be expected to help) when he has to go and work an 10/11 hour day and have a 45 minute commute either side of that. It just isn't. Things will change when I go back to work as necessary but while i'm off- I will do the majority of getting up changing nappies and feeding (well...as i'm going to be BFing i'm the only one who can do that anyway )

Anyway- he is off for 3 weeks. If i'm comfortable baby will go in his own room with the monitor. If not, I will get the Z bed out of the loft and sleep with him until I am comfortable.

The 6 month thing is a RECOMMENDATION not a RULE.

 

[Cherry Bow]

We have a cot in the nursery and a moses basket in our room for her to sleep in for the first few months. We kept the double bed in the nursery so if she has a restless night then I can stay through there with her while hublet sleeps. He works hard and I know he will be doing his fair share when he gets in so I'm not going to begrudge him a good night's sleep xx

 

[allforthegirl]

I'm a mom of 4 and pg. I too for my first felt it necessary for him to sleep in his own room. For me at that time it was for my sanity. I was plagued with waking up with every movement and sound he made. So for me it was the best thing I could do so I could sleep. As with each child things changed. I learned what suited me and my family with each new child.

I too have a sil that wants her first to sleep in his crib in his own room, there is nothing I can do to change her mind, she has to figure out what's best for her and him. What I did and only could say is what worked for me, and told her she needs to do what works for her. What I hated most with my first was people telling what to do. She is no different I'm sure. The way I look at it is if my sil wants to get out of bed with every little cry to change or feed baby then hey that's her choice. I'm sure she will then ask me sleep deprived and all, how to get better sleep. We have to let people make their own decisions about the children they want to bring into their lives, because its just that their life.

My best advice would be to share the info like it is new to you and wondered if she knew it too. What she does with it from their is her choice, and you did everything you can.

I hope this helps.

 

[Butterball Ma]

The first 2 nights home with DD, she would only sleep in her bouncer and her dad slept on the couch next to her. After that, though, she slept in her own room. We had a rocker in there for restless nights, that's it. It worked well for us. I expect to do the same thing this time around, as well. After reading this forum for the last few months, I've learned that nearly everything I did with DD is something someone read about somewhere being dangerous. Yet. I still managed to raise an intelligent, independent daughter who's now 11. I have no idea how she made it out of infancy Every baby is different and every family is different, we all have to find our own ways. Suggestions and advice are helpful, but it's still our own decisions what we choose to do.

 

[FeistyMom]

There have been quite a lot of interesting responses to OP, but I didn't see anything from this perspective.

One of the reasons for having LO sleep in a separate room is typically associated with better rest for OH. This was NOT the case for us! If you plan on sleeping in the room with LO and having OH sleep alone, it may work better, but if the monitor is loud enough to wake you, it is typically loud enough to wake OH too.

One PP mentioned that the monitor picks up *more* than you may hear if sleeping in the same room. This is DEFINITELY true. For some, this gives a better sense of security. For others, it pretty much negates the benefit of 'more sleep'.

It seems to me that many first time moms love hearing others experiences without the overtone of specific advice. Your SIL already knows your experiences, most likely, but it also sounds like mentioning the SIDs aspect might be worthwhile along the lines of, one of the reasons we had LO in the same room was the research on lowering the risk of SIDs. I would *definitely* mention that monitors amplify sound, so if OH is a light sleeper and it is critical for OH to get enough sleep, separate sleeping arrangements might make more sense for the shortterm (first few weeks/months) versus sleeping in the same room.

Either way, it sounds like you are a very caring and supportive person and that you have a great relationship with SIL