Sneaking back in...

[WishnandHopn]

I got BFN at 14 dpo today. So the witch should be on her way. I can't quite help remembering last time when I got BFN at 13 dpo and BFP at 17 dpo. So impatient. I guess I will know one way or the other soon enough!

MK did you test? Fx for you!

 

[MKaykes]

Just tested...BFN 😭I felt like that was the case but couldn't help but hope at 16 dpo that it could be actually positive! I'Lloyd stop the progesterone now so hopefully AF gets here so we can move on to IUI #2.

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh my gosh MK I am so very very sorry It would be so much worse at 16 dpo. Stupid progesterone! Are you going to do IUI #2 right away? I will be keeping my fingers crossed extra extra tight for you! I'm heartbroken for you!

 

[MKaykes]

Yeah I think we'll do up to 3 more consecutive IUIs. I'm hoping they adjust meds though this cycle to up our chances. Don't know what we'll do if IUI doesn't work. I was opposed to IVF but I'm getting more used to the idea.

Maybe I'll get a puppy instead.

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK big hugs I'm so sorry. It just sucks. I was so hoping this was your month.

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I'll really keep my fingers crossed for you then that IUI works. They say you have reasonably high chances for the first three cycles. Do you think you'll try injectibles? They tend to get higher success rates.

There are some things about IVF that I'm opposed to as well. Like what happens with all the left over embryos? On the other hand IVF tends to be cheaper and more straight forward than adoption. I already know that adoption is not for me. So if we had to, we would do IVF and we would donate the leftover embryos to another family. I wouldn't want them destroyed.

Nothing wrong with getting a dog! Our pup has definitely improved our mood for both DH and I. She's been a nice distraction from TTC.

 

[MKaykes]

DH and I had a chat tonight and I think we may do 1 more cycle of IUI then wait to get in to a clinic where our insurance will cover IUI. He's concerned the endo will come back and we'll be back at square one. With the cost and all that goes in to IVF, plus the added decisions about how many to implant, what to do with any that are left...it'll take a lot of convincing from an RE I think.

I'll call the doctor to see what the plan is this cycle when AF shows up, hopefully that's tomorrow otherwise I'm going to get my hopes up that the First Response Rapid Results wasn't sensitive enough.

I had my therapeutic 15 minute wailing session today. Doesn't matter how much I prepare for it, it just downright sucks to see that negative test.

Any sign (other than the BFN) of AF Wishn?

Oh, and DH asked me over the phone today on his way home if I tested. I was like, do you really want me to tell you I'm pregnant over the phone? He asked another time when he was at work. Whereas as I sit and think of cute little ways I could surprise him, it's just a phone call to him, lol!

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK, hugs, it's so hard seeing the bfn. Makes you feel like you need to have a plan for next cycle, when you haven't even gottten to the end of this one! It just sucks.

I don't want to give you false hope, but the rapid results test is supposedly much less sensitive than the frer, like 50 or 100 miu vs most others are 25 miu. How long did it take for AF to show last time after you stopped the progesterone? I hope you still have a chance!

I got through 14dpo with no sign of AF. I didn't test this morning (couldn't, amazon lost my order!) No symptoms to speak of. My surgery is on Friday, pre-op the day before where they will do blood hcg test. Surely she will show up today and put me out of my misery?

 

[BelleNuit]

My goodness Wishn wouldn't that be funny timing. I am hoping that it all works out for you, whatever the outcome!!

I'm in my fertile week now and I'm just SO uninterested in BDing. I feel like giving up

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle, funny isn't how I would describe it, more like fu#@ed up if I get prego the one month I shouldn't be!

I hear you on ttc fatigue. The timed intercourse definitely gets old month after month. TTC is depressing and depression kills the libido and it's a vicious cycle! Is there something you can do to shake it up? Frequency? Position? Location? (My dh is strictly a bedroom guy...so boring!) The month we conceived we had just watched the great sperm race about how 'gourmet sex' has a better chance of conception. Well let's just say a strip tease was involved and it may have done the trick! I don't remember the last time it was that good...haha actually we haven't been able to bd at all this tww because dh is afraid of hurting my elbow.

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya we did the gourmet BD thing a couple months ago, really took our time with it. It was definitely more fun, but didn't amount to anything either. Nothing ever does!!!

As for location I mean we moved a few weeks ago and haven't BD'd yet in our new house because I've been so sick (that awful virus I had is STILL hanging on, that might be part of why I'm not feeling it... I'm still quite disgusting lol). DH has also been stressed at work, so he's not terribly interested in things either. Maybe I'll put on a "movie," that always seems to work with him *rolls eyes*

I'm so sorry about this whole elbow thing for you! That is truly awful!!! I don't know what to hope for haha. Whatever happens I hope its a positive outcome for you when its all said and done!

 

[MKaykes]

I've got to say, the best part of doing IUI was not having to BD everyday or every other day for a week. We had a "prescription" for intercourse 2 days prior and 1 day after...and to be honest I don't think we've done it since. We were just out for dinner with 2 other couples last weekend (both of which have kids) talking about how DH only gets laid when I'm ovulating. My friend's DH looked at his 6 month old and said "just wait until you have kids, it's been over a year" lol. (On a sad note she started ttc #2 about the same time we started, that's the 6 month old...)

I can't believe you're still fighting that illness Belle! Maybe you use this fertile window to "christen" every room of the house! GL this cycle!

As much as I'd like you to be able to smoothly get through surgery Wishn, it would be crappy timing but still great if you get your BFP! It stinks when AF just won't show her ugly face while getting BFN. I'm still waiting, now 17 dpo/dpiui...last time AF was late with progesterone it started the day after I stopped, so would be today.

On another note, I'm very excited about a grade I just got back, 100% on a critical thinking medication administration scenario and it's making me real excited to be done with nursing school in 6 months! Finally feeling more prepared for this!

 

[WishnandHopn]

High five on the 100% on your test MK! 6 months will fly by. I'm sure you will make a great nurse. Do you have a practical placement of some kind after school is done? I'm sending you witch repellent vibes!

IUI is appealing to me in that you are monitored and triggered and they put the sperm in the right place at the right time. It's not exactly romantic, but neither is "hey i just peed on a stick and it's positive, pants off mister!" I am thinking we will do IUI in March. I'd love to be pregnant again before what would have been my due date, April 3.

 

[MKaykes]

Yeah, the IUI definitely isn't romantic. They told me DH didn't have to be there, he had to drop the spermies off at 8am, then I went back at 10am for the procedure. I told him he at least had to be in the room when we conceived! And, he may have actually been there for another woman's conception. He went to the restroom after the NP was done while I laid there with my hips up. He accidentally went in to the wrong exam room in the middle of another woman's IUI! Oops! Then, not that it had anything to do with it, but I started thinking, what if they put in the wrong sperm and I got pregnant with another man's sperm! Like, they switch babies due to errors at the hospital, what if they make an error with the vial of sperm and I got the wrong one!?

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK lol that's hilarious that he went into the wrong room! Oops indeed. An accidental switch is a disturbing idea (and great material for a made-for-tv movie!) but I think they're pretty rigorous about labelling these things, anyway at our clinic they always ask me to verify the label on the vial is my name before they draw blood.

Any sign of the witch? Nothing for me yet. I actually went out and bought some frer's tonight. I need this wait to be over, one way or the other.

 

[WishnandHopn]

16 dpo and BFN. Limbo really sucks!

 

[MKaykes]

AF FINALLY arrived. As awesome as it would have been to be pg I'm glad the limbo is over! Sorry your still there Wishn!

 

[BelleNuit]

Sorry to hear AF arrived MK, I friggen hate AF!

Wishn sorry to hear about the limbo. I hope you'll get that bfp soon!

I'm feeling pretty down today and have been the last couple of days. I'm so sad to be in this position. This time last year I was so eager and excited to be TTC. This year I feel completely lost. It gets hard to believe it will ever happen.

Sorry in such a downer today guys

 

[WishnandHopn]

Ah MK I'm so sorry AF came but glad you're out of limbo. I think I am too...cm was looking pink and now it's red so I bet I'll have full flow in a couple hours. I'm so relieved the wait is over. Now I can focus all my anxiety on the surgery on Friday without the am I or aren't I question looming over my head.

I'm so sorry you're feeling down Belle. Sometimes you just need to wallow in the sadness and unfairness of it all. No need to apologize for feeling your feelings, you can always vent here! It's crazy what we think TTC is going to be when we first start out, all excited and optimistic. Getting slapped down by AF and BFNs month after month is so frickin draining. I fight against depression even when life is good, and TTC has nearly pushed me over the edge. I feel like I am a different person from when we started, and not in a good way. I feel guilty all the time for being such a miserable person to live with.

On the up side for you (yes, there is an up side!), you haven't tried any interventions yet, and you never know, the first thing you try (femara) could be your magic bullet! Don't give up!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks Wishn, I keep reminding myself of that.

MK I can definitely see some benefits of IUI and we might be heading down that road in a little while. Less stress for BDing is definitely a bonus!

DH and I had a huge blow out tonight after I caught him smoking weed again. He says he's cut back,.but I know he has never fully quit. I don't know how he can justify smoking weed when we have unexplained infertility. He's just so in denial about the situation and about the fact that fertility treatments are not far away anymore. At the end of it all he gave me his "stash". But how do I know that he won't buy more, or borrow from a friend or if he has more hidden elsewhere. Fact is I don't know, and you can never trust an addict. Last time he gave me his stash for safe keeping he went crazy looking for it and it turned into a whole different kind of fight.

I just feel like we're out for this cycle already