Soap in the Mouth....

[chell5544]

Erm, i think, if a child had been sexually abused by a parent they would remove them.

I don't think a child should always be removed what if it was the dad who did it, the mum found out and chucked the dad out and called the police.
Why should the child be taken away from the mum?

 

[midori1999]

Erm, i think, if a child had been sexually abused by a parent they would remove them.

Well then Im sorry, but that just shows how little you know about it then I'm afraid. I have worked with many children that have suffered various different types of abuse and remained in the family home. I was also sexually abused by my stepfather as a child/teen and he was convicted in court but not given a prison sentence and I was left living in the 'family' home until I requested I be moved.

The care system is not great for any child and where possible social services will try and keep children in their family home but prevent the abuse happening. For example, many parents that have physically abused their children and caused bruises will no longer do it if they are recieving regular visits from social workers.

That is beyond disgusting. Seriously.

Well that's a very black and white view. The fact is, in the majority of cases of abuse of any sort, as an example where the father or stepfather is the perpetrator, the Mother will choose to stay with the abuser, at least in the short term. So, the choice is to remove the child from the other parent and siblings and to place them in the care system, possibly against their will, where the future will then look very bleak for them. Children in these system are far less likely to succeed in any area of life that children that are in their family home, whatever the circumstances. Or, you can leave a child that has been abused with their family and prevent the abuse from happening again and also hope that in time the Mother may find the strength to leave their abuser.

It's not a simple situation, there are so many variables, but usually, regardless of the type of abuse, unless it is obviously very serious and obviously likely to happen again, social services will almost always try and keep the child with their family and most often this is what the child wants anyway.

 

[lhancock90]

Erm, i think, if a child had been sexually abused by a parent they would remove them.

I don't think a child should always be removed what if it was the dad who did it, the mum found out and chucked the dad out and called the police.
Why should the child be taken away from the mum?

Of course not, i would expect, where possible, the offender to be removed. But if the other parent is incapable or unwilling, you would expect the child to be taken for its own safety.
I did know someone whose brother was doing it and the brother was removed.

 

[midori1999]

Erm, i think, if a child had been sexually abused by a parent they would remove them.

I don't think a child should always be removed what if it was the dad who did it, the mum found out and chucked the dad out and called the police.
Why should the child be taken away from the mum?

Of course not, i would expect, where possible, the offender to be removed. But if the other parent is incapable or unwilling, you would expect the child to be taken for its own safety.
I did know someone whose brother was doing it and the brother was removed.

Yes, usually a parent is much more willing to cease living with another child than they are a partner.

 

[lhancock90]

I don't think my view is black and white. Surely my hope that a child would be placed in safety rather than left with an abuser and a parent who supports that abuser is not wrong? Hopeful yes. Not wrong or black and white.

 

[Tasha]

Here there is a 'home' run by SS that is aimed specifically at families where the child is being sexually abused. Its aim is to keep the family as a unit, and sort of teach them how to be better parents etc, they all live there for a set period in the hope they prove themselves.

 

[LoraLoo]

My husband and his brothers were removed from their Mother from nothing other than their Mother was depressed, she never sexually or physically abused them.

I think sexual offendors are very hard to rehabilitate and if its the mother or father abusing i absolutely believe that the child should be removed from that house to safety.

 

[Dragonfly]

Sadly I know what Midori is talking about, my other halfs sis forsters children and her house would be used as a safe house for a lot of abused kids, mostly teens. Stuff I have heard is very sad. I also know of a pedo who only had some of his kids taken away and is allowed a 3 of them all under 5 to live with him. They are never out of his house. I am sure there are loop holes they get around and its not easy working for SS.

 

[midori1999]

I don't think my view is black and white. Surely my hope that a child would be placed in safety rather than left with an abuser and a parent who supports that abuser is not wrong? Hopeful yes. Not wrong or black and white.

I'm not saying that your view is wrong, but that it's not as simple as moving the child to a place of safety and ensuring they can be safe in their own home is always the best option if that's what the child wants and most children do. It's not easy moving into a house full of strangers when you're a child, never really having a home or knowing when you'll have to move again, not having any real security. I have known a 7 year old to have had 79 foster homes. That's just one of the reasons care is always the last option for SS.

 

[fidgets mammy]

The way i see it is i am the parent, my child relys on me to teach him right from wrong, to set and lead by example, he is entitled to his own feelings beliefs and opinions-i encourage it. But if i was to 'wash his mouth out' if he swore what wiupd i be teaching? Thats its ok to make him feel nervous of me, scared of me, discpmfort??? Surely kids learn swearing from others as they learn right from wrong from others. So what right have i got to go n shove soap in his mouth if ive slipped up abd said "shit, twat, bugger' on occasions. Best eat some soap myself.

Id rather teach him by example and expanation than any kind of discomfort or pain

 

[lhancock90]

The way i see it is i am the parent, my child relys on me to teach him right from wrong, to set and lead by example, he is entitled to his own feelings beliefs and opinions-i encourage it. But if i was to 'wash his mouth out' if he swore what wiupd i be teaching? Thats its ok to make him feel nervous of me, scared of me, discpmfort??? Surely kids learn swearing from others as they learn right from wrong from others. So what right have i got to go n shove soap in his mouth if ive slipped up abd said "shit, twat, bugger' on occasions. Best eat some soap myself.

Id rather teach him by example and expanation than any kind of discomfort or pain

100% agree.

 

[Larkspur]

Given the amount I swear, it would be sheer hypocrisy to wash out my kid's mouth for it!

That said, I won't swear around my kids till they're adults, and will teach them the value of speaking well. But I also think that when you're an adult, there's value in a good curse word deployed at the right time!

 

[PepsiChic]

blah I got to page 8 and seriously I lost count of the amount of times I saw the same two repulsive words being repeated by the same people over and over and over.....

back to soap....

1. inserting anything, into any part, of anyones body, against their will, is abuse.

2. the chemicals used in soaps are harmful to your body, yes only a small amount may be consumed by the child...but the childs body is also small. so what may seem "a miniscual amount of soap" to us as an adult has a much larger effect on a tiny little person.

3. theres much better ways to teach your children to not do something unappropriate..theres no such thing as "nothing else works"

using soap as a "punishment" is something from the older generations, sadly some people still do it now because "my mum did it and it didnt harm me"...well that little person ISNT you, and what actions and words you use with your child will shape who they will be as well as effect their emotional state of mind growing up.

 

[Dragonfly]

Reminded me of a quote I like.

Wrong does not cease to be wrong because every body is doing it.

 

[Pearls18]

From what I remember of school, soap is made from a strong alkaline and while it should be neutral at the end of the process it isn't something I'd want in mine or my son's mouth. I'm not a liberal parent I'm the first to admit, but to me putting soap in a child's mouth to teach them a lesson is lazy, trying to shock them into submission, I would rather spend the time explaining why something is wrong and disciplining in a more respectful manner, like people not animals.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

So, I read the entire thread

One: Comparing soap in the mouth to oral rape is just baffling. I've worked with rape victims. It is NOT the same.

Two: Yes, soap in the mouth in the UK can be classed as abuse. Will SS take your kid for doing it once? Nope, probably not. Over the long term? Yeah, there will most likely be some action.

Three: I (as in me) would not do it. I didn't have it done to me and it doesn't solve anything really. There are better ways to discipline your children.

Four: Why would people say they had it done to them and are okay, but wouldn't do it to their children? What's the point of defending your parents' practices to the high heavens? My parents did a lot of things I don't agree with. Were they bad parents? Hell no. Were they guided by antiquated practices? Yeah, most likely.

 

[suzib76]

This just popped up on my fb news feed and it made me think of this thread

https://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l148/suzib76/image-2_zps0c2a6ea8.jpg

 

[robinator]

So, I read the entire thread

One: Comparing soap in the mouth to oral rape is just baffling. I've worked with rape victims. It is NOT the same.

Two: Yes, soap in the mouth in the UK can be classed as abuse. Will SS take your kid for doing it once? Nope, probably not. Over the long term? Yeah, there will most likely be some action.

Three: I (as in me) would not do it. I didn't have it done to me and it doesn't solve anything really. There are better ways to discipline your children.

Four: Why would people say they had it done to them and are okay, but wouldn't do it to their children? What's the point of defending your parents' practices to the high heavens? My parents did a lot of things I don't agree with. Were they bad parents? Hell no. Were they guided by antiquated practices? Yeah, most likely.

I never said that. My kid is one, doesn't say more than 2 words on occasion, so this hasn't been an issue. Haven't needed to think about it yet.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I said a swear word to my brother in frustration when I was about 8 and I got my mouth scrubbed with a bar of soap, they grated the soap bar on my teeth and I wasn't allowed to eat or brush my teeth to get rid of the taste afterwards. I think I still preferred that to the smack I would otherwise have got though

I think it's much better for parents to just explain to the child why it is wrong to swear, and of course set an example by not swearing themselves, because why should you get soap in the mouth for swearing when the adult can swear with no consequences. It's confusing and a bad example for the child.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

So, I read the entire thread

One: Comparing soap in the mouth to oral rape is just baffling. I've worked with rape victims. It is NOT the same.

Two: Yes, soap in the mouth in the UK can be classed as abuse. Will SS take your kid for doing it once? Nope, probably not. Over the long term? Yeah, there will most likely be some action.

Three: I (as in me) would not do it. I didn't have it done to me and it doesn't solve anything really. There are better ways to discipline your children.

Four: Why would people say they had it done to them and are okay, but wouldn't do it to their children? What's the point of defending your parents' practices to the high heavens? My parents did a lot of things I don't agree with. Were they bad parents? Hell no. Were they guided by antiquated practices? Yeah, most likely.

I never said that. My kid is one, doesn't say more than 2 words on occasion, so this hasn't been an issue. Haven't needed to think about it yet.

*rereads her post* Hmmm, never mentioned Robinator or quoted anything you said