Sneaking back in...

[MissDoc]

Pleasance, I agree with the others, this is the perfect place for a pity party. I've been doing that a lot lately, lol. I'm really very sorry to hear about your grandmother. That added stress must be really unpleasant right now.

Ducks, so so good to hear from you! Glad your first tri is sailing along well. Sooner or later we'll all be in the pregnancy boards with you and we'll jazz things up over there!

Belle, good for you not worrying with temps too much. They look good though. I knew period was coming so ditched temping the last 3 days of my cycle, and I'm not temping the first 4-5 days of this new cycle either. Your appt is just next week! Yay for that. Hoping the news is all good news, and maybe even that you'll be pregnant at the appt. How awesome would THAT be?!


AFM, I'm counting today as CD1. I had bright red spotting yesterday, but full flow started in the wee hours of the morning, so going with today is the first proper day. So here I go again. A new cycle. A new opportunity. Old crappy cycle behind me. I wish I could fast forward 2-3 months so the new supplements I'm taking would have had enough time to work (takes about 90 days to affect egg health). I'm hoping the high dose (400mg) of ubiquin. (coq10) and pregnitude and lifestyle changes do good things for my little eggies. This whole month has just felt sad to me. Currently it's just an undertone of sadness, and I'm mostly feeling hope and readiness and deep interest in making progress, but the undertone of sadness is always there. This TTC stuff can be rough when there are problems. :-/

 

[BelleNuit]

Doc I'm sorry to hear you started a new cycle. That always sucks! I'm sorry you've felt so sad too. When is your appointment again? In one way this will be the last time that you'll start a cycle feeling alone and confused. After this you should have an RE on your side making things happen for you!

I'm at 12 dpo today, LP is 13 days long, so not far behind you in terms of cycle potentially ending. I ALWAYS start spotting at 12 dpo, so if I don't spot today I'll count that as a good sign.

I've had next to no symptoms this TWW, other than I'm incredibly emotional. I spent most of the day yesterday crying. When I wasn't crying i was either angry or completely numbed out. I basically threw myself the ultimate pity party. It was a good thing DH wasn't home this weekend. Pity party 2.0 is planned for today.

I had another + pregnancy test dream last night. Those dreams are so wonderful until you figure out your dreaming. I have at least one every TWW. Wish fulfillment. If I ever do get a + I won't be able to believe that I'm not dreaming lol

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh no.... My MIL just showed me pictures of 3 kids bikes she just bought. A boys bike, a girls bike and a little toddlers bike.

Derek told his parents that we have been trying and that it hasnt been working a couple days ago. This is what I was afraid of. I sent the following in return.

"The trike is very cute. I know D let you know that we are trying to have a family. I just want to make sure you know that it's not going well. We are going to see a fertility doctor this week and are getting fertility testing done. I do not have any hope that this will happen quickly.... If it even happens at all. So I very kindly just want to make sure that these bikes aren't related to what D told you. I don't want you or P getting too excited because we aren't there yet. We don't even know if we will be able to have kids at this point. I don't want you to feel disappointed if this doesn't work out. I literally have no hope any longer that it will. We've had 11 cycles of disappointment already. I'm not thinking about bikes or a nursery. I'm thinking about fertility testing and treatment options. We just aren't there yet. I'm sorry."

I don't want to seem harsh, but I want to be very clear with her that this is the reality. I know she is just wanting good news because her husband is having his toe amputated this week, but I can't give that to her. Getting pics of kids bikes that may never be used hurts me intensely.



Ugh, she wrote back that I should relax. FML.

 

[MissDoc]

Oh my goodness, OF COURSE she wrote back that you should relax. Don't they all? Sigh. I'm sorry she didn't get it. No thank you, but nearly a year in does not mean we should just relax, damn it. Aargh. Hopefully it'll all be for nothing and you'll be pregnant super soon and then you can "relax." Any spotting yet?

Thanks for your words of encouragement. That's a very good point... that this will be the last cycle without a game plan. You too, huh? Your appt is in 2 days!

 

[BelleNuit]

Doc, not only did she tell me to relax, but she showed up in person, unannounced to tell me the same thing! LOL. Ridiculous. She should know better, her first husband had MFI and they never conceived. Relaxing may work for some people, but if something is actually wrong no amount of relaxation will work! We just don't know yet which group we fall in to.

I'm 13 dpo today And NO SPOTTING!! I have NEVER had a cycle where I didn't spot before AF.

But now I'm worried that maybe I didn't actually O until later and that's why I'm not spotting yet (because AF wouldn't be due yet). I can't trust my 3 dpo temp as had a restless sleep and had to get up, and I wasn't able to temp the following 2 days after that.

Going with the assumption I'm 13 dpo AF should be due tomorrow. If no spotting today I will test tomorrow. My appt is on Wednesday, so I want to know before then either way!

I'm so nervous!! I haven't taken a pregnancy test in months!!

I hope your wait for your appt. goes quickly doc!

 

[BelleNuit]

Spotting started. Lightly. CM is now red tinged Pretty sure this means I'm out. I don't know how to keep doing this anymore.

 

[Pleasance]

Belle - I'm so sorry. For all of it. AF, MIL, 11 cycles. All of the things. At least your appt is tomorrow. Something to look forward to even tough it's a bit nerve wracking.

Doc - Sorry AF got you too. Only a week away for your appt? I'm glad you seem to be pretty optimistic.

AFM - my temp took a plummet this morning and I'm cramping. I'm sure AF will be around.

I know I haven't been consistent in checking the boards. Sorry ladies. So here's the latest on the grandma. Back on life support with it doing 100% of the breathing for her, but we will be honoring her wishes and taking her off if there are no improvements in the next day. I'm so scared. Scared for her to be on it, scared for her to be taken off of it, and scared to be without her. My grandpa is gone already, so she's the glue. Does our large family disintegrate without her? What happens next? So many emotions and then freakin' PMS makes it worse. Not to mention my husband started his new job and is so stressed he can't see straight. I'm tempted to put TTC on the back burner next month.

 

[BelleNuit]

Pleasance you have a lot on the table right now so don't even think of apologizing! We are here for you whenever you want to check in! I am SO SORRY to hear this about your grandma. It's an awful thing. When my brother was in ICU there was a moment where we thought it was the end. I wouldn't wish that type of experience on anyone. I'm here for you, I know this isn't an easy thing that you are going through right now.

It might be good idea to take TTC off of the plate for now. Stress hormones can make TTC more difficult (I was so stressed from starting a new job earlier this year I actually didn't ovulate one month). Just take some time to focus on more important things in life right now. Be good to yourself, in whatever form that takes.

 

[MKaykes]

Hi ladies, finally checking back in.

Sorry AF got to you Doc, Belle, and Pleasance per your chart, you too!

Belle, how was your appt?

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey MK, how are things on your end?

AF did arrive pretty tragically for me yesterday. I'm 99% sure that FF got my O dates wrong. I've had some testing done and we had our first appointment with the fertility specialist.

My lining was only 5mm on the day of ovulation, and since progesterone has a compressing effect on the lining it's tough to say if it was 5mm because it was being compressed, or if it was about to be compressed and would get even thinner, which would definitely be a problem. Short story is, that result is a little borderline and inconclusive because of where I was in my cycle. RE agreed to repeat the ultrasound himself.

Otherwise, my ovaries look great, my blood tests are all great. Nothing immediately pops out as a problem with my labs other than potentially this lining issue.

So our next plan is getting DH's SA (booked for sept. 8), and I need an HSG (long waitlist, don't have an appointment yet but wouldn't doubt if it wasn't until october). We'll meet up with our RE again after this testing is done and he'll do the ultrasound at that appointment. We'll then talk about treatment options. We should be nearing our one year TTC anniversary by that time, so it will be good timing in that sense.

It sounds like we might be one of those "unexplained infertility" couples, unfortunately But he said there are things that can help with that, including increasing target size (likely using clomid to boost egg release) and then IUI if clomid alone doesn't work. IVF as last choice (which we would pursue if we had to). If it is just a lining problem they can give estrogen and circulation enhancers to help with that, so I really hope thats all it is.

He told me to stop temping because it makes people crazy. So I've quit. I'll just use OPKs since they do work for me anyway.

Otherwise, this AF marks my 10th month TTC and my 11/12 cycle (I never know if I should could my anovulatory cycle or not).

How have you ladies been? Its been quiet in here for a while.

 

[MissDoc]

Hey ladies, sorry I've been out. I was at a summer camp for children with chronic illness these past few days and am just now back.

Pleasance, I'm really, really sorry to hear about the state of things with your grandmother. That is really unfortunate and I'm just so sorry. That must be so stressful. It's hard when a loved one is in that bad of shape, hard on everyone. Take care of yourself for now and just love one another through all the stress. Actively TTC can rest for a little bit.

Belle, I'm sorry that AF got you too. It really sucks. I'm glad your appt went fairly well. Hopefully the timing just made things look thinner than they really are. So glad to hear that all of the testing so far looks really good. I hope the hsg clears things out and you guys get pregnant before even needing the clomid or IUI. I know how defeating and exhausting this process is!

MKaye, how is your TWW going? Looks like your a little over a quarter of the way through.

AFM, CD 7 here. We'll start our every other day BDing either today or tomorrow, depending on energy level and interest. We are both feeling pretty stressed right now, most just in a holding pattern. So much waiting that goes on with TTC. And I utterly hate waiting. I am not a patient woman. Lol. All of the other professional women at the camp I was at are starting TTC or were newly pregnant and were all talking about it like it happens immediately, and talking about "older" women who have trouble. And I'm sitting there like, I'm one of those "older" women, haha, or at least my eggs are. I didn't feel comfortable talking about it with them though. I'm starting to find myself getting jealous of other people, which I know is natural, the longer this goes on.

Looking forward to Tuesday (appt). We'll do our new patient paperwork this evening or tomorrow. So question for you (esp. Belle, because you exaggerated your timing too). I let my ObGyn believe we've been trying for longer than we have, which is what precipitated our testing. Should I continue that with the RE or should I fess up that I misled the ObGyn? I'm of two minds... on the one hand, I don't want to tell him something else because I know he shares paperwork with the OB and she'll be confused if I tell them different things. On the other hand, I think it makes sense to be very honest about everything with the RE. But then again, I wouldn't want him to say we should continue trying without intervention for much longer if he knows we haven't hit the year mark. Thoughts?

 

[BelleNuit]

Doc I definitely debated that very thing quite a bit myself. What I finally settled on was telling the RE we had untimed BD for 4 months followed by 8 months of timed. I knew he wouldn't look at my cass unless he thought it was a year because nothing showed on our labs.

Your situation is different. You did NTNP for a significant amount of time before actively trying. AND with your AMH there is no way that your RE will dismiss you. If I were you I would count the clock from the day you stopped preventing (even if it wasn't timed). That's truthful.

 

[MKaykes]

Hi ladies.

I agree with Belle, Doc. Count the NTNP. Will you be going back to your OBGYN for fertility reasons? If not, it is unlikely they'd even look at those notes, at least in detail.

Based on what my tests said last month I would have ovulated around CD16, but had a significant amount of EWCM CD18. My doc also said to stop temping so I can't say for sure where I'm at in the TWW! We've not been BDing though anyway so should be same old, same old for me.

Has my pre-op appt yesterday and went over DH's results. I should have written down the numbers, because I only remember 4% morphology. That was the only result that wasn't higher than normal, but doc wasn't concerned at all. So far everything looks good aside from the polyp. We go back after surgery to discuss a game plan based on surgery findings. Surgery sounds pretty simple. 1 small incision in my navel and another above the pelvic bone, will just be 2 stitches and no restrictions afterwards.

I was happy to hear that we can start trying again right away in Sept, surgery is around CD10 so would give about 3 weeks before any possible implantation.

Doc interested to see what the RE has to say!

That's interesting that they couldn't really say anything conclusive about your lining. They measured mine CD5, CD14, and CD21. CD14 was just before O so they knew where they wanted it to be (I didn't ask what the measurements were). Sounds like you've got a plan though!

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey MK,

I am so nervous for you for your surgery! I know it will go well though, and it does sound pretty straight forward! Oh my goodness, how wonderful it would be if this made all the difference for you! Sounds like your DH's SA came out pretty good overall! So nothing to worry about there!

My goodness, I find it funny how your doc told you to stop temping too. Mine was like "it makes women CRAZY, just stop!" lol. Fair enough. I guess OPKs tell you all you really need to know anyway.

MK, my lining was 5mm on the day I ovulated. The doc explained that progesterone can compress your lining, so its hard to say if it was 5mm compressed (which would be okay), or if it was 5mm pre-compression (which would be bad). So I guess it makes sense to do the test again. If it is a lining problem, the fix could be as easy as taking estrogen during the FP.

 

[BelleNuit]

I need to let you know that I have to take a break from BnB for my own mental well-being. My life has become so out of balance. TTC is ALL I think about. Its the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, its what I think about during every spare moment of the day, its the last thing I think about before going to bed, and its what I dream about all night long. Unfortunately BnB is just furthering that obsession for me.

I just need to let it go for awhile. I'll still check in on you every now and then because I consider you my TTC friends! So don't consider this a goodbye, consider it a see ya later

 

[MissDoc]

Hey ladies! I think you're right about what to tell the doc at my appt tomorrow. I'll go with that.

It's funny, I've heard lots of docs tell ladies to stop temping because it makes them crazy. I've done it both ways and I personally feel crazier on the months I'm not temping! Especially after I never got a positive OPK last month but definitely ovulated based on temps. It made it so I didn't really stress about the OPK. But I totally get it. For a lot of people, temping is really annoying, stressful task that they put too much weight in.

MKaye, where is your polyp located? I didn't realize they would make an incision rather than going through vaginally. I haven't done much research about polyps despite needing to have one removed myself. They think mine is in my cervical canal, but it's so close they can't really tell if it's the cervix or uterus side. I'm guessing the RE will do a closer look and let me know what we need to do.

I'm feeling nervously excited about our appointment tomorrow. How long do initial RE visits typically last (my husband is asking as he's meeting me there)? The appt confirmation said "infertility consultation" and "full gyn appt" separately, so I'm guessing they'll do a full pelvic exam.

Belle, I'm sorry TTC is in one of those phases where it's all consuming. I know how that is. I go through phases where I literally can't think about or focus on anything else whatsoever... all of my brain energy is reserved for babies. Currently, I'd say 60% of my cognitive and emotional energy is going to babies, and the other 40% is life. I'm okay with that division right now, lol. I hope those feelings relax down to a more manageable place soon. I hope you still check in if it's not too stressful!

 

[MKaykes]

I totally expected the surgery to be all done vaginally. I think because they are doing more exploration while they are in is why the are doing the incisions. I saw theach polyp on US but not skilled at interpreting yhem, but I think it was on the top side of the uterus (by the tubes).

Good luck at your appt. Our first appt was about 45 minutes. Hope you have a good appt!

 

[MissDoc]

Thanks, MK! I'm at work anxiously waiting. It's in a couple of hours. The benefits person from the clinic called me yesterday to confirm that I can use my insurance for the diagnostic phase, so today's appt will be covered by just my copay thankfully. She told me the first month/cycle is typically testing and a treatment plan, and most of that will be covered except a handful of tests, the dye test and something else (can't remember), so we'll have to pay up to a grand or so (no fun). But after this cycle it's all out of pocket--every last appt fee, test, medicine, etc. -- boo! At least we have some coverage for the diagnostic phase! She said it all moves pretty quickly, and they try to do all of the tests on both of us within one month/cycle so we don't waste too much time before starting some treatment/intervention. I guess that's good clinically, bad financially. Lol.

But I will say that going to meet with a doctor whose sole purpose is getting me pregnant makes me feel hopeful. I'll check back in after my appt!

 

[MissDoc]

Okay. Done! The picture is much better (so far) than we expected. Just looking at my AMH he said I likely have the reproductive system of a 42 yr old, and he expected to see 6 follicles in both ovaries combined. But I had 12. Which is exactly what I should have at 32. He said this is more important than the AMH. He does not recommend IVF. Said my ovaries, lining, follicles, uterus, and cervix are "textbook beautiful", lol. I will do more bloodwork, an HSG and fluid sonogram, and hubby will do a semen analysis. If all that looks good, then we try naturally for 3 months (more if we want to) and then start meds and trigger shot with IUI to increase chances. He said the only way we'd move to IVF any time soon is if hubby's results come back abnormal or if my tubes are blocked. He's also doing genetic screening on both of us. So lots of testing over the next month, but the picture is so much better than my bloodwork suggests. I feel so relieved! Hopefully nothing else wacky shows up in our work ups.

 

[MKaykes]

Doc, so glad they saw more than expected follicles! That is great news! On one hand I hopersonally everything comes back great, but on the other I think there is some comfort in knowing some thing specific so you don't fall into the unexplained category.

I am starting to get cranky as usual the week before AF. Plus got a rough night sleep last night. I started back up in school on Monday, and we've been dog sitting. Any idea I've had that I want a 2nd dog is now gone! It has been quite stressful!

DH is leaving tomorrow for 3 nights on a trip to the Baseball Hall of fame with 2 out of his 3 brothers and his dad. Really happy they get to go do this together! Looking forward to some quiet study time.