Sneaking back in...

[BelleNuit]

Oh MK I can completely relate. I have cried over more than one friend's pregnancy. Thats the hardest part of the whole thing I think, the jealousy and self-loathing that I feel as a result. I'm tired of feeling this way, and I know you must be too. I'm sorry that you had such a rough go of it today

Wishn, so sorry to hear about another AF! I do hope you enjoy taking it easy this next cycle, and I hope that IUI will be just the trick for you in March.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Thanks Belle. How are you doing? Do you think you O'd yet?

 

[BelleNuit]

I am still having a bit of ewcm so it's possible today is O day, but it's also not unusual for me to get a bit of ewcm when I'm 1 dpo either. I'm guessing it's ekther day of O today or I'm 1 dpo. We'll BD again today anyway

 

[WishnandHopn]

Happy BDing

 

[MKaykes]

Thanks for the support, don't know what I'd do without you ladies! I told DH when I got home about the run in and he looked all confused. Like it just confirmed how silly it is. I'm glad he isn't as emotional about all of this as I am, but sometimes I wish he was a little at least!

Wishn, sorry the negative test was confirmed by the witch 🙁 glad you were able to keep busy today.

Belle I hope you don't need the femara next cycle!

My US went well, everything good to go and started meds tonight. I asked what they expected to see with the increase to 7.5mg and they want me back CD10 and hoping to have a 2nd mature follicle. I'll be so happy if we get 2 targets! I think we'll probably move to injectables from here.

 

[WishnandHopn]

I think my DH also gets thrown off by my moods...like when we're chatting while eating dinner and everything is fine and then I suddenly get quiet and blurt out "why can't I effing get pregnant already". Yes, thank you CD1.

I hope you get two (or three!) big fat follies this cycle MK! I'm nervous and excited to start injectables...also nervous to find out how much they're going to cost and praying that between both of our insurance it will be covered.

 

[BelleNuit]

Do let me know what the injectibles cost for you! That's something that I would be nervous about too! I think that it will be a great option for you though and it will definitely increase your chances!! Seriously so excited for you!

MK I hope you get an extra follie this cycle!!! Can't wait to hear about your next ultrasound!

I don't think DH and I will ever do IUI with injectibles. With our luck I'd probably get pregnant with triplets lol I dreamed last night that the doctor was trying to convince us to go straight to IVF as it would be most likely to work. I thought she was a nutbar and left thinking "we'll just keep trying naturally!!" Lol

DH and I got into a spat last night and I fell asleep early. We didn't BD, but I don't care. We are only NTNP this month and I will bet I'm already 2 dpo given my moodiness yesterday lol

 

[MKaykes]

I know a couple who is pregnant with their 2nd (both conceived with IUI). Husband has 2 older kids (like high school and college). Their 2nd (current pregnancy) used injectables and got pregnant with triplets! He was freaking out, agreed to 1 more and was getting 3! They lost 1 so are down to twins. Probably one of the few times people see a miscarriage as a blessing.

When I talked to my insurance nurse advisor and asked about what she's seen with injectables and IUI. She said that the success rates improve but only slightly vs the rate of multiples goes up significantly. I'm totally okay if we got twins but triplets I just don't know!

I did some research on injectable prices...prices in US and CA wouldn't be equal but what I gathered was if what they prescribe is really high, check out a different option. Apparently they are all pretty similar on make up and action but vary greatly in costs, as well as from pharmacy to pharmacy (for me though with insurance I only have one pharmacy option for fertility meds).

Praying that we start seeing BFPs in the next months!

 

[WishnandHopn]

This is how I look at it: if the chance of success with IUI is 15% and the chance of high order multiples is 1%, that's only a 0.15% chance per cycle. If by some miracle I drop 3 eggs and all 3 get fertilized (not likely with DH's lazy sperm!), the risk of miscarriage at my age is around 35-40% so there's a good chance I'd lose at least one of them. This might sound kind of harsh and analytical...but I'm trying to be realistic.

 

[BelleNuit]

Wishn I think its fair to look at all the odds! I think the risk of higher order multiples must go down as you get older? I do think it will be a great option for you and I am so excited for you to start your IUI cycle!

MK how are things going? Still waiting to O?

AFM I'm about halfway through the TWW. Based on my 26 day cycles AF is due next Wednesday. I'm under no delusions that I'm actually pregnant this month lol. I never am anymore :/

 

[MKaykes]

Belle I'm with you, I just assume I'm not pregnant. Until I convince myself that I might be so I take a test. Then I cry. I hope you cry only happy tears next week!

I go in on Thur to check the status of my follicles and decide when to trigger. My guess is I'll trigger Thur or Fri and IUI Fri or Sat. It seems we just did this, it went by so fast, it's been 4 weeks.

 

[WishnandHopn]

I hope the rest of your tww passes quickly Belle! Keeping everything crossed for you.

Good luck with your scan tomorrow MK, hoping you get multiple fat follies!

I'm CD7...waiting to O. We leave on vacation on Saturday! We're going to visit my little brother in Alberta and spending almost a week in Banff! I soooo need this vacation.

 

[BelleNuit]

MK I totally get it. The higher you hope the harder you fall. It does seem incredible how quickly cycles go by. I really do hope that this IUI will be the one for you. Let us know how your scan goes! I'll keep you in my thoughts!

Wishn I hope you enjoy your vacation to Banff and have fun catching up with your little brother! If you swing through .... wave hi to me on your way by lol

I've been thinking again on IUI/IVF treatment. I keep waffling back and forth between wanting to go for it and wanting to forgo all treatments and just accept our fate. I think I will always wonder if I don't try. I feel though like once you start IVF it would be hard to stop... its like you're in so deep and you have so much invested that maybe just maybe the next one will be the one.

One thing at a time I guess. You know last year I found myself thinking "at some point in the next year I'll be pregnant... wow how exciting!" I found myself thinking the same thing the other day "some time this next year it will be likely that I will be pregnant... 95% of people are by the end of 2 years! you'll fit in with that stat surely!" I guess I'm finding it hard to accept that it might not happen and we might not know why.

 

[WishnandHopn]

Thanks Belle! We're flying into Calgary so it will be a long distance wave!

I also have conflicted feelings about fertility treatments. I started this journey out feeling excited and confident I would get pregnant eventually but just not knowing when...making that transition in my own head to "if" we have kids from "when" we have kids is really tough and unnatural. My feeling is that if we give up and accept not having children without trying everything (within reason) I would always wonder what could have been. I think we want to have a plan and make decisions so we can plan for the future, but the reality is that I can't predict how I'm going to feel about things next week, next month or next year. I say to myself, if I'm not pregnant when I turn 40, we're stopping. But what if we have embryos frozen when I turn 40? It would be difficult if not impossible to abandon those maybe-babies just because I had another birthday. I think it's good to keep an open mind...and of course reserve the right to change your mind, as many times as you want!

 

[MKaykes]

I think it's a journey we just have to take one day at a time, and one cycle at a time. We can sit and think about what we'll do in 3 months, 6 months, a year, but until we get there I think we won't know for sure what our choice will be. I started out saying IVF was off the table, but it's on the table but unlikely now, depending on cost and what they think our odds are.

Enjoy you trip Wishn!

 

[MKaykes]

Ultrasound today was disappointing (sort of). I expected to be ready to trigger as I have been the last couple of months, but nope. Lining was only about 5mm and no follicles over 14mm. Right side had like one follicle about 6mm, then she moved to the left and said "oh, that's where the party is at!" (this was my favorite NP) Had like 3 in the 10-14mm range, so hoping I'll have 2 or 3 mature follicles or near mature when I go back Saturday. She's thinking it will be Mon or Tue for the insemination, but if they are supposed to grown 2mm a day on average, I would think it would be Sun or Mon. But, Valentine's Day is Tue, would be kind of sweet day to get pregnant

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey MK thats great news that you have a bunch of follicles growing!! Hopefully you do end up with 2-3. I think its okay if they're taking their time. They're just making sure that their growing as good and as strong as they can I do hope your lining catches up! Try taking a larger dose of Vitamin E for the next couple days (I take 600mg) and apply heat to your abdomen, and keep your feet warm! I know its an old wives tale, but it makes sense to me that if your extremities are cold (feet and hands) then you're blood is redirecting elsewhere and likely away from the reproductive system as well.

 

[MKaykes]

Saturday ultrasound update: 3 follies 12, 14 and 18. Will trigger tomorrow night and should have 2 mature that will release (possibly the 12, but probably not they thought). Lining was just over 7, so that was good! Tuesday morning insemination...I'm feeling hopeful, but also getting more ready to go the adoption route. DH wants to keep trying, and if I'm in it just because, I suppose it is less stressful. Odd how this has become just part of my life now, filling prescriptions (not nearly as much as IVF meds) going in for scans and getting a tube shoved through my cervix.

Belle - I do the warm feet and belly hot pad too! It's been so cold it's near impossible to keep my feet warm. I do a little hot water soak while I work in the afternoon and always have slippers and socks.

Have you gone back to acupuncture? I'm loving it, but can't keep paying for weekly visits much longer. I figured out that with our regular monthly bills and IUI costs, we're about $700 short each month, our possibility of a spring warm trip is out the window as savings and gift money is all going to go to monthly expenses I guess!

 

[BelleNuit]

MK we sound about the same with our hot foot soaks and socks and slippers lol. My feet are pretty much freezing no matter what time of year it is. Its part of Raynaud's phenomenon, which essentially affects the circulation to my extremities.

It sounds like your follies and lining are doing great! Good luck with the trigger and the IUI to follow!!

I rebooked my acupuncture appointments for when I start my new cycle. I have about $800 in benefits (enough for 9 more acupuncture sessions) before I run out. I think at that time I will have to look at the evidence and consider whether or not it would be cost effective for me to continue. Its definitely a factor to consider!

I'm not sure if I've ever asked why you decided IVF wasn't the right choice for you and why adoption was? I hope you don't mind me asking, I just like to understand alternative points of view. That way I know if I haven't thought of something important. I pretty much decided on the opposite, that adoption wasn't right for me, and that IVF was a maybe. I just want to know if there was some line of reasoning that I've missed. If so it might be worth my while to reconsider adoption, which I ruled out very early on and very quickly. Have you considered the option of adopting an IVF embryo from someone? I think if we ever went the IVF route and had left overs that we would end up giving them up to another couple.

 

[BelleNuit]

Hey ladies,

Well I'm either 12 or 13 dpo today. As of last night there was no spotting. I'm trying to squash my hope by telling myself that I am likely only 12 dpo today and that the spotting will show up later this afternoon. I guess we will see what the day brings! I hope you all have a happy Valentines day! If spotting shows I'm planning to console myself with champagne! lol