Sneaking back in...

[MKaykes]

Wishn, I hate that halfway point of the TWW! Hoping the next week goes by quickly.

I want to test today...but am scared and hesitant. I feel like it'll be another BFN and I don't know if I can handle it. My clinic tells be to test 2 weeks post trigger, which is today. I'm 13 dpiui. I'll keep you updated!

 

[MKaykes]

Convinced myself it could be a positive so tested. It was not, of course another BFN. So ready to be done. Need to have a serious convo with DH...with the prescriptions since I haven't gotten anywhere near meeting my deductible it'll cost just over $1000 for one more round of IUI with this doctor. I said I'd do 4, but thinking maybe we take a break until we see the Reproductive Endocrinologist at the end of March and see if they have any other ideas (other than IVF) and go from there since at least insurance will help through that clinic.

I'm feeling very defeated. I really just want to crawl under the covers with some hot cocoa and mourn.

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh MK, I'm so sorry. I also feel like I'm in a cycle of mourning as we are taking a break from it all. My heart breaks for you. March isn't that far away, so if you are wanting to take a break and get a second opinion it certainly can't hurt.

DH and I decided that we are going to build a fort in our living room this weekend and we are just going to hide out with snacks, bad movies and have lots of "fun." I can completely relate to just wanting to get away from it all.

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK I'm so sorry for the BFN. A second opinion at a new clinic sounds like a good plan...especially if insurance will cover it.

Belle, I love your fort idea! I'm actually picturing one made out of couch cushions. Hope you guys have a lovely relaxing weekend reconnecting

Just when I'm starting to feel fairly chill in the tww, it's like I'm being taunted by pregnant ladies everywhere...at work, in restaurants, and on every show on TV! I just found out this totally obnoxious guy at work and his wife are pregnant. They got engaged right after us and married right after us. Blah.

 

[MKaykes]

Thanks ladies. Now I still sit in wait for AF...if it's not here by morning I may test again even though I know it'll be negative. I seriously feel like I'm going crazy! Not getting pregnant if pretty much all I've thought about these past 2 days.

Wishn, I'm sorry your feeling surrounded by pregnancy! One month the day I got a negative Hulu kept playing Clear Blue hpt ads like it knew I had just bought a test. I kept telling my computer to f**k off. Easier to do to a screen then real people around you!

Belle, love your fort and movie day! That sounds like fun and relaxing.

 

[Pleasance]

Mk I'm so sorry. Hugs. As logically as we can all be, it is easy to feel like we are being taunted by the pregnant ladies everywhere. We know they aren't doing it on purpose or anything but it's still hard.

Sometimes you feel like you can't catch a break. My stepdad has had a significant heat attack this morning. Ahem.... que sad violin....in the last year, my grandma had died, my dog has died, I can't get pregnant, and my dad has had a heart attack.... violin stops.
At the hospital, my aunt tells me her daughter is finally pregnant (after having two miscarriages and being told that she may not be able to conceive successfully). I was genuinely happy for her but still it felt so bittersweet. I know we've all had these moments. It's just hard. You feel so conflicted. I feel like I can't get my feet underneath me. I'm in this second round of clomid, and it may be the last. The RE only gave us 2 unmonitored cycles before the IUI option. I'm kind of getting nervous because it's CD14 and I still am not getting any darker lines than I had on CD10 with my OPKs. Fingers crossed 🤞 it happens soon.

 

[MKaykes]

Oh no! Pleasance I hope your father is doing okay. I just got home from studying my lectures about acute heart attacks, test Wed and Thur and they are no good! Many survive if caught early enough to intervene though. My grandfather survived 2 and lived to be 92! Sending comforting thoughts your way. What a rough year it's been for you! I hope you get some good stuff happening soon (specifically a baby).

 

[WishnandHopn]

Pleasance I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I really hope he's ok. You definitely deserve some good news (like a BFP!!!) after the rough year you've had.

MK I really hope the evil witch stays away. Fx for you!

I'm just hanging out at 10 dpo...nothing interesting to report symptom-wise. Feeling fairly neutral about our chances this month, which is helping me not to freak out like I usually do during the tww. We had a really nice weekend and a busy week ahead will hopefully keep me distracted from counting the days till I test on Friday!

 

[BelleNuit]

Pleasance I am sorry about the rough year you've had I lost an uncle to one single massive heart attack. It was devastating. On the other hand, my FIL has had 2 major heart attacks, 5 bypasses, countless mini/small heart attacks, rampaging diabetes, several septic infections and 2 toes amputated... I think he thinks he's darn near invincible by this point as nothing has managed to kill him yet lol. Sorry terrible I know!

I really do hope your stepdad will be okay and that you will get some good news soon.

 

[WishnandHopn]

How's everyone doing today? It's freezing cold here (my car barely started) but the sun is shining so that's nice.

Pleasance, how's your dad? Has your opk gotten any darker?

MK, any sign of the witch?

Belle, I hope you had a relaxing weekend and have been able to disconnect from ttc a bit this cycle.

I said I wouldn't count but of course I know I'm 12 dpo today! I planned to wait till Friday but I might break down and test tomorrow morning. No symptoms to spot...I feel neutral, leaning a little more to expecting AF to show her ugly face on Friday right on schedule.

 

[MKaykes]

AF arrived today. Keeping with IUI this cycle with the same doc for one more cycle. Insurance changed covered RE and we got in Mar 3! So we'll just keep trucking along!

Fingers crossed for you Wishn!

Pleasance hope things are going alright with your step-dad.

 

[BelleNuit]

MK -- They say the odds of success remain relatively good for IUI for the first 4 cycles, so there is still a decent shot that this one will work for you! Will your doc be changing anything in your protocol this go around? Either way, still sorry that AF showed!

Wishn, any sign of AF for you??

AFM, I'm not "really" tracking anything in regards to trying to figure out when my O date is. That said based on recent cycle history there's a good chance I'll O tomorrow, so we've been BDing anyway haha. I'm not getting my hopes up. I feel like if it was going to happen naturally for us, it probably would have by now already. So it still feels like a break for me. We'll get back it next cycle with femara. I've been thinking again about possibly trying out IUI later in the summer or possibly in the fall if I want to take the summer off. Either way it will be past the 18 month point for us. I keep hoping, 90% of people are pregnant within 18 months and 95% are pregnant within 2 years, so I just keep hoping that I will be one of the lucky ones. I guess that's the the thing with unexplained. It sure makes it hard to accept that you're infertile and need help

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK, I'm so sorry the witch got you. CD1 is just the worst. That's great that you got in with the new RE so quickly! I maybe already asked you this, but does your current clinic do IUI with injectibles / super ovulation?

Belle, that's the thing with a predictable cycle...even when you're on a break it must be hard not to try when you have a pretty good idea when you're going to O! How wonderful/annoying would it be if you finally got pregnant the cycle you "relaxed". Fingers crossed for you!

No sign of the witch here yet. I might test in the morning...bad idea, but i have a ton of tests calling to me from the bathroom!

 

[MKaykes]

It's pretty much impossible to "not track" after doing just that for many months. We "took a break" last fall as I didn't want to mess with my school schedule. Pretty sure I still always knew where I was in my cycle. It's nice to have some of the pressure off.

Belle will they be monitoring you while on femara?

Wishn yes my clinic does injectables. I'm pretty sure that's what we'd do if we kept up with them (and thinking we'll try that with the new clinic).

I'm going up to 7.5mg letrazole for this cycle. I'm hoping things work out to do IUI 36 hours after trigger but that'll depend on what day I get monitored and how far along things are.

 

[BelleNuit]

MK, injectibles do have a pretty decent rate of success. That said I'll still keep my FX for you with your increased dose of femara. You will have to let me know if you get any side effects! In about 2 weeks time I'll be starting up on femara myself

Wishn way to go on holding out to test! I'm here just about holding my breath for you!

I would pretty much love it and hate it if I got pregnant the first cycle I "relaxed". That said this whole pregnancy thing doesn't seem to be coming easily for me, so I doubt that "relaxing" will do the trick for us. I don't even care!

They won't be monitoring me for my femara cycles. I don't think there would be much point in being monitored as they know I O anyway and we aren't doing IUI or trigger.

So I guess we will just wait and see. In the meantime I'm just going to focus on other things. I have more important stuff to do than obsess over the position of my cervix. Ugh. I can't even believe I wasted a whole year of my life meticulously tracking every sign and twitch

 

[WishnandHopn]

I broke down and tested...BFN. Quel surprise. So now I wait for the witch. I won't test again til 15 dpo (Friday) if I make it that long.

 

[MKaykes]

Bummer Wishn! Hopefully AF comes soon so you don't have to sit in the dreaded limbo (but even better if the witch never comes).

Belle be prepared you may O earlier. I used to O on my own around cd16-18. My cycles on femara have been ready for trigger at cd 13 and cd 10. I don't have any side effects though, other than my periods being slightly heavier (still light though and barely 3 days).

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks MK I sure hope I don't O any earlier. I already O on CD 13 and sometimes as early as CD 12, so I'm hoping it will just stay the same. I will be using OPKs and temping when I start seeing ewcm so that I can confirm, as who knows what will happen! Glad to hear you didn't get any side effects! I think femara is a little easier to tolerate that way than clomid.

Wishn, sorry to hear about that BFN. None of us seem to have any luck!

 

[MKaykes]

Loosing it! Went in for my CD3 US to rule out cysts before starting meds...long story short, ran in to an old friend and his pregnant wife at the clinic. Can't stop crying (sad, frustrated tears). Very happy for them but apparently making me feel sorry for myself. I just hate this crying over someone else's pregnancy!

 

[WishnandHopn]

Oh hugs MK I'm so sorry you had the bad luck to run into that today, and at the clinic, ugh. I've been there, crying over someone else's pregnancy. It's awful. How are you feeling now? Was the scan good news at least?

The evil witch got me today. I'm mostly ok since I was busy and with people all day so haven't had really any alone time to feel sorry for myself. Not a bad way to get through CD1. The worst effing day of the month. I fell off the healthy diet wagon and baked some two-bite brownies tonight...chocolate does help...just a little.