Sneaking back in...

[MKaykes]

Belle, in regards to IVF vs adoption, I guess it isn't really even clear to me! I think it comes down to a spiritual decision for me. Ever since I was in high school I said to myself if my future husband and I couldn't get pregnant I would adopt. It was something DH and I talked about before we got married, not specifically as an alternative to IVF but I needed to be sure he was open to adopting as I understand how it isn't a good option for many people. I trust that God has a path laid out for me, and since this is proving to be a difficult journey to have our own bio child there must be some child (ren) out there who need us to be their mommy and daddy. Also, for selfish reasons. The number of injections and hormones pumping in to my body, surgery to harvest the eggs, then more hormones and another procedure to transfer...just feels like too much to me. And to not have 100% outcome. If it were guaranteed I'd be more drawn to doing it. I know that I have fallen in to brief major depressive episodes in the past as a result of highly stressful circumstances and I just don't know if I could both physically and emotionally go through all of it and come out okay. Adoption isn't any easier emotionally but it is without the physical side of it.

That all being said, we'd have insurance to cover about 80% of IVF though nothing to help cover the $20,000- $40,000 adoption could cost, so there's that we'll need to consider.

I'm pretty sure when we see the new clinic in a couple weeks they will tell us our best chances are IVF. I'm feeling really down about today's IUI. Count was "fair" and only 30% motility. We were at "good" and 70% for the others. So, I laid on the exam table during my 20 minute wait and cried. Up until today I had the attitude that it wasn't going to work and that was okay, we'd go get evaluated with the new doctor and then this summer we'd start looking into adoption. So, was surprised how upset I got. I thought I was over it, guess not! DH isn't ready to move to adoption without more IUIs. If only I could get him to do something like supplements or diet changes to improve his numbers.

Belle I really hope you don't start spotting and the witch finally stays away! That would make my week better!

Wishn I hope you had a nice weekend visit!

I'm going to a beer fest up at a casino the 25th...last half of my TWW. I'm drinking and hoping I don't feel bad about it. I'll drink less than I have the last 2 years but I'm tired of missing out just in case. My TWW keeps falling over parties and holidays.

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks for sharing MK, whether to do adoption or IVF is such a personal question. Maybe you could make that a stipulation for your husband, you'll only do more IUIs if he agrees to take supplements? Mine has been taking 400mg of Coq10, Vitamin C, fish oils and a mens multivitamin.

I think for me a big factor is actually the finances. Adoption tends to be more expensive than IVF! I just can't justify in my mind giving up the potential to have a biological child for less money than adoption. Of course, like you say the physical burden is SO MUCH GREATER with IVF. I've been trying to read other peoples IVF stories to help me decide if that is something I would be willing to do. I honestly don't know at this time what we would decide. But reading other peoples stories and understanding where they are coming from has been helpful for me, so thank you for sharing!

Otherwise, I got a bit of tan cm today which is how the spotting always starts. So I'm considering myself officially out. AF will show tomorrow evening or Thursday morning. I'm thinking I must have O'd on CD 14 this cycle, so will have a nice 27 day cycle If the ovaboost I've been taking delayed my O an extra day then I'll count that as a good thing! Hopefully the same thing will happen next cycle! I will likely start femara on Saturday. I know fertility drugs don't do much for unexplained infertility, but I don't think it can hurt and its the next step anyway.

So champagne tonight it is.

And MK I don't think you should feel badly about drinking over your TWW. I can completely relate, I have missed out on a lot this past year because I kept thinking I "might" be pregnant. Its becoming clear to me that I'm not somebody who just falls pregnant, so I'm not going to worry about enjoying myself now and then, and you shouldn't either!

 

[BelleNuit]

I contacted my fertility clinic to see if I can set up an ultrasound to re-assess my lining. This was something that I had wanted back in the fall, but they switched my RE on me so the ball got dropped. I should have demanded it then, but I was feeling anxious and was really just hoping that the acupuncture would do the trick and that it wouldn't be that much longer. Well, Theoretically my lining should be "fixed" by now as I have been doing acupuncture for several months and using vitamin E all that time as well and still nothing. So I sent them a message to see if I can schedule an ultrasound to get this checked again. I don't want to waste money on an IUI down the line if the lining is truly our only issue. You have to advocate for yourself with these things, and I haven't been doing a good job of it because I've been feeling so overwhelmed! So I'm feeling good about myself for sending that request in Will see what they come up with

 

[MKaykes]

My nurse told me yesterday that my dr usually wants 7 dpo progesterone level and ultra sound to check lining (so they have both pre O and put O). First time they have ever told me this! 4th iui and now I find out they like to do that, I was like, never been told that before. I'm not going to, as I'll wait and see what the next doctor wants to do so it'll go towards my deductible.

I definitely think it would be good to check out. Are you thinking like around O or during TWW?

 

[BelleNuit]

I'll find out what they think would be best. I think checking the lining at implantation time makes sense.

I find it ridiculous that they waited till the 4th IUI to pass on that bit of info! What if your lining hadn't responded well to the meds, they'd never freaking know it! Sometimes I think these fertility docs are just incompetent and out for $$ I mean in what other field would it be okay for a doc to say "we have no idea whats wrong with you, but here try this treatment that will cost thousands of dollars and may or may not work."

I'm looking forward to hearing how things go for you at the new clinic. Maybe they can come up with a better protocol for you.

 

[MKaykes]

Belle, are you starting the femara tomorrow on day 3? What dose did they start you on?

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey MK, yes I will be starting the femara on Saturday! They have me on the lowest dose 2.5mg. I can't believe it's finally time to start it. I have literally been talking about it since October lol. I'm glad I waited though. I'm feeling more ready to accept treatment at this time.

Are you in the TWW now? How are things on your end??

 

[MKaykes]

Fingers crossed femara does something for you!

Yep, TWW is in full swing. Started my progesterone last night, so bring on the fake pregnancy symptoms, lol! I go in Tue for the progesterone blood test. We opted out of the ultrasound to check the lining since we're paying out of pocket and done at that clinic, we'll wait and see what the new doctor wants to check.

Hopefully you are like me and no side effects from femara! It took me until the max dose of 7.5 to get my two follies this month. Glad we did that though, hoping having two gives us a !

 

[BelleNuit]

I really really really really really hope this will be the cycle for you!! Keep me updated about your progesterone test! Those fake pregnancy symptoms are the worse lol. My regular old PMS played with my head SO much when we first started trying!

I think it makes sense not to worry about the ultrasound this cycle. Save that for the new clinic, hopefully you won't even need to go there!

I've read that femara tends not to release multiple eggs, especially in women who already O on their own, but supposedly it can help to release a good quality egg. So I'll keep my fingers crossed that I'll get a good quality egg and that you've already gotten 2 or more

I will be taking my first dose when my dad/stepmom and half brother are visiting. I don't really know what to expect side effect wise, but I hope there won't be any because that could be awkward lol. They already know we are trying, but we don't talk about it all that often. I'm not sure if I'll tell them that we started meds or not. Having to use meds doesn't bother me as much now as it did a few months ago, so I'm glad that I waited. I'm starting to accept that there likely actually is a problem, and that it is better that we don't know exactly what it is. DH and I would likely be immature about it if we got advanced testing and could definitively point to what/who the problem was. I kind of like not knowing because it could be either of us, or both of us, and it keeps both of us accountable. I'm trying to find the silver lining in unexplained lol

 

[MKaykes]

Just checking in to see how life is going! Nothing exciting with me, just riding out the TWW.

Belle, how was you family visit this weekend?

Wishn, are you back from your vacation yet? Hope it was great!

Pleasance, anything going on with you?

 

[BelleNuit]

MK, do you know what dpo you're at, you must be about half way through by now!? I'm keeping my FX for you! How did your progesterone test go?

The family visit was really nice! After babysitting my 4 year old brother for 2 days I was thoroughly exhausted though LOL. It made me think that if we have to live childfree that I wouldn't be too upset lol (of course I would be, but once I got past that part of things I think I'd be okay!).

Otherwise, my last dose of femara is tomorrow. I'm ready to be off of these things. I've been nauseated, dizzy, headaches, struggling with sleep at night, so of course exhausted all day long, bloated and having hot flashes. I feel like I'm menopausal, lol, and thats on the lowest dose! I can't imagine how it must be to be taking a higher dose! If we do get pregnant it will be worth it and I would gladly take these side effects 10 fold. I don't have high hopes that it will actually work, but it is nice to be trying something different again.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Hi ladies, how's everyone doing?

MK, I'm sorry your IUI this time was a bit disappointing...did you have the progesterone test today? I hope the wait passes quickly for you.

Belle, I'm sorry to hear the stupid witch arrived again, but excited for you to have started femera! Any side effects?

We got back from vacation last night. It was such a great trip, so relaxing and really nice to spend time with my brother and his girlfriend. It wasn't too cold and we got out hiking, cross country skiing, and snow shoeing in the mountains. The only shitty part was on our very first night there when they announced their pregnancy. At first I was just stunned silent, and then I said all the right congratulatory things, and then my whole body started to shake and I knew I was about to lose it so I just told them this was really hard for me because we'd been trying so long and then of course I burst into ugly tears. And somehow it is even more annoying that they started telling people at 5 weeks. I hate that I can't feel happy for them. I don't even care that I'm going to be an aunt. I want to be a mom.

Anyway sorry for that rant but I needed to get it out...DH is tired of hearing about it I think. He disapproves of them getting pregnant before getting married but he doesn't really get why I'm so upset. I didn't track anything this month but AF is due in about a week. CD1 I will be calling the clinic to get my "super ovulation" IUI cycle started. ��

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn I would probably feel much the same way if my brother and his fiance got pregnant. They are getting married in May, so I'm preparing myself mentally for it. She already has 2 kids that they can barely take care of (emotionally or financially). They also have numerous physical and mental health conditions between the two of them. While I love my brother dearly the idea of him having a child with this woman terrifies me. But that's probably the way it'll go. I honestly can't think of 2 people who are more unhealthy (physically and mentally), and then I think of DH and I, we're at a healthy weight, exercise, eat well, are financially and emotionally prepared for a child and nothing.... not even a reason why! It burns me

That said, I am really excited for your IUI and I hope that its the thing that will help you put all of this behind you!

As for femara, I've had a few side effects. Thankfully they come and go and for the most part I feel okay, but generally nausea, dizziness, headaches, sleep disturbances, fatigue and hot flashes (which are super weird). I honestly wasn't expecting to have so many since I'm on the lowest dose and FE tends to have fewer SE. But I guess I'm just sensitive. Its gotten better as the week has gone on and today is my last dose, woo hoo!

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I have a bit of a plan outlined for us for the next few months.

3 cycles with FE and TI

Break in May for brother's wedding

Start IUI with femara and cycle monitoring in June. If responding well to FE will continue with 2 more femara IUI cycles without monitoring, if not responding well to FE (i.e. thin lining) will discontinue IUI with FE and switch to IUI with injectibles for 2-3 more cycles)

If those IUI cycles fail we'd continue to try naturally and save up for IVF for another 6 months to a year. So IVF 2018 would be the plan.

Hopefully something will work out for us along the way. I still can't believe this is happening to us, but I'm starting to accept that we're infertile and need help.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Belle, those side effects don't sound like fun! Hope they ease off now that you've taken your last dose. How are you ovaries feeling? I'm kind of worrying about that for next month...I'm supposed to avoid strenuous exercise during ovarian stimulation. I hope my ovaries don't swell up to the size of grapefruits!

That sounds like a well thought out plan! Did you end up getting an appt to re-check your lining? When I was watching my IUI education videos there was a section about estrogen patches for women with shorter cycles and I thought of you. I hope you don't even have to go down the injectible road, but if you do you should ask about that. One other thing to consider: when you do IUI with injectibles you'll probably take a month off in between IUI cycles. So it will take us 5 months to do 3 cycles, we'll start in March and be done in July. Ah...yeah look at me all pessimistic, already assuming IUI won't work for us. Boo!

 

[MKaykes]

Hmm, I totally wrote a message today and apparently I didn't post it!

Wishn - I would have lost it hearing the news about your brother! Sorry you had to hear that news on vacation. Hopefully you will be adding to your family right along with them, but I can see how hard it will be if you aren't pregnant by the time the baby comes. I just got a message from my cousin requesting my address for a baby shower for her sister (the cousin I mentioned finding out was pregnant at a wedding this winter). How joyful it will be to go to a baby shower for a girl who is so unprepared and not ready...I'm hoping I'm busy that day and will send a gift with my sister.

Belle - not cool that you had side effects from femara. So strange how it can affect different people so differently. Looks like you've got a good plan, conservative but yet taking action. I like it!

I'm 10 DPO. My progesterone at 7 DPO was great! 23 ng/L vs the 15-18 it has been. I'm going to test Sat before we go drinking and again for real on Mon if it is negative Sat. Got all my paperwork in to the new clinic, only about a week left until our appointment. Hopefully we can cancel though!

 

[WishnandHopn]

MK even if you aren't actually busy that day, nothing wrong with declining a baby shower invite for your cousin. Or make an appt for some self-pampering like a massage or pedicure so that you really are busy! That progesterone level sounds great! Could you have ovulated two eggs? Good luck with testing tomorrow!! Fx for you!

 

[BelleNuit]

MK I would totally decline that baby shower. I have declined several already. There is no need to torture yourself while going through fertility treatments! I'm considering skipping out on my cousin's baby's 1 year bday party this summer too because I just can't handle it. If they care about you they'll understand.

Wishn in all likelihood I'm just a baby when it comes to SE lol. They have definitely eased off and I'm feeling much better already a couple days later! I had a few mild twinges in my right ovary, which I don't usually get that early in the FP, but it was definitely tolerable.

I'm really excited for your superovulation IUI, I hope that it all goes well and that you don't get any crazy SE!

I spoke to my clinic and they offered to do cycle monitoring for me when I start doing IUI. That seems appropriate to me because they will check to make sure my lining is responding okay to the FE when it matters. In the meantime I'll just hope for the best and know that I do have a good plan in place!

Ya, I've wondered if estrogen supplementation might be something to help me out down the line. Thankfully with acupuncture I haven't had a CD 12 since starting! i'm regularly Oing on CD 13-14 now!!! Which is so much better! I'm hoping the FE will help make a better quality egg which should theoretically help reduce some of the LP spotting

Thats good to know that you can't do back to back IUI injectible cycles. That totally makes sense to me! I don't know for sure that we will go the injectible route, it would still be my preference to do FE IUI cycles. Its more just that I'm open to the possibility of using injectibles if it turns out I don't respond well to FE.

I'm about the same Wishn, you can call it pessimism or realism lol. All I know is that we have all been trying for a damn long time, so I think its good to keep our expectations in check.

 

[MKaykes]

BFN today, 12 dpo...so tired of a stark white test! DH is still like maybe since real test day isn't until Monday, but I thought maybe implantation cramping on 8 dpo so should register some HCG by now of that were true. We are bother getting discouraged, DH is warming up to adoption and I'm warming up to IVF. Only problem is I don't know if we could afford both if IVF doesn't work. I guess we just take it one month at a time, maybe I am pregnant now, but probably not. So nows the question, do I drink like I'm not pregnant tonight or like I might be? Maybe I meet in the middle and drink like I have a big assignment due tomorrow and a test to study for so no hangover allowed, since that is a for sure, lol!

 

[BelleNuit]

MK, you only live once! I say drink as much as you want and don't worry about it! You did what you could to check beforehand!