Somebodys comment disturbed me...shall I say anything?

[snowflakes]

Maybe not as young but the majority of mums I know use or recommends CIO. It is standard practice & I've met people who have sleep trained from birth but they love their children dearly and wouldn't want any harm to come to them. That is the way people do it unfortunately. But its the parents choice.

I'm sorry but I haven't come across this, the only person I have met who does CIO was an American friend. I did CIO with my eldest when he was 11.5 months old; I regret it now but I haven't met anyone else who has done that at any stage really; aside from the American lady who I am no longer on speaking terms with (not just because of the letting her 1-2 month olds CIO and never checking on them at night but various other parenting and general issues also). To say everyone does it just because people you know do it, isn't really accurate.

Not trying to cause any problems or anything. But, when you read her post i believe she says "the majority of people I know" and "I've met." I am not trying to be rude at all so please don't take it that way it was just something i noticed and felt obligated to point it out. So she isn't saying EVERYONE persay just people she has come in contact with.

 

[Maman]

i dont think that counts as cc or cio...

i think that its negelect, i couldnt leave my newborn for 13 hours, aside from the emotional harm it would do what about they physical? hunger, dirty nappy (urine and faeces against skin) chance of suffocation on own vomit, needing to be winded and havign to suffer the pain of not beign winded...

id put her straight in as harsh and nasty and patronising way as i possibly could so she gets the message about how bad what shes doing is. if you say it nicely she will not listen, i garuntee it.

another one is suggesting you all go weigh babies at the same time and bring it up in front of her and a health visitor

 

[aliss]

Some people have suggested PND. If she has PND, then that does not excuse it or permit the behaviour of leaving a newborn to go hungry/thirsty/in pain if gassy all night. I had PND for the first year. Yes, most of the time I hated my baby, resented him, didn't want to do anything with him, but I still got up and fed him when he needed it. If someone is so distraught with PND that they cannot physically care for the baby then yes, it is time for someone to step in. Having a mental illness does not excuse child neglect, it merely explains why she may do what she does.

Of course, she might just be so detached from her baby that she doesn't care if it goes hungry/thirsty all night. Either way, I would report her. If that baby is in distress and needs help, nobody will help. That is NOT okay. My son still, on occasion, will even get his legs stuck in the crib bar and squeal for help. If you don't want to deal with your child for 50% or more of the day even though you are physically there, then it's time to admit that perhaps you need help to rebond/reconnect with your child. No, I'm not saying to take the baby away or lose custody, I'm just saying some good supportive help to reconnect.

It's not normal, even for a mother with PND, to just shut the door and not give a shit for 13 hours. That is a complete disregard for all instincts. We're not talking about CC for a toddler, we're talking about ignoring the cries/distress of a newborn for 13 hours which is more than half the day.

 

[Loui1001]

Another day, another Baby Club debate

OP - if you report will you update as well?

 

[deafgal]

Maybe not as young but the majority of mums I know use or recommends CIO. It is standard practice & I've met people who have sleep trained from birth but they love their children dearly and wouldn't want any harm to come to them. That is the way people do it unfortunately. But its the parents choice.

Most mothers I know do not let their babies CIO all through the night without checking on them. The common method I've heard that is used on newborns is feeding on schedule but not CIO especially for 13 hours straight.

 

[Brookey]

wow some people are like the thread police on here! makes me scared to post anything in case i get checked up on! if you think that the OP is "making it up" then why waste your time writing a comment. just move on to the next thread! seriously, come on ladies...

anyway OP, I really dont know what i would do in this situation, probably talk to your mutual friend. that lady might just have a really odd sense of humour??? anyway, let us know how you get on.x

 

[snowflakes]

wow some people are like the thread police on here! makes me scared to post anything in case i get checked up on! if you think that the OP is "making it up" then why waste your time writing a comment. just move on to the next thread! seriously, come on ladies...

anyway OP, I really dont know what i would do in this situation, probably talk to your mutual friend. that lady might just have a really odd sense of humour??? anyway, let us know how you get on.x

I know, right!!! LOL!!

 

[cat lover]

Some people have suggested PND. If she has PND, then that does not excuse it or permit the behaviour of leaving a newborn to go hungry/thirsty/in pain if gassy all night. I had PND for the first year. Yes, most of the time I hated my baby, resented him, didn't want to do anything with him, but I still got up and fed him when he needed it. If someone is so distraught with PND that they cannot physically care for the baby then yes, it is time for someone to step in. Having a mental illness does not excuse child neglect, it merely explains why she may do what she does.

Of course, she might just be so detached from her baby that she doesn't care if it goes hungry/thirsty all night. Either way, I would report her. If that baby is in distress and needs help, nobody will help. That is NOT okay. My son still, on occasion, will even get his legs stuck in the crib bar and squeal for help. If you don't want to deal with your child for 50% or more of the day even though you are physically there, then it's time to admit that perhaps you need help to rebond/reconnect with your child. No, I'm not saying to take the baby away or lose custody, I'm just saying some good supportive help to reconnect.

It's not normal, even for a mother with PND, to just shut the door and not give a shit for 13 hours. That is a complete disregard for all instincts. We're not talking about CC for a toddler, we're talking about ignoring the cries/distress of a newborn for 13 hours which is more than half the day.

Very well said xx

 

[Palestrina]

It's shocking how we are willing to stand up for our relgious beliefs, our political beliefs, but not for the rights of children. Let's put the issues of sleep training, CC, and CIO aside for a second. Leaving a newborn alone for 13hrs is not a parenting choice, it is abuse and neglect. If we as adults are too polite to call out abuse then there is something deeply wrong in our society.

I would never dream of criticizing someone for using a pacifier, or for not BF. But FF is not neglect, and binkies are not abuse. This reminds me so much of the scandal that is happening at Penn State right now. So many adults involved in the cover up of child sex abuse. If adults are not looking out for children it's a scary world.

Well, did you call SS or what?

 

[cissyhope]

It's shocking how we are willing to stand up for our relgious beliefs, our political beliefs, but not for the rights of children. Let's put the issues of sleep training, CC, and CIO aside for a second. Leaving a newborn alone for 13hrs is not a parenting choice, it is abuse and neglect. If we as adults are too polite to call out abuse then there is something deeply wrong in our society.

I would never dream of criticizing someone for using a pacifier, or for not BF. But FF is not neglect, and binkies are not abuse. This reminds me so much of the scandal that is happening at Penn State right now. So many adults involved in the cover up of child sex abuse. If adults are not looking out for children it's a scary world.

Well, did you call SS or what?

bit aggressive but essentially i agree

 

[aliss]

I don't think it's abuse. I think it's neglect but I also don't think she intentionally believes it is - she probably just has zero understanding of a baby's need for feedings/hydration/safety/security/comfort and doesn't know otherwise. I'd like to think that the vast majority of people who would so such a thing are really just clueless. This was a common tactic in our (grand)parent's generation and perhaps nobody has told her it was not okay.

 

[Weezie123]

I'm not sure ignorance is an excuse to do this to a baby.

 

[feedindy]

I think it is neglect, whether the reason is she just doesn't care, or even if she just doesn't know better. SS should educate her.

I also think this is not CIO. What that woman was doing I don't think is CIO because it seems she wouldn't care if the baby was hungry or needed a diaper change, or what if the baby got sick overnight. I thought when using CIO, you would ensure their physical needs are always met before trying CIO.

Complete side note... I wonder if CIO has a negative outlook also because people think that what this woman is doing is what all people who use CIO do. I hope people realize this is not the case. I guess my definition of CIO is making sure physical needs are always met first before trying it, and I would never just close the door all night. There should be a time limit for CIO where you realize that this method just isn't working for the LO and that you really can't force any LO to STTN. I also never knew CIO was used to get babies to STTN before I came to these forums. I thought STTN was always up to the baby, and who cares how much sleep I get. So I figured it was a tool used to get babies to fall asleep, not STTN. Oh well I guess I went on a tangent to the OP, but I was just thinking about it.

OP- Did you call SS? What did they say?

 

[BabaPu]

OMG! The poor baby

I would certainly say something to someone. Leaving a newborn for 13 hours is gross neglect - why some people choose to have children and do this is beyond me . That said, I don't know how many times people suggested things to me to get my lo to sleep through the night when he was a newborn - he slept through the night only when he decided that he was able to and certainly not before or with any intervention by me. It still upsets me that, at two days old, my MIL criticised me for picking up my lo when he cried "babies can be manipulative you know!"

Would you please let us know what happens. Oh, and the NSPCC advert? Chills me to the bone it does

 

[tiggerpony]

Right everyone, this thread can end now! I have spoken to SS and they are going to caklkl in on her sometime soon. I coukldn't give them an address as I have no idea where she kives but I was wabkle to give a first and last name and an area... I'm a bit upset this thread got so out of hand, and the person who commented "the OP has a weird imgination and gets off on the respones these types of threads get" (or something very similar) was VERY un called for and extremetley rude, and infact you hurt my feelings. Not that you give a sh*t - as I can imgine the type of person you are you prob' dont care about much and as you didnt even repsond to my post, you just put that horrid comment - I think you are just plain nasty and need to grow up. If you don't like my posts then don't answer them - it's not that hard.

 

[tiggerpony]

Right everyone, this thread can end now! I have spoken to SS and they are going to caklkl in on her sometime soon. I coukldn't give them an address as I have no idea where she kives but I was wabkle to give a first and last name and an area... I'm a bit upset this thread got so out of hand, and the person who commented "the OP has a weird imgination and gets off on the respones these types of threads get" (or something very similar) was VERY un called for and extremetley rude, and infact you hurt my feelings. Not that you give a sh*t - as I can imgine the type of person you are you prob' dont care about much and as you didnt even repsond to my post, you just put that horrid comment - I think you are just plain nasty and need to grow up. If you don't like my posts then don't answer them - it's not that hard.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes - I was typing fast and a bit angry!

 

[aliss]

Tiggerpony,

I think you did the right thing. Thank you for speaking up for a little someone who couldn't do it themselves (well, they did, but nobody listens).

 

[BabaPu]

Thanks for the update tiggerpony

 

[Weezie123]

Well done for reporting it x

 

[Brookey]

well done and dont be upset hun, not everyone on here is nasty. i guess some people might have too much time on their hands, dont let it get you down.x