Sneaking back in...

[BelleNuit]

Wishn I couldn't have said that better myself. Thats the hard part of the whole thing, not knowing what kind of life to expect and prepare for. I'm somebody who always likes to have a plan, and who likes to be prepared for what is coming next. With infertility I just have no idea.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle, I did the quiz, I'm stuck and tired! No idea what that means...but I do feel stuck in the TTC spiral and I'm tired of it!

 

[BelleNuit]

ooh, no wonder we get along so well, we are pretty much the same LOL

the second link i gave gives a little bit of an overview about what the types mean. I'll be honest though some of the TCM stuff is a bit over my head haha

 

[WishnandHopn]

Haha yeah....I'm sure the attribute we'd prefer to have in common is "pregnant"! I discovered the descriptions after I wrote that. Now I want to read the book! I might try the heating pad in the evening since that feels nice, and maybe add some red raspberry leaf.

 

[BelleNuit]

LOL much agreed, I'd much rather be moaning and groaning about my awful (glorious) pregnancy symptoms!

The book goes into much more detail, but its almost overwhelming. Information overload! I like the simple cheat sheet better! There is also a whole section where they link up common western diagnoses/conditions with the TCM ones. There were a bunch for stuck and tired, but none of them looked to apply to me being unexplained.

 

[MKaykes]

Hi ladies. I'm so used to checking in so regularly, it feels like it has been forever! 3 days in to the semester and I am exhausted and behind in reading already! Monday is a holiday for school and work, so hopefully can catch up with a long weekend. A bonus too, because I will likely be doing my trigger shot sometime between Fri and Sun with IUI #3 Sat or Mon!

Thanks for sharing the link to that quiz from the book Belle. I did it and got Dry and Tired. They kind of contradicted one another though, one saying likely to be flushed and warm and the other being cold...so don't know what to make of that! Aren't we all "Tired" when it comes to TTC?

One of my instructors shared with us that she is having a "procedure" in a couple weeks. She decided she may as well share with our class of 40 what it is...she is having IVF with donor eggs. 9 years of infertility, 4 losses and sounds like maybe one born but didn't make it long. I hardly know this woman yet but am heartbroken for her! I was really impressed that she opened up and shared such a personal topic having just known us for a few days and at that doesn't even really know our names yet. She wanted to warn us because of the hormones, lol. I'm going to try and pop in to her office to acknowledge how brave I felt it was that she shared and open up to her about my own journey (which seems short to her 9 years!)

Belle - how is your TWW? I seriously felt like it had already been quite some time since you O'd...hopefully the week has gone quicker for you!

Pleasance - curious what you ended up deciding to do with your job opportunities?

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

[BelleNuit]

MK thats totally how it is with school! I remember one of my classes I was technically behind on the reading the very first day because the professor had assigned pre-term reading which I didn't know about! lol I still miss it sometimes Its a special time in life

That is pretty brave that your instructor opened up that way. I hope that everything goes well for her. It really hurts to think about 9 years of TTC. I remember being pissed when I was at 9 months TTC LOL, puts things into perspective

AFM I'm 6 dpo. Haven't been able to lose track of my dpos this cycle, but I'm not looking for symptoms or anything like that, so I'm still not obsessing about it. Last night I had a dream where I got a very strong positive pregnancy test.... like the test lines were CARVED into the test LOL. I then started crying, and then laughing and began delighting in the thought of telling my husband and our close friends and I then started to experience all of the miserable-wonderful pregnancy symptoms. It felt like I got to be in that happy place for a long time before I finally woke up. My dreams have never meant anything in the past. Its all just wish-fulfillment. Its so clear that this is something that every piece of me wants.

One day I hope

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle, that sounds like a lovely dream. I truly hope it comes true for you soon! You're just about half way through your tww...that's the point where I start going nuts. Hope you're able to distract yourself with something fun this weekend.

MK that is really something that your instructor told you all about her TTC journey and the next step they're about to take. Brave of her, but maybe after 9 years (gulp!) it gets easier to talk about? I hope she's successful! Are you triggering tomorrow?

Infertility and loss are so much more common than we realize but hardly anyone talks about it in real life. I had a little breakdown at work this week, cried after talking to a pregnant woman with a due date a week after what would have been my due date. I ended up telling my boss about my miscarriage because she caught me crying and I felt like I needed to explain why. She told me that they tried 5 years for their first and had a miscarriage at 12 weeks between her two kids. You know what's messed up? I was more horrified by her 5 years TTC than I was by her miscarriage. I don't think I could do this for 5 years. If I'm not pregnant by the time I turn 40, I think we will give up. That would be nearly 3 years and after exhausting all assisted reproduction options.

I'm CD7 today so sex week is about to begin. DH's parents are coming to visit next weekend so I am willing by body to O before they get here. It would feel too weird trying to make a baby with his parents snoring across the hall!

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn it took my grandma 5 years for her first (my mother). She had undiagnosed pcos. She tried for 2 years, got pregnant, still born, got pregnant again right away and had another stillborn, tried for another 3 years and then had my mom.

It's incredible how people keep going. I'm young enough that I could see that happening to me if nothing works

TTC is horrible. I just wish I could know either way what kind of life to expect for myself.

And you are pretty much on the nose, I'm just about starting to get batty. I'm sure it'll get worse as the week progresses :/

This weekend I'm going to my 4 year old brothers bday. It's pathetic. Sometimes I hold him and pretend he's mine.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Oh wow Belle two stillborns? How horrible...your mother was her miracle baby! Your grandma must be one strong amazing lady. I bet you take after her. (Oh gosh, I mean being strong and amazing, not the other stuff!)

It's not pathetic at all! Your maternal instinct is strong, that's all. Hey at least you are related to him...I held a coworker's baby a while back and she left me alone with her to go to the bathroom and I really was wishing she was mine.

I say I would stop TTC at 40...but as long as I'm still ovulating and we're still having sex there'd still be a chance, and by then trying to get pregnant will just be something I have to do...like breathing.

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks wishn for making me feel better about it all. I think I would be the same, I don't know if I'll ever really be able to stop.

I hope we both get our babies

 

[MKaykes]

Belle, not pathetic at all to hold that LO like he's yours. I did that with my friends baby right after she was born, just willing that she was mine! I hope he has a fun birthday!

Wishn, I love doing the heating pads on my belly, it's especially nice in these cold winters! I've been soaking my feet on warm water too, convinced I have a "cold uterus".

Had my 2nd acupuncture yesterday, was really relaxing. Did my trigger shot yesterday morning too, and went in for IUI this morning. Wishn, I think it was you that maybe suggested trying to wait a little later for the IUI and unfortunately it never works out that way. I did my US CD10 thinking I'd be a little early but because of the letrazole I had a 18.5mm follie and they don't do Sundays, so by Monday it would have been too late. Really just hopeful 3rd times the charm as our plan is only 1 more, then evaluation with another doctor and we'll go from there!

Got a cold a couple days ago so it was a struggle to get in the mood to BD Thur and will need to again tomorrow to cover our bases. Preseed comes in handy then!

Belle I hope your 6dpo dream means something good, but I no what you mean, usually just wish fulfilment but at least it's enjoyable for the moment!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Oh wow MK that seems like a nice fat follie for CD10! Fingers firmly crossed that the third time's the charm for you!

CD9 for me and sex week has started. We're going in on Thursday to do our consent forms for IUI. Eek!

 

[BelleNuit]

Glad to hear you are enjoying acupuncture MK, and what a fantastic sized follie! I have a good feeling for you this cycle!!

Wishn, enjoy BD week!!

AFM, TWW is half done, still not feeling too crazy. I think I have checked out lol

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle I'm glad to hear you're not going too crazy...sometimes it's easier to get through it when your expectations are low. I looked at your chart and was like, wow 10 dpo already? I wish my own tww would pass as quickly as yours seems to have for me!

BD week is going...CD11 so we'll BD tonight. OPK looks a little bit darker, and when I was doing my fertility self-massage last night my ovaries felt a little tender so I think O is coming soon. Has anyone tried this? It feels nice and relaxing, I do it right before bed and it helps me fall asleep.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kZeYbLRzo80

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn my cycles always seem to fly by super speed! I've found not symptom spotting makes the TWW go by quicker. AF is due on Friday, but could start spotting as early as today. I'm not going to check for it. I just don't care anymore. Will be starting femara on Sunday if AF shows.

I've been thinking of trying fertility self massage. That book I bought goes through how to do it to promote blood flow to the lining. So I'll be giving that a try next cycle. Can't hurt.

I've been thinking on trying out vitex after the 3 cycles of femara if that doesn't work for me. I've been reading that women with shorter cycles (even just 26 days) take longer to get pregnant. They don't know why. Acupuncture has bumped my cycle from 25 days to 26, but I'd like to gain an extra day if I can. Supposedly vitex can lengthen a cycle for those with short cycles and shorten if for those with long cycles. It can't be taken with femara or clomid though. So I'll wait. Hopefully I won't need it.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle I have my fingers crossed that you will be pleasantly surprised in a couple days!

That's interesting about taking vitex for shorter cycles. I wonder if it lengthens the follicular phase or luteal phase? Maybe both if it allows the egg to mature a couple days longer before ovulation, producing a stronger ovulation and therefore higher progesterone.

 

[BelleNuit]

Would be awesome if vitex could lengthen both... I could use an extra day on either side, then I'd be a perfect 28 days! lol

Well I'm hoping all of us will be pleasantly surprised soon!

 

[MKaykes]

My understanding is Vitex kind of just balances things out overall so can help with O and luteal phase. I took it for like 1 cycle, and I don't remember exactly what happened but it definitely affected my cycle. I'm pretty sure I've now read that it's bad for endo, so glad I didn't keep up with it. I just have a hard time taking things regularly. I take daily prenatels, but really I take it like 5-6 days a week.

Belle-I hope you get a and don't even need to go to the femara! But if you do, I thick it will help your lining!

Wishn - I did fertility massage once. Again, not great with keeping up with things! It makes sense, I wish I could remember to do it more often!

Ugh, ladies. It's raining. In January. Which can only mean ICE! I left to go do some homework with a friend and got to the end of my street and decided to go home. It took me 10 minutes to go the 1 block (a tenth of a mile) as I just was sliding around on glare ice. Not looking forward to my commute tomorrow. And it's a test so not even something I can skip!

 

[BelleNuit]

Oooh, that ice sounds wicked MK, travel safely tomorrow!

I wonder why vitex is bad for endo? I also am bad with taking supplements, but I think overall I take them more often than not. A day off here or there isn't going to change anything.

I do hope that femara will do the trick. I'm so tired of all of this. I feel out, even though I have no evidence to suggest that's the case. I think sometimes you just know.