Sneaking back in...

[MKaykes]

OMG Doc, how exciting! Hoping for the best!

I was relieved (and oddly only a teensy bit disappointed) when AF finally arrived today! No more wondering when or if that would happen. The state fair is going on, and I went to a concert there tonight (Weezer). We have some fun beers there that you can't get anywhere else, so was glad to know it was safe to have a mini donut and s'mores beer since I can't again until next year!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Congrats MissDoc! How exciting!!!

 

[MissDoc]

Thanks so much Belle, MK, and Wishn! I am still pregnant. Been testing each morning. Lines are still light but getting stronger. The symptoms have hit with full force, and while I feel like I have the stomach flu, I'm excited by every little thing, because I'm in such terror that it won't stick that any little sign helps my sanity.

I don't want to be insensitive, so I'll soon move over to the first tri boards... But I am waiting to miss my period first because it's still just so early.

 

[BelleNuit]

Good luck doc. Very excited for you. It must be such a relief.

Every month I have at least one pregnancy dream and they feel incredible. The relief is almost palpable. I imagine it would feel like that.

All the best to you.

 

[MissDoc]

Thanks so much, belle, it is like that for sure. I can't wait until you have yours too! I'm excited about it, but also my heart deeply wants the deserving women here to know that sensation intimately as well. How is TTC stress going for you this cycle?

MK, isn't your surgery tomorrow? Good luck if so! I hope it's so smooth and gets you back on track! None of my providers are really addressing my polyp yet bc fertility stuff was going to be prioritized. I wonder if I still have to get it removed or if they'll leave it alone until I'm not pregnant anymore.

 

[MKaykes]

Hi ladies, hope all is well.

I had my surgery this morning. Things went well, I'm a little uncomfortable but on some pain pills. It was supposed to be 2 incisions and he did 3, it took longer than he anticipated as he found more than he expected. My mom was getting worried when they weren't coming out.

They removed the polyp they found on US and a cyst from one of my tubes. He also found a lot of endometriosis which was completely unexpected! He cleaned everything up, and the tubal dye study went well with no blockage.

It's CD6 for me, ready for a new start now that the physical issues are cleared!

Doc are you passed a missed period now? Hope you still check in here after you cross over to the first tri boards.

 

[MissDoc]

MK, I'm so glad your surgery went well and the dye went through smoothly. That's really great news. I bet a bit scary though to hear there was more there than expected, but so nice to learn that AFTER it's all been cleaned up beautifully. Just think how wide open and clear that system will be when it's time to get back to baby making.

And yes ma'am, as of today I'm a full 4 weeks. I should have started today if I was going to start, and no hint of it. So that's hopeful. I also got my second beta test and it more than doubled in 48 hours, so also great news to go into the weekend with. The RE will do a third beta on Tuesday, and if all is well then they'll schedule an early scan for shortly thereafter. Learned today that the RE keeps me for 10 weeks, even though he had nothing to do with getting me pregnant (hadn't started any intervention yet), so that's weird. BUT, I don't mind because they're monitoring me closely and I need that peace of mind right now. It feels real and I feel good about it, but on the other hand it's almost dream like and it's hard to believe that it's true and not some fluke. TTC for awhile just makes one so skeptical after all the rollercoasters we've been on. You all know how it is.

 

[BelleNuit]

MK, I'm so glad to hear your surgery went smoothly! That must be such a good feeling to get everything all cleaned up. Hopefully it will be an easy road to a BFP from here.

Doc, very exciting to hear that you are past your AF date now! I bet it still feels dream like Very happy for you!

My DH had his SA yesterday, we are going to pick up his results tonight (they won't tell us the results over the phone, but told us they would be ready today). I'm nervous, but I'm sure he passed the "test" with flying colors. I'll update on his results.

 

[BelleNuit]

Got DHs SA. It's excellent.

168 million count
588 million total count
70℅ mobility
70℅ progressive motility
10℅ morphology

Don't know why we are heading into cycle 13 with numbers like that.

 

[MissDoc]

Belle, congrats on the hubby's remarkable SA. At least one piece of the puzzle is at rest now, and all is well there. I don't remember when your next testing is (HSG, etc). I was actually excited for that one because my RE told me a lot of women get pregnant shortly after, and then for their second TTC kid attempt they come back asking for that procedure. Lol. I really hope you don't have to wait too long!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks doc, I hope it won't be much longer of a wait either. Currently I'm on the wait list for the HSG. That's the last bit of testing we need. Everything else has come back normal. I expect the HSG will as well. I've never had an STI so there shouldn't be any scar tissue. I suppose endo is always a possibility. But I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with us. It makes no sense that it's taken so long.

So while I await the HSG I've decided to fully invest in acupuncture. My first appointment is on Saturday.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle, wow those are phenomenal sperm numbers! At least you can rule out male factor. I really hope the acupuncture does the trick for you!

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya wishn they really are. We can definitely rules out MFI (whef!). I almost feel badly for harping on him so much for having "stupid swimmers" due to all the weed he was smoking! LOL (to be fair, he's significantly reduced since June so should be having less of an effect by now ).

With numbers like that I wonder if we have been pregnant a couple times but implantation failed. Hoping the acupuncture will help with that.

How have you been doing wishn? I've been checking in on you on your journal but didn't always comment as I was taking a break from here for awhile.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Sometimes a break can be a good thing. TTC can too easily become all you think about!

I'm doing ok...up and down. Really trying to stay optimistic, but I'm terrified it will take a long time to conceive again and of having another loss. Our first wedding anniversary is coming up in October...I really hope to be pregnant again by then!

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn TTC is a terrifying journey any time it takes longer than expected or when a MC is involved. I hope you will get your rainbow baby soon.

Got a call back from the fertility clinic. They are in business for the HSG and it will be booked for my October cycle. Just supposed to call them on the first day of my cycle. Will cost 250. Not terrible I suppose. Next cycle will be my 14th cycle, so I feel like that is a fair enough time to have an HSG done.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Hey that's good news Belle. $250 isn't too bad. So the HSG isn't covered by your provincial health care? That is annoying and kind of surprises me. I'm not having an HSG, just a saline infusion sonogram, which is covered.

I've heard good stories about increased fertility after HSG too. Or.....maybe this will be your month and you won't need to make that appt after all!

 

[MissDoc]

That's not too bad, Belle. I hope it does the trick. Really glad you don't have to wait for ages. I'm impressed with how quickly things have progressed for you once you started looking into testing.

Wishn, so good to have you check in. I'm so sorry about your loss, that's just devastating. But thankfully your body is fertile and knows what to do next time. I hope it happens very quickly at your next attempt. Hugs.

Waiting on bloodwork today. Won't hear back until this afternoon. I really hate this intense fear of loss that I have. It's just as brain and emotion consuming as TTC ever was. There's just no safety or security in the early days, and nothing to be done but wait. Oh how familiar the waiting is!

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn, I was pretty surprised too because I thought all investigative testing was covered. Guess I was wrong. At least I will just need one.

Doc, I think once you decide to TTC the worry never leaves you, the content just changes. First you worry about TTC and if you'll ever have a child. Then you worry about the pregnancy. Then once the baby arrives the worry just escalates (am I a good mother, will I be ably to keep this tiny human alive, what if they do something stupid and hurt themselves, and on and on it goes). I don't think the worry will ever end.

It's good to have a date for the HSG, but now I'm more terrified than ever. I couldn't even sleep last night. I hope more than anything that we can make something stick. Our one year date is coming up quick (November/December... we ntnp in november so never sure if I should count that or not). I keep thinking to myself that maybe it really does take a year.

 

[MissDoc]

Belle, I think I have accepted that it does just take time for some of us. I have no clue why it took us so long and why it happened when it did. We had been doing everything "right" for a long time, and not a single BFP. It doesn't make much logical sense to me. I think if I can just have one live healthy kiddo, then I'll give myself a lot more time to conceive the second. Like, I won't wait until we're ready, I'll start whenever my body feels fully recovered and back to its new normal, and probably just go to NTNP. Because I fully expect to it to take a long time now, after our experience with this first one.

The emotional toil of trying to get and stay pregnant is just insane. I have deep sympathy for women who spend 2+ years doing this. It was a bit shy of a year for us and it felt like an eternity. Just typing this I could cry! Lol.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Doc, thank you. I'm praying for a sticky bean for you. All I can tell you is enjoy every moment and try not to let worrying about the 'what ifs' take away from your happiness at being pregnant! Today you are pregnant, and that is a wonderful thing.

Belle you're so right, TTC and getting pregnant is the first step in a long road of worry...especially if you're a 'natural born worrier' like I am!