Single parents how do you cope?

[Louise88]

I've been a single parent for a year now, the kids dad moved 6hrs away so hardly sees them and even the phone calls are becoming less and less. I struggle everyday with my kids to the point of am not enjoying being a mother I have little support and having 2 children so close together they constantly fight, argue and team up against me. My little boy is starting to show aggressive behaviour at school he hits his friends and his teacher and my little girl has a huge attitude towards me and is very cheeky. Honestly guys how do you do it? I'm so mentally drained. I start college again in September to pursue my dream to be a paramedic and I'm worrying how I'm going to cope with the extra pressure!

 

[CaptainMummy]

That's all I do is cope.
Honestly, I very rarely enjoy it, and am constantly stressed out to the max. All 3 of my girls are at each others throats all day long, they can't even look at one another without nasty comments and arguing. My dd2 is extremely challenging with hee behaviour and she definitely makes it 100x harder. We are a couple of weeks into the summer holidays and I can't wait for them to be over! I find getting out and about helps alot. Parks, soft play, even just a walk to the shop breaks up the day. I live for bedtime, and just muddle through until then.
I've been single since before dd3 was born, so 3 years now, and it hasn't gotten much easier... their dad does take them most weeks (Saturday morning and has started keeping them overnight most Saturdays too now) so I get a bit of a break then.

I plan on doing an OU course next year, there is no way I could study at this moment in time. Good luck and hopefully things start to get easier for you soon xx

 

[Scout]

I'm single, but only have one child so I suppose that makes it easier. Her dad has never met her, but I do get a lot of support from my family. My parents live in the same neighborhood as us (within walking distance) and both are retired so I'm really lucky there. When I'm at my wits end, I can call my mom who will almost always be able to take daughter for a few hours or even overnight. Support is the key and I'd be pulling my hair out if I didn't have someone to take dd occasionally. Best of luck in your studies. And hope things get better for you.

 

[angelheart007]

Sounds like more than a handful. We had 3 boys, 2 full time and the other pretty frequently as well. We struggled at times as well having to play referee and detective to determine who did what to whom first, etc. It can be very tiring emotionally and physically, so I feel for you. When they became so unruly, we'd start taking privileges and toys, etc away and the chores became more of the focus. We had them out pulling weeds in the back yard, retrieving what the dog left in the yard, sweeping, cleaning the baseboards, etc. I'll be praying you find something that will work and for harmony to be restored in the home. Best of luck on your studies. Hugs and prayers from Texas ; )

 

[CRWx]

I'm single, but only have one child so I suppose that makes it easier. Her dad has never met her, but I do get a lot of support from my family. My parents live in the same neighborhood as us (within walking distance) and both are retired so I'm really lucky there. When I'm at my wits end, I can call my mom who will almost always be able to take daughter for a few hours or even overnight. Support is the key and I'd be pulling my hair out if I didn't have someone to take dd occasionally. Best of luck in your studies. And hope things get better for you.

Our situation is very similar to ^.

I only have 1 child so that makes a world of difference. I just take each day as it comes and take it from there really. I have great support should I need it from my mum and her partner too as my DD has never met her dad (and probably never will) so it's just us against the world. I graduate next week from university so that's living proof that it can be done! I think it's just a case of adjusting to each and every situation and reminding yourself that you're doing a great job

 

[petite ping]

I would say start preparing your support system for September (if you haven't done so already). I'm alone for much of the year with my girls and it can be difficult. If you have family nearby try and organise it so they take the kids for a few hours after school.

The DD1 goes to preschool and DD2 is at the nanny's. The nanny is a godsend as we live far away from any family or friends. The nanny will take the girls for dinner or the weekend if needs be. It gives me time to breathe especially as I work FT and am pregnant with the third.

I also put in a routine set in concrete that the nanny and OH when he is here follows as well. This is to so that whether OH is here or not, the kids know what's happening in their day. In my experience kids love stability and knowing what is happening

I also try and set aside mommy and me time for each kid - even if it's to watch tv under the covers together.

I have some unbreakable rules:
- No hitting
- If there is a fight over something, I just confiscate it.
- they have to hug each other when they separate (like when they go to school)
- If they hurt the other by accident, they have to apologise (and hug) and the incident is considered closed.
- They have to talk to me with respect - no bad language and please and thank you otherwise there's no response from me.

If all goes to hell, everyone is separated.


There are periods where I do shout a lot - but I can see the fruits of my labour as these shouty periods are getting less and less and the girls are getting along better and better especially since I imposed the huggy rules.