Single mommy by choice

[ashliee]

Alright so I read all of your reply's and honestly am not going to sit here and reply to each one.
I am making a very educated decision to do this, I know what raising a child intales, and as hard as it is, its that much more rewarding. As a child of a single mother, In the back of my mind I always had assumed that I would end up that way and be unhappy like my mother, However, this is a choice I am making, knowing full well I am in this alone, I would never bring a child into this world if I thought it would struggle.
For me this is just the beginning of the rest of my life, being a mother is something I have always known I have wanted, I have no fabrications in my mind of this being easy, or fun or anything like that, In the beginning of something new it is always a little bit hard to adjust, now this really isn't going to be very new for me as I have been more of a mother to that child then his mother, I had never received any help with him, somedays I cried my face off because I was stressed, but the thing is, the reward of teaching that child something, that child giving you a huge hug, even the temper tantrums that he or she throws are something so special, even though parenthood is not always fun, it will never quit being rewarding.
Me choosing to become a mother is not going to change the way I live all that much, I am not like most girls my age, and my home/life is all very family oriented.
There will be changes obviously, but nothing that I am not 100% prepared for.
Becoming a mother is one of the most amazing things woman do, and is something that needs to be thought about long and hard.
I just want to make it very clear that I would never bring a child into this world to set it up to struggle its entire life. I would also like to say that I am an adult, and though I may be a young adult, that does not mean I am an idiotic young adult! I do appreciate the concerns some of you have, It just proves maturity, and a sense of caring. But my age does not define what kind of mother I will be, so please treat this subject the same way you would treat it if i was 30.

 

[xlouloux]

Good luck to you ashliee and I hope you get a bfp soon Choosing to be a single mother must of been a difficult choice, but only you know what's best for you. Having a partner doesn't always make it any less difficult. I wish you all the best on your journey.

 

[ferens06]

Good luck Ashliee. x

 

[ashliee]

Like the other ladies who commented, I wonder how you came to this decision. I am by no means having a go at you, just curious really, what your thoughts are on children growing up without a father figure in their lives? Or how you would explain it all to them when they are older? I don't expect people to have the same opinions as me, but I like to know how they came to have them
Good luck
x

Honestly I had thought about it here and there for years, but never really thought about it too much, However Recently its become more something that I truly want rather then something I think about
My mother was a single mother my entire life, and my father has never been any part of my life, growing up it really didnt effect my childhood at all, when i became a young teenager it did bug me a little bit, but with lots of conversations with my mother it is something that I am so proud of her for doing and I wouldn't wish my life turned out any other way! I hope to be as great of a single mother as my mother.
I dont plan on this being a big secret, and i plan to be very honest with my child about it, I don't want he or she to feel as though they are missing out, I want them to know that my goal is to show them a fantastic life and that no matter which way someone parents, as long as they are prepared in every way shape or form that it really isn't going to effect the child too terribly much.
Of course, I have a lot of male family members, and my family is all pretty tight knit, so my child will have plenty of female/male guidance

 

[ashliee]

Good luck to you ashliee and I hope you get a bfp soon Choosing to be a single mother must of been a difficult choice, but only you know what's best for you. Having a partner doesn't always make it any less difficult. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Thank you dear!

 

[ferens06]

Are you finding a donor through the internet, or are you going to try and find someone you know?x

 

[babies7777]

Hi there

I have read everything you have said and ultimately you have decided what you want and what you feel you want to do with your life, everyone has that right and i would and have said the same thing to anyone who was making this decision regardless of age, you have to consider its not just your life its the life of another, what you want and choose to do has the greatest impact on the child.
You have said you were raised by a single mom as was i and whilst my mum did the best job she could i as the child would have given anything to have a second parent who loved and adored me and to be the family i saw others be. Your child may feel exactly the same as you do but your child also may feel like i did and want that second parent, would you be able to justify why you made the choices you did to them. If you can honestly say with your hand on your heart that your baby would never miss having a second parent then thats all that matters.

 

[ashliee]

Awesome! I don't want you to take this the wrong way but can I ask why you want to be a single mom?

Its something I have thought long and hard about, and basically the thought of never having to depend on anyone but myself being able to give the child the kind of like that I intend to give him or her without objection, Never having to worry about my relationship with my childs father ie, what happens if we break up, that sort of thing, basically I feel that this is the perfect way to give this child the structure he or she needs, and in the end I feel that because this is a choice I have made, it eliminates the stress of becoming a single mom because a relationship didnt work for whatever reason. for me i see it as nothing but great

 

[ashliee]

Im in the same boat as you, i want to be a single mum and im 19. Im actually trying to concieve now, my mate (ex boyfriend) is helping me to concieve the baby and will stay in the childs life but not as a father role more as a family friend role, however my noone else knows only me, the person helping me, and my doctor. I know my family will support me and help me if need it though... hope this helps, if you want to talk - email me

Becca. xx

Congrats dear! I would love to keep up with you through your journey, I think it would be amazing to have someone to talk to who is in the exact same positions as I!

 

[ashliee]

Are you finding a donor through the internet, or are you going to try and find someone you know?x

Well I have actually found a fantastic website for exactly this, It is an amazing community of donors as well as hopeful recipients!
Im leaning more towards using somebody off of this website, as it is more professional then it would be while using someone that i do know personally

 

[ferens06]

Are you finding a donor through the internet, or are you going to try and find someone you know?x

Well I have actually found a fantastic website for exactly this, It is an amazing community of donors as well as hopeful recipients!
Im leaning more towards using somebody off of this website, as it is more professional then it would be while using someone that i do know personally

good luck, and (I would say this to anyone of any age) be safe!

 

[milf2be]

Alright so I read all of your reply's and honestly am not going to sit here and reply to each one.
I am making a very educated decision to do this, I know what raising a child intales, and as hard as it is, its that much more rewarding. As a child of a single mother, In the back of my mind I always had assumed that I would end up that way and be unhappy like my mother, However, this is a choice I am making, knowing full well I am in this alone, I would never bring a child into this world if I thought it would struggle.
For me this is just the beginning of the rest of my life, being a mother is something I have always known I have wanted, I have no fabrications in my mind of this being easy, or fun or anything like that, In the beginning of something new it is always a little bit hard to adjust, now this really isn't going to be very new for me as I have been more of a mother to that child then his mother, I had never received any help with him, somedays I cried my face off because I was stressed, but the thing is, the reward of teaching that child something, that child giving you a huge hug, even the temper tantrums that he or she throws are something so special, even though parenthood is not always fun, it will never quit being rewarding.
Me choosing to become a mother is not going to change the way I live all that much, I am not like most girls my age, and my home/life is all very family oriented.
There will be changes obviously, but nothing that I am not 100% prepared for.
Becoming a mother is one of the most amazing things woman do, and is something that needs to be thought about long and hard.
I just want to make it very clear that I would never bring a child into this world to set it up to struggle its entire life. I would also like to say that I am an adult, and though I may be a young adult, that does not mean I am an idiotic young adult! I do appreciate the concerns some of you have, It just proves maturity, and a sense of caring. But my age does not define what kind of mother I will be, so please treat this subject the same way you would treat it if i was 30.

i know i probably wont change your mind (and i dont think you should change your mind based on some stranger from the internet either for that matter), but i just want you to have a think.

i found this post when i was looking for something the PP said about your nephew:

"Yeah, your right, i mean i want to give any children i ever do have a great life, and everything they could possibly need, I have so much going on right now, starting college in march and then im sure my mind will be too busy to think about having children lol i think right now i feel really useless and not needed for anything (im not working currently). But one day when i am completely ready i know i will be so much happier to become a mother and not have to struggle! just got to stay focused!"

this just seems to totally contradict what you've just said and was written only 10 days ago?

what happens when you start college in march? will they let you have maternity leave? what will you do for money during that maternity leave? what happens after you have had the baby, can you afford to go back to college? if you do back to college then who will look after the baby?same if you got a job, who will look after the baby and can you afford to pay for childcare? etc. etc. i had to think of the same things when i got pregnant, but luckily for me i have a OH who can afford to support us until i finish uni, its not easy but we get by.

as for the " i think right now i feel really useless and not needed for anything ", im sorry but thats not a reason to have a baby

im sure other mothers will agree with me when i say this - you cant be prepared for having a baby, it comes as a complete shock. its not the same looking after someone else's baby, even for the majority or the time as the case might be.

i really hope i dont get ripped to shreads for saying this, but im just trying to help

 

[ashliee]

Hi there

I have read everything you have said and ultimately you have decided what you want and what you feel you want to do with your life, everyone has that right and i would and have said the same thing to anyone who was making this decision regardless of age, you have to consider its not just your life its the life of another, what you want and choose to do has the greatest impact on the child.
You have said you were raised by a single mom as was i and whilst my mum did the best job she could i as the child would have given anything to have a second parent who loved and adored me and to be the family i saw others be. Your child may feel exactly the same as you do but your child also may feel like i did and want that second parent, would you be able to justify why you made the choices you did to them. If you can honestly say with your hand on your heart that your baby would never miss having a second parent then thats all that matters.

For me I truly feel as though my child will not be missing out, I feel that a good family structure is something that is going to help me to ensure that!
As i said a little bit earlier, my family is pretty tight knit, and we all do the best we can to show all of the children in our family a very secure and comfortable life! Its a bit hard to explain, but I have no doubt in my mind that my child will have amazing amounts of love and support to make up for the lack of a father

 

[Helena_]

good luck dear! and welcome to ttc!

 

[ashliee]

Are you finding a donor through the internet, or are you going to try and find someone you know?x

Well I have actually found a fantastic website for exactly this, It is an amazing community of donors as well as hopeful recipients!
Im leaning more towards using somebody off of this website, as it is more professional then it would be while using someone that i do know personally

good luck, and (I would say this to anyone of any age) be safe!

Thanks dear! and I do plan on being completely safe

 

[Ash0619]

good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[ashliee]

Alright so I read all of your reply's and honestly am not going to sit here and reply to each one.
I am making a very educated decision to do this, I know what raising a child intales, and as hard as it is, its that much more rewarding. As a child of a single mother, In the back of my mind I always had assumed that I would end up that way and be unhappy like my mother, However, this is a choice I am making, knowing full well I am in this alone, I would never bring a child into this world if I thought it would struggle.
For me this is just the beginning of the rest of my life, being a mother is something I have always known I have wanted, I have no fabrications in my mind of this being easy, or fun or anything like that, In the beginning of something new it is always a little bit hard to adjust, now this really isn't going to be very new for me as I have been more of a mother to that child then his mother, I had never received any help with him, somedays I cried my face off because I was stressed, but the thing is, the reward of teaching that child something, that child giving you a huge hug, even the temper tantrums that he or she throws are something so special, even though parenthood is not always fun, it will never quit being rewarding.
Me choosing to become a mother is not going to change the way I live all that much, I am not like most girls my age, and my home/life is all very family oriented.
There will be changes obviously, but nothing that I am not 100% prepared for.
Becoming a mother is one of the most amazing things woman do, and is something that needs to be thought about long and hard.
I just want to make it very clear that I would never bring a child into this world to set it up to struggle its entire life. I would also like to say that I am an adult, and though I may be a young adult, that does not mean I am an idiotic young adult! I do appreciate the concerns some of you have, It just proves maturity, and a sense of caring. But my age does not define what kind of mother I will be, so please treat this subject the same way you would treat it if i was 30.

i know i probably wont change your mind (and i dont think you should change your mind based on some stranger from the internet either for that matter), but i just want you to have a think.

i found this post when i was looking for something the PP said about your nephew:

"Yeah, your right, i mean i want to give any children i ever do have a great life, and everything they could possibly need, I have so much going on right now, starting college in march and then im sure my mind will be too busy to think about having children lol i think right now i feel really useless and not needed for anything (im not working currently). But one day when i am completely ready i know i will be so much happier to become a mother and not have to struggle! just got to stay focused!"

this just seems to totally contradict what you've just said and was written only 10 days ago?

what happens when you start college in march? will they let you have maternity leave? what will you do for money during that maternity leave? what happens after you have had the baby, can you afford to go back to college? if you do back to college then who will look after the baby?same if you got a job, who will look after the baby and can you afford to pay for childcare? etc. etc. i had to think of the same things when i got pregnant, but luckily for me i have a OH who can afford to support us until i finish uni, its not easy but we get by.

as for the " i think right now i feel really useless and not needed for anything ", im sorry but thats not a reason to have a baby

im sure other mothers will agree with me when i say this - you cant be prepared for having a baby, it comes as a complete shock. its not the same looking after someone else's baby, even for the majority or the time as the case might be.

i really hope i dont get ripped to shreads for saying this, but im just trying to help

These are actually fantastic questions!!!!
Now, when I did make those posts I was still thinking long and hard about my decision, and basically giving myself reasons on why I should not do it.
Where college is concerned, It has a day care in the school, which has not cost at all, it is all based on marks in your classes, so this is something i do not have to worry about.
I live in Canada and here we get one year Mat leave, paid, from work, as long as you work the amount of hours you need to before baby is born!
I have actually decided to start school after the baby is born instead of while I am trying, and I will just be working for now.
I have put in a tremendous amount of thought as well as planning into this!

 

[bdawn8403]

I don't know the OP at all. But I do think that some of you could relay your opinion without being so rude.

And I know I wouldn't appreciate being talked to like a child either.

i dont see anybody saying anything rude?

I won't name names, but there are a couple people that are being beyond flat out rude.

I can see giving your opinion, especially if you were a single mom. But do it nicely.

Nobody is being rude. Only thing I've seen is people curious as to why, she doesn't have to answer. Where is that rude?

 

[bdawn8403]

Honestly, we sound very similiar. I have always wanted children, even when I was barely a teenager. I practically raised my niece and one of my nephews. My niece currently lives with me. I know how the feeling is to want a baby so bad and all you have is taking care of others, however, I knew when I was 20 years old that I was not capable or even prepared to have a child. I, too, thought I'd never get the opportunity and never find someone to spend my life with but you are only 20 years old!! I am now married, I'm 27 so it wasn't that long ago. I am now more stable in life and have someone I can share the experience of having a baby with. I have plenty of family who would've helped me if I did the same thing that you are wanting to do but that isn't really fair to them and certainly wouldn't be to my child. I wouldn't want them growing up wondering about their father and asking questions that really don't need to be asked. Children should know both their parents, whether they are in their lives or not. They should be able to see them, to know them personally and talk to them. That doesn't really work with a unknown donor. I think you are maybe a little emotional now, being so young and wanting things that don't come as soon as you demand it. I know I've been there, still am there as I am still ttc.

I can't say from personal experience that you are never prepared, however, I agree with another poster and with so many family members around me and what I have seen that you aren't ever prepared for it. You say you want the best for your child, you should probably get the best then and consider a more fair option for them.

Good luck.

 

[linzay55]

I know this isn't the supportive yeah that's a real good idea post you want to see and not to sound like a total bitch but have you thought about the future child? It sounds like your only thinking about yourself but you need to think of the possible baby and does that baby deserve the best opportunity it can have? I feel bad for kids that were born from sperm donors cause they'll never know their dad. Even if parents break up the kids can still have a relationship with both parents. I'm not even gonna go into that its sounds like your young and all that.....geez....good luck