Sleepless Nights Support Thread

[hansolo]

Have you tried teaching her to self-settle? We taught our son and he has been sleeping through the night without sleep aids from 11 weeks old. Let me know if you want me to outline the method we used. I just need to know how old she is and if she is standing in her cot or not.

We are currently trying to teach our son to self-settle after previously holding him to sleep. Sometimes it works, but other times he will lie in his crib wide awake for 10-15 mins before starting to cry. I try to leave him to winge in case he drops off but more often than not he ends up working himself into a frenzy. I know he is tired because as soon as I go to him and pick him up he will be asleep in seconds. He is 4 weeks old now- is he too young? Is he over-tired and therefore more difficult to settle?

 

[GHPBWoman]

I'm glad that our l/o is sleeping so soundly right now... but after getting up to feed him at 3am for so long I am WIDE AWAKE and can't enjoy the fact that he is sleeping in.

 

[Mummygogo]

Have you tried teaching her to self-settle? We taught our son and he has been sleeping through the night without sleep aids from 11 weeks old. Let me know if you want me to outline the method we used. I just need to know how old she is and if she is standing in her cot or not.

We are currently trying to teach our son to self-settle after previously holding him to sleep. Sometimes it works, but other times he will lie in his crib wide awake for 10-15 mins before starting to cry. I try to leave him to winge in case he drops off but more often than not he ends up working himself into a frenzy. I know he is tired because as soon as I go to him and pick him up he will be asleep in seconds. He is 4 weeks old now- is he too young? Is he over-tired and therefore more difficult to settle?

Hi there we started teaching our son at 4 weeks old so I don't think its too early. I really recomend the following method we used. I have shared this method with our friends and other parents and it worked for them too.

Babies use two types of cries. One is an emotional cry and the other is a protest cry. You must respond to an emotional cry. A baby will use this if she is hungry, uncomfortable due to a wet or soiled diaper or is too cold or hot, in pain or has had a fright. An emotional cry sounds urgent, is a constant pitch and is continuous. You do not always need to respond to a protest cry. A baby usually uses this when she is fighting sleep. Babies will often protest cry for a little while when you put them down for a nap or at bedtime. They do this if they need to let off a bit steam before going to sleep. A protest cry varies in pitch and is not continuous. The gaps between crying get longer before they nod off. The thing with a protest cry that can throw you a bit is sometimes they let out a few big loud cries. You still don’t need to respond to this if this all it is. This is actually a good thing as babies often do this right before they go to sleep. If the crying changes to emotional at anytime you need to respond.

Next time your baby cries during a nap or during the night don’t rush straight to her. Stop and listen. Is it an emotional cry or is it a protest cry? If it is an emotional cry go to her. Having a routine in place will help you work out what it is she needs as if she is due a feed then you know that she is most likely crying because she is hungry. If she is protest crying and she is not due to get up from her nap or its too early to start the day then give her a chance to put herself back to sleep.

Table 3 below shows the minimum amount of time you must let your baby protest cry for before going to her. If you go in before this time then you are possibly stopping her from going back to sleep and you are not letting her learn to self-settle. The age range 0 – 2 months has not been included in the table as it is difficult for a parent of a newborn to fully understand their baby’s cries. If your baby is below 2 months old then you should focus on learning your baby’s language. Once you are confident that you know the difference between an emotional and a protest cry then allow a couple of minutes before responding to a protest cry.

Table 3
Age Minimum time to let a baby protest cry
2 – 3 months 5 minutes
3 – 4 months 8 minutes
4 – 6 months 11 minutes
6 – 9 months 18 minutes
9 – 12 months 20 minutes

It is important to observe your baby when she is awake too. Watch for signs from your baby as to when she is getting tired. These signs can include yawning, eye rubbing, thumb or hand sucking, some babies even become over active. By observing your baby you will know when it’s time to put her down for a nap. It is best to put her down as soon as she shows signs of being tired as leaving it too long can make it harder for her to self-settle.

Instead of using sleep aids such as pacifiers, rocking and feeding to sleep you need to teach your baby how to self-settle. This will involve some hard work on your part but always remember that you are teaching your baby a lifelong skill. There are some key things you must always stick to when teaching your baby this skill. Firstly always put your baby down in her cot still awake and once you have got her bedding sorted, give her a kiss or say something like “sweet dreams” and leave the room.

Stick to the minimum amount of time to let your baby protest cry outlined in Table 3 above. Make sure you have a timer or clock handy, as it is very easy to convince to yourself that the time is up when its not. You are timing her continuous crying so if she pauses for more than few seconds you need to start timing again. Don’t spend the time hovering outside the door. Use the time to do something for yourself. Just make sure you can hear your baby so you can time the protesting and so you can check to make sure the crying has not become emotional.

If your baby is still protesting after the minimum amount of time outlined in Table 3. You can either leave her for a bit longer if you think she might just about be drifting off or you can go into the room she is sleeping in. When you go in do not look at her or engage her in anyway. It is a good idea to leave a lightweight chair in the room your baby is sleeping in or bring one in with you. You are going to need one as you are now in for the long hall. When you decide to enter the room your baby is in you must be committed to helping her self-settle.

If your baby is not able to stand then pull the chair up to her cot or crib. Do not speak to her or give her eye contact. Just gently rub or pat her tummy in a repetitive motion. The idea with this is that you are telling her that she is not coming out as it is time to sleep but you are with her. Keep rubbing her tummy until she falls asleep. Once she is asleep leave the room.

If after 20 minutes of rubbing her tummy your baby is still protesting you can either keep going or you can take a break. This break is for you rather than for your baby as you maybe getting a sore arm by now or feeling frazzled. If you need a break then get her up for 10 minutes but try to keep this as quiet and calm as possible. After 10 minutes put her back into her cot and leave the room. Repeat the waiting process above and if she is still not asleep then go back in and repeat the self-settling process.

If your baby is able to rollover both ways and now prefers to sleep on her tummy then gently and repetitively rub or pat her back. Most babies are able to roll from tummy to back first. Once your baby is able to roll both ways you can leave her sleeping on her tummy as you know that she now has the strength the correct herself or that this may now be her preferred sleeping position. Our son learnt to roll the other way round first. So he would roll onto his tummy and look very pleased with himself and then cry, as he wanted to go back onto his back. He would do this during the night too and it lasted for a couple of weeks until he was able to roll both ways. We responded to this cry as an emotional cry and went straight to him and gently flipped him back onto his back. He would go straight back to sleep most times but a couple of times we used the self-settling method as he was now protest crying rather than emotional crying.

 

[Noelle610]

My baby is now waking every 3 hours. This may sound awful to everyone else, but it is bliss for me! She was diagnosed with reflux early on and was waking hourly. Thanks to medication she's doing better. Yay! Almost like a normal newborn ;-)

If you ever told me 3 (or 6!) hours of sleep was going to sound lovely, I would I have laughed at you. She also had a 5 hour stretch a few nights ago, so there is hope that she will sleep through the night at some point! For a time, I'd been feeling like my kid would be waking hourly until she was eighteen!

 

[Molly Smith]

The smartest thing we ever did was start playing classical music as she went to bed and let it play through out the night our little angle has been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old. I think she associates the music with sleeping and it comforts her to where she sleeps all night. What a life savor!

 

[lovemybubba]

My LO is 4 days old and I know its to be expected but he sleeps all day and stays awake all night I'm knackard. I don't really get a chance to sleep in the day so can't sleep when he sleeps. Is there any way I can change his body clock.

 

[Noelle610]

My LO is 4 days old and I know its to be expected but he sleeps all day and stays awake all night I'm knackard. I don't really get a chance to sleep in the day so can't sleep when he sleeps. Is there any way I can change his body clock.

Mine did this for awhile! Unfortunately there's not much you can do to change the habits of a 4 day old baby I know it's rough, but it does get a bit better as the weeks progress.

Why don't you have a chance to sleep during the day? I highly suggest dropping anything unnecessary and sleeping if at all possible. You need your rest, mama!

 

[littlemamana]

Colin is WIDE awake in his swing right now (3:47 PM). So frustrating! Mommy needs to sleep!

 

[lovemybubba]

My LO is 4 days old and I know its to be expected but he sleeps all day and stays awake all night I'm knackard. I don't really get a chance to sleep in the day so can't sleep when he sleeps. Is there any way I can change his body clock.

Mine did this for awhile! Unfortunately there's not much you can do to change the habits of a 4 day old baby I know it's rough, but it does get a bit better as the weeks progress.

Why don't you have a chance to sleep during the day? I highly suggest dropping anything unnecessary and sleeping if at all possible. You need your rest, mama!

Housework, cleaning bottles and cooking food, and most of the time he wakes up as soon as I put him down. The cleaning is going to have to wait from now on though.

 

[Noelle610]

My LO is 4 days old and I know its to be expected but he sleeps all day and stays awake all night I'm knackard. I don't really get a chance to sleep in the day so can't sleep when he sleeps. Is there any way I can change his body clock.

Mine did this for awhile! Unfortunately there's not much you can do to change the habits of a 4 day old baby I know it's rough, but it does get a bit better as the weeks progress.

Why don't you have a chance to sleep during the day? I highly suggest dropping anything unnecessary and sleeping if at all possible. You need your rest, mama!

Housework, cleaning bottles and cooking food, and most of the time he wakes up as soon as I put him down. The cleaning is going to have to wait from now on though.

I hear you, I hate having a messy home. My midwife recently told me, "No one ever died from too much dust"

 

[shmoo75]

My LO is 4 days old and I know its to be expected but he sleeps all day and stays awake all night I'm knackard. I don't really get a chance to sleep in the day so can't sleep when he sleeps. Is there any way I can change his body clock.

Mine did this for awhile! Unfortunately there's not much you can do to change the habits of a 4 day old baby I know it's rough, but it does get a bit better as the weeks progress.

Why don't you have a chance to sleep during the day? I highly suggest dropping anything unnecessary and sleeping if at all possible. You need your rest, mama!

Housework, cleaning bottles and cooking food, and most of the time he wakes up as soon as I put him down. The cleaning is going to have to wait from now on though.

I hear you, I hate having a messy home. My midwife recently told me, "No one ever died from too much dust"

Here here. But it drives you mad after awhile.

 

[stardust599]

Ugh. My DS slept only from 9 - 11 and 4.15-4.45. In between he cried every 5mins but cant be hungru, I offer a bottle of formula every 2.5 -3hrs and he drinks 3oz. During the day he only wants 1oz then falls asleep. He wants to eat all night and sleep all day! Think he has wind too.

I convinced myself I would have a good sleeper this time, DD was pretty horrific but DS may actually be worse. Im so tired and havent got patience to deal with DD x

 

[Noelle610]

Ugh. My DS slept only from 9 - 11 and 4.15-4.45. In between he cried every 5mins but cant be hungru, I offer a bottle of formula every 2.5 -3hrs and he drinks 3oz. During the day he only wants 1oz then falls asleep. He wants to eat all night and sleep all day! Think he has wind too.

I convinced myself I would have a good sleeper this time, DD was pretty horrific but DS may actually be worse. Im so tired and havent got patience to deal with DD x

That's so rough, I'm sorry! My LO was the same when she was that age. He's still so young. If you can get your LO to eat more during the day, perhaps he'll go longer in the evening? It's hard when they're falling asleep, but my pediatrician advised doing everything possible to wake LO up until they had finished their feed - tickling their feet, changing their diaper, etc. Best of luck!

 

[stardust599]

I really worked hard on him today - stripping him off, changing his nappy etc. until his 3oz was finished then keeping him awake for a little while. Hes been a little unsettlrd with.wind this evening again but seems to be fine during the day! Hopefully tonight is better xx

 

[Noelle610]

I really worked hard on him today - stripping him off, changing his nappy etc. until his 3oz was finished then keeping him awake for a little while. Hes been a little unsettlrd with.wind this evening again but seems to be fine during the day! Hopefully tonight is better xx

I really hope your night is better, let us know!

Don't feel pressured to keep him awake too much during the day. Unlike adults, babies that nap well during the day tend to sleep better at night. My LO can't stay awake for more than 90 minutes without getting overtired and she's 7 weeks!

 

[stardust599]

Horrendous

I can't cope with this. He won't nap now either.

I think he has a sore tummy, he's constantly grunting, straining, crying, wriggling, hiccups, gulping and his little tummy is absolutely solid although he's not constipated. DD had a sensitivity to cows milk and severe reflux, I can't cope if it happens again

Last night went -

8pm Feed, settled in bed by 9pm
11pm Feed, didn't settle at all, crying etc. every 5mins until 1.15am
2am Feed, finally settled at 4.15am
4.45am Feed, finally settled again at 5.45am
6.45am Awake + fed and had to get up with DD

I can't do this again OH let me go back to bed from 8 - 11ish this morning but he'll be back to work this week. I didn't get a chance to nap in the afternoon, LO has been so fussy, refusing to finish his feeds and straining etc. but hungry every 1.5hours. And the short 30mins he was settled I was trying to get DD to nap and she was screaming in her cot. Now DD has finally fallen asleep LO is unsettled and can't get him back to sleep. I expect I'll get him down by 3.30ish and he'll be awake for the next feed at 4. OH has been out playing football since 12.

I'm starting to feel like I can't believe I did this to myself again. DD was the same. I love LO and feel very close and bonded to him and protective but I can't handle it if this continues. Going to doctors tomorrow to ask for Neocate or Nutramigen formula and referral to a paed so we can get his tummy issues nipped in the bud now

 

[disneybelle25]

Hey ladies
I'm at my wits end! my ds is 6 1/2 weeks and he is lovely during the day, feeds well ( we are on formula), has about 4 oz each feed. Naps well, has a longer one at lunchtime and an hour or so in the morning and afternoon...its the nights I can't cope with...he just will not be put down!! Last night he fed at 11pm settled at midnight. Then was up again at 1.30am for a feed and then didn't go down til 5am!! He will sleep in my arms on on dh's chest but the second you put him down in the crib he wakes up, arms and legs going and he just screams and doesn't give it up til hes being cuddled again. I don't want him sleeping in our bed as I don't want this to become a habit but I don't know what to do!! I just don't understand why you can put him down during the day but at night its a totally different story...help me!!

 

[AngelUK]

Have you tried swaddling? It calms my boys down really quickly when they are tired and acting up cause of it. We use the Miracle Swaddler Blanket and for naps or in the morning hours the Woombie. I really swear by swaddling. Oh and white noise in the background. Good luck!

 

[disneybelle25]

I might try that, tried it once but stopped as was told that I wasn't meant to do it past one month incase he overheated. So many people have recommended it it must be good!

 

[AngelUK]

Oh I never heard anything about overheating. I don't think they can in the woombie especially as that is not at all thick material. In fact, on colder nights I usually wrap a cellular blanket around them as well. I can also recommend the DVD (or the book if you prefer) The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. He is a paediatrician and strongly recommends swaddling for the first three months at least. White noise is another one of his recommendations and it really makes a difference. xxx